POAS: With only the IC in stock...someone help us 🤣

[FfayeN]

You asked for it......😘

@monsteramunch gosh I have everything crossed for you 🤞🏼 I hope you've managed to grab a quick nap today 😘 it's good to have a plan in place I can't imagine how you feel trying for so long. How old are you? Has the gp put tests in place or are you going private?

@FfayeN that looks very in depth and complicated 🙈 so glad I'm not a doctor 😂

@usedtolovenaps all of my workplace knows about my 2 MC I work in a really small office there's 5 ladies and my male MD. There isn't really any hiding it though I wish I could. On the face of it the company have been supportive but I've heard the comments through the grapevine about what has been said about me. There's one lady in particular who is just vile and my MD has also made absolutely horrendous comments behind my back. I honestly am so shocked I have worked for this company for over 20 years they are like family and I absolutely dread going in everyday now but it's not the right time to leave yet. All my family have been very supportive and I have 2 family members who have been through it so totally get it. MIL shocked me a bit after our first she told me she didn't want to know when we fell again until the 12 week scan because it was just too hard 🙄 I was like really it was hard for you was it 🤷🏼‍♀️ but in the end DH told her when we went for the scan at the EPU and it was confirmed and she has been supportive looking after DS etc when we went for surgery she just doesn't ask too many questions. I think my family is just open and supportive of things that are happening whereas DH fam are a bit more old school let's sweep under the rug 🤦🏼‍♀️ I won't hesitate to tell my close family as soon as I get a BFP but I want to try and keep it from work for as long as I can which I think might be near impossible but I can try

@mummatara this is absolutely terrible, I am so sorry! The situation is stressful itself so the last thing you want is shitty comments. And especially behind your back, and from people you are close with. Why are they such arseholes to you?! Totally get why you want to leave.
Did people who heard those comments and told you about them give you enough support?

@mummatara @usedtolovenaps I am shocked to hear about your works responses and I'm sorry you've both had to endure bullying like that. It's completely out of order! Xx

@mummatara also very sorry about MILs comment. She should be trying to support you and DH, not distance herself from the situation.

@FfayeN I understand it wasn't done with sick intentions but it was handled terribly. But it shouldn't have been said in the first place. Especially multiple times!
Super angry about mummatara's colleagues, wtf!

@FfayeN @usedtolovenaps with work I don't want to give anyone power to hurt me with comments..not just yet anyway x

@usedtolovenaps I honestly don't know why they think it's acceptable I put in above and beyond for the company since I was 15 but the year I need something back it's not there. all I can think of is that they feel I'm not being a team player by trotting off to try and have children and then having time off when it hasn't worked out. Everyone else has been amazing and very sympathetic just these two in particular it's a hard situation to describe because if I did it would def be outing not that I imagine any of them read mumsnet 😂 I was a bit upset when she said it and she said it the day after we found out about the new pregnancy but tbh I think it's just her way my mum would never ever be like that DH didn't seem surprised at all 😅 MIL is very involved in our day to day lives and is always there if we need anything so it really seemed odd but I think some people just handle it better than others.

@FfayeN I wish I could share with you all the details because honestly you would all be like wtaf 😂 it's so hard one day I'll pluck up the courage to leave but I need it to be in my favour first. I know it's not right of them but I honestly think because it's such a small company they feel like the rules don't apply xxx

@mummatara it is odd when people react out of normal character. I do just think there are some people (oh how I would actually love to be one) that have never known infertility or baby loss and so just cannot relate.

In regards to work, it's just horrible that they've let you down like that. It would definitely make me reconsider my job if I wasn't supported how I have been xx

@mummatara family will always be your priority and no one can expect that you will choose to not try for a child #2 so you don't need to go on maternity leave. It is crazy what some places expect of employees sometimes. I hope that either those two people will leave some day or you will find a better place ❤

@FfayeN I agree with people not being able to relate. In my case, the loudest ones were those who ever conceive in the first cycle and had no losses or didn't want children and didn't TTC.
Got quite a collection of shitty things/comments that I had to endure, it's absolutely unhealthy to be holding on but I haven't learnt how to let go yet either. If someone really upsets/hurts you and you think they aren't trustworthy, then how can you just continue seeing them as if nothing happened? There is one friendship that I would say won't be remedied as one person was almost annoyed and inconvenienced by my first m/c because her friend 'was absolutely back to normal within a month after her loss', Well, we are all different. Maybe that person she knows was okay or maybe she knew she had an unsupportive friend and felt like she had to pretend to be okay soon after her loss.

@FfayeN yes we totally would love to be one of those people ❤️ I do have another job option but it involves working with DH and I just don't know if that's a wise move or not 😅 I tried to start a little side business but honestly the timing is just horrendous and I've lost so much money doing it so many similar small businesses have shut up shop this year I think my timing is just off with it 🤦🏼‍♀️

@usedtolovenaps it is crazy isn't it sadly neither will leave one owns it and the other is a family member of said owner 🙄 interestingly the lady in my office has never had children and doesn't want them either. She's a perpetual know it all and even likened menopause cramps to childbirth which she can't possibly know having never given birth 😂 I absolutely don't think I will ever forgive or forget the comments so I'm with you on the unhealthy holding on side of things

@mummatara I'm sorry you work somewhere so crappy. I'm in HR so if you ever have problems, just holla (20 yrs at your current workplace puts you in a very good position legally 🙃)

@usedtolovenaps agree with that. I've had some completely thoughtless comments (they were meant kindly!) but the best was a few weeks ago when a friend announced and said 'hurry up and get pregnant so we can be pregnant together'. Actual dagger to my heart.

@mummatara you deserve so much better because it is ABSOLUTELY outrageous. I have all faith you will be in a better company one day ❤
Speaking of comparison.... I saw something insanely crazy on mumsnet the other day, I hope it's not against the rules to repeat it?
Basically, there was a thread where people were discussing TTC struggles and one member said that when she told someone it had taken 4 years to conceive and it was very hard, that person replied with 'I know how it feels because it took me two months to conceive and I was very sad the first month when it didn't happen' or very similar words of that effect.

@bunnykins123 oh crap that must've been painful 😣Did she know about your struggles?
That's why I have a rule to never ever ever ask anyone 'when are you having kids'? or similar questions. You can never know what's happening in someone's life and it can really hurt them.

@bunnykins123 Yeesh that was so harsh of her! Some people just don't consider it might be hard for others to get pregnant.

I recently cut my days. And I felt awful doing it but my sanity and health need it. Xx

@mummatara

gosh I have everything crossed for you 🤞🏼 I hope you've managed to grab a quick nap today 😘 it's good to have a plan in place I can't imagine how you feel trying for so long. How old are you? Has the gp put tests in place or are you going private?

Thanks so much

Yeah I'm finding it really, really hard mentally now because it's been so long. I'm 35 too which makes everything much more stressful.

This has been our best timed month and my boobs are killing. Think I'm about 10DPO. Trying really hard not to get my hopes up.

Second set of bloods today - GP has been ok so far and I'm hoping we continue to be lucky with appointments but the headlines about general NHS delays are also causing me lots of anxiety.

If it's another month it doesn't happen for us I am really going to struggle.

@usedtolovenaps yes. I just think people think they are being positive and offering hope rather than being really insensitive and causing more hurt.

@TheBirdintheCave I know, she's been incredibly lucky with falling pregnant first time with each baby so like you say, doesn't really have any understanding of the heartache of infertility.

How is everyone this morning? :)

@TheBirdintheCave not wanting to go back to work! How are you doing today? You feeling ok about later?

@bunnykins123 Yeah not too bad. We picked up a lot of Cook frozen meals today as our (amazing) friends sent us some vouchers. They'll be really helpful over the next few days and we got some kiddie meals for our son too :)

Oh also yesterday we realised why our son has been being such a butt lately. His last four teeth are coming in 🤦🏻‍♀️🙄

@TheBirdintheCave thinking of you today, hope you’re ok x sorry I know you’ve got bigger things to think about but are the Cook kids meals any good? I’ve been thinking about ordering some for DS to get him to try new things without me feeling rejected when it ends up in the bin 😆
I think we’ve got the same teeth situation too, he is chewing his fingers during the day and being very fussy!

@LuckyMoonstone We're trying the first one out tonight so will let you know :)

@TheBirdintheCave ah thank you, no rush just if you get chance :) x

Ok so, surgery on Friday in the hospital near our house which is excellent (the one I'm at atm is half and hour away). Consultant we met was shocked that I've never been checked for cervical ectropion (to see if that's the source of the spotting) and told me they'll have a look when they operate.

I looked at the baby in the end. It was very strange as it seemed so perfect and baby shaped in its little sac. Their measurements came out as 7+6 but I suppose I won't ever know the actual day it died as it was growing slowly.

Also, there's no help we'll be given until we have a third miscarriage, including them not testing the baby so we'll never know why it died.