POAS: With only the IC in stock...someone help us 🤣

[FfayeN]

You asked for it......😘

Take two:

@FfayeN yes I’ve set an enquiry for a first consultation but not heard back yet. But they may still be closed for the xmas break. I had a look but I cant access anything like that in my medical records. I don’t think I’ve been tested for anything relevant anyway except my thyroid. I’m trying to find a place that isn’t necessarily all about IVF, if there’s something ‘wrong’ with me I’m hoping it’s something where medication is a solution

@LuckyMoonstone Yeah everything is still shut until tomorrow. I have my husband poised to call the IVF clinic when it opens to get our appointment rebooked asap 😂

@TheBirdintheCave I’ll be checking my emails obsessively tomorrow!

@LuckyMoonstone you should be able to if you request full access. I think I had to do mine via a laptop rather than the app but the receptionist should be able to help you and guide you to do it. Hope you near back from the clinic soon xx

@FfayeN I’ll remember to ask when I’m back there in a few weeks :) and hopefully will hear back from that clinic tomorrow. They can do first consultations by video call which is helpful for me

@LuckyMoonstone it's difficult to find somewhere that just specialises in fertility investigations without it being a ivf clinic. The only one I know is Dr S clinic but his is about immunes and that might not be relevant for you. I did my investigations at a ivf clinic so that if / when we needed to press the button, they would have all our records anyway. Good luck finding somewhere, I think being proactive helps keep the mind sane!

@TheBirdintheCave do you have an appointment tomorrow regarding next steps? Good luck 🤞

@bunnykins123 Yeah at 3.50 at the EPU for some fun torture of being forced to look at my dead baby again 🤦🏻‍♀️

I think they only do surgeries on Tuesdays and Fridays so I hope they can fit me in on Friday 🙄 I'm so fed up of feeling sick for no reason.

@TheBirdintheCave oh hun, I'm so sorry. Can you tell them to scan you and not show you the image? I never saw mine, I told them I didn't want to. I'm so sorry you still have symptoms, it's such a kick in the teeth. I really hope they can squeeze you in as quickly as possible. I'm assuming not much has happened naturally?

@TheBirdintheCave I asked not to see mine so it's definitely an option as @bunnykins123 said. I really hope they can get you in quick, it's not a nice feeling xx

@bunnykins123 oh yes they pretty much all do IVF but there are some that do all the other investigations and treatments too, whereas some are mainly for if you are jumping straight into IVF. I’d rather see if I might benefit from any other treatment first. This clinic near me does research into recurrent miscarriage and also looks at ovulation issues so those are the two things I’m interested in first

@FfayeN @bunnykins123 I'll see how I feel tomorrow :) Thanks for letting me know I can say no though. I have a photo from the last scan place and they were kind enough to put it in an envelope until I wanted to look.

@bunnykins123 Oh and nope, no bleeding or anything 🤷🏻‍♀️ My body has no idea how to let go of them it seems.

While I'm still here (said I might only start the detox on Wednesday 😜), can I ask you this:

• If people at work now your struggles, how do they react/what to they say/how much involved do they get?
• If your family knows your struggles - the same question.

Super anxious today (like most of days) and really, another thought of why another loss would be unbearable (for many reasons) is also that people's dismissiveness would end me completely. I am not asking them for sympathy, but I am not asking for dismissive comments either - just nothing would be better. Some things people invite themselves to say when I'm not even bringing the subject up 😣I think that's part of the reason why I'm not ready to announce the pregnancy. I thought of creating a thread with the actual examples but I can't because it's too outing 😣And telling some stories would involve disclosing something about living situation and workplace so honestly, if anyone who knows me saw they would know who it is 100%. Got to find other ways to deal with this other than creating a thread which probably wouldn't be helpful anyways. I have spoken to a counselor about this and it helped a bit but I guess counseling only helps to a point.

P.S. I am overly sensitive so totally get that a lot of people would react to everything better in my situation.

I feel if something happens again, there would be zero support and I would only distance myself from people further.

@usedtolovenaps no one knows anything about my struggles. I don't know I find it hard to open up to actual people. I even keep DH at a distance sometimes.

I thought yesterday was my peak. It wasn't. OPK is much darker today and literally the only way I can share that info is anonymously. It actually feels ridiculous to be writing this when everyone is going through so much trauma on this thread xx

@TheBirdintheCave I'll be thinking of you tomorrow 💕

@usedtolovenaps Everyone is really supportive: work and family. However, I already know I'll get one comment from a colleague when I tell them about this loss though. She's going to say:

'My daughter in law had two miscarriages and then had a baby.'

And that's going to suck to hear.

@MrsCristianoX a part of me is thinking it's sometimes good that people don't know!
@TheBirdintheCave I'm pleased for you that people are supportive.

@usedtolovenaps yea I can't be doing with that fake sympathy/interest. Then like @TheBirdintheCave says there will be someone with a similar/worse story that makes you feel like crap. If I was lucky enough to conceive I'd be telling no one for at least 5 months x

This experience completely isolated me from everyone and I am scared of even telling either said of parents! Although I know mine would be happy. I think DH's will be happy too but a part of me things they aren't really bothered about having grandchildren. I might be wrong. But I couldn't take negative comments.

@usedtolovenaps I have a small number in each of those categories that know. For example my bosses have to know quite early due to the job I'm in, but they are fabulous. They let me tell them as much as I want to, with me knowing that I have their full support moving forward too. Those that don't know it's difficult to navigate some situations...as they're ALL men. However after a Xmas do conversation I now know some of them are in a similar situation, which i think has just made our team closer and more supportive. Half my family know, I don't want my parents to know as it would create more stress for them in recent months but I am getting close to wanting them to know now it's been so many. Mainly because I feel like I have a cloak of sadness sometimes and I want them to know why I'm a bit mentally vacant. I don't know if or when I'll tell them.
In summary: I think some people who then know will surprise you in a positive way with their support. I often feel like a lot of people respond with daft comments because they just don't know how to react or respond or not been in the unfortunate position to know how it feels: Ie "just relax and it'll happen" I swallow the rage and reply politely as best I can! (Sorry for the ramble!!) xxx

@TheBirdintheCave be thinking of you tomorrow 😘 xx

At work there has been pressure for me to 'have a break and not ttc for some time'. Many mornings I would drive to work crying because I would be so scared of more comments like that.
Had I not told people, they wouldn't have known. I was not speaking about it at work though, I was doing my job same as always so I don't feel anyone had the right to tell me to pause TTC. It was hell. And constant questions if we were still TTC and comments that 'hope you are not TTC now'.
I don't want this to happen again and it's a big part of why I want to leave. And I can't afford to leave right now.
Honestly, sometimes people don't have bad intentions but really cross the line. When it's your superiors, what the hell are you meant to do? I handled it best I could, think I handled it very well on the outside but clearly not the inside if I'm looking for ways to change careers.

I just want to clarify again - in no way this was because of how I was performing or anything like that. Some people have strong views that once you have a m/c, you should not TTC. After the first one I was advised to forget about TTC for quite a while because it was the right thing to do in some people's eyes.

@FfayeN It is so kind of you to protect your parents but I agree, maybe it would be good for them to know as I am sure they love you, care about you and would want to help you any way they can ❤And it's great that your team got closer and you know you're not alone in this.

@usedtolovenaps that sounds awful. Could you tell them you're not TTC to save the comments? As far as supervisors go I don't think legally you need to tell anyone until 20weeks? I have waited until 7/8 with mine but I have to.
Without being too outing my mum has a physical disability, since the summer this has been made worse by stress, so I just can't put it on them yet. (@MrsCristianoX I also think starting the conversation is the hardest bit. With my close friends I have just blurted jt out before 😬) x

@FfayeN so sorry about your mum, totally get why you want to protect her ❤
There's no way to explain this without outing myself but I can't. Honestly, the situation is crazy.
But for some people, the later I conceive, the better it is and it doesn't matter how I feel about it.