Saw the GP today...

[Got2besoon]

Well after 16 months of ttc number 2 and one mmc at the start, I finally bit the bullet and saw the GP this morning.

She was lovely and she's going to order some bloods and a sperm analysis for DH. She also took a swab today (for Chlamydia I think).

I'm sad that I'm at this point and a little angry too. I thought my DS would have a sibling by now and I just want this fertility journey to be over. Definitely grateful to have DS but fearful no more will come.

Is anyone else at a similar stage in their fertility journey?

Hi, I'm at a similar point into investigations. We're on cycle 15 of TTC our first but haven't ever had so much as a hint of a positive. I had my 21 day bloods done the other week and DP is going for sperm analysis this week. I was dreading having bloods done but I actually found it a relief to get the ball rolling with doing some tests as it feels like a step forwards (wherever it may lead) whereas the last 1yr plus has felt like standing still. I never used to understand why people call it a journey but I get it now! How do you feel about having tests done? I think my DP is a bit reluctant to discover any issues but I would rather know the full picture of what we are dealing with as we might be able to try a new approach.

Yep, we have a similar story. TTC number 2 and are 11 months in now with one MMC at the start. We have known fertility issues though so will be giving up and starting our IVF journey this month as our son is very nearly two and we don't want the gap to be too big.

@Ihatethinkingofusernamez

I did feel a sense of relief. Like, at least if I'm still not pregnant in a few months I'll be moving forward not standing still.

DH just got the text through to book his analysis and he said he's worried it will be bad news. But ultimately, I'll be glad to know so we can just make a plan!

It's been so difficult, especially the last few months, as I've just lost hope and find the whole ttc thing draining now :(

@TheBirdintheCave We would definitely consider IVF but I don't want to jump the gun.

However, I'm so with you on the age gap thing. DS is 3 and I never wanted such a large age gap. I try to focus on the positives (more one on one time, easier life for me day to day) but I dream of giving him siblings.

Do you mind me asking about your fertiliry issues? I have endometriosis, but I'm hoping it's not too much of an issue as we conceived twice before.

@Got2besoon Our are male factor. My husband has very low sperm motility so we were told that IVF with ICSI was our only hope really. Our son was conceived naturally after fifteen months the day before we were due to start our first IVF cycle. We were thrilled when three months into trying for number two I got pregnant again but it all went wrong at nine weeks and I've not been pregnant since.

Unfortunately at 36 I don't have the time to wait around for another four months or more. Plus, we've both just had Covid for the first time and I read that it ruins sperm for three months x__x

I hope it happens naturally for you soon :D

@TheBirdintheCave Ah, I see. Gosh that's amazing about your first pregnancy; I love that it happened just before intervention, what a little miracle.

I hate the whole "fertility nosedive" at 35. I'm 33 but I'm very aware of it and my mum had a pretty early menopause (44).

My MMC was at 8 weeks (though baby stopped growing at 6 weeks). It was strange, I almost knew something wasn't right as I had no real symptoms so tried not to get too "attached". It was still utterly heartbreaking though.

I've been looking into IUI for endometriosis and wonder if they'll recommend that for us... Will be great to keep in touch over this and hopefully we both get our BFPs soon!

Hi
We are in a similar position to you. We are 18 months into trying for number 2. I thought I would have had our second by now or at least been pregnant. Unfortunately not a sign of a positive test. DS1 is 3 and we had hoped for about 2.5 year gap. DS took 4 months to conceive so this has come as quite a shock.

I’ve had bloods done which are all ok- my cycles are on the short side (24 days- with a 10-12 day luteal phase) but my progesterone was normal as were my other hormones. DH had low morphology on his sperm analysis- we are currently waiting for a repeat.

I have lots on work wise at the moment including some professional exams in the new year so atm we are continuing to try without too much tracking, which I was doing before. If we are not pregnant by march next year we will be looking at IVF.

Have to say it has been a very lonely few months as no one really knows what is going on but do get the whole when are you going to give DS a sibling. Plus couple of close friends have gotten pregnant recently so nice to be able to chat to those in similar positions.

Hopefully 2023 will bring us all some bfp if not sooner.

@Keeptrying32 It is lonely, isn't it? My best friend just announced her pregnancy and I thought she'd never have children (very career focused, never mentioned kids). I'm happy for her but just feel so left out.

DS took 4 months too! At the time, I thought that was long

I don't have much stress on at the moment (just the same stuff as usual; work, entertaining DS, dealing with a sick parent, keeping the house from looking a tip) but I've always been slightly anxious, which probably isn't helping things. I tried not tracking for a month in the summer and just couldn't do it. I need control

Just an early warning that you won't be eligible for any fertility treatment on the NHS, in case you weren't aware. Hopefully you have other means if that's the goal. From someone who has been there I'm sorry, it's rough.

I found out I had hypothyroidism when I couldn’t conceive baby number 2. A daily tablet, and 12 months later I was pregnant.

I'm in a similar situation and though I wouldn't wish it on anyone it is good to be able to talk to others with the same worries. I had my son at 39 and he was naturally conceived; I'm now 41 and on cycle 11 of ttc after a cp at three months and a miscarriage four months after that. I am trying to be kind to myself and also focus on losing some of my old baby weight since this was postponed due to hopes of falling pregnant again quickly. I have been having acupuncture and it's very disappointing for me that I am still not pregnant. I think we will start tests in January so I'm trying to give myself a bit of a break until then (though we are still trying). It's totally crap and sometimes I feel I come close to a realisation that it won't happen again for us. I am not ready to accept that. Ugggh I am so tired of it though, it's heartbreaking and I go into a cloud of depression each time my period comes.xx

Hi. I just wanted to say that we are in the same boat. We have 2 children and been TTC a third for 18 months and the grief that comes with secondary infertility is huge. We’ve had lots of tests. We have been told we would need ICSI if we go through treatment which we don’t feel overly comfortable with. We’ve been given a 10-15% chance of conceiving naturally now. It’s an awful place to be xx

@Got2besoon I’m pleased for my friends but the jealously is definitely there. I keep telling myself that there aren’t a finite number of chances of being pregnant out there, so their pregnancy isn’t taking a chance away from me.

@Perfect28 Thanks. Yes unfortunately well aware we don’t qualify for funding. I know the criteria is so strict even for those who don’t already have children. When we hit the 12 month of trying with no success I started putting some money aside. I’m worried the cost of living crisis will swallow some of that up but it’s a start at least.

@oliveroses I know what you mean about the monthly depression. I’m thinking about counselling as it is really starting to impact my mood, sleep and is lasting well beyond the couple of days round my period now. I don’t know if you are waiting until January for tests because that is a year of trying or because of Xmas. If it is the year of trying mark, as you are over 35, your GP can organise the initial bloods now as the criteria is 6 months not a year for those over 35.

@Keeptrying32 I'm waiting until January because ... I did contact the gp at six months but then I fell pregnant, this was right before the miscarriage. Then I contacted the gp again about 9 months in, my gp is on maternity leave so I spoke with a colleague of hers. She said to relax, forget about it, and we'd talk again at 12 months, saying that stress delays it and I need to stop testing prior to my period being due (I do agree with that). Everyone seems pretty sure I will fall pregnant again (the gps, my acupuncturist) which is reassuring in the moment but doesn't really help when it isn't happening! So I am trying to put it out of mind for a few months as she suggested but each cycle reminds you... I also gave up a load of things like caffeine, rare meat etc just in case. But after almost a year I am feeling it's time to eat normally (but healthily), though I am still decaffeinated...

God yes, the monthly depression is horrendous. For me, it starts about 10 or 11dpo when all my pregnancy tests are negative and I "just know" it's a failed cycle.

Then it lasts until about the middle of AF when I can start to focus on the next cycle.

I really think if I stopped testing that would help but it's a compulsion. I genuinely don't think I could stop even though it's causing so much pain and anger.

It feels a little better to know other women out there are going through similar things.

@oliveroses I remember giving up caffeine when I fell pregnant with DS so I've been trying that this cycle. I really miss my morning latte. I'm still having a decaff one but it's not the same

I've also cut way back on alcohol and am trying a more Mediterranean diet.

Part of me wants that BFP so I can just eat some chips and chocolate and not feel guilty after!

@oliveroses that makes sense. Hopefully you will have a bfp soon and it will stick around.

Sounds like we all feel the same around AF. It is nice to know I am not the only one. I’ve stopped testing at 10dpo. Too many disappointments so now I will only allow myself to test when I hit CD28 as that is a 2 days late based on my longest cycle and 4 days based on my usual. Doesn’t stop me symptom spotting or dreaming about that positive test. I usually spot on cd22 or23 so that is when the crying hits. I’m currently in the tww now and trying to avoid thinking about it.

I’ve tried giving up caffeine, alcohol and eating better but I’m now just fed up. Also tried some different vitamins to help lengthen by cycle but nothings really helped. I was quite surprised when by bloods came back all
ok. DH has chased up about his repeat test today but not heard anything yet- pretty sure we will get the same result and will be heading down the IVF route in the new year.

@Keeptrying32 I spot too, sometimes 4 days before my period. Like you I know that means it's a no that month! It's so depressing.

Let's hope for some good news for us all in 2023. Hugs, and keep going! But also try to remember what is good about life now, too. I feel I have lost this year and I'd started to lose sight of myself too. Am trying really hard to get that back and to enjoy things in the moment x

@oliveroses So true. I keep trying to remind myself that life is so much more than that BFP, even if I lose sight of it at times.

I try to plan nice things for each time AF arrives (like a glass of prosecco in the bath or a massage). This worked well the first few months but isn't working so well after over a year.

Thankfully the dark depression I go into after the BFNs doesn't last too long, but I wish it never came at all.

Hopefully it is just a matter of time for all of us.

How are you ladies doing today? I like the idea of a treat for around the time AF shows so might try and use that this month.

Hey @Keeptrying32 !

I'm feeling quite calm at the moment.

I've had my swab, which just showed Strep B (apparently about 1 in 3 women have this and no treatment is needed) and had my day 21 bloods this morning.

DS has his sperm analysis booked for next week.

I'm so impressed with the speed of the NHS and the fact they're helping us even though we have DS one. I know we don't qualify for anything more invasive like IVF, but I'm pleased to get these tests done.

My next "AF" treat is going to be dinner at TGIs. I haven't gone since before DS was born, and I love their cocktails and burgers

All pretty calm here too. You've inspired me, my next AF treat will be Giggling Squid as there's a new one opened here.

What do the tests entail, bloods and swabs and a sperm sample?x

I love TGIs. Don’t think I’ve been since before DS was born. We don’t have one that local to us. Might have to persuade DH for a trip to the next city over.

I had swabs for infections and then bloods on day 3 of my cycle (oestrogen, prolactin, TfTs, LH and FSH, testosterone I think). A progesterone on day 18 which is 7 days before AF was due for me. They’ve all come back normal. DH has had one sperm sample which showed low morphology. Rest of parameters were normal. He is waiting to repeat it and has this booked for next month. He has to abstain for 2 days before the test so we have it booked for 5 days after my predicted ovulation next month so we can still try.

This cycle is really dragging for me. I ovulated late this month so it feels even longer than usual to when I can find out. Illogical because the 2ww is still the same number of days. Just means this cycle should be 2 days longer than usual.

We've been not using contraception for just over a year.
My little girl is 3 I haven't took any hormonal contraception for 7 years.
Took us 2.5 years to conceive her (x1 failed round of IVF and managed to conceive her naturally) had multiple tests that showed unexplained infertility.
We have a cut off date which will prob be 1.5 years time when we are both 35, this is more of a self preservation for us as we can't keep going on ttc forever.

@Keeptrying32 do you track ovulation and how do you do it? I tried once and was completely put off! The strips never show positive for me (but I am pretty sure I am ovulating)