Saw the GP today...

[Got2besoon]

Well after 16 months of ttc number 2 and one mmc at the start, I finally bit the bullet and saw the GP this morning.

She was lovely and she's going to order some bloods and a sperm analysis for DH. She also took a swab today (for Chlamydia I think).

I'm sad that I'm at this point and a little angry too. I thought my DS would have a sibling by now and I just want this fertility journey to be over. Definitely grateful to have DS but fearful no more will come.

Is anyone else at a similar stage in their fertility journey?

@Got2besoon yes definitely aware that it can lower progesterone. Unfortunately my job is stressful and I am terrible at switching off to. I’ve got an exam in jan so that isn’t helping but I am trying to relax when I can. Also telling myself that things may improve when I’ve done the exam.

A warm welcome @BiscuitLover3678 !

The emotional roller coaster has been the most challenging part of it all for me.

At least when I'm feeling the lowest I can tell myself I'll feel better in a few days. And in the meantime, there's chocolate and rubbish reality tv

Just wanted to say keep going and actually look at how well your doing. Your windows are so short each month but it's one step closer each time. I started TTC Baby2 when my DC1 was 4, it took 11 months but I finally fell pregnant and then miscarried at 12 weeks. I'd heard you are more fertile after a miscarriage but months past and the panic just got worse thinking it would never happen. I went to the GP who told me to relax but did send me for a scan on my ovaries they were slightly polycystic but nothing major. So a few more months passed I requested bloods my 21 day came back as 0 I hadn't ovulated. But my cycles were irregular so it was possibly the wrong day. I ordered the AMH test too because I was panicking that I was perimenopausal. I tried so many vitamins, accupunture, tracking/not tracking..relaxing and not thinking about what point of my cycle. Just over a year after my miscarriage I fell pregnant again and I've recently had my amazing 2nd child. It was the hardest journey and reading this thread bought it all back. It's so hard but do not give up hope. It will happen. I don't know what helps but all the things I tried helped me feel like I was doing all I could when I felt like I was losing hope (and my mind!) You will get your end goals.

And by the way my DC1 turned 7 when DC2 arrived. So a much bigger age gap than you ladies are looking at. But honestly having a bigger age gap is brilliant. I know it's not for everybody but the bond is incredible so don't worry about ages they will love each other no matter how old!

@BiscuitLover3678 welcome. Not where you want to be but hopefully we can support each other navigate this tricky time.

Thank you @Allanxiousarentwe for sharing. It really does provide comfort and hope. I keep telling myself that each month we are step closer even if it doesn’t feel like it.

@Got2besoon

Your post really struck a chord with me. I have a three year old and we have been trying for almost 12 months to conceive a second.

My toddler isn't a very social child and could do with a sibling. I feel awful not being able to give him what he needs. I also have a fear that this is it now I am not going to have anymore children. I am very grateful to have him of course, but the guilt of not giving my child a sibling and the fear are overwhelming. I just don't see myself being pregnant again. It's devastating.

I am a little ahead of you in my journey. All bloods and sperm analysis etc are normal. My cycles are irregular so ovulation induction was recommended. I have had 2 failed rounds of clomid and half way through a third which I have no faith in working. After this round finishes, I am being sent for a hycosy in the new year if I am not pregnant by then.

Wishing you all the best in your fertility journey. It's not easy x

@Allanxiousarentwe thank you. This made me well up. I am less worried about the age gap than my own age. I am so scared it won't happen again for me now. I feel that I need to let go and relax but it's harder every cycle.

@QueenBee22 I too am desperate to give my son a sibling, I completely understand. Good luck to all of us x

@Allanxiousarentwe What a lovely post, thank you for sharing. Congratulations on your baby and I can imagine its the best thing seeing your 2 children together. I can't wait for that.

@QueenBee22 Hi there. Hopefully it is 3rd time lucky for you. I've been looking at Clomid. Have you had many side effects?

Well... sperm results in. Fair play, NHS have been really speedy.

Sperm parameters are nearly all the low end of normal (5th centile for most) and low morphology (2% when it should be over 4%).

DH is remaining optimistic and blaming the results on his COVID last month. I'm not so sure.

Another obstacle :(

@Got2besoon sorry to hear about the results. It could be covid. My husband’s has low morphology 1% on his first sample and we’ve been advised to repeat after 3 months as that is how long spermatogenesis. We’ve got his repeat next month. The comment on his report from the lab was something like - repeat at 3 months as low morphology is often transient. Also the criteria for morphology is very very strict.

I had no further spotting Tuesday evening or yesterday so I started getting my hopes up. Knew I shouldn’t- AF showed up this afternoon (during my clinic from hell!) So after the day from hell finishing 2 and half hours late and missing bedtime, I am currently enjoying a large G and T in a very hot bath. I’m trying not to look at more fertility stuff or let myself wallow but right now feeling like I am failing at work, and as a mother and wife. Maybe this is natures way of telling me I shouldn’t have another.

Sorry that sounds really negative. I’ll snap out of it in a few days. Got to embrace this next cycle with hope.

@Got2besoon that is rubbish though at least you don't have to wait any longer. But things can turn around, right? I confess I don't know much about this. Hope you are okay. Is it good that you now know what the issue might be or does it just feel like more bad news? I'm sorry, I hope it is just a blip.

@Keeptrying32 I also had over 24 hours of no spotting after it started and did exactly the same, I was so excited and then came crashing down yesterday. Had a cry at work today I feel a bit better now. It does seem to get harder though. I am fine except for this week of AF. It is so shit. I have really had enough but I can't stop trying x

@oliveroses thank you and good luck on your journey x

@Got2besoon no real side affects from the clomid. Weight gain during my period but it seems to go again once that's over.

Sorry to hear about the results. Hopefully it's covid and the count will increase soon.

@Keeptrying32 I had days of spotting before my period on my first cycle of clomid and I was so hopeful. It's very tough when it doesn't work out and not easy to remain positive. Hopefully next cycle might bring better luck.

@Keeptrying32 I hope you enjoyed that much deserved G&T. I feel like our cycles find new ways to play tricks on us each month.

Bless you, I feel the exact same about being a crap mum this week. My temper is so short, and I have no patience for DS's tantrums and mucking about. I feel really guilty after being short with him, but all we can do is try our best and tomorrow is another day x

I do think we need to be kinder to ourselves, though. This is such a difficult journey.

@Oliveroses I don't know much about it either, bar what I've googled today! I don't know if it's good or bad news to be honest. I want everything to be normal, but I suppose if something's wrong we can try to "fix" it. I think, to be honest, my brain has processed it as bad news because I cried about it in the car on the way to yoga. It just feels like that BFP is further away than ever now.

I feel like I've had enough too. It's really affecting other aspects of my life now and I want to stop for a while, but as you say, I can't. What if that one cycle is "The One".

@Got2besoon i got pregnant with my second when my partners morphology was 2% 🙋🏼‍♀️. He had it repeated after 6 weeks and it was 6% but we got pregnant between those two tests so I personally wouldn’t worry about it. It took 8 months in my early 30s with my second.

on the other hand, we’ve been trying for a third now for 18 months and his latest SA has come back with all measures below the threshold but he’s had 3 previously which have all been fine. We are waiting to repeat it.

a urologist told us that covid can impact it, also over oxidisation if taking too many supplements. I think from our experience with these things, they are super variable. hope that makes you feel a bit better x

We’re similar. I’ve got two DD from a previous marriage. My partner and I have been TTC for 14cycles. All blood tests, SA and scans are clear. We’ve now been referred to a fertility specialist, although not eligible for IVF due to me already having children.

I’m 42 so time isn’t on my side :(

Hi @Bluelightbaby 👋

It's good all is normal on tests though, hopefully it is just going to take a little longer.
I've read having had kids before makes you much more likely to conceive in your 40s so hopefully this is the case for you.

My DH is in such a bad mood this morning, presumably feeling deflated after his semen analysis results. I'm trying to discuss things to do proactively (avoid the sauna, eat better) but he has zero interest right now. I know he desperately wants DC number 2 but he's always been a "head in the sand" kind of guy and I think he's annoyed at me that we've had the tests and they've not been great. If he had it his way, we'd still be in ignorant bliss.

@Anonbaby Thanks for this, that's all really interesting. I'm sorry his recent results weren't great but hopefully it's a blip.

I guess covid could be a factor for DH , I suppose we shall see at the re test.

I told him off today for using the heated car seat and we're not talking now

@Got2besoon I completely understand. This has been a rubbish few days for us all I think, more so than usual! And my god, the heated car seat, I hadn't even thought of that! I have already temporarily banned baths for DH and he is not hugely pleased 😂

@Got2besoon My DH is very similar- he was very head in the sand and took me really pushing to start the investigations. He was quite distant the few days after we got the results. I think it can be a lot for them to process. Hopefully you both will be feeling better soon.

@oliveroses Ive band DH from baths to! And I bought him baggy boxers.

@Anonbaby thanks that it interesting to know and hopefully means we might see a difference in our repeat next month.

Oh, we also got the baggy boxers today!

It's so funny, my DH wears the typical Calvin Klein (or similar) quite tight boxers and I said he needed to get looser ones. He was genuinely confused and said that his didn't feel tight. I mean, who would wear anything tighter?! Honestly, he's usually a very logical person

How long did it take for partners to get sperm analysis? I went to GP end of September and had all my testing done weeks ago and all came back normal which is good but OH is still waiting to hear about sperm analysis… he did have a delay as had to register at my doctors surgery but they seem to be taking forever to organise this 🤔

@emhope Ours was just a few days, and then it was on his NHS access page

Hi, hope you all had good weekends. I felt so awful on Friday, but on Saturday I had a lovely conversation with a friend I haven't seen for a long time. She is ttc, early 40s and does not have any children yet, and is now thinking about next steps. I told her about the last year and she was so positive for me, reminding me that I haven't actually been trying for so long (a year) and that she is sure I will get there. Given the options she has ahead of her now in her ttc journey it reminded me that there is a lot of road left and a lot of options for me too. It was so refreshing to have a conversation and to hear her perspective on it. I already feel much more balanced and I am determined to go into this month and beyond with an open mind, and focus on things that are good for me: my beautiful boy, yoga, eating well, walking, and rest activities. Honestly I don't know what else I can do and I have realised that we are all beating ourselves up over this and it's not fair on ourselves. I will try to remind myself that I have more choice over how I feel each month than I have realised. We have to be hopeful for the future whatever it brings xx

I love this message @oliveroses.

You're so right about us having control over our thoughts, but I struggle mentally from about 10dpo to CD2 or CD3. I need to work on this!

DH has got his baggy boxers and has started his Proxeed Plus now. I feel like we're doing what we can and we just need to sit back a little and, as you say, enjoy what we have.

DS is doing his first long day at nursery and I'm so nervous for him. I normally long for time to myself but I've just been missing him! I think we'll have an evening of Magnetic blocks towers, puzzles and a roast dinner