Preparing to TTC in 2023

[DanisEndo]

Hi,

I'm part of a lovely thread which was started in 2021 for those planning to start TTC in 2022 and it was such a supportive group! we've now seen lots of positives and given each other a lot of support and tips through ups and downs.

I'm now 'pausing' TTC until after my wedding in 2023 and thought it'd be nice to start up a similar thread to see if there is anyone else now prepping and getting excited for next year!

On the last thread everyone introduced themself by saying their age, what they're trying for and when they plan on starting - I'll then keep a list up to date and post so everyone can easily see others who are at the same stage as them!

I'll go first:

Age: 27
TTC no: 1
Starting: Sep 23

Between now and then I'm going to be taking folic acid, try and loose some lbs to get closer to a healthy BMI, save some money in a baby pot and enjoy some 'baby free' activities (i.e., wine, gin, sushi and surfing!). I have endometriosis and PCOS so going to try and get my periods more regular and pain management via diet.

@CRbear I’m taking OVUM fertility formula plus 4g of myo-inositol. It made all the difference from me. I started on 2g, but 4g did the trick. I literally went from no periods to regular 30-day cycle.

@123ROLO personally unless you think you may struggle to conceive (irregular periods, pcos, 40+, much older partner etc) I'd take the supplements to prep your body and track your cycle (I have a 26 day cycle but only a 11 day luteal phase- only found out about my luteal phase when I tracked ovulation the cycle we conceived) then TTC no sooner than 2 weeks before your wedding.

I'm one of the BFP first cycle crew. And got my BFP weeks after my wedding. Like you I didn't want to be pregnant on my wedding day or honeymoon. We had an open bar I definitely wanted to enjoy 🤣. Conceived <3 months before turning 35.

True, tbh I knew thats the smart thing. I'm just really looking forward to starting the ttc journey 😂.

I've tracked my period as far as my wedding in October, as it stands AF is due to arrive to arrive on my weeding day. I'm pretty regular but have the odd day here and there where its a tad early so hopefully my predictions are off. I'm not willing to take period delay as I don't want anything affecting my natural cycle near ttc so have AF may just have to accompany me on my big day.

I have nothing officially diagnosed that should effect my fertility.

I had pelvic inflammatory disease after getting chlamydia when I was 20, but thst was caught quite soon so hopefully there's no residual issues.

I've also had undiagnosed anemia for a couple years and heard there's links with low iron and miscarriages, but I've started treatment so hopefully enough time to level out, and i might pay for a private infusion prior to ttc

May I join, please?

• I’m 33
• TTC number 3 (but first with my partner and he has low sperm morphology)
• TTC March 2023 after our civil partnership - I think I should be ovulating the day after if my cycles continue as they are 😊

I’m tracking my cycles and taking regular pregnacare. I still have a coil in so will hopefully remove that and use condoms until we are ready.

I’m caffeine free, a healthy weight and nearly alcohol free. I’m going to try to read the full thread for other preparation ideas

Welcome to the new people! It's so nice having lots of us here to talk to.

TTC 2023 is back on for me! We have sat down properly and worked everything out, checked out the help we would get, I even spoke to my mum about it to see if/when she could help out etc and we will be able to do it! So happy. So will be

Omg I wrote more than that. No idea why it's cut off.

I was going to say I'll be coming off the pill at the end of December and taking prenatals from march. I've also started eating better and plan to get more steps in by going for walks after work to keep me more active. I do have a gym membership but I just hate it so I think I'll just use the pool there

@ViewFromTheAfternoon yay! So happy for you. Tbh I think most people don’t think about every last penny before making the decision as unless you’re a millionaire, if you thought long enough about having kids before having them you probably never would. Do you want more than one DC do you think?

@ViewFromTheAfternoon - so pleased to hear that you’re feeling more positive now! I also worry about the finances sometimes but people manage to make it work and I’m told that things get easier once the 30 hrs childcare kicks in. My sister was always so keen to have kids and started young even though she was in a precarious position financially. I’ve waited much longer (wanting to get a bit further in my career, buy a house etc) but now really wish I’d started earlier! I guess we can never be fully prepared and sometimes you just have to make the leap of faith 🙂

@WafflesNCream , sounds like myo-inositol has been brilliant for you! Would you mind if I ask how long you had been taking it before you saw improvements? I’ve been taking it for almost two months but haven’t noticed an improvement yet 😓

@happyfeet5 yeah you're so right! It was actually H's mum who brought it up which annoyed me at first because I was like... Of course I've thought about it! Other people do it, we will be fine. But then me and H argued when we got home because he was worrying about it and I just got angry at his mum poking her nose in and giving him doubts. So we've been through it together and it's eased both of our minds.

I'm not sure about having more than 1.. I'm thinking just 1 because I really don't know if I'll cope with more 😂 but then again you never know.. I may love it and be overwhelmed with feelings of wanting another just like how I'm feeling now! How about you?

@bethhop85 yeah this is exactly what my friend said. She is pregnant with her second now and she tells me not to worry at all because people cope in much worse situations and it's not forever. May just be a bit tight for the first couple of years but you've just got to do it if you want a baby!

Does anyone else imagine a baby/child with them everywhere they go? Whenever me and DH go out I always imagine having a little baby in a sling with us or a pram. Or an older child. I just really feel like there's someone missing now. We went on holiday in October and I didn't enjoy it as much as I usually do.. I found myself jealous of the couple's that were in the pool with kids and wishing we were doing that instead. I'm just sooo ready to get this started, yet at the same time so scared and have wobbly moments too 😂

@ViewFromTheAfternoon that’s what I love about my little one. She’s a little pal that follows me everywhere. She even sits on my lap whilst I wee 😂

We’ve been on 3 holidays with our little girl, when she was 4, 7 and 13 months. Definitely wasn’t as fun 😂 no more lounging by the pool soaking up the sun having a nap. But lovely to have quality family time together.

@buckingmad 😂 I can definitely imagine that a holiday with a little one isn't as fun as it looks! I assume it can be quite stressful. Usually I love just lounging around by the pool etc but on our last holiday I was a bit bored by it and just watching the families on the beach playing and teaching them to swim in the sea etc and just wanted time to hurry up so it could be me! I will probably regret wishing this time away and eat my words once it's me hahaha but it's just hard to not feel that way atm when I'm so desperate! I am trying to keep my expectations realistic though

Probably not the general mumsnet advice around finances. But I think unless your financial situation is absolutely dire, you make it work. There's very few people in the world that on paper are financially ready for a baby.

I'm going to have to return to some sort of work very soon after baby is born (I'm talking a couple of months). As I'm self employed and built up a good connection base and I don't want to jeprodise that. We could technically survive on just DH income for a little while but I think our overall quality of life will be better with my additional income.

Fortunately I can work very flexibly. I should only need about 10-14 hours a week to tie me over. My OH is also freelance. So the plan is for him to go to 4 days, and I do one full day of work. Then we get half day nursery or family care if available and i do an hour or so in evening.

In regards to the baby coming everywhere, I love the idea of my baby clinging to me round the home, and day to day stuff like coffee shops, supermarkets, walking the dog. But I'm 100% setting boundaries that I want an opportunity to have my own social life, I appreciate it may not be as full as it is now.

I have a few friends with babies, a few have been able to maintain very good social lives, still game for weekends away, the odd night out, day trips etc. A couple of my friends sadly just seemed to have disappeared into motherhood, maybe attend one social event a year on their own (it's definitely not a childcare issue)

I know that reads bitchy, but a big part of me not having children sooner is that I love my independence and social life. I know you can't plan everything in life but I've made it very clear to DH that while I'm willing to scale back my social life, I'm not willing to give it up. And if I've had a full on day with the baby, I'm not going to hesitate to hand he/she over to DH when he's home so I can walk the dog in peace

Ahh so I got a BFP today! (and yesterday and the day before but didn't trust it til the FRER today!)
You can take me off the trying in February list 😂
We were going to hold off for financial and other little reasons but decided it probably wouldn't happen immediately and if it did we'd make it work so I'm sure we will 🤞
Baby dust to you all!

@marleyandme many, many congratulations. So pleased for you xx

@marleyandme , that is SO EXCITING! Oh my goodness, huge congratulations! Wishing you all the best and hoping that your exciting news bodes well for the rest of us on this thread ✨

@marleyandme thats so exciting! So happy for
you! What a great early Xmas present!

@marleyandme that's brilliant news! Congratulations! Wishing you a smooth and happy pregnancy 💝

Congrats!!

@marleyandme aww congratulations! Amazing news. Wishing you a smooth pregnancy!

Welcome to the new ladies 😊 I hope everyone is ok? Still not lost weight, still maintaining. Come January I am going for it 🙈

With regards to DC and holidays/ social lives, we definitely were able to do more/ enjoy more with DD as she was very, very chilled and not “on the go” all the time- we had it good. So holidays and socialising was a lot easier. When DS came along, we had/ have a very different experience, he was walking at 9 months (DD was 16 months!), a very active child and not very chilled. So for us, it depends on the little one and how they are. We limited social things with DS as it was difficult for us, we couldn’t enjoy it and felt easier to stick to what we were comfortable with. As he’s getting older, we are broadening our horizons haha! But me and DH always remember they are not little forever and we will eventually get that social life back, it’s just temporarily smaller when we have young DC.

Can anyone relate to something I’ve realised today? It’s a bit mad so it might just be me…

Ive realised that all my hesitations / worries about having a baby are tied up with pregnancy and birth. I didnt think it was at all, i thought I was worried about actually having a baby.

But, I was thinking about how I would feel if DH was the woman. In that scenario, I would be 100% excited and have no worries, confident that we could overcome any issues and work through it together. If he came in with a positive pregnancy test I would be thrilled, excited and looking forward to having a child.

As it stands in the real world, I’m worried about my job, my career (I’m the higher earner and I have lots of interesting projects coming up, such as leading up expansion in the middle
east) and pregnancy / birth.

Having come to this realisation, does anyone have any tips? I know logically if we have kids it has to be me!

@Mushroo i can empathise with having a realisation, but not that one! I want to experience pregnancy and I want children, but I don’t want to go through the newborn/toddler years. I really want kids to buy advent calendars for, and take to Christmas events and throw birthdays parties for etc. I don’t want to go without sleep, be touched out, exhausted, fractious etc.!!

@Mushroo

I think they are normal worries / concerns. And to be honest I think It's better to be apprehensive about some of those things as it means you can feel more prepared. Not to fear monger but I've had a couple of friend's who had horrendous pregnancies, they were very poorly, in and out of hospital with lots of issues. (though luckily I don't know anyone who had a traumatic birth). I think straight forward pregnancies are more the norm, but I think you need to be able to enter pregnancy ready for the good and the bad, yes it can be a wonderful thing to experience but it can also be scary and uncomfortable...so I guess my point is that you could be in for disappointment or a nasty shock if you didn't consider the unpleasant aspects of pregnancy?

I don't know if this is what you were referring to, or just the thought of having a baby inside you just feels odd. If so, I get that. But I'm working on the assumption that once the babies there it will feel completely natural.

Work wise, I guess it depends on how much mat leave you will take and whether you'll return full or part time how much of an impact it'll have? I'm planning on going back very part time after 2/ 3 months to always keep my foot in the door. I'm self employed so can't risk my name dropping off people's radar.

@Mushroo I am also the higher earner, so can relate. I have a supportive employer with regards to pregnancy/ mat leave, and obviously have to be treated fairly and equally. I had fairly straightforward pregnancies with my 2, but, you will most likely have some off days (and possibly worse like rolo says) and you would have to be prepared for that. Ultimately, I do think women are at a disadvantage when it comes to career progression when we have to factor in pregnancies/ mat leave, and then returning to work. My progression has taken years due to having kids, and I’m not going for any promotions until we (hopefully) have had DC3 and I mentally feel ready for it. But some people are different and feel ready to progress when DC are very young. I have returned full time with both DC and sucked up the nursery fees as I also don’t want to lose my career.

Is there anything more specific you are worried about with regards to pregnancy/ birth? Or more specific around work?

Thank you all for the kind words and not making me feel completely mad!

I think ultimately it’s the lack of control. I’ve been very fortunate in life that I’ve not really had anything go wrong and I’m an overthinker / planner by nature.

On the pregnancy / birth front it’s the worry on things going wrong rather than feeling ill. I’ve never been in hospital before and my experience of the NHS to date has not been great. I can never even get a doctors appointment and I just don’t feel I can ‘trust’ the system with how overworked everyone is. So for example birth wise I know I’ll hate feeling not listened to or feeling like I’m on a conveyor belt. Or even turning up and there being no room / the midwives being so rushed they miss something.

The thought of a postnatal ward fills me with horror - I hate interacting with strangers at the best of times! I’ve looked into private and even the fact we can’t really afford it, I don’t live in London so private doesn’t exist. It also doesn’t help my mum had a very traumatic birth, so that’s probably subconsciously weighing into it as well. The thought of birth injuries also terrifies me, such as inconttinence.

Then career wise I know they can’t act negatively against me, but I’ve not been there that long and I actually really like my job and team. As the higher earner I’m also conscious my earning potential is basically on pause for a few years (especially with inflation as it is!). Even stupid stuff like my student loan (which I’ll pay off in a few years) will be accruing interest so I’ll end up paying more on that. I will definitely go back full time (or ideally, full time hours with a bit of flex) so that should be ok. I’m also going to look at shared parental leave as that could work quite well. Although selfishly, I wish my husband earnt more than me so I could take all the time without feeling guilty about family money going down.

A lot of things there! I think I’m just stressing as it’s the first time I can’t plan something (and it’s kind of hit home how unfair being a woman is! I think I want to be a dad).

@CRbear also totally relate to the baby vs child thing as well. I definitely definitely want a child, one the fence about the baby thing!

Snap on this! I put a post further down about me worrying as I'm the high earner and my company only pay statutory. So I have to save up the money to allow me to go on maternity! Depressing as that is!
I've had to switch jobs as both are only statutory but the new one is more money, so will be able to save up before TTC! Xxx