Preparing to TTC in 2023

[DanisEndo]

Hi,

I'm part of a lovely thread which was started in 2021 for those planning to start TTC in 2022 and it was such a supportive group! we've now seen lots of positives and given each other a lot of support and tips through ups and downs.

I'm now 'pausing' TTC until after my wedding in 2023 and thought it'd be nice to start up a similar thread to see if there is anyone else now prepping and getting excited for next year!

On the last thread everyone introduced themself by saying their age, what they're trying for and when they plan on starting - I'll then keep a list up to date and post so everyone can easily see others who are at the same stage as them!

I'll go first:

Age: 27
TTC no: 1
Starting: Sep 23

Between now and then I'm going to be taking folic acid, try and loose some lbs to get closer to a healthy BMI, save some money in a baby pot and enjoy some 'baby free' activities (i.e., wine, gin, sushi and surfing!). I have endometriosis and PCOS so going to try and get my periods more regular and pain management via diet.

Hi everyone! I know I don't post on here much but I still read everyone's posts and it gets me so excited. I just feel like June is bloody aaaaages away so I have to try and supress my excitement otherwise I start wishing the time away and getting impatient.

However... I'm about to do the opposite now and ask everyone what they are most looking forward to about having a baby/being a parent?

I feel like there's lots of doom and gloom in life and recently I've had some people tell me "don't have kids!" (They have kids themselves and seem to enjoy warning me about how AWFUL and exhausting it is) and i would just love some positivity and to hear about all the wonderful little things that are (hopefully) in store for all of us.

For me, a big one is Christmas! Having a proper Christmas again with all its magic and excitement. Then also little things like seeing my baby smile and laugh for the first time. Reading them stories, seeing them in school plays and discover their interests. I'm excited to even just go shopping pushing a pram around 😂 I went round to my mum's house on Sunday and my step dad daughter was there with her 1 year old. It was night time and dark and the fire was on and we were sat watching Peter Pan and I was soooo broody just thinking I honestly can't wait to sit watching Disney films with mine!

What are you all looking forward to the most?

@ViewFromTheAfternoon - I know what you mean! People haven’t intentionally been telling me it’s awful but close friends have had very challenging periods recently and it does make me think…so we really want to do this?!

I know it sounds silly but I’m looking forward to making my kids birthday cakes. And throwing their birthday parties. I also cannot wait to see my partner holding our tiny baby - soppy!

Hello!

I thought I would join in.

Age:- 31
TTC:- Dec 2023

December seems so far away! DP and I have been together for 4 years, we found out we were unexpectedly pregnant last year but had a MMC at 12 weeks. We have decided to wait to TTC properly until I have a job. I am currently a full time student and hopefully graduate in July. We will have a more stable home then and want to give it a few months after I start a new jobs to get full maternity, we've said Christmas next year which is exciting.

Since my MMC my anxiety about my fertility has been quite bad. I've done a hertility test and found that my Prolactin is slightly high due to stress, so I need to get myself together in the next year. I want to get fit, I've signed up for a half marathon...😅 and I'm hoping to loose some weight so I'm ready for it.

It's so nice to read messages of others waiting too, it feels weird to know but also to just get on with ordinary life.

Hi all, and welcome to the people I haven’t spoken to!
I am the same - always reading the thread but don’t always have time to reply- it’s lovely to read everyone’s plans/ experiences.

For me, one of the things I loved and kept me going through tough stages of pregnancy is seeing who my children look like. DD is my double (with a bit of DH) and DS is a good mix of me and DH, but he is blonde which really threw us as we are all quite dark haired. I still can’t quite get over it. I’m excited to see what the third could look like!
Agree Christmas is very special- but all holidays we really enjoy and get stuck in to whatever kid friendly activities are going on.
I am excited to smell the new baby smell- and kiss the little newborn head- sounds crazy but it’s just divine! Haha.

I hope everyone is doing ok. I am struggling to lose weight- staying the same. The cold is doing me no good as I just want to eat!!

@ViewFromTheAfternoon I know what you mean about the doom and gloom! Misery loves company, I guess. People are far more likely to be complaining than saying the positives as that’s just human nature, that’s what I have started to think.
What a lovely thought you’ve had. Christmas time is so special and it’s so exciting to think about cosy traditions for all times of year, isn’t it! I think I’m most excited for holding their little hand for the first time. Seeing them accomplish something- a smile, clapping hands, first day of school, passing an exam. And just like @CRbear it’s so nice to picture your partner becoming a daddy for the first time, if it’s your first, or for the 2nd 3rd or 4th time! Feel like it’ll always be as special
@LovelyBitOfSquirrelll that’s fascinating that your DC could look so different to one another. I wonder if DC3 will look like their brother, sister or a combination! I bet you must feel a bit more relaxed this time around as you’ve been there twice and know what to expect?

I'm out this month. To be expected really as we haven't properly started 'trying', but have been less careful than we had previously.

Let me know when there's an end of December TTC group and I'll be there!

Good luck on your BFPs ladies! Xx

its hopeful conception time for me! My partner did a sperm Check test (just from boots) yesterday and the results were good (he’s 41 so a tad paranoid about his age haha)

any tips around ovulation time? Positions? Frequency etc? Xx

Hello,
Room for one more?
Age: 33
TTC: Jan 2023

DH and I got married last year and we started TTC in Jan 2022, but it quickly became apparent that I have PCOS. Anyway, after a lot of investigations, trial and error I managed to get my periods back and I feel that 2023 will be our year.
Loads I’d love and baby dust to all you future mamas x

Hi @WafflesNCream !

I forgot to say I’m 31.

what supplements is everyone taking? If any?

I am taking

4mg inositol per day - for PCOS
Coq10- for egg quality
Magnesium - 300mg - for PCOS
Zinc - 30mg - for PCOS
Vitamin C - may help with absorption of zinc
Vitamin D - general health
Multivitamin - general health
iron - I struggle with low iron levels and headaches
Folic Acid - standard for TTC
Fish oil - for no other reason than the pre conception vitamins include this! I started today.

I am convinced the inositol has made a massive difference for me! As in I have regular cycles now - if long- where I didn’t before.

I have never really been one for supplements as I eat a varied diet already but the inositol helped so much I’ve gone a bit mad. Every little helps?! 😂

Found a good multivitamin today that I’m going to start on as well as the folic acid and Vit D. I get butterflies whenever I dare to let myself think about it. It’s becoming harder and harder to not let my mind wander at least a couple of times a day. I just can’t wait. I wonder if this feeling is the same for all of you who are TTC no.2 soon?

Has anyone thought yet of whether they’d find out the gender or not? I would love a surprise but a typical me thing to do would be try and work it out anyway using all the theories. Also think it would be harder to buy clothes with a surprise. Neither me or DP have a preference, by the way, would be over the moon with either.

@happyfeet5 I plan on doing what I did when we successfully conceived DD. I'll try to drop weight in the early part of next year and when DD is 1 I'll switch from pregnacare breastfeeding to pregnacare conception. I'll continue to drink till it's pink (ie until we get a BFP) so we don't stress ourselves. The hard thing will be finding the time to DTD with a 1yo.

I knew I always wanted a DD so found out via scan at 17 weeks (I never understood it bought into nub theory). With our next (getting the baby dust ready💕) I don't mind if we have a DD or DS (though one if each would be amazing) but will find out if only to pinpoint names - I really struggled to find boy names i really liked.

On the picking clothes thing lots of my NCT mums buy girl clothes (ie from the girls section) for their boys think stars , animals and floral pints.

For now I'm enjoying that my 7.5month DD is fast asleep so DH and I are drinking wine and watching tv. I will say I can't wait to have a bump again - I absolutely loved being pregnant.

@happyfeet5 yes, I feel very relaxed about a third, no issues with the parenting side of things and feel confident. The thing that is worrying me slightly is cost of living and the nursery fees. We can afford it, but I worry about inflation and us potentially having hardly any disposable income to enjoy time with our DC 🙁it might not come to that, but just being prepared for it. That then makes me feel guilty about our existing DC- having another means we might not be able to do the nicer things we usually do for a few years. But, I’m trying to stay positive! And have had little convos with our DD to see how she would feel about another sibling, and she said she really would love another. I know what you mean though about not trying to get excited about trying, but I can’t help it either! I would say it’s always on my mind, I can’t seem to shake it off!

Im not on any supplements yet, but will start multivitamin and folic acid soon! Didn’t start pregnancare until I was PG last time but might consider pre-conception ones this time….

Also, didn’t find out the sex with either of our DC and loved not knowing, finding out at the birth was an incredible feeling. Wouldn’t find out the next one either! 😃

@happyfeet5 im just as excited if not more to get pregnant with my second. I actually absolutely hated being pregnant the first time round for various reasons but I’m hoping this time round I can relax and be happier.

I just take folic acid, vit d and iron. You can get everything from a good varied diet. Your baby will take everything they need from you.

I found out the sex with my first at 17 weeks via private scan. I think this time I’ll just wait till the nhs 20 week one. I desperately wanted a girl first as boys are very dominant in both families so thus time round I don’t mind what I have.

i’ll definitely have a private scan again at 8 weeks. It’s a long time to wait till the 12 week one.

I'm honestly nearly crying as I write this, I don't know what to do. I don't even know if there's anything I can do. It doesn't look like we can afford to have a baby after looking at childcare costs.

We bring in £3000 a month jointly.
Rent - 900
Household bills - 400
Credit card repayment/car loan - 300
Food - 400
My bills (phone and pet insurance) - 100
DH bills (phone, AA, car insurance, Amazon prime, Spotify) - 200
My driving lessons (I have cut these town to only two a month to cut costs) - 64
Travel expenses for me getting to work - 90

This gives us £550 left over but then we always have other stuff to pay for like birthdays, hair cuts, the car is currently in the garage and needs fixing, my dog needed to go to the vet earlier this month, if we need to get an Uber somewhere or replace something etc so it does dwindle down. Then we usually have about £200 left which we put in savings.

I've been looking at childcare in our area and looks like childminder is cheaper but i would need to go back to work full time because my DH's salary alone won't cover all of our expenses. So it's about £800 a month, but I've used the calculator on the gov website and seen that we are eligible for £166 towards childcare costs. But it's still more than we have left over. All family work full time.

So... I guess we just can't have a baby then??? Like other than us getting better paid jobs I can't see a way that it would work. And getting a better paid job isn't really easy because I'm not qualified for a better paid job.

I'm feeling really down about it. I've even looked at cheaper places to live but there isn't any. £900 rent is cheap for around my area, most are over 1,000. We went to see a mortgage advisor who had a look at all our incoming and outgoings and said with our deposit for the house that we are looking at at 165k the mortgage repayments would be £890 which is practically what our rent is now. So buying wouldn't even be cheaper.

Sigh. I don't think TTC will be happening for us in 2023 after all 😩

@ViewFromTheAfternoon thats so tricky and heartbreaking for you.

I know you’ve probably already looked at all of this but could you or or DH work compressed hours (if you both did 4 days that saving 2 days of childcare). Also have you factored in child benefit and tax free childcare? Or could one of you drop part time for a couple of years to muddle through until free childcare hours kick in? Or do you have some savings that could bridge the gap for a bit?

When will you pay off car / credit card? That would make up some of the shortfall.

It’s so crappy, and fwiw I think your monthly breakdown of costs looks really normal, so there must be so many people in this situation :(

@ViewFromTheAfternoon people make it work in tighter situations. Do you live in London?

Can your DH change jobs or ask for a pay rise? 900 is extortionate for rent.

Things I can see that could be reduced:
Food. I know costs are rising, but could you even take £100 off this?
Driving lessons. Might you pass before baby?
Extra £164 there instantly per month.

I’m really sorry to hear things are tight for you. It’s horrible that the world we live in means people are having to make choices like this.

@Mushroo I think I could possibly do compressed hours. I would have to ask but that would be ideal.. I have a desk job and work hybrid so if I could ask to WFH full time or even just to onto the office once a week instead of 3 and then do longer hours on my WFH days that hopefully would let me drop a day. DH is a joiner so I think doing longer days for him would be too much of a physical toll.

I haven't had a look at child benefit of tax free child care.. am I correct in thinking child benefit is about £80? Does everyone get this? I'm unfamiliar with tax free child credit.. I just did the calculator thing on the gov website. Is that what this is or something different?

I think that not having the debts would be a massive help cos an extra 200/300 hundred a month would help. I have £1,800 left to pay. So could pay this off before I even get pregnant tbh. We do have 8k savings which is for a house deposit.

@happyfeet5 no we live in manchester. I do agree that £900 rent is absolutely ridiculous but I've been on Rightmove and most of the others are over 1,000 so there's not really much to do there. I was really just hoping that mortgage repayments would be less than this because they aren't due to the high interest rates atm.

I'd like food to come down but we used to spend £600 on food until recently because I didn't realise that much was going on it until I checked our bank statement! So we have already reduced it by £200 we could maybe reduce it a bit more but we shop at Tesco.. tried shopping at Aldi but as we are veggie there's not many options of fake meats etc. And all the fresh produce isn't as nice and goes off so quickly 😩

god this is a long post so sorry. Just feel really stuck and upset

@ViewFromTheAfternoon ah so tough. Prices are crazy. I echo @Mushroo see if you can condense your hours, it’s something I’d always be curious about doing even if it’s just 4 longer days instead.
Just a thought- I’d use £1800 from savings to clear the debt, leaving you with £6200. You would be able to save it back quickly especially considering you’d have £300 a month extra in your pocket. Would it be worth looking at shared ownership properties? Might be a bit cheaper and you need less of a deposit, although don’t know how many schemes are available in Manchester.
We aren’t Aldi fans either and don’t find it cheaper. We do the shop between Asda and Sainsburys, sometimes stopping at Lidl. Do you cook with lentils/chickpeas a lot? They’re cheaper than the substitutes and go a long way.

@ViewFromTheAfternoon so sorry you are feeling like this, I can completely empathise.
Please look at Tax free childcare, the government pay a percentage of your childcare fees as long as you earn over a certain amount, which sounds like you certainly do. Might make you better off than the working/ child tax credits? Also, you will receive about £87 child benefit per month. Some people save this for DC but we have always used it to do things with DC at a weekend etc instead. I really hope you can work it out x

Sorry - crossed post! Yes, every child is eligible for child benefit, subsequent DC after the first get slightly less

@happyfeet5 yeah I have thought about doing this tbh! Using some of the savings to pay the credit card off. I will we will do this so that it's one less expense/thing to worry about. The reason why we haven't done it yet is because we have just been trying to save as quickly as possible so that we can get our house deposit before the interest rates go even higher. We will have the full amount next month so it stings a little taking almost 2k back out.

@LovelyBitOfSquirrelll thanks for letting me know about this! Every little bit helps.
I guess we have a lot of working out to do. I'm so glad I checked. I always knew childcare was expensive but I just thought I would check the exact amount. Wasn't expecting that!

Hello,

We’re also going to be TTC in 2023!

This will be baby #3
I’m 38 and have a 14 & 10yo

My husband is having his vasectomy reversed in January so we will be ttc as soon as he is up for action 😂 most likely February.

Very excited!

Still here, lurking just don't really know what to contribute 😂.

I'm going to start taking supplements early in the new year.

My only thought is, I'm getting married Oct, I ideally don't want to be pregnant for my wedding/honeymoon but would like to be pregnant very soon after.

I'm planning on getting my coil out August/September, I don't know whether to use contraception until Oct, or just don't assuming thst it takes a few months to conceive, so I give myself a couple of practice months till I actually want it to work 😂

@Mummymidwife33 hello! Wow, that must feel like a big decision. But how nice to have the opportunity to do it again.

@123ROLO I would always use some form of contraception personally even if it’s just condoms unless you wouldn’t mind having a baby 9 months from the point of DTD. I think they say it is much more likely that you won’t struggle than you will. Lots of people do get a BFP on cycle 1 I think, it’s just you hear of them less on the boards of course.

Thank you!

Yes very big decision as we both thought we were done. We both have two children from our first marriages and both had very lonely and difficult experiences of parenting. Excited to experience this with the love of my life. If it happens for us. If not then it's not meant to be.

I've been on the pill for the last 6 months as I had terrible PMS so just coming off it now to get ready for us trying. Will be just enjoying the run up to Christmas and then will be on a health kick in the new year- I saw some want to lose weight and I'm with you. 10lbs to get my BMI down as I already have enough risk factors with my age and a previously small baby!