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When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

When do you start questioning secondary infertility?
28

BiscuitLover3678 · 13/09/2022 16:07

And what are the first steps? On cycle 11 and negative (although that’s only 9 months).

First baby was instant. I feel like most people who are getting to cycle 12 when they have had a child in the past have had at least one other pregnancy now even if it ended in miscarriage (not that I want that at all!) I’m just wondering if it means there must be an issue now.

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tingalayo · 13/09/2022 18:25

Same here, BFN on cycle 13 :( and I've never had a loss either. My first took longer than yours to conceive, 9 months so I suppose I've always been subfertile. Driving myself crazy wondering if I'll ever have another 😥

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BiscuitLover3678 · 13/09/2022 18:32

tingalayo · 13/09/2022 18:25

Same here, BFN on cycle 13 :( and I've never had a loss either. My first took longer than yours to conceive, 9 months so I suppose I've always been subfertile. Driving myself crazy wondering if I'll ever have another 😥

It’s so hard to know what to do isn’t it :( I feel like it must be luck in so many ways

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tingalayo · 13/09/2022 18:50

Yes it might be luck in a lot of cases. When I got to 12 months that's when I felt like there's really got to be something going on, this can't be just bad luck anymore. My GP told me to be very reassured that I've already gotten pregnant naturally before! Probably makes it more likely you'll be successful eventually than someone who has never been pregnant xx

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BiscuitLover3678 · 13/09/2022 19:42

tingalayo · 13/09/2022 18:50

Yes it might be luck in a lot of cases. When I got to 12 months that's when I felt like there's really got to be something going on, this can't be just bad luck anymore. My GP told me to be very reassured that I've already gotten pregnant naturally before! Probably makes it more likely you'll be successful eventually than someone who has never been pregnant xx

Did they give you any advice apart from that? Can they do anything for 2nd child do you know?

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Captinplanit · 13/09/2022 19:52

My trust doesn’t fund anything at all, not even blood tests if you’ve got one already. Not sure if this varies.

Age wasn’t on our time so DH & I paid privately for investigations after 10 months of trying, blood tests and sperm. There was an issue with us, even though we had conceived easily first time.

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tingalayo · 13/09/2022 20:22

@BiscuitLover3678 yes I'm having blood tests and apparently they can organise sperm analysis. I imagine anything after that will be a huge waiting list so we'll probably go private if still no success. Also I don't think they do IVF on the NHS if it's for a second child.
@Captinplanit that's interesting, what issue did they find if you don't mind me asking? X

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BiscuitLover3678 · 14/09/2022 14:58

Captinplanit · 13/09/2022 19:52

My trust doesn’t fund anything at all, not even blood tests if you’ve got one already. Not sure if this varies.

Age wasn’t on our time so DH & I paid privately for investigations after 10 months of trying, blood tests and sperm. There was an issue with us, even though we had conceived easily first time.

Can you remember how much this cost roughly? And what your options have been?
thanks for your input!

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BiscuitLover3678 · 14/09/2022 14:59

tingalayo · 13/09/2022 20:22

@BiscuitLover3678 yes I'm having blood tests and apparently they can organise sperm analysis. I imagine anything after that will be a huge waiting list so we'll probably go private if still no success. Also I don't think they do IVF on the NHS if it's for a second child.
@Captinplanit that's interesting, what issue did they find if you don't mind me asking? X

Ok I’m going to try and speak to the gp, but I keep putting it off. Denial perhaps :(

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Captinplanit · 14/09/2022 15:32

@BiscuitLover3678

Sorry, missed the notifications.

We paid privately around £400 for all the tests I think. They found my DH sperm were a bit crap. He was able to make some lifestyle changes and we did conceive about a year later. We decided against IVF/ICSI, which were highly recommended. The clinic seemed very keen to go down that route rather than help DH with his sperm 💰💰

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BiscuitLover3678 · 14/09/2022 19:02

Captinplanit · 14/09/2022 15:32

@BiscuitLover3678

Sorry, missed the notifications.

We paid privately around £400 for all the tests I think. They found my DH sperm were a bit crap. He was able to make some lifestyle changes and we did conceive about a year later. We decided against IVF/ICSI, which were highly recommended. The clinic seemed very keen to go down that route rather than help DH with his sperm 💰💰

That’s really helpful to know, thank you so much. I wonder if it my be similar for DH atm and I do wonder what the advice is! I’m starting to see this as more of a journey now and life needs to not stop.

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tingalayo · 15/09/2022 15:38

@BiscuitLover3678 how old is your little one? Mine's coming up to 4 and I'm really working on trying to make myself feel okay about a much bigger gap than I anticipated x

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BiscuitLover3678 · 15/09/2022 15:46

tingalayo · 15/09/2022 15:38

@BiscuitLover3678 how old is your little one? Mine's coming up to 4 and I'm really working on trying to make myself feel okay about a much bigger gap than I anticipated x

3 so not so bad really just not what we wanted and I’m worried we still have a while to go. We also potentially wanted 3. How long have you been trying?

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Whatsthepointofmosquitos · 15/09/2022 15:53

OP the NHS are useless for secondary infertility. They wasted 2 yrs of my time with delays and referrals and clomid and then shrugged and said “we don’t fund IVF if you have a child already, you’ll need private.”

My strong advice to you is forget the GP and NHS. Decide whether or not you can throw money at the problem. If not, start finding ways to accept the situation and move on. I feel bad saying that like its easy, it took me many years. If you can throw money at the problem, then yourself to a private fertility clinic, ideally ARGC or the Lister, get the tests done on both of you and take their advice about what next.

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MrsCristianoX · 17/09/2022 23:09

@BiscuitLover3678 I'm still ttc too lovely so we all haven't left. I find it hard posting on threads now though. Had 2 chemicals since my miscarriage and it's soul destroying 😢

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BiscuitLover3678 · 18/09/2022 21:10

MrsCristianoX · 17/09/2022 23:09

@BiscuitLover3678 I'm still ttc too lovely so we all haven't left. I find it hard posting on threads now though. Had 2 chemicals since my miscarriage and it's soul destroying 😢

Oh I wondered what had happened to you! I’ve gone quiet on them too. I hope you’re ok. ❤️

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MrsCristianoX · 18/09/2022 21:36

@BiscuitLover3678 I'm good..I had a bit of a meltdown last week and totally deleted mumsnet (my user name is slightly different) but CD10/11 today and got a high OPK reading today. DTD last night. 2 days ago I could barely see a line on the OPK. I think now I've just no expectation and will wait until im late to test. Early testing is soul destroying, twice I've watched it fade away😢

Hope all is well with you, where are you in your cycle? Xx

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BiscuitLover3678 · 18/09/2022 21:48

MrsCristianoX · 18/09/2022 21:36

@BiscuitLover3678 I'm good..I had a bit of a meltdown last week and totally deleted mumsnet (my user name is slightly different) but CD10/11 today and got a high OPK reading today. DTD last night. 2 days ago I could barely see a line on the OPK. I think now I've just no expectation and will wait until im late to test. Early testing is soul destroying, twice I've watched it fade away😢

Hope all is well with you, where are you in your cycle? Xx

I’m so sorry, it sounds so heartbreaking that you’ve had so many chemicals too :(

im ok thanks, just up and down. Had sort of given up and am keeping really busy and trying to enjoy current life.

im actually due Af any day!

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BiscuitLover3678 · 18/09/2022 21:48

I’m on day 28 and actually scared to test as don’t want another negative!

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MrsCristianoX · 18/09/2022 22:23

@BiscuitLover3678 oh wow!! This might be it❤️ I literally just think my eggs are f**ked

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Mummyme87 · 19/09/2022 06:45

@MrsCristianoX @BiscuitLover3678 also still around, on cycle 12, 10dpo. It is utterly heart breaking prolonged lengths of ttc. I’ve had bloods and scan from gp and all seem okay, progesterone a bit up and down but it does rise. She said she would refer to fertility services after 12m but obvs wouldn’t get ivf due to two children

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BiscuitLover3678 · 19/09/2022 06:53

AF came :(

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BiscuitLover3678 · 19/09/2022 06:53

Mummyme87 · 19/09/2022 06:45

@MrsCristianoX @BiscuitLover3678 also still around, on cycle 12, 10dpo. It is utterly heart breaking prolonged lengths of ttc. I’ve had bloods and scan from gp and all seem okay, progesterone a bit up and down but it does rise. She said she would refer to fertility services after 12m but obvs wouldn’t get ivf due to two children

❤️

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MrsCristianoX · 19/09/2022 10:06

@BiscuitLover3678 you are so young too I'd maybe go to the gp and get initial bloods taken, sorry for another sodding AF

@Mummyme87 i do watch the ttc threads and saw you blamed yourself for considering abortion before an ectopic. I did have one about 15 years ago so I think it's very much karma for me. 😢

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BiscuitLover3678 · 20/09/2022 19:00

MrsCristianoX · 19/09/2022 10:06

@BiscuitLover3678 you are so young too I'd maybe go to the gp and get initial bloods taken, sorry for another sodding AF

@Mummyme87 i do watch the ttc threads and saw you blamed yourself for considering abortion before an ectopic. I did have one about 15 years ago so I think it's very much karma for me. 😢

It’s not karma ❤️ honestly I’ve known people have lots of abortion when young and now have all the kids they want and happy. I’ve also never had one and still not getting pregnant somehow!

Dont blame yourself! Do you think you will get checked out too or I guess you don’t need to as are getting pregnant? Or could there be something to help with miscarriages?

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Essexgirlupnorth · 20/09/2022 19:32

6th months if over 35 or 12 months if under 35 in my area. Will check if female partner is ovulation and check male fertility. Will give you clomid but not much else if you already have a child.

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