Is this a line?

[MissParis]

It’s stronger in real life tho still very faint. According to Flo (which isn’t 100 percent accurate obviously) I’m 12dpo 3/4 days til period. Had loads of things happen this month that have been out of the ordinary for my cycle. Sorry for bombardment of pics I’m scared to death and couldn’t get it to look like it does in real life. Tho still faint in real life. Did with fmu but still early to test I think as haven’t missed period. I don’t know. Anyway does anyone else see a line? Can anyone please do that messing with the contrast thing you guys are so good at for me please? Thanks in advance

But he will not hurt my baby. He fucking won’t.

@beebopper6
Yes- I didn’t want to say the whole thing I was so embarrassed and also hadn’t spoken to anyone til tonight which felt empowering to have it just be confirmed what I already knew.

@Hatscats

Oh he’s not going on the birth certificate. I think I will tell him I am having an abortion and when I leave and have my baby he won’t be on there and won’t ever know.

@ER20
Thank you for your kind words. I don’t feel very precious right now. But my baby is. And I will feel precious and confident again soon when I get away

@AnuSTart
I know it seems such an obvious solution but I have no home. But I am working to get to a refuge and the lady told me some very helpful legal type phrases to get me on the priority for housing. I have been waiting all year for housing. So I will be doing that too. Something about a part 7 application or something. I have it written down.

@MillieKitty

Not really, I mean I don’t have much by way of support. I have acquaintances. I’m stuck at the moment. I’m so stupid

I haven’t eaten or slept. I feel sick. I don’t want to drink water cos then ill have to go to the bathroom and I don’t want to be near him or encounter him- he does that sneaky weird thing a lot the past few days, “jokey”. Making me jump. It all makes me feel sick. I feel stuck to the bed

Which is a very hard painful camp bed. My back and hips hurt so much and especially cos I have to sleep in that side position which hurts. I keep getting visions of him coming in and punching my belly or something but I think that’s maybe over the top anxiety. But he’s escalated so fast since the pregnancy that who knows what he’s capable of. And I’m sick of hearing about pakis and rag heads and how he’s not buying that wine in Aldi cos he hates Africans. My ex husband is Tunisian. Muslim. Oh how he hates them too. I’m sick of hearing it all the time. Or calling women stupid slags in the car with his road rage. I’m sick of him. I wasn’t brought up in the best environment to say the LEAST. But I wasn’t brought up to speak or think like that about people. He talks about making a terrorist attack on the job centre “joking” and other stuff like that. It’s vile. All of it. It’s vile

I can’t have my baby around a father talking like that. I can’t. I need to do this in a way that he never knows the baby even exists.

Oh please, please leave. As soon as you possibly can.

@OrlandointheWilderness

I will be. Trust me. I’m not the same person I was when I stayed in abusive relationships in the past. I’m not scared anymore of being alone or losing the abuser or any of that back and to stuff I used to do, and many women do til they finally leave. I really want to actually leave. I’m so scared. I just managed to make a peppermint tea for my tummy and have a pee and was terrified the whole time he would creep about again. He didn’t though. He must be asleep.

Its just a matter of I have literally nowhere to go. So I need to ring the refuge place when it’s safe to do that. The lady explained everything I need to do. For now I need to act normal like she said and hang tight and be careful. She said the refuge will have support and other women in the same position and things like that and I so desperately need support and peers. I’m so lonely.

My baby won’t turn out like him will it? He won’t be around for it, but what about genes? Does it work like that? It’s incredible how naive and stupid you can be at 35 when you have no mother or any parental figures teaching you this stuff or modelling it. I know practically nothing.

But I know one thing. I can do this on my own. And my baby will be tough like his or her mum is. He hasn’t beaten me. Given me a dent sure. But beat? Ha. I have gone up against worse trauma than he could think up in a million years. I’m just in a sticky scary spot right now. I’m so worried I’ll lose my baby cos of stress though. I will never forgive myself. Ever.

These were the same urine dip! Congratulations

Just read through, I hope you are ok x

I had a baby on my own. Her 'dad' has never had anything to do with her. She is the complete opposite of him, raise your child well and the vile things in him won't ever reflect on them. Things like racism and sexism and hate of other people are learned behaviour, not innate. No child ever demonstrates it of their own accord because people start off as amazing, kind, loving things. It's what we put in them that forms who they become with regards to that. Put in love and kindness and that's what your child will be.

And congratulations!

@krj260888

oh bless you, thank you. Maybe I should start a new thread to avoid people reading to the ugly part. I’m waiting a few more days for the last expensive one and one more cheapie. Keep one cheapie for just Incase. But yeah, no period lots of lines! Period definitely late! Definitely a baby ❤️ Are those your tests? How odd are those cheapies! My lines have all faded now 🥴😂

@OrlandointheWilderness

Thank you so much. That made me tear up ❤️

Well I managed to eat two disgusting rice cakes so that’s something. I knew today they would come in handy cos I hate them but I needed something in my tummy I haven’t eaten since yesterday. Which feels like two days cos I haven’t slept either. Some water and a peppermint tea perhaps I might sleep then. I get shaky when I don’t eat. My head hurts so bad 🤦‍♀️ But I can do this 🙏

Well I’m now making some spaghetti hoops. My food of choice lately along with pickled beetroots. I’m scared to death he will sneak or come out getting pissed off that I woke him opening up the doors now and then like he did before because of course I MUST be silent all day for his lordship and never pee or move 🙄 but I know you’re all with me in spirit which helps a great deal. I need to eat. I get soooooo bad anxiety and shaky and head foggy and can’t sleep when I don’t eat this long. It feels vile. So I must. You’re all here with me in spirit. That’s getting me through 🙏

I’m so shaky and need energy now more than ever. I’ll eat these and then sleep. It’s the not eating that stops me sleeping even when I’m exhausted beyond even fear

It's probably the adrenaline because you don't feel safe. It'll keep you ready to run even when you are exhausted, but producing large amounts of it means that you will feel exhausted because your body is not in homeostasis. You are all out of balance and kilter and you won't rest properly until you are safe. But yes, you definitely need to eat!

Wow well I ate those so fast I shocked myself. Ate them like a. Well. A starving pregnant lady with a big battle ahead that I need my strength for! I thought I would struggle and have to force it. I’m now onto a small yoghurt. (The ones he always tries to force me not to buy from Aldi cos they’re “expensive” - with my own money and it’s my only treat. I don’t drink even pre pregnancy. Don’t party. Don’t do much of anything. I read and watch documentaries. Visit my various mental health teams. This is my literal only treat and I will not cave on that. 79p for this small one. And 1.79 for the massive one. I get three or four of each. Hardly breaking the bank. MY fucking bank. So I’m gonna eat one of the smaller ones. And thank you guys. And sleep. Suddenly getting rather sleepy now! Which is handy. If I sleep most of the day I can avoid him til he goes to his night shift. Unless he pesters me. Which is likely. But it won’t be for long. Then I’ll have all night to myself. I live for those nights. I can watch what I want without hearing “that shit again” EVERY- SINGLE - TIME 🤦‍♀️ It’s not like it’s even bothering him- I watch buffy re runs while he sleeps on my phone. He makes me feel small over even that. Wanker.

Oh he is clearly a twat if he doesn't like Buffy! 😂 😂

@OrlandointheWilderness

oh thank you for finding the words I was trying to find to explain! Yes exactly that. Every noise or slight movement it’s horrible. But so tired that it feels like fog and adrenaline at the same time. It’s awful. But I have had two rice cakes that I bought today that are gross but somehow knew I would need them. Then my currently much loved tin of spaghetti hoops. Now my small treat yoghurt. Not ready for the big bad boy size yet haha but this small one will get sugar in me. God this typing into the ether/to you guys is so cathartic and so nice. The lady on the phone told me what he does with the painful boob groping and thrusting hard at my backside and stuff is sexual assault. I thought cos I push him away and “laugh” then it’s my fault surely? Apart from when I was doing the dishes and he did it so hard I had to tell him and push him off in distress cos my abdomen was ramming into the counter so hard. The lady said that’s dangerous. I’m scared now every cramp I get or bit of pink spotting

@OrlandointheWilderness

I know right! What kind of monster! 😂 Buffy kicks ASS! Literally too!

Thank you so much. ❤️ I don’t feel so alone anymore. You’ll never know what that means. Or maybe you do, we are after all strangers! I don’t know your story. But I thank you all the same xx

Checking baby is still there and also that my hcg is rising. I’m shocked at how much stronger and darker and pinker this line is! A few more days and I’ll do the final expensive one. I’m 4+6 now.

Arsehole has been banging about for a few hours so I only got 3 hours which isn’t a lot for pregnant me after no sleep all night. He’s doing it on purpose. If I banged about like that while he was sleeping he would go fucking MENTAL. But his excuse is “well I work” (nice dig) but that’s not the point is it. The point is we all have to sleep and it’s mutual respect.

And for the kicker? He’s not due at work til tonight. He’s now gone out god knows where. And locked me inside. No word, no checking im ok, nothing. Just banging around and then locking me in the house so I can’t actually get out. And no idea where he’s gone cos it isn’t work this early. Not that I care but he could be gone hours or ten minutes. What if there is a fire?

Also noticed he now has an iron bar next to the door. It wasn’t there before. He was telling me all these home made weapons he used to have and how he needs to start having them again. But didn’t do it. Now there is a very nasty looking iron curved wrench next to the front door in the corner.

Jesus. I can’t handle this shit. Who treats a pregnant girlfriend like this? This is low for even an abuser. At least they fake it. Well he did earlier offering me food in the middle of the night sneaking about. But since then nothing. And he’s eating and enjoying 150 quids worth of my money on the Aldi shop. That’s pissing me right off cos any treats I have if I don’t get to them soon enough he eats them all and doesn’t save one thing. Not one. Selfish pig. I hate him. I told him I’m going to have an abortion. I’m gonna try and pull that off. But only when I have a refuge place. Play nice. Get the keys (I only got them once when it took an argument for him to hand them over and trust that I would wake early to let him in). Wait til he’s at work. And go. When I get a refuge. Lock the door and hide keys. Message saying abortion was successful. Block delete and never speak again. And have the sanctuary of a female only space. I have had murders moving around with men. Not in a romantic capacity even. One was a shared house the man tried to choke me so I slapped him hard. Three times for each time he went for me calling me a slag and lunatic after he had drunkenly knocked over my motorbike and not given a shit. The other a “family friend” except it was my grandads friend and that grandad is dead so no vouching. 67 year old pervert. The other places just the sheer lack of stability. I’m so done.

Im starting to feel depressed now. What’s the point?

I suppose this is the point. But I’m losing mental energy. I’m so sad. And fed up.

Gosh, hope you are okay OP and are able to get out

Ohh bloody good lines!
One day soon you will be free of him. You will make a lovely home for you and your dc and you will fill it with good things. Keep an eye on the horizon, it will be here soon.
Not liking the sound of that bar.