Fertility Appointments and Beyond: Electric Boogaloo

[thislittlebird]

Hit capacity on the old thread, will tag you in!

@Anonbaby Was it much below? I think it’s only sunk in for us recently how bad DH’s motility is. We knew it was bad but his numbers seemed decent and now it feels like we need to spend time working on that and digging into if there’s a cause before our next cycle. Secondary is strange because it’s obviously worked before and then suddenly doesn’t.

No news today. Waiting for tomorrow to find out if any of them is still in the running. I’m feeling negative about it, hopefully I’ll be proven wrong.

@Tinkerbell098 it’s like they just think it’s not connected and it clearly is from the reading I’ve done online. I emailed consultant and not heard back, very annoying when you’re paying. Regretting my consultant choice tbh, he’s the medical director and seems less attentive than the last one we had there. But I can switch back if I want to for the next cycle, I guess.

I lied, he’s emailed back to say it could be the anaesthetic. Maybe it is, but I would not rule out a symptom of ohss since it’s literally listed here:

Unfortunately, hCG has a long duration of action (> 1 week), which can result in overstimulation of the ovaries. This can lead to the release of dangerous chemicals from the ovary (e.g. vascular endothelial growth factor; VEGF) that make the blood vessels in the body leaky. This can cause leakage of fluid from the blood vessels to areas which normally don’t contain fluid, such as the lungs and the abdomen. Therefore, OHSS can be associated with swelling of the abdomen, shortness of breath (due to fluid in the lungs), abnormal kidney function (due to lack of fluid in the blood vessels in the kidney) and swelling of the ovaries (which can then twist called ovarian torsion). Symptoms of OHSS can include feeling sick (nausea), vomiting, abdominal pain, abdominal swelling and breathing difficulties.

It’s like they think I don’t get enough eggs for it, which is nonsense. Women with 10 or 12 collected have definitely had it just on these boards.

@thislittlebird morphology was 2% but it was that when we conceived last time and the next test it had improved to 6% so I am aware that changes. But overall count 40mil but concentration below cut off and motility was 28% progressive. So not great but not terrible we were told. Previous tests were much higher so it’s all very strange. Either way, we weren’t conceiving when the tests were normal either so I think there’s other things going on eg my FSH maybe!

fingers crossed for tomorrow 🤞🏻

@Anonbaby yeah morphology is the least bad of the potential things that can be wrong from what I know so that’s something. It doesn’t sound like the worst sperm, probably worth looking into dna frag as well.

Not great news on the embryo front. On day 3 we’re done to three and one of those hasn’t fertilised normally. Probably have 1 left by Saturday based on averages they said, worst case none. What an absolute kicker this cycle has been. Or nhs cycle was more fruitful and I’m still not really feeling like anyone is listening to me now I’ve gone private. I’m so sick of doctors right now, I just want a good one that listens.

@thislittlebird I'm so sorry, it sucks when you don't feel heard. It doesn't sound like too bad an attrition rate from day 2 and you still have 3 embryos on day 3, so fingers crossed one or more of those bad boys makes it to blastocyst and that you're feeling well enough for a fresh transfer. I know the process is shitty on so many levels. Sending big hugs.

@thislittlebird any updates on your embabies? Hope you’re feeling better. Are you transferring today? Thinking of you X

In theory we’re transferring but it’s not good. Nothing has made it to blast, we have one morula they’re going to aim to transfer when we get there. The other two are not developing enough but they’re giving them another day.

I hate ivf. I think I’m going to resign myself to childlessness sooner rather than later, this is just the worst experience.

So I got there. They basically said these are shit, better transfer them both and hope for the best because you’re 39 and your odds of this working are slim to say the least. I mean….what a shitshow this round has been. SHITSHOW. Every stage has gone horribly.

the one that didn’t fertilise normally will probably be done for tomorrow but they’re giving it another day and will call me to let me know but I think these two transferred not-blasts are all we’ve got. Reminds me of a round @99pctpractice had. Low odds of it working.

Oh @thislittlebird I'm sorry. Yes, sounds a bit like my last round. That 5 day from ec to transfer was always a bit of a horror show for me (other than the first round), so I'm really sorry that you have had that experience this time too. But they did transfer 2, and so there is always a chance. Hoping that this time you're one of the lucky ones 🤞🤞🤞

@99pctpractice I’m worried the first was a fluke tbh. The consultant agreed this was very shit.

It’s hard to believe it’ll work, it’s hard to think it only takes one etc. The ‘good’ embryos didn’t work, not sure how to think these could. Ugh. What a bitch.

So sorry @thislittlebird x x x everything crossed for these two almost-blasts and you x x x (I cant remember if you said you'd ruled out donor eggs, but me and @99pctpractice are here if you need any advice in that area) x x x

@beckyCarlos thanks! I think the issue with us and donors is we don’t know if it’s me or him really or both. So I can’t see us doing it. I would have serious concerns that we’d get eggs and his sperm still wouldn’t work and it would be another waste of time. So it’s probably our own stuff or no kids tbh.

@thislittlebird so sorry this cycle has been a bitch. Really really rooting for these two X

@Tinkerbell098 thanks. I just really wanted to get a few embryos to feel like we had a chance. We’ll make more effort in the build up to the next cycle.

We had a weird follow up appointment at Guys today. We decided not to tell them we’d already done another cycle privately because we didn’t want them to say they couldn’t refer us on somewhere. We withheld that information, and discussed it as if it was the end of cycle 1 not 2.

It was soooo frustrating because she said to me I’m focusing on the wrong thing (the sperm) and we did really well on the first cycle to get 4, great fertilisation rate etc. Said we should transfer two each time in future because of my age. I asked for the sedation report and she said it was probably anxiety (it wasn’t!!!). Essentially we’ve done everything they would have suggested (just like the other clinic did) and ended up with this bad result. It was surreal because everything she’s saying is nonsense since we now know I didn’t respond well a second time on higher meds, we know the fertilisation rate and blast rate were poor this time, we know my asthma/breathing issue wasn’t just anxiety since it happened again. She also said have lots of sex!!!! (????) and I need to find ways to relax which I would love to do but I’m anxious af in life generally and after over 3 years of infertility I’m in a right state so relaxing doesn’t come easily. Sigh. On the plus side she referred us to an andrologist and we’ll get a second opinion on all that in the new year.

@thislittlebjrd Wait, wait, wait....did she genuinely tell you to relax and it might happen?! I dont know whether to laugh or cry!

@thislittlebird omg the infamous “just relax and have sex” comment?? From a consultant?? At least you got a referral to an andrologist, that’s something! How are you feeling otherwise? Are you still having breathing issues?

@beckyCarlos @Tinkerbell098 ikr? I’ve come home a little on the bemused side slash annoyed. I’ve just done some relaxing visualisation to try to chill because this wound me up. I said to her in response sex is pretty depressing at this stage, which it is. And how do I relax exactly? The problem hasn’t gone away.

I get she’s saying the sperm were fine for ICSI but we don’t understand why we can’t get to the bottom of why they’re not swimming, we would like a chance to conceive naturally if there’s any chance it could be improved, but maybe that’s not even possible. It makes me so annoyed no one looks into the why with sperm issues.

Breathing issues have died down now, same as last time, lasted about a week. A bit of a cough off and on but mostly back to normal.

@thislittlebird I was so surprised I missed your andrology referral 🙈 thats good! Did they give you an indication of the waiting list? It is definitely frustrating that this all focuses so much around the woman and all you get is 'poor sperm, fine, we'll do ICSI' 🙄

Hi ladies! Sorry I have been missing in action.l recently.

@thislittlebird sorry you haven't been happy with the quality of your day 5s. I really hope that one/two of the morulas implanted works it's magic. You certainly deserve a break!

Relaxing isn't bad advice... But I'm pretty sure it ain't going to get us pregnant! 🙄

How is everyone doing? I'll try and catch up on messages in the next few days x

@beckyCarlos she just said it’s quite a wait because lots of people want to see him. Hmmmm. We’ve got another one on the go with the GP, going to ask for another hospital and see which is quicker.

Male factor is infuriating because there’s not much they’ll do. But to say to me the main cause is age annoys me. All my friends conceived age 35 to 40 with no issue! So it’s not only age, is it?!

@Kay00 thanks, I hope so, but trying to keep expectations low. How are you getting on with everything?

@thislittlebird 'age' as a reason is so difficult isn't it. I'm 37 (and a half) and know women who are the same age as me who conceived twice on their first try. Whereas there are women in their early 30s who are struggling due to low AHM or egg quality. So I think the picture is more complicated. We will all reach a point where 'age' is a main factor in our infertility (although really it's about DOR or reduced egg quality), but that 'age' hits some of us sooner than others.

Perhaps really it's unfair to blame it on age? But our ovarian reserves and egg quality aren't getting better with age I suppose. For me egg quality is my problem... I suspect if I'd started trying in my early 20s (which is when all the other women in my family had kids) then I wouldn't have a problem.

On that cheerful note 😂 ...

I had my baseline scan on Thursday 1st Dec and all is looking good, I have AFC of 13 one side and 19 on the other and my lining was thin enough.

I started stims last night with 150 Meriofert

@Kay00 glad to hear you’ve started again. Let me know how you get on with meriofert. I’m thinking of asking to try it next time.

The age thing has really thrown me. I thought we’d be ok, we started this when I was 36. It doesn’t make sense to me that I’ve had zero good eggs in over 3 years. Egg quality might be my issue too, but the motility issue is the initial cause imo. And whatever immune shit I might have ongoing. I just feel like the unluckiest fucker at the moment.

I’ve had a real hard time this cycle. Devastated and can’t stop crying tbh. Not even by the outcome, I just knew it would not work. Those sperm were a bad batch and my eggs were few. I’m upset by the constant failure, the 2 rounds and 5 embryos in and nothing but a chemical to show for it. Being told at the start we had a great chance because supposedly high AMH. The no chance of conceiving naturally like other people do. My stupid decision to jump straight into another cycle and not consider dh had just had a wisdom tooth infection and fever. I feel like an idiot who needs to get over wanting a family. I don’t have one of my own really, we’re all very distant, or they’re dead. I wanted one with dh and now that prospect feels like it’s slipping away and it’s so isolating. Not sure how I’ll get through the next few months really, where we go back to depressing natural conception while we try to improve our odds with diet, exercise, supplements. Again.

@kay00 yey for stims! How are you feeling so far? No women in my family have had issues concieving 'older', I'm just special (and was 'only 32' when we started trying). Biology sucks doesnt it!

@thislittlebird I'm so sorry youre feeling like this. This really is the cruelest of journeys. I know its not much, and defintiely doesnt 'do' anything, but I'm thinking about you and sending you lots of love x x x

My mum had me at 40 and my sister had her 3rd at 41, so it is definitely not just "age".....

@Kay00 exciting to have started stims - sounds like a great starting baseline too!

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time of it @thislittlebird - there are so many "what if"s with this process and the main problem seems to be that no one has a clue and the science is really just a whole load of guesswork unless they have something really definitive to point to so it's really hard to know what might have made a difference. Try not to blame yourself, it can just be fluctuations in your cycle that impact the no of eggs, which you have no control over. I know it's really hard to drum up the enthusiasm to go again but try to think of the last two cycles as data acquisition : you know more now than you knew when you started the process and you can use that to advocate for yourself and to put yourself in the best possible position for it to happen for you. Sending lots of hugs xxx

@thislittlebird :-( please don't beat yourself up. It is soul crushing process and you have had some disappointing outcomes. I only got 1 x blast from my first round, and I'm bracing myself for zero blasts this time.

For some reason the consultant has changed our protocol to be exactly the same as the first round, so I'm not expecting a spectacular ok improvement in the results. If I get similar/worse then I'll be saving for a new round, with a new clinic. Onwards and upwards x