MC avengers, still eating cake, 2008 WILL BE OUR YEAR!

[ronshar]

Hey ladies I have been brave and started new thread.
Aquababe will not have to look at her thread opener again.

Woose - good luck for tomorrow hun, everythings crossed for you and hopefully you'll be back with good news.
Sticky thoughts winging your way x

Hello ladies. Well, I'm in limbo land waiting for the results of this morning's blood test. Should get them some time after 5. Not holding out much hope though, although I know I'll be devastated anyway. Pretty sure it will show that the hcg's started to fall as it did before. I remember someone else saying a while ago that you don't realise you've still been clinging on to a tiny bit of hope til its taken away.

Going to push for a referral asap, and I know I'm lucky to be being referred after "only" 2, but I don't feel very lucky at the moment!

Found out on friday that someone I work for is expecting a baby at the end of august. Apparently they had a scare at 6 weeks, lots of bleeding, but turns out it was twins, they lost one but the other's fine. They've not been together long and both have children already and there are lots of reasons why they shouldn't be having a baby, although they're thrilled that they are. I know they've still lost one but IT JUST SEEMS SO UNFAIR. I know life isn't fair and noone ever said it was blah blah blah, but surely there should be a limit to how much people are supposed to have to cope with? Now I'll know babies due around both my due dates.

People keep telling me what wonderful parents DH and I will make, one of my close friends (have only told 2 of them) tried to cheer me up by reminding me how many babies there are in the world who need good homes, but I don't want A baby, I want OUR baby. Besides, DH is nearly 37 and I think that makes him too old to adopt in this country anyway?

He's told his sister and his best friend, both of whom said they couldn't believe we'd even though about trying again so soon after the mc. Made me feel like they're implying it's somehow my fault, which I know is silly. I'm really glad we tried again so soon though as if this is always going to be a problem for us surely the sooner we can start looking for solutions to it the better chance we have of one day having a successful pg. From what I understand it sounds like it will have to be something of a war of attrition, we keep trying and trying until one goes right.

Sorry for the ridiculously long post. Can you tell I haven't really told anyone in RL?! Needed to vent.

Welcome fandango and woose, wishing you both happy endings as soon as possible!

Ronshar:I found out about my pregnancy on Friday too. How are things going for you at the mo? The days are going so slowly. I thought I would tell you all about my testing nightmare in Tesco. It might make you laugh!! I never thought I was pregnant.DH and I only really BD at what I thought was wrong time last month. AF was 1 week late, but thought nothing of it because been all over the place since mc. On a whim I popped into Tesco to buy cheapy test. The queues were massive so I was directed to the self service thing. All went fine I thought!. Because I needed the loo I thought I would just do the test in the Tesco toilet (wrong decision). The test still had one of those security tags on and the alarms went off as I went to the loo. The security gaurds came up to me and I had to show them what was in my bag. Also, I forgot to pick up receipt, so they had to wade through the bin to find it! Eventually found it and believed I wasn't a thief! I had to go and get tag removed. So awful!! I went to the loo anyway and got BFP straight away. Shocked I left the loo, and security gaurd said 'are you alright?' I just mumbled and ran for my life!!

Woose - that so made me LOL! The sort of thing that would happen to me.
Kate
I'm so glad you can rant and rave on here, and I hope you feel better now you have. It does make you so mad and as I've said on previous posts I work with underprivileged people and see many drug addicts, socially deprived pg women daily and they have no problems popping babies out like peas!

Will keep everything crossed for you later as well, you will never give up hope until the last minute it's only natural. Nothing I can say will make you feel better about yourself but can I just say we've started BD'ing and it's only 2 wks since my ERPC, what will happen will happen or not don't beat yourself up about it no-one knows when your ready apart from you. Grrr people make me so angry when they are so insensitive!!!

Sorry in advance for what will be a 'me' post. Am waiting to test at the moment, but this morning my temp was down. I'm 99.9% sure AF is about to start. Thing is, I thought I would be more pragmatic about it like usual - but I'm absolutely devastated. Can't stop crying. It's like the m/c feelings have all come back in full force, which is weird.

Can anyone relate to this? DH is trying to be sweet but is just being 'practical' - which isn't what I need at the moment. I know he's right, but I need some empathy

Verso Sorry to hear you're feeling down. I completely understand how you feel. I really thought this month was going to be my month and then AF arrived on Saturday and I just felt so disappointed. The sight of the blood reminded me of the mc and I found it really difficult to deal with this month for some reason. I don't know why it should be worse than previous months - possibly because time is marching on and I thought I'd be pg again by now. I think these feelings are normal though so don't worry. Men want to fix everything and often don't understand that we just want to talk. Your DH also doesn't like seeing you upset and wants to make it better somehow. At the weekend mine kept saying "Don't worry, we'll keep trying, it's not the end of the world"... Except I felt like it was. I feel a bit more upbeat now and hopefully you will soon as well. And who knows, perhaps AF won't arrive... Fingers crossed for you and take care.

Verso - don't apologise for the "me" post, we all need to do it. Like CriCri said men are more practical, women are more emotional therefore it's hard for them to understand us and vica versa, bless them. I haven't had my first AF yet since my m/c still early days so can't relate but I have to say that I am secretly dreading it as it will make it all final if that makes sense? I hope you feel better later on today, eat cake or chocolate, sending some to CriCri too

I've bought a digital thermometer yesterday so I can chart my temp as everyone on MN seems so in tune with their cycle. When we started TTC I decided we'd leave it to chance, after a year I went on one of those ovulation websites, still nothing, then I started doing the dip tests, I never pinpointed my ovulation. But after m/c I feel more determined so thought this should help me but don't want to get obsessed

Verso and Cricri I am sending you virtual hugs. I had a very bad day yesterday, as I went to John Lewis and had to walk through the department with all the prams and things in. Made me feel so empty.

Kate I am thinking of you. Fandango hope you're ok too.

Woose that's a funny story with a happy ending. Congtrats too.

molliemooma I am tempted to temp as well but it seems so very complicated, although I like the idea of knowing more about my cycle. I think I might try and BD frequently through the potential fertile window (DH is thrilled) once AF arrives. I wish that she would hurry up, although I think will be a while as I am still getting very faint bfp's so there must still be some hcg in my system. I assume I won't ovulate until that all disappears.

Had my scan yesterday. A truly awful day. Managed to start crying as I was confirming my date of birth with the receptionist then again at the scan which confirmed a MC. The night before I really started miscarrying and passed lots of blood and about 30 big clots/bits of tissue. It was horrible and I wasn't expecting it. As a result I was a bit of a mess at the scan. The MC was incomplete so they decided to admit me and give me pesseries (?) to speed things up and make sure I was cleared out. I only got out at 9pm! Hell of a day.
I have a follow up scan on the 7th Feb (my DDs first birthday). Hope everything has gone and we will start trying again.

Feeling quite empty today. Had to tell work and I'm taking the rest of the week off. I'm not longer putting work first I'm afraid.

Bleeding how slowed down now. I feel knackered.

Hoping to start to feel better next week.........

Hope you are all well ladies

Hackney sorry you had such a bad day yesterday and Fandango, I think I'd better go and buy a very large chocolate cake to pass round!
Fandango - I've decided the same, work is no longer my priority, I've turned down the chance of promotion as it means travelling 20 miles a day, which I could do now but don't want to after I've hopefully got pg again and rtd to work after m/leave. If your work is like mine, only a few people really care, everyone else doesn't really appreciate it if you work your socks off or not, or what your going through, so stuff them, put yourself first chick x

kate any news about your tests? xx
fandango I can't tell you how much I feel for you xx {{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}} to you honey.
hope the rest of you girls are feeling a little better today, women really do suffer one way or another, love to you allxx

oh fandango how horrid many hugs to you

hackeybird and verso too

I live next a retail park with Mothercare World baby Gap etc, it is inevitable to bump into bumps and babies when just popping out for milk, it can be hard.

regarding men, when we lost our 2nd at 12wks dh burst into tears in the scan room. while I was pg with dd he was very reserved until well after the 20wk mark.
on this last mc he has been very supportive but has not talked about it at all, which is fine with me because I know if I need to talk he will listen. but he is reluctant to try again, even normal BD has only just got back on track (sorry tmi)

hugs to all

Oh Fandango. I am really sorry. What a horrible day for you.
Woose, what an excellent story. I probably shouldnt laugh but you know sometimes it is all that keeps you sane.

Kate do you have you test yet??? Be firm with GP about referral. You shouldnt MC with same problem twice and then get told you need to do it again before they will treat you. Stick to your guns.

Fandango So sorry to hear about your experiences yesterday and over the w/e. It will take a while to get over the mc physically so it's good that you've taken the rest of the week off work. Take it easy and get lots of rest.
Molliemooma Thanks for the cake and chocolate
Sorry so many of us are feeling down at the moment. Hackneybird & Sfxmum I know what you mean about prams and stuff - they seem to be everywhere! I guess they always were, it's just that I notice them more now.
I went for my acupuncture session at lunchtime today and the therapist really is a lovely lady. She totally understood my disappointment about AF coming at the weekend and was just genuinely sympathetic. She suggested I try temping to get an idea of when I ov. I'm not sure - I often have to get up to go to the loo in the night and I thought that affected temping? I might try the OPKs instead. Anyway, my next acupuncture session is in 2 weeks, just before what I've worked out should be the time I ov, and then another session the week after. Fingers crossed after that!
Kate How are you doing today?

Fandango I am so sorry about what has happened. Take care of yourself.

I had my scan at the EPU today. It was a bit confusing really. I thought I was about 6 weeks, then when they scanned me they said there was a small sack there, which is at least something, but it is only 4 weeks 2 days it was 12mm but no heartbeat or anything. This makes me think that the embryo has stopped growing and that the mc will start soon. What do you think this means? I was examined by the doctor too and she said that the pain I have been having on the left side does not seem to suggest an ectopic which is good. She didn't seem to think it was related, but I know I had this exact same pain before I had the mc last time so still not hopeful.

I told my DH in the end. He was okay about it. Like most other men he tried to be all practical and annoyingly positive. I just find it difficult to feel that way at the moment. He came with me to the scan which was nice. I think he was paranoid that one of his work colleagues would see him though

Woose - glad to hear your DH pulled through in the end! Have they booked you in for another scan? It could be that your dates are wrong, let's hope so, try to be positive x

Yes, I have been booked in for another scan next Friday, so I guess i will know for sure then
x

Fandango I am so sorry you went through that. As Cricri says taking the rest of the week off is a good idea - it really does take it out of you. It is hard with a child, but try to take it easy for a good couple of weeks. I had mine over 2 weeks ago and my DH says the colour has only just returned to my cheeks.

Woose I am sorry you are going to have to wait for another scan to see what is happening. Fingers crossed your dates are wrong.

Woose are your cycles normally regular? Also I would have thought that after two weeks of not growing there wouldn't be much definition of the sac ect. So that is a good sign surely. What did the Sonographer seem like to you. They never give false hope.

Woose - I'm really keeping my fingers crossed for you. It sounds promising. Take care.

Does anyone know how soon after the bleeding has stopped that you become fertile again? I know it sounds hasty but I really want to get pregnant again as soon as possible. Don't see the point in waiting really.

Fandango it took 30 days till I had a proper AF and even after that my hormones were really weird. Having said that my sister in law fell in the first month after her miscarriage. Everyone is different.. Sorry, I know how burning that need to be pregnant again is.

It is nice to know you all have your fingers crossed for me. I think this will be a long week. I shall try and fill the week with lots to take my mind off things. The sonographer seemed ok. She didn't make me feel there was no hope or anything, although I did ask her if she thought things had stopped growing and she just said we needed to measure again in a week.

Before I had mc in Oct, I was really regular, exactly 28 days. Then I had a 28 day cycle the month after but then the following month it was 38 days. So, if this last cycle was also 38 days then it could be accurate, but i don't want to get false hope.

Fandango I think you can be fertile straight away after. I am sure I have read that. I guess that it is up to the individual as to when they feel ready. When I spoke to the midwife after mine she said to wait one month and then I could start trying again. Take it easy, am thinking of you. xx

Thanks for all your lovely posts, everyone. There's a slim chance all may not yet be lost... but I'm resisting testing (so far) as I don't want bad news!

Morning all, thank you for your kind wishes. Update from ME ME ME land: Monday's bloods showed that the hcg had risen from 8800 to 11000 which is inconclusive. Not enough for it to look like a viable pg but too much for them to say it's def all over and send me for an erpc. The progesterone is now really high because of the cyclogest so at least I know that's getting through. Just been for another blood test (5th in 2 weeks) and should get the results tonight. Not expecting good news but really I just hope it's conclusive either way. Had a couple of brown 'wipes' monday and yesterday which is exactly what happened last time so really I know it's all over.
Am just scared about how many times we may have to go through this before we have a baby. Ronshar, you're right, I'm going to push for a referral and if GP says no we'll just have to find a way to afford it privately. I suspect my parents will offer to help if it comes to that. It may be that there is nothing more that can be done other than taking the progesterone supplement as soon as I get a bfp but I'd like so hear that from someone who should really know. Have been looking on the internet and a lot of the progesterone deficiency stuff seems to be linked to luteal phase defects, but I'm pretty sure my luteal phase is 13-14 days so I don't think that's me. Also, given the fact that one of the functions of progesterone is to build up the lining etc wouldn't you think a progesterone defect would lead to mc's where you just start bleeding rather than missed mc's which is what I appear to have?
Sorry for the long post....

fandango so sorry to hear of your awful day, I hope you can take some time for yourself. I have never mc'd naturally and I hate the thought of it, just feels like it's too much to expect us to cope with. You will though, I think we all amaze ourselves what we can actually get through when we have to. Sending {{{hugs}}}

woose praying for a positive result for you. How sure are you of your dates? I'm afraid your scan sounds very similar to the first scan I had last time, was measuring between 4.5 and 5 weeks when I should have been about 7.5, but sadly I knew there was no way my dates could be that far out. Really hoping for a better outcome for you. In some ways the waiting is the worst bit. Sending {{{hugs}}} to you too, I'm so glad your DH came through for you in the end.

To anyone who's considering temping, I would def recommend it. I would never have conceived this month if I hadn't been temping and entering my temps into Fertility Friend, it told me I didn't OV til day 25 and I think we would def have given up by then if I hadn't known my temp still hadn't risen. Obviously my current pg isn't the best advert for anything, but if there's an underlaying (sp?) problem then as far as I can see, the sooner we know about it the better. I just bought the kit from Boots, about £13 and I found I had to take my temp vaginally () as I tend to breathe through my mouth () which I found skewed the results if I took it orally. It wasn't complicated, took a bit of hiding from DH though, he knew I was temping so fine for him to hear the beep, just didn't feel there was any need for him to know exactly how I has taking it Thank goodness for the dark mornings

longest post in the world ever