MC avengers, still eating cake, 2008 WILL BE OUR YEAR!

[ronshar]

Hey ladies I have been brave and started new thread.
Aquababe will not have to look at her thread opener again.

.. mean the pg isn't so real for them.I remember when I was pg with dd, when dp came to the scan at 14 weeks, he said "wow it's actually a baby" in the most astonished tone of voice - until that point it just wasn't real

Hi Fandango, nice to 'meet' you, although sorry you had to come over.

You are not rambling either, that is why we are all here - it really helps to vocalise, or just hang out with people who understand.

I'm going through the angry 'it's just not bloody fair' phase at the moment. My DH has been incredible, but I think finding it easier to move on and even seems quite cheerful, whilst I vary between feeling 'ok' and wanting to cry my eyes out. But then men don't have the hormonal changes top contend with. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed I think I'm going to lose it, but I know I won't.

Really looking forward to my first AF so that we can start trying again.

Lilypink am also thinking of you and keeping fingers crossed.

woose def get your gp to refer you to epu tomorrow. If you are not quite 6 weeks then slightly adjust your dates so you are - my epu won't see anyone till they are 6 weeks.] So I pretended I was a couple of days on (naughty me )

They should offer you a scan - and may have to do an internal one as you are still early.

I don't know if it as any help, but I posted a message on friday as I could not beleive that I had seen a heartbeat on my scan - the only reason I had gone was to confirm that I was mc again. My symtpoms were EXACTLY the same as my previous 2 mc and nothing like the pg I had with DD - but everything was just fine!! I am still at my wits end because I am bleeding still - but then I was bleeding when they scanned so I have to be a bit positive.

fandango glad you found us x
splish I am being scanned in 2 weeks, but if the bleeding gets heavier this week I will ask for scan to be brought forwad. The spotting seems to have got less throughout the day, fingers crossed...

Woose - i am sorry you are feeling so sad. I felt very similar throughout the first 12 weeks of this pregnancy. It just reminded me of the last time when i miscarried (especially as i had bleeding). It was almost a post traumatic feeling and instead of being happy i was pregnant i just felt sad about the last mc and worried that it could happen again.

I got through it by speaking to my doctor and midwife who were understanding. you could also try the miscarriage association - they have people you can phone up and talk to who have also experienced a mc.

Sorry havent read all the other posts but hope you are all well xx

Hijack alert- just wanted to say Hooray Hooray Hooray for Ronshar and flumpy. Great great great news....
sorry. Thanks!

PS- continuing to send you all baby dust and positive thoughts...

Hi everyone,
thanks cricri and sfxmum and everyone for positive vibes, and thoughts. It helps so much to realise that you are not alone, and so many other people are going through the ups and downs. You do end up feeling like a complete fruit loop some days! I dont even think the word obsessed is strong enough to describe what wanting to be pregnant feels like! I have lost count of the amount of people that have told me to relax and try not to think about it! I know they are trying to help, but its still frustrating!
Sending positive thoughts to everyone xxx

I didn't know whether to post this or not, but I thought seeing that all of us would do anything to try and avoid future mc I would.

It follows on really from the recent reports that pg women should not have more than 2 cups of tea or coffee a day. When I heard this I thought oh here we go again more 'don't do this don't do this etc..' But a friend was told by her consultant (she had been referred for recurrent mc) to avoid caffinee altogether. When I heard this I was quite shocked - maybe there is something in it after all??

Anyway, I will be avoiding caffine too now (which includes chocolate ) until I am over the 12 week mark. I mean I don't drink much tea etc anyway - about 1-2 cups a day - but when I add up the chocolate and odd can of coke....

I just thought I would share this, I don't want to scaremonger so I will leave you all to make your own minds up. Makes you think though?!

my DH said the same thing and i told him to shush! But... as you are saying the same thing i will take notice now! (ill have to put up with a smug smirk from him for a bit!)LOL! thought he was just doing the usual wrapping me in cotton wool...

anyone seen any caffeine free chocolate? LOL

I'm still bleeding badly and just passed a large lump of tissue (grim). I guess thats normal?? Sort of confirmed everything for me really. Not looking forward to the scan tomorrow. How long will this bleeding and pain carry on for - does anyone know??
I'm still in some pain but trying to look the future and getting pregnant again. If I didn't have DD I don't think I would be handling this half as well.

So nice to be surrounded by people who have gone through or are going through the same thing - just to talk through fears, worries and future plans.

Thanks so much for the welcome everyone - it means a lot.

fandango so sorry for what you are going thro, and yes it does seem about right what you are experiencing. I think I am right in saying you are about 8 weeks? I should imagine your heavy bleeding will last about 3 days and then tail off - rather like af. If you are having cramps - then take some painkillers to help. Make sure you go to your scan tomorrow though - it will be hard but you need to make sure that physically you are ok. I am glad you are finding some help from this thread - there is nothing like 'talking' to people who have been thro it too and really understand how hard it is.

Good question Lou - where is the caffiene free chocolate isle in tescos?! I love cholcolate - but I love having babies more!

Thanks for all your supportive messages. I have just seen the first brownish blood, so I think the bleeding will start full on quite soon. I still have a fair amount of pain on left side though!

Fandango, sorry you are going through this tough time. I think last time it lasted about 4 days for me, and the bleeding just gets less and less like AF. However, I remember my emotions being all over the place for ages, still are!!! Also, when you go for your scan make sure you go with someone. I went on my own last time and found it tough because there are quite a few pregnant ladies around and it feels like you are having your nose rubbed in it a bit! However, when I was crying they were very kind and put me in a room on my own. Probably so I wouldn't upset everyone else more than anything.

I think I need to decide that after this mc is over I need to give myself a break and leave thinking about having another baby for a while. This is easier said than done, but I don't think I am very good at coping with all this.

I have found having my DS such a help though, it is difficult to be so down when they are being so cute and adorable all the time isn't it!

Woose and Fandango So sorry that you are going through this. I miscarried in December and although I do not post often the ladies on here are great.

Lily was pleased to hear your good news.

Things not to great in this camp I am vile and seem to be pushing everyone away. The sad thing is I know I am doing it but can't stop.

Will post soon. X

Thanks again ladies - will let you know how the scan goes tomorrow. I'm going with DH while DD gets spoilt at home by the grandparents!

Coolkat hope things get better for you soon. Take care.

coolkat sorry you are feeling so bad atm. It's a long hard slog isn't it.

Fandango, when you go for your scan tomorrow, if they confirm an mc make sure you ask for decent painkillers. I was supposed to have a week in between my first and second scans to confirm the mc, but miscarried naturally at home in between. I wish I had had proper pain relief as it would have helped enormously. As it was my first experience of it I didn't know to ask.

Woose don't give up just yet.

Lots of love and luck to you all. I am 'self medicating' with chocolate and wine tonight, as am making the most of being able to indulge myself before I go on a safe TTC diet. Like Lou says, the desire to be pg again asap is strong! Am indeed obsessed.

xxxx

I shall try not to give up yet. Feel as if I have been really negative today, sorry for hat. Perhaps the doc will go well tomorrow. Going to get a good nights sleep tonight and hopefully wake up with a new positive attitude tomorrow.
xx

woose don't apologise if you feel you are being negative - this is the place for it!

woose and Fandango I'm so sorry you're going through this. Hope you get some positive news soon.
coolkat the rows i had with DH after my miscarriage were vile, and i could see myself doing it, but couldn't stop. I just kept trying to remind myself it was just the pain making me angry. things are much better now, but only because I felt ready to be positive and talk rather than snap or shout.
It's only now, after 6 months i have started being proactive and living again. Just take your time and when you feel calm just tell people that it's not them, it's just the hurt and pain making you feel this way. For me, I also pushed people away because i didnt want them to be upset and hurt for me. It made me feel responsible for them too, and that was just too much to cope with. Sorry for the ramble, hope something helps out of all that!

Fandango - Hello and welcome, sorry you've had to join us, but as everyone has said your in the right place, and you can be as negative, angry, upset as you like here.
Woose- big hugs, you are really going through it at the moment, hope you've got someone you can turn too if it can't be your dh who dosn't sound like he's dealing with things too well.
Hope everyone else who's feeling low is feeling a little better today. I decided that keeping busy is my thing at the moment, doesn't stop me thinking about the m/c but it stops me dwelling. I've done loads of stuff this weekend, visited lots of people inc my pg friend to get that out the way (so to speak!) and cleaned, cleaned and cleaned again, it's working so far but not sure for how long.

good morning ladies

woose hope you get some answers this week

for all of you going through mc Big hugs

regarding moods and pushing others away it is quite natural and part of the grieving process, I wish grief in these circumstances could be more 'acceptable' it certainly is necessary.
I don't mean wallow but just let the pain 'happen' iyswim. It is a big loss but because it is often secret and internal it is harder to acknowledge.

Morning girls.
I want to add to the support for those going through a traumatic time. Suffereing an MC is horrid. Your hormone levels are high, you are bleeding which is a constant reminder and you are in pain emotionally and physically. These things all take a long time to heal. Some times the physical symptoms dissapear very quickly but unfortunately the emotional ones do not.
I had two MC's last year. The first in March, diagnosed at 13week scan, the second after 4 days in October. This has proved to be the most soul destroying time of my entire life. It has changed me as person. I have had 2 DD's with 'perfect' pregnancies! There does not appear to be any reason for my MC's. Just bad luck!!!!!

Keep strong and try to forgive your DH/P's. They know not the offence they cause with their insensitivity.

I told my DH this morning! So far he has not mentioned a thing. He got ready for work and kissed me goodbye as if nothing had happened! We shall see if he has anything constructive to add. I doubt it!

Woose and Fandango sorry to hear about your mc but hope you've found some comfort on this thread.
Thanks for the various messages yesterday - I was away on a course and posted before going out for the day so I never got chance to acknowledge them. It helps a lot to read that others feel exactly like I do and I'm not going crazy! I think unfortunately I've been pretending everything is OK and it's now starting to catch up with me. DH and I had a talk on Saturday night and I got the impression that he really doesn't understand how I feel. However, from what I've read he's not the only one! I agree that it must be because a pregnancy doesn't seem real to them at first. On Saturday my DH kept saying "When we thought you were pg..." So I shouted back "I WAS pg!" Ronshar Hope your news has time to sink in with your DH during the day and that he's a bit more enthusiastic when he comes home this evening!
It has helped reading through everybody's posts and let's hope we all feel a bit better soon. (((Hugs))) to those actually going through mc at the moment in particular.

Lou2311. I can really relate to what you went through with your DH after the miscarriage you had. It was exactly the same for me after I had mine in Oct.

I manage to get to the docs this morning and it was ok. She has booked me in for a scan tomorrow, so at least I will know what is going on one way or another. I showed her where the pain was and she said that it was more in the area of my bowel, which I guess is good news insofar as the baby is concerned. I said I was about 3 days further on so it was exactly 6 weeks because I was worried they might not see me before then

Afterwards I went round and poured my heart out to my friend and she was lovely and supportive, which make me feel a whole lot better. I still have not told DH. Ronshar, how long had you not told your DH for? For some reason there is something stopping me, we are usually really open, but this time it feels weird. I think I will need to tell him because I don't want to lie tomorrow saying I'm off to work and then sneaking off to the hospital. It wouldn't be so bad but my DH works at the hospital and he might see me!!

Woosie, when I had my MC in Oct the first my DH knew about it was me crying on the sofa when it was all over. He didnt get a chance to even think about it.
This time I am not going to spare him the details. He is crap at emotional support so I am being a little hard but I really dont see why I should be doing all worry on my own! IYSWIM. I knew for certain on friday morning but have had a feeling for a little while.
Tell your DH and even if you dont get the responce you were hopeing for you will still have one less thing to stress about. It is bad enough worrying about MC.

Sorry changed your name. Woose good luck for the scan tomorrow. I do hope it is good news for you. (Just think you may even get a heart beat).