MC avengers, still eating cake, 2008 WILL BE OUR YEAR!

[ronshar]

Hey ladies I have been brave and started new thread.
Aquababe will not have to look at her thread opener again.

Hi everyone
Well the scan went really well. I was completely expecting the worst and I felt dreadful beforehand, but then the sonographer turned the screen round and there was a little bean 5mm long!!! 6 weeks and 2 days so it has grown loads since the last scan. I also saw the heart beating! I just felt pure relief. This was soon replaced by complete nausea, but then I thought at least I know there is a purpose for the sickness and it is not all for nothing.

Thanks for all the kind words and support today. I am going to go and have a lie down. DH home on time and putting DS to bed so maybe he is feeling guilty!! xx

woose that's fantastic news . here's to an uneventful pregnancy from here on end! it's such a relief to see a heart beat and the right size for dates.

kate i can't believe what your doctor said. what an emotional roller coaster she is putting you through! stay positive - heartbeat at scan is very good news. will be sending you positive thoughts.

you girls give me hope with your miracle beans

on my front, had my confirmation scan yesterday which confirmed, well empty uterus dh tried to be positive about it because he was happy that i didnt have to go for erpc to clean up any remnants (tmi). but i just have been feeling a bit blue from being back there as it reminded me of mc no. 1 consultant said i should wait for after next af to try but couldnt say why. but i really feel like trying right away. do you think it is too soon? any success stories for trying before af - dh is worried my uterus will be too weak to sustain another pg. (it was my second mc in 3 months). would love your thoughts.

lissie sorry to see you back here it's not fair.

Woose - fantastic news so happy for you, sticky thoughts to your bean.

Bunny - my GP told me that I didn't have to wait for first AF as long as I was emotionally ready but only had 1 m/c so not sure if it would be different for 2? She told me that the only reason they tell you to wait is for ease of dating purposes and if I got pg before that then they would just have to work a bit harder to find out dates, that's all. Not sure if that's any help or not, glad to hear your so positive at trying again though.

Lissielou sorry hun xx hugs]

woose brilliant news! hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well xxxx

Hi everyone. Very low atm . Just couldn't bear being on here seeing other people's positive pg tests so couldn't post for a week or so. Sorry. Am very bitter and angry .

Irony is I'm now going into my fertile phase for the month. HA! As if. I just don't know if I can stand this... what if? what if? followed by either a BFN or worse still, a BFP followed by yet another m/c.

I thought I was fine(ish) but I'm not. Work helps - a lot. I don't have to think about it then.

So sorry to hear you're feeling so down verso, were you really posting at 4.48am or are you in a different time zone? It is so so hard, we're all here for you to offer as much support and cakes as we can. Really hope you're ok. Bizarrely I've started to mind less about seeing babies at every turn (went into town last weekend, it was ridiculous!) I figure if it's there are that many about mine must be along eventually. Find it much harder seeing pg women though. Take care xxx

woose!! Fantastic news!! So does that mean you're measuring right for your dates? Are they going to offer you another scan in a few weeks? Glad to hear DH has pulled his finger out!

bunny in terms of trying again I agree with what Mollie says. But everyone is different and you must just do what is right for you. For my part, if scan on tue had been bad news, we would have waited to try again. Left it one cycle after erpc before trying last time but I know twighlightsurfer fell pg about 17 days after her mc and is now about 13 weeks so it certainly can be done! I was on track for 2 mc's in 3 months as well and didn't feel ready to face another one. I was going to visit a naturopathic centre for some tests and have booked a private app with a consultant at st mary's in paddington which I hopefully won't need but am keeping ATM in case. Will be a struggle to pay for it all but just felt I couldn't go blindly forward any longer. Bottom line: do what feels right xxx

Woose Fantastic news! Hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly and that you can relax. All the best to you
Verso Sorry to hear you're feeling low. I completely understand how you feel. A friend came round earlier this week with her new baby (we were pg at the same time, before my mc) and I couldn't hold the baby and then felt really down for the next couple of days. I haven't felt like that for a long time and it was horrible. I've also been feeling very angry and that life isn't fair
I think the mc process follows the bereavement cycle - I've certainly experienced the shock and denial bit, perhaps this is now the anger part.
Like you, work helps. I may have the opportunity of going abroad for a few weeks soon and I think this will probably do me good - get away from the whole ttc business and clear my head. Last year DH and I lived in separate countries for a couple of months and I ended up pg so it can happen!
Hope you feel a bit better soon and keep venting your feelings on here - it does help as everybody here knows what it's like (((hugs)))

verso, ive been there. have you tried the hut? its great for when you just want to shout/rant. a lot of us on there have been ttc for a while and its nice to not have have to grimace smile and be annoying chipper all the time xx

Congrats Woose, great news and lovely to see 2 good results from scans this week

Congrats woose, it is nice to see some nice news.

I feel for you verso, it is such an up and down process isn't it. It's when I'm trying to get to sleep at night that it bothers me the most. xx

Thanks, everyone. Yes, Kate, I was posting at silly o'clock. I have a bit of insomnia at the moment - keep waking up at 3am and find it difficult to get back to sleep. It will pass I'm sure.

You are all so kind. It really helps to know it's not just me. I've been in tears off and on all day today - just letting it out I suppose rather than bottling it up. My DH is being brilliant.

hi all

woose - that is brilliant news, I am so pleased for you

verso - I am sorry you are feeling low but like you say better out than in festering, am glad your dh is supportive.

quite apart from issues of 'deserving' miscarriage seems to go to the root of being a woman with a body designed to grow babies yet so many times it goes wrong. It is at times hard not to take it personally.

all quiet here and ticking along, the longer brighter days helping

Woose you should have called, we could have had a chat I woke up at 4.15, finally gave up at 5 and went to make up the bed in the spare room thus waking DH who came out and looked at me like I was a lunatic, I then went and made tea and toast to take back to (spare) bed with my book. Much better than laying there festering, everything always seems to much worse in the middle of the night. Insomnia often leaves me weepy the next day though so I really feel for you, it's awful. Then you really hope you'll sleep through the next night as you're so tired but nope! The silent 4am alarm clock goes off again! Really hope you have a better night tonight, and really glad your DH is being supportive. Hope it helps to know you're not the only one {{hugs}} xx

Am a moron. You see what waking up at 4.15 does to a girl? Obv I meant verso not woose - though woose you're welcome to call too if you're up!

Verso Sorry to hear you are down at the moment. The tiredness must make things worse. I have had bouts of it in the past and I have checked email etc and read in a different room and have found it helps. You are right it is pointless just lying there festering. Hopefully you will have a better night tonight.

Take care,
xx

PS. Thanks for all good wishes. I hope things go smoothly from now on in. Oh yes, don't really know if have right dates now. They gave me a due date of Oct. 2nd, but that is not that accurate, they said will have to wait for 12 week scan to be more accurate. I guess I must have Ov really late last month and the sticks were completely wrong. It said I was Ov on day 17, but that would mean I would be 2 weeks further on. Very confusing.

PPS don't know why I did PS as too long

Verso I hope you have a better day today. Sleeplessness is so debilitating.

I felt blue when I woke up yesterday. It was all sunny, and made me think of when I was expecting. It would have been a summer baby and I was so lookng forward to nice days out with the babe in sunny weather.

I am still waiting for my first AF (had MC 11th Jan). There is still a bit of tissue remaining in my uterus which is really bothering me. Docs said it would come away with the next period. So I had acupuncture on Thurs to try and bring it on. Today I had a little bleed so am crossing fingers that this is it coming, and then I can start paying attention to my cycle so that I can start to TTC.

Never thought I would actively look forward to AF!

Just posted this on symptoms thread but wanted to share here too.
hi all - bad news AF came with a vengance last night. I feel so stupid for actually thinking i might be pregnant, haviing had cramping for several days and boobs that hurt when DH looked at them funny!
Cant cope with it this month, the pain and bleeding just made me relive the MC all over again as it was so heavy. I cant stop crying, it just feels so heartbreaking. I feel like its never going to happen.

I am also spending the day with my beautiful nieces who are 2yrs and 3months, but dont know how im going to look at them without crying.
Cant even have chocolate as decided to give it up for lent, AND im on b*dy weightwatchers!
Sorry for moaning but feel so crap. Why do we put ourselves through this?

meant to add DH is being a rock bless him, doesnt know what to say or do but keeps holding my hand and giving me hugs. I think he just feels so useless. how is it though that even when they are so supportive you just feel so isolated and alone?

{{{lou}}} I so, so understand. I really thought I might be pregnant last cycle too and then had a horrible, heavy, crampy, emotional, AF. Don't worry about crying - I think it's worse if you try to keep a stiff upper lip (which is what I've been doing).

(And HAVE THE CHOCOLATE)

(I need to lose weight, so please ignore the above if you are sticking conscientiously to your diet. I just sometimes think what the heck! I was interested in a thread a while back about m/cs and weight gain - but that's a separate conv I think...)

Anyway - hugs again.

Thanks for the hugs and advice verso - am going to give in and eat the chocolate (small bar )
I think my mind is just going round why do I bother not smoking, drinking, having minimal caffeine, when it seems to make no difference to whether i get pregnant or not!! (i've never smoked, it was just part of my rant!) My DH just attempted to rationalise that statement when i said it to him, and wisely decided to shut up very quickly!
The only positives i can find are:

1. if it happens next cycle it will be in time for christmas.
2. My clearblue monitor was not a waste of money as i now kknow my cycle is perfectly in tune. Slightly long, but as I had PCOS for several years i am quite happy with 34 day average. (used to be around 60 - 70 days in my early 20's )

lou Hope you feel a bit better now after the chocolate
It is so so hard. I understand what you mean about reliving mc with each AF - I found it particularly hard last month too, for no real reason that I could fathom. It's the roller-coaster of emotions I find hard to deal with - some days are good, others less so and a few are just downright cr*p and you just have to get through them somehow.
It's good that your DH is being so supportive, bless him - unfortunately this does seem to be something that we have to go through alone to a certain extent though. I find talking to people on here and reading how others feel really helps - it makes me feel less alone in all this.
(((Hugs))) to you.
Verso How are you doing today?

verso hackneybird and lou hope you will all feel better soon. i too find the sunny days a mixed blessing. on the one hand, it's sunny and gorgeous and i should be happily enjoying the sunny day with dh and dd, but of course there is the part that is that the hopes of having a summer baby (1st mc) are dashed and feel quite empty walking around without a bump

i certainly think the first mc hit me much harder as i was further along and thought things were fine as saw heartbeat at 8 weeks. i certainly didn't sleep much for the first 2 months - dh often found me in spare room at odd hours surrounded by Huge pile of tissues from cryng it got to a point where i started to dread going to bed.

i guess all the books and websites you read say that this is natural and if you dont grieve now, it will all come out years later. i tried to tell myself that but sometimes when you are going through it, you really don't think it will ever end.

kate and molliemooma with my first mc consultant said could try right away. i really dont know why he says to wait now. we will see. i am very scared of trying for obvious reasons. but at the same time, i waited 2 cycles last time and that didn't really help...

bunny didn't realise your 1st mc was later, I'm so sorry. I hope I never have to find out but I imagine that makes it much harder, especially as you saw a heartbeat. How far on were you? (Embarassed to admit I'm partly asking so I can torment myself if/when I get to that stage - why do I make it harder for myself...?) Hope you're ok.xx

Thanks for you message ellie. Not doing too bad today

I thought I was definately pregnant last month, I think thats one of the reasons I broke down in front of the doc and he prescibed the AD's (along with a few other reasons) It's so terribly hard when your body plays so many tricks on you! I also have had 2 consecutive M/C's so even when I get my BFP I know the first 7 weeks are going to be hell! I will be so terrified that I will M/C again, it would be nice if I had a Fast Forward button so I could skip certain parts of my life!
It's another beautiful day today, I must be very grateful for what I have now, I must not dwell on 'what might have been' DS birthday tomorrow so must make a lovely big effort to make his day special, I really am lucky!