Fertility Appointments and Beyond.... the next chapter

[Tinkerbell098]

I have created a new thread as the previous one is about to fill up. I've tagged some of us here, but apologies if I have missed anyone.

The thread is for anyone who has started/ about to start fertility investigations or treatment. Come join us, we are a lovely bunch :)

@tillybabs
@thislittlebird
@kay00
@jeaniej
@PurpleUnicorn01
@paintfairy
@dogmam
@flutterby8
@Ughmaybenot
@dancingfairydreams
@beckycarlos
@jkjellyhead
@juno231
@decaffe
@bumble44
@BritinNZ
@tinkerbell098
@pinkginpls
@thedaydreambelievers
@everymumday
@wanderlust16
@lori23ttc
@Gracie2021
@Sofasogood1
@99pctpractice
@magnoliasinbloom

@gracie2021 first round I got five eggs, three mature, three fertilised and made it to day 3. Then two limped on to day 6, not good quality. So safe to assume my eggs are ok, and sperm an issue even with ICSI.

One put back and didn't take. I've fallen pregnant v v easily before with previous partners but have had two miscarriages.

It's all a bit of a head wrecker!!

@Lovelycheese is your friend in a situation with not getting internal roles and so on? Tbh I’d like a fully remote role so I could move with a job, which would be easier than both of us finding one there, because DH definitely can’t take his job and will have to retrain probably. I don’t earn a massive wage or anything so there’s plenty of options for what I can do, just a case of finding something I like, or something remote so no, don’t have to stay in the same field. There is a large employer where we want to live though, which could be a reason to stick with what I do in some way. I feel like I change fields every ten years. I got into this because I realised I couldn’t work in the field I did my degree in and it’s vaguely connected. But I don’t care about this field of work that much, I just want to be more specialist really, in the long term.

dh has lost weight and been eating well lately so I can’t complain at him.

@Gracie2021 the fact they’re going external pissed me off tbh. Did I give the best interview ever? No. Am I completely competent and capable with some training? Yes, but they don’t care about that. I’m tired of not getting opportunities to develop here.

I have no idea when mine will be because natural. Just waiting for eve up Af, could be 3 weeks away still 🫠. It’s hard with everything being out of control. I’ll be honest say I don’t feel like I have much of a social life these days. Between covid, working from home mostly, all my friends having kids and us doing ivf it’s kinda gone to hell. Another reason I’d like to move in a way, to start afresh.

@CocoLady welcome!

@Bobbi44 i have wonky hormones and similar cycle lengths to you. I’ve still not got the bottom of it tbh, not sure anyone really listens either but I’m on progesterone for ivf and not sure what’s going on with oestrogen. It’s been ok but I suspect it’s a little high at times tbh.

@ththislittlebird yes same situation with not being able to move up. She's very frustrated and probably needs to take a sidestep elsewhere tbh. But with IVF it's so much harder, I really feel for you.

@thislittlebird I'm sorry you didn't get the role, it really quite poor on their front that they are unwilling to train an experienced employee, maybe its not the right company for you.

In your shoes I would be planning a move to Cornwall; a fresh start and a life down South sound lovely. I'm in Devon and life is good 😊 there are lots of jobs and the pace of life is a little slower (although you have to deal with tourists in the summer 😆). Where in Cornwall would you be looking to move to?

@Lovelycheese yeah it’s certainly not fun, I hope she catches a break too. If it wasn’t for ivf I’d have left already.

I think I’m going to look around for new jobs soon, preferably remote. From what I can see, companies that offer enhanced mat leave stipulate you have to be there a week from the start of the pregnancy. So basically you can’t be pregnant before you start, which isn’t too bad. It’s not like we get pregnant between transfers so might be able to time it well.

@Kay00 are you from Devon/the SW? I’m scared only because I’m a Londoner from London and I know if we move I’ll be really stressed by the change for a while, until I settle, which can take a while. Do you think there’s as many jobs that bit further south? I wonder if Devon benefits from being a bit less cut off. My husband is Cornish so that’s a key reason why we’d head that way, I really like Falmouth and would like to live in that area. The tourists are annoying! We might be going down next weekend, AF started this afternoon so I need to see when my scans fall but hoping they can do it a day early so I can go down there with him.

@thislittlebird that really sucks, I'm so sorry. It must be really frustrating to feel forced to stay in a role that you're not enjoying. The mat leave system is totally messed up in the uk, it is not logical to create economic disincentives from finding new work because you're trying for a baby. It is so disadvantageous to women. I'm not even sure what it's meant to protect. I found out I was pregnant while I was interviewing for a new job. I had my final interviews scheduled and was trying to figure out whether I would tell them I was pregnant if they made me an offer and if I could afford to move at that time and then I started miscarrying. So I never had to actually decide what to do, but if the pregnancy had stuck I would have got zero maternity pay if I had moved jobs, which doesn't make any logical sense to me. It depends a bit the maternity policy at your employer what you're entitled to but for statutory maternity pay you have to be there for essentially 41 weeks before the estimated due date (ie pre-conception) to be eligible.

@thithislittlebird got my period today so starting norethisterone in two weeks. Guess stims first week August?

@thislittlebird @Lovelycheese Sorry to hear you both got your period... booo!

@thislittlebird I'm from Wales originally, but I live in Exeter Devon now... we head down to Cornwall frequently for day trips and holidays. Falmouth is beautiful, just next to the Lizard peninsular <3

When I moved to Devon from Bristol I had a period of adjustment as it is much quieter down here. I was used to rushing from party to festival and doing something every weekend. But I love it now, and think the adjustment back to larger city would be much harder!

@thislittlebird sounds like you're really being short changed in your current job. If a company isnt prepared to invest time in you they def don't deserve any loyalty. I think the ladies make some good points about remote working and maybe just going for it. If you're really genuinely unhappy where you are maybe it's worth at least trying to make the move now and see where it takes you. Some companies here have a mat leave policy that starts after you've been there 6 months so you have some flexibility time wise. And even if you got a job offer you don't 100% have to take it if it didn't suit.

@Kay00 Devon and Cornwall are on my list of places to visit. They look like heaven.

Great that you can start planning your date and timelines @Lovelycheese. Not long now.

I did up my total expenses for the last two years of all treatments, acupuncture, prescriptions, supplements etc and it was eye watering. Like I knew we were into 5 digits but it's so much higher than I thought. Think I've purposefully being blanking it out. If things work out I know I won't care what we had to spend but really really hope it works out! Ireland is so backwards when it comes to fertility support. If you can't afford treatment here you're screwed cause we get nothing from the government at all. Except the drugs payment scheme to be fair....

@99pctpractice It really does suck. absolutely agree. I have no idea why they don't say you can have mat leave entitlement straight away, but you have to stay with us for a year after that or something? I don't get it. It's incredibly anti-women in the workplace, I can't stand it. It's not like we can entirely control when we're pregnant and shouldn't be penalised for trying.

This kinda ties in to the stuff I've seen on twitter lately, in relation to the 2021 census. Why are birth rates falling! Hmm wonder why. Because we're inherently anti-family, and when our wages and situations are sufficiently stable we're in our 30s, maybe late 30s, here we all are with little help and a mountain of problems.

Mine is something like 26 weeks of service, 15 weeks before you're due, which i think works out to a week???? I worked it out the other day and was super confused but I think they're saying you can't be pregnant when you start.

@Lovelycheese that'll fly by!

@Kay00 I never expect anything but my period these days lol.

I'm quite indoorsy anyway, I suspect I'd find the part where I'm not in London anymore and have to drive more to be the worst part. I'm constantly looking at houses in Falmouth online but they go so fast now, 2 weeks seems to be the time it takes for things to be sold, the decent ones anyway.

@Gracie2021 I honestly do not know what to do about work. Part of me wants to do a PGCE, but it's not the right time for that. I think a lot of the places I've seen have earlier than six month policies, but worst case I guess we'll have to cope on shitty statutory mat pay. That's another rant I could go into. What's the maternity situ in Ireland?

I need to shop around for work, the only benefit is right now this job is ok money for not an awful lot. It's easy, low stress work and I can control my own time.

I'm not sure yet, but I think I might have covid. Testing negative, but have a cough and scratchy throat. Coming to terms with my FET not going ahead, I guess. I'm so tired of things not going to plan.

@Gracie2021 Yeah, I can imagine it's hugely expensive. Do they do anything like our access funding packages out there? I'm considering one of those for our private rounds, assuming our current embryos fail. We might not need 2 more rounds, we might need more, but it feels like it makes more sense to spend 11k on a two round package excluding drugs, roughly, than spend 6k on one round and then 1-1.5k per transfer on top of that. It could add up to the package price quickly.

I’m still testing negative for covid, hopefully I’ve just got a cold 🤞

Thank God for the negative @thislittlebird (feels very weird saying that). If we were going again I would Defo look at some of those multiple packages but only available at one clinic here in Ireland so far so limits them options considerably. Re Mar leave, a lot of places cover fully. My situation is I get 80% my normal pay for 6 months with work then I'd take another four months unpaid and together with bank holidays and annual leave could probably get close to a year off which is amazing. Debated changing job last autumn as got an amazing offer but didn't want to lose the flexibility I have in my current job where I've already "proved" myself if that makes sense. Was the right decision for me but like where I'm at and work life balance is good. Harder when you're planning the big move and have to align two careers and a house at the same time.... no harm in considering all your options though and in looking around both house wise and jobs....

Lining check this morning. 7.8 and triple layer so great but follicle is smaller and there's a tiny chance I ovulated so waiting on bloods to come back tomorrow to confirm we can proceed to transfer on Monday. If we have to cancel I'll be so so angry as the nurse confirmed the only reason they would have delayed is scheduling. Anyway keep ye posted.

Hi girls. Please can I ask a question… so medication can be like £1.5k per round right? Is it the same for each frozen transfer too? Xx

@Hoping43 depends on the individual. I'm currently doing natural modified frozen transfers so there's only progesterone to fund, on top of the frozen transfer fee itself (usually £1000-2000). Some women have fully medicated frozen transfers, others have fully natural. Depends how things look once you start undergoing tests etc.

@Gracie2021 I've never had a positive covid test OR a pregnancy test! One I can be grateful for, the other not so much lol.

Maybe some more clinics in Ireland might get on board eventually. Your mat leave sounds similar to mine but we drop down on to statutory afterwards. I may end up not getting it at all and be only on statutory.

Great news on the lining, less good on the follicle. At least there's not long to wait for the results and you'll know where you stand.

I'm no help I'm afraid @Hoping43 as we have different schemes Re med costs in Ireland. Welcome though 👋

I'm the same @thislittlebird not a single positive to date, Covid or other. We have to both be due a positive soon, hopefully not Covid.

Clinic messaged me and doctors have okayed transfer based on my scans today so just the bloods now tomorrow. Hoping for the best. Debating what we do about isolating if this is positive too. My partner needs to go to a couple things after the transfer is done and I'm very nervous about him bringing home Covid while we're in the TWW and even up to 8 weeks if we have luck.... so hard to juggle life and all this and risk of Covid.

@Gracie2021 yeah I’d like the bfp of the good kind 😩

I can’t really imagine it at this stage. It’s hard to believe it’ll ever happen. It’s not like I expect it each month or test like I did in the past.

good news that you’ve got the go ahead! I think lots of women will have had covid while pregnant now so try not to worry too much. Cross the new bridge of worries when you get there 🫠

I could be transferring a week after you maybe, not sure, depends how slow my body is this month. I’ve got this bee in my bonnet that I’ve got a problem with my microbiome so I’m going to chat to some ladies on a thread in infertility about getting some tests done. I can’t shake the thought that it’s that, because I know I have issues with good/bad bacteria from skin issues in the past, from the thrush (if it is that) I repeatedly get. I’m taking probiotics daily now, hopefully that might help this transfer.

Oh and so far, I’ve had no pre/mid-period migraine this month which is VERY rare. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t get one at all, so either I’m heading for peri-ville or something was going on in my body that stopped the migraine? Dunno. I’ve been working out for 20 mins most days and taking probiotics twice per day, could be either.

@thislittlebird what pro biotics are you taking?

@Hoping43 drug costs will depend on your specific situation/protocol in an IVF cycle, and can range from about £700 to £1500. That's on top of the cost for IVF (about £4000) plus ICSI if needed (another £800). For a FET, the drugs will be cheaper, just a few hundred maybe, on top of the FET cost. It's pretty expensive business!

Fingers crossed you can go ahead @Gracie2021 ! I have a spreadsheet of all the costs and yep, it is eye watering how much we have spent too. @Hoping43 my medication for stims in my first round was closer to 2500 (because i was put on high dosage gonal f), but hopefully that's an exception rather than the rule! No idea what the cost is like for FET, I think it can really vary but should generally be a lot less than for stims.

@thislittlebird yes, it is really unfair. My work has offices in Spain and one of the guy's there's wife is having a baby in August and in Spain both men and women get 16 weeks off fully paid leave (paid for by the state). I mean, that's the model we should be moving towards!! I know some employers are more generous but I've never worked anywhere that offers more than statutory 6 weeks at 90%....

Great news that you didn't have a migraine this month!!! Hopefully a good sign :)

@thislittlebird sorry just briefly hopping on to commiserate on the shittiness of mat pay/eligibility in this country. I don't think it should stop you from looking for other jobs though, just make sure to ask to see all their employee policies before you accept anything. You've got nothing to lose in asking and if they refuse you know they're a shit company anyway. I don't know if you remember but I ended up starting a new job in Oct last year and conceived in Nov - but the place I'm working at has no minimum requirements so I was eligible for 6 months full pay from the start.

So here in tears. Did not get the phone call I wanted today. My hormones aren't where they want them to be for transfer, I'm assuming I've started ovulating or have already ovulated through the meds. I gave out so bad to the doctor on the phone. 3 weeks of steroids and isolating in case of Covid all for nothing because they delayed me due to their own scheduling cockups. I'm so so angry and upset. It's not a guarantee for my lining to be perfect like that either again next time. Stopping all medication and just waiting for my period to start it all again next month. I'm so so angry.

@Gracie2021 I'm so sorry, that is awful! I'd write a massive complaint as it doesn't seem fair at all. Please take good care of yourself X

Thanks @Tinkerbell098 I've made a formal complaint and have a call scheduled with our own doctor Thursday morning. I'll also be looking for protocol changes and extra monitoring as I think CD14 was late for our initial scan so feel like they failed us on a few fronts with this cycle. Trying to research now to see how long after coming off femetab before I get my period and try and salvage a holiday somewhere in the middle of this mess. The self pity is big this evening.

@Kay00 I'm taking optibac. I'm going to look into tests to see if I need something more specific to whatever issues I have. Probably after the outcome of this transfer.

@99pctpractice 16 weeks for a partner!!! That would be amazing. The standard two weeks for men is so stupid. My current place is full pay for 20 weeks, then 19 weeks SMP, then 13 weeks unpaid. I know some workplaces offer nothing but it's so backwards now.

@Juno231 yeah. I'd only want to go somewhere with a decent policy, seems stupid leaving an enhanced once for worse. Really good that you were eligible. I don't think employers should be able to say you aren't eligible from day 1 unless you were already pregnant when you joined.

@Gracie2021 omg, that's so horrid. Did you have high progesterone or something? being on steroids for jack shit is horrendous, I'm so sorry it's happened to you. I can imagine you're angry, that's just awful. So will your period come now or in two weeks? I've never done medicated, not quite sure how it works.