🎵 Anyone for a spot of Sunday Evening Xylophone? 🌈 TTC Bus 52 🚌

[polkadotpixie]

Soooo....@Minster2012 is letting the lunatics take over the asylum as she's handing over the driving seat to the passengers and having a well deserved rest after driving us around since June 2020!

I'm sure she'll still be around and you can follow her on Instagram (Minstermusings) where a lot of passengers and ex-passengers have their own TTC or normal accounts too (just be careful not to out anyone on their non-TTC accounts!)

We have a fabulous history of BFPs on this thread since @Minster2012 took over and we need to keep it up...no slacking!

Anything goes and NOTHING is TMI on this bus! Whether you're doing it the old fashioned way or with some help from science, we're all waiting for those 2 pink lines and are here to support each other and try to stay (somewhat) sane along the way

June 2020 24 BFPs
July 11 BFPs
August 18 BFPs
Sep 4 BFPs
Oct 7 BFPs
Nov 7 BFPs
Dec 14 BFPs
Jan 2021 7 BFPs
February 8 BFPs
March 5 BFPs
April 5 BFPs
May 4 BFPs
June 5 BFPs
July 1 BFP
Aug 2 BFPs
Sept 5 BFPs
October 3 BFPs
November 4 BFPs
December 5 BFPs

Still on for the ride are our fabulous passengers:

@Franklydear
@polkadotpixie
@dmb91
@pennysays
@Sausage1990
@MrsBiddy
@manifestingbaby
@chiatta
@Hann91
@LoveQ
@BellatrixK
@JuniperAndTonic
@user1019273703

IVF/IUI/ICSI/Clomid passengers as well as TTC on the side!
@somatronic
@Dollybird89
@pennysays
@InkyPaper

Already promoted to the Bumps list but still hopping on the bus to keep us company:

@clairey844
@blackcurrantqueen
@lucyrp
@Catherinettc
@Ltay2
@BlondePotter
@Clairey844
@Gem176
@kirky658
@justanothercyster
@2020mission
@Hopeful110
@becarefuloutthere
@crazydoglady123
@Haiyaa
@lexber
@whatwonder
@bez91
@DKDK123
@minster2012
@feliznavidad2
@clolo
@gcat16
@paintfairy
@Bea14
@vil10
@juno231
@sunbird24
@kaylsd
@larrythelizard

Apologies to anyone missed...40 pages is a lot!

New passengers always welcome and an embarrassing story buys you a cheap ticket...Beep Beeeeeep!

@paintfairy oh I see, thank you. I (naively)didn't think of the different stats for pregnancy and birth rate. Maybe I'm just a pessimistic person but I feel like the chances of success are too low to emotionally invest in ivf. We need to make a decision but just keep going around in the same circles!

See this is why the thread is so great, sharing, learning & supporting so pleasing that @Juno231 & others can help @lakejupiter, @Bundaberg84 something else to investigate

@Somatronic since early December that's ridiculous honestly I hate getting stuff like that. We had a hold up with one of our ivf cycles as a letter from my oncologists "went missing" and it then took another 6 weeks of me battering them to get another. Honestly it's despairing

@Manifestingbaby 😘I know exactly what you mean don't worry and thank you 😊 I really hope you can maybe try the ivf, yes you need to look at the pregnant yo actual live births as we know things can go wrong but it can work when you don't actually know what an issue is (unexplained I mean). That's what happened to my friends. No idea why they couldn't conceive but it just didn't happen. Put their bits in a Petri dish & back in and hey ho they are now on baby number 2 after one attempt & baby one was attempt 2. 🤞🏻

@Manifestingbaby it’s just the percentage the nhs website gives for my age, so basically I am hoping for a miracle, but seeing that we had a few of those, I want mine, thank you, on the ivf, I gave quite a few friends with successes, so it’s not all grim
I always say that this is the best village in the world, if only we could actually live in the same place, imagine, but the best support system available, to anyone, so inclusive

@Minster2012 In my hopeful, wistful moments I think lets do it, it could work but in the cold light of day I think I wouldn't walk into the bookies and put 5 grand on something with those odds 🤷‍♀️ and round and round we go 😂

@Franklydear Amen to that 🙏
Ya I hear you. I'm still hoping for my miracle. Eventually, surely!

@Manifestingbaby I am running out of time, I need it now,... I really cannot wait much longer

Well I mean sure when you put it like that @Manifestingbaby it doesn't sound like good gambling odds but for me it was always a decision of "as long as we've tried all we can" and if that includes being ok to afford a try at ivf then I would have had to do it. But we did say if the new round we were going for (when I then fell pregnant before instead) didn't work then that was our stop point.

@Manifestingbaby if you get a package for 3 cycles or money back it's not as terrible? Besides, the stats for three cycles is over 80% in most cases. Plus there's always the much cheaper abroad options...

@Juno231 oooo yes that's a good option @Manifestingbaby, there are ones that effectively guarantee a baby or you get a refund, the Access ones?

@lakejupiter I'm guessing you might have tested again? How you getting on with your symptom spotting?

Hi @Minster2012 - I've held out on testing since my shameful POAS the other day. Symptom spotting like mad and obsessing over my BBT. Yesterday had awful AF cramps and backache but no blood, and they've disappeared today. I'm only 10dpo so it's a bit early for AF, I usually have a 14-15 day LP, and my temp hasn't dropped yet - feel like an amateur scientist every time I examine my FF chart 🤓

@Minster2012 ya I get that. It's the fear of trying everything and still being in the same position.

@Juno231 thanks I'll look into that. God didn't even think of abroad! I actually think I'm in denial that I'm in this situation. Keep thinking surely it will happen before it comes to that. And of course that was the case for some of you so that keeps me hanging on in hope.

@Manifestingbaby DH and I were the same when we were weighing up our options that IVF was just too much of a gamble for not so great odds when we didn't have lots of spare cash to risk, if it didn't work it would have been the double devastation of not having the baby and throwing away all that money. One thing we did consider was saving to have one go of IVF but doing it abroad and turning it into a really good holiday so that in our heads we were just having a holiday that if a baby came at the end of it it'd be a great addition, if it didn't then we had a good holiday out of it. Didn't pursue it in the end as by then I just couldn't take any more losses and gave up ttc, but I did like that idea when we were discussing it so it's maybe one to add to your list of options to consider if the thought of IVF in itself seems too much of a gamble.

The prices are eye-watering! Looks like age wise I wouldn't be eligible for full refund either. Something to think about but not sure we could afford that.

@DKDK123 thank you. That's exactly how I feel. There's also a feeling of guilt that if it didn't work thats family money been thrown away. If we were trying for our first that might be different but if we don't succeed and have put our family in a worse place financially that would give me serious mum guilt. I like your holiday idea. Silver linings 😃

@manifestingbaby that's what was in our head too, if we didn't have DS we may have been more willing to risk it but with him it was money we could be spending on him too. Its a headfuck the ttc game! Tho do also hold onto the glimmer of hope that miracles do happen for no rhyme or reason. That was me, 2 1/2 years of ttc, 8 losses, physically and mentally drained, conpletely given up and yet now 22weeks with our little miracle and (touch wood) so far all is going well. I'm hoping your little miracle appears when you're least expecting it too.

@Manifestingbaby I feel the same, ds is my priority, a second baby is pie in the sky, my wish cannot trump his needs, it is a difficult decision to make together, to play devils advocate dh doesn’t see it that way, having a sibling will benefit ds, we are both very close to our brothers, not a given I know, and we don’t owe him being an only if siblings will take resources away from him, if that makes sense, although we never really considered ivf, we will need to move if this happens, and ds wouldn’t have my total attention like now, again not necessarily a bad thing, it’s just another mum guilt thing, isn’t it, maybe it needs taking out of the equation

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2779498-I-have-4-kids-what-does-he-expect Ghost thread but a good laugh

@DKDK123 you've been to hell and back to get to where you are. I can't even imagine. Ya I'm exactly in the same mindset as you were. I think I just need to decide with conviction and stop second guessing.

@Franklydear I call that the "convincing myself I dont want a baby game" 🤣 when you think it won't happen you start trying to persuade yourself it's not right for you anyway. I shall save that thread for later 😀

@Manifestingbaby exactly, my heart is not broken, I can live like this, I am just fiiiiineee 🤔

I do appreciate I am talking it from a position of privilege as paying for IVF is very doable for us. If it meant a big hit on the finances and potentially impacting another child then yeah - odds are I could be very happy travelling and having puppies instead! There's so much good to life - but then again nearly all my close friends are opting out of having kids so that's perhaps easier for me to see!

@Franklydear exactly. Fiiiine.

@Juno231 ya I think you might have a bit more spare dosh than me but it's fine, I wont hold it against you 😉 I appreciate the advice regardless. We all have our own privileges. I often feel like I'm coming from a place of privilege when I'm already a mum and some are trying so hard for their first and the difference must be glaring at times.

@Juno231 the beauty of this group, we are all different, we are all supportive

I think the whole IVF argument does differ if you already have a DC @DKDK123 @Franklydear because you are right- there needs to be a balance. You have to think about your current child and their needs, and costs. So it's weighing up what you can and can't realistically do.
However if you don't have a child already, then it really comes down to whether you are really bothered or not. 🤷‍♀️ If you aren't then you won't see it worth spending the money. Which was the issue i would have had with DH, if we'd had to pay. I reckon at a push though (took me ages chipping away) I'd have persuaded him to do one round paid for. No it's not guaranteed but if you don't try, you don't know. Our odds were rubbish but it worked. So nothing is impossible. But neither is it guaranteed. There are deals that can be done so it costs a bit less but I'm over the age threshold for most (anyone that isn't has better cost options).

Obviously there really are some people that cannot afford it because they can't afford to heat their house or buy food right now, let alone much else (but then I'd argue they can't afford a child naturally either). But I have friends that moan about affording it and in 8 months they will have had 2 holidays abroad at a cost of over 3k. Which actually could have gone towards it? Or they have new cars they can't afford to buy and happily pay monthly for finance or lease. So it really is a case of deciding your priorities. If you can afford to go out for meals, drinking, weekends away, holidays etc then there is no way you can't make cut backs and savings.

In my personal case we don't earn amazingly. But none of us have debt (apart from the mortgage). We have old cars that are paid for. We also both afford to save slightly every month if we try. So although DH deemed us as not affording it, realistically we could have if we tried. Certainly 1 go at least!

BFN for me today at 10dpo and temp has dropped too so think AF will be here tomorrow. Feeling really low about the whole thing tbh, I can't bare to see DS baby stuff but can't bring myself to give it away either 😭

I'm going to talk to DH tonight about getting an appointment booked with the fertility clinic. I think we would really struggle to afford IVF but I'd like to try Clomid and get a HyCoSy done

Sorry for the me me me post, I'll catch up properly later, just feeling very sorry for myself

@Polkadotpixie sorry to hear that. Think it is a good idea to get the ball rolling and see what you can do. No harm. Totally get you on the baby stuff. I keep trying to declutter but can't sort that stuff as just don't know what to do with it. Especially the bigger stuff like cot and buggy.

@polkadotpixie sorry that you’re feeling down. Totally understandable. TTC is actually awful. Honestly, thought it would be exciting and fun, but it definitely isn’t.

@Manifestingbaby I definitely get the holding on for a miracle, especially when it had happened for so many people here. It is hard when you’re in the middle of it though. I honestly think if someone could tell me how long I have to wait I could be so patient, but the uncertainty is impossible to deal with.

Someone I know well has just avoided a pregnancy. I’m so so pleased for them, but so jealous too. In nicer news, I am off out tonight with my mum and sister to watch The Rocky Horror Show. Currently getting ready and wearing ALL the make up!