First timers, TTC. Safe space for brain dumps...

[TinyDancer91]

Hi everyone!

This thread may or may not contain questions, I've mainly started it to be my brain dump safe space but in an excited way, not a bad way...

Me (30) and my SO (34) have decided to take the leap and start TTC! We have both wanted children for a while but just knew the timing wasn't right for either of us until now. For me, any time I see a baby or even baby clothes recently my heart aches for it to be my turn. I've never really had that strong feeling before.

The reason behind this 'safe space' is that we have agreed not to tell anyone we are TTC. We just want to avoid any pressure or disappointment if things don't go to plan, etc.

For context, I am the youngest of 5, the only girl the only one of my siblings without children.
SO is the oldest of 2, his brother has a child who lives with BM away from here so isn't really seen much by grandparents.

Both families are great and would only want the best for us but I personally don't want to feel any sort or pressure at all (intended or not) from either side.

So, we start our journey, we are on cycle 1 SWI, not expecting anything to happen this cycle and trying not to turn in to a crazy lady about TTC

If anyone else needs a brain dump safe space, feel free to join me here x

Here's the second one... altered the exposure slightly to show a bit more how it look IRL.

So what are we thinking? Evap? V V V Faint line? My eyes playing tricks? Have I finally cracked and gone crazy? 😂

Honest opinions welcome, trying to be realistic and not build my hopes up...

@TinyDancer91 how long are you leaving the tests for before checking? Usually they say if the line doesn’t appear in the time it says on the leaflet for the test then it’s an evap line. I also find with blue tests you get evap lines more than pink, maybe try a pink one! Ahhh fingers crossed for you it’s just an early line 😭😭

Morning all!

I am now officially in my TWW, 1DPO as of today!
The next 2 weeks is going to go by so slow.

My cycle this month has worked perfectly with my shift pattern at work, i was home all weekend during my fertile window and peak was Saturday.
I am now working for 7 days and when im next off im going to be 9DPO-11DPO… hoping this keeps me sane and off the tests!

Good luck to you all x

Thank you! I did a test the next day and got a BFP! Drove to Boots to get a digital and same on that too. I must be really early as my cycle is usually 35 days and I am only on CD 28 but I think I must have ovulated a week early or I have just never realised how early I ovulate as until this month I have never managed to get a positive OPK - I guess I was testing to late?! That would mean that I have an unusually long luteal phase I think?!

I can definitely see a faint line on your latest clear blue test! Do you have any pink dye tests? I have found those to be the most reliable as the blue dye has played tricks on me before. Fingers crossed for you!! Keep us updated!

Good luck with your TWW! Hopefully with all your work shifts the first week goes fast! I find that’s the week which drags the most usually!

I almost certain it's an evap... tested this morning with a digital and got a BFN 😔

Think I'm out again this month.... just waiting for AF to show up now to confirm 😭

Heartbroken & losing hope for me but wishing for BFPs for you all 💕

I feel your pain. Been a silent watcher for a while now and genuinely thought this month was my lucky month. But AF showed up yesterday after a week of nausea, sore boobs and the most unbelievable headaches. Gutted doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel as we did everything right this month. Now I have to pull up my lateral big girl pants on and get ready for another month of trying. 😪

Hey guys!

Hope you don't mind me joining. DH and I have decided that we want try for our first baby. We tried for the first time last month, but obviously wasn't meant to be. However I feel perhaps that time didn't count as much as we just went based off the period app I use to note my cycles. LOL

I decided to use OPKs this time so that we know what we are doing and are better informed. I allready feel like my actual ovulation date will be earlier than what my period app tells me. I used the clearblue digital ovulaltion test and after a few days of blank circles, I got a flashing smiley face!!!!!! So time to start the baby dance in prep for the peak smile symbol. I'm hoping it happens this month,, I feel like I'm going to be a crazy person if it doesn't happen considering last month I start sympton spotting and legitmately believed I was pregnant lol. Then AF came a day earlier lol.

It's CD11 today and got the flashing smiley today so hopefully it works this month. Oh and I started using the FLO app this month.

I've read so many reviews about using OPKs and that it works for most people.

Hello! I am in the same boat as you - trying for the first time this month. Have also been using OPKs and got my peak yesterday so hoping I am ovulating today, although haven't had the EWCM that everyone talks about so feeling a bit worried! I've been on the pill for 14 years and only came off last month so don't feel like everything is quite back to normal yet. How are you finding trying? Have you told any friends? I feel so weird making such a big life change/decision and not telling anyone, although one of my best friends does know.

@Smilesallround1 nice to hear from you. It's nice to hear other people are feeling the same and in the same boat, but also sucks that we are in the same boat! Fingers crossed for you

Welcome @HeartNutella & @imy! Welcome to the TTC journey. Hope you both have a good journey and it's not too long for either of you!

AF showed up for me on Monday, apparently I'm really moody with it this month too! (According to my OH)

Trying to cling to the fact that is the next cycle is the one for us, we will find out around his birthday and be due around mine!! We both believe everything happens for a reason, so let's hope this is ours 🙏🏻🤞🏻🌈

Hi @imy
Yeah it's weird I don't think I had the EWCM last month , but two months back I definitely had it as we were just mentally preparing at the stage and i was noticing all the different things to learn. This month I'm just currently very wet so I'm thinking my EWCM must be close. Ahh it could be the pill so you probably just need to wait and see sometimes the body doesn't react in the expected way but still you get pregnant.
Honestly, it's kind of frustrating and I know it's not been long, but I think it's just the worry that what if it doesn't happen for us. One of my biggest fears. Most of our married friends havev had their first child within the llast two years. But tbh we never felt ready till now. I just get worried that what if we aren't lucky. We haven't told anyone at all, so it's just the two of us and it's crazy not being ablle to talk about it which is why I joined mumsnet so I could speak to people in the boat as us. Oh my goodness ,exactly how we felt, it's such a big decison to make.
At least you told your friend ,how was their reaction? Honestly, I always overshare and I'm trying really hard not to with people regarding this. Plus I'm half worried,, I'd rather no one knows. lol

@TinyDancer91 Thank you!!!

I'm so sorry ,hopefully the next cycle works out for you and it was just meant to happen then.

I also feel the same about being worried it might not happen for us but realistically, most people do get pregnant within a few months of trying. For some people it takes longer and for others it might not happen, but that is a small minority. I know lots of people who got pregnant within a month or two and I myself was an accident (or a nice surprise!!) so I try to remind myself of that when I am worrying. Now that I have ovulated I am trying to just not think about it and my husband and I have agreed we will test at 11DPO (he wants to test at 14DPO but I can't wait that long!). I'll try to not think about it much for the next 10 days (let's see how that goes!!).

I am a massive oversharer too like you and tell my friends everything. I told one friend because she is a v v good friend to both of us and it is her hen do next year in Ibiza - so I wanted to basically say, look I do want to come but there is a chance I might be 8/9 months pregnant or have a newborn so I don't want to commit to it right now. I wouldn't have told her otherwise, but it is nice to have someone to talk to about it all. She was super happy and excited for me!

Hey everyone, afraid I’m here for a brain dump too. Honestly, this whole process is making me completely crazy. I’ve been really struggling to sleep and end up leaving bed to read these Mumsnet threads on my own in the wee hours… But what you’ve all shared in this thread spoke to me so much that I felt I had to make an account to splurge all the things I can’t tell anyone else.

I’m 29 and DH is 28, we’re TTC #1 on cycle 4 now. We’re young and it’s early days so I know rationally that there’s probably nothing to worry about. However, my dirty little secret is that I’m a doctor, so my mind is polluted with unwanted medical knowledge that just adds unnecessary anxiety. (As I’m not a gynaecologist I probably think I understand more than I actually do which makes it worse lmao.)

The things that concern me are that DH had a testicular torsion when he was younger, which was fixed in time to save the testicle but as I understand but might still have an impact. What worries me more is that my periods have for many years been a longer and slightly irregular cycle of (normally) 32-35 days. Since we started TTC these have become 36-39 days and my usually predictable PMS symptoms have now gone haywire so as to trick me into thinking I’m pregnant every cycle. In fact last month I was so certain I was pregnant that I literally did not believe the BFN - the psychological distress when AF came knocking felt almost unbearable. My GP did PCOS bloods years ago and said they were fine but I still worry that it’s “me”. Also, I’ve put on a bit of weight in the last few months pushing me from healthy to overweight BMI which I hate myself for.

I have been making a concerted effort to just roll with the TTC process and not medicalise it because if I do I will get even crazier, doing OPKs every 5 minutes .etc. Luckily DH is horny af so we DTD every 1-2 days anyway except when I’m bleeding heavily or on nights. So I don’t think knowing more will change things right now except add to my control freakishness. But this means that I don’t know when I’m ovulating or if I even am. But today I am CD36 (AF expected any moment/a few days back…), minus usual PMS pattern but with BFN, and just feeling like it’s never going to happen for us.

Like I said, logically I know this emotional reaction is totally out of proportion with the situation. But something @TinyDancer91 said a few pages back resonated - I’m such an overachiever and so used to things going my way that I just can’t bear this one thing, the only thing I’ve ever really wanted, not happening immediately and feel I’m somehow at fault. Sorry, I know that must make me sound like a conceited prat, but maybe the honesty will be cathartic?

DH (who knows nothing about human bodies) is lovely but so innocent and living in a world of rainbows and fairies. He keeps talking about our future baby as if I’m already pregnant and I’m finding this so hard, but I don’t want to hurt his feelings or worse still burst his bubble - ignorance is bliss and all that. We told our parents, my sister and my 2 best friends for a support network in case of MC or similar. They’ve been really sensitive luckily. Annoyingly I was also forced to disclose it at work (if your boss asks you directly “Are you going to try for a baby soon?” how do you shimmy around that?!) and it feels like practically every shift I’m getting unasked for fertility advice. But altogether I feel like everyone is watching and waiting which just ramps up the pressure.

Thank you to anyone who has made it to the end of this lol. So genuinely happy for those of you who’ve had your BFPs here and wishing the very, very best of luck to those who are still waiting ❤️

Welcome @Moonlighting!

Isn't it refreshing to know we're not alone! My OH is currently convinced he is the problem, I'm not in the medical profession and this may be tmi, but he was being with one testicle inside him and had to have a small op to 'pop' it out when he was a baby. He did also very briefly TTC with an ex a few years before we got together, which was (thankfully, and yes I feel awful saying that) unsuccessful.

There's something niggling inside me saying that it's me and that being on the pill putting artificial hormones into my body for 11 years straight has done something - I was on cerazette so didn't bleed at all until about 6 weeks after I stopped taking it.

Rationally I know we're both just stressing about it which isn't helping but it's so hard not to.

I'm glad we didn't tell anyone we are TTC because it means no awkward questions.

Fingers crossed for us all soon and hope AF doesn't stay away too long so you can get on to trying again for your next cycle!

Keep us all updated.

Baby dust to all 💕

Hi @imy

Sorry for the late response it's been a busy few days. Yes, I think I need to stick to that mentality. I guess it's the thinking what if we are the small minority. Hopefully this will be your month.

Aww, that makes sense, it's good that you shared.

So I definitely got the EWCM today, but still high fertility on the clear blue and not the peak fertility yet. I've had high fertility for 5 tests now. Hopefully tomorrow it will say peak fertility. But this is making me think the reason we didn't get pregannnt last month as we stopped having sex the day after ovulation was predicted on my app. and bassed on the clearblue I haven't ovulated yet, but Flo predicted my date to be yesterday and the other app today. So cllearly I'm ovulating later than expected.

@TinyDancer91 thanks for the lovely message. Completely get you RE hormonal contraception - I remember being sold it so hard when I was at secondary school as a wonder product with no side effects, hah! I hope sex/contraception education has improved now…

Today AF yet to come, CD38 but really now feeling like it’s coming and only a matter of time. Stupidly bought a double pack Clearblue test at Tesco in a fit of pique this afternoon and got a vvvfl that is almost certainly an evap. However, have spent too much of this afternoon and now past midnight obsessively researching which has done nothing but made me crazy.

This is the first time I’ve bought an impulse test in front of DH (the others have all been in secret from the pharmacy inconveniently placed right opposite our flat LOL) and he was aghast at the price. Hopefully that will shame some self control into me.

So anyway, I have to take a complete break from Mumsnet/Googling/compulsively buying tests for some time for the sake of my sanity. I’ll come back and say where I’m at when my brain has settled a bit. Wishing all the rest of you a happy and safe time in the heatwave, don’t melt!

Finally got a static smiley face on CB OK! So hopefully this works.

Good luck to all of you!

Hi @Moonlighting

Your story is so similar to mine. I am also on cycle 4 TTC #1 and also a dr which is making things so much worse 😂 (not O&G also).

I know exactly how you feel and feel like my emotional reaction has also been similar and I definitely do feel it is over the top. I feel it’s the only thing I haven’t been able to control and plan exactly as I wanted in my life so far which is what’s driving me crazy and I totally get the feeling like a failure bit.

Anyway AF came early last month which meant my fertile period was on holiday and as much as I tried to forget about monitoring ttc I was well aware of my dates 😂. I’m 8DPO, boobs are more sore than usual but no other signs so far and trying to hold off testing for as long as possible.

Hi everyone, we are TTC month 1 with baby 1. I am 8 days post ovulation (according to flo, am not doing ovulation tests atm as we are just 'seeing how it goes') and have been experiencing nausea and sore boobs. AF is due in 7 days so could be PMS, but the nausea isn't something I usually experience. We DTD a lot over my ovulation period so waiting to see what happens...trying not to get emotionally invested as its our first try! When would you recommend doing a test? I am planning to wait until at least Monday when AF is due (and my cycles are normally v regular...) thanks in advance and fingers crossed for you all!!

@thecoconutcat hello! I am also 8DPO, cycle 2, TTC baby 1!
AF for me is due on Sunday, nice to have somebody so close to my cycle!
I have zero symptoms at all, just had a bit of a pinkish watery liquid when i wiped yesterday and cramping that lasted hardly no time and then nothing.

Fingers crossed for you!!!

Ah, good luck!! keep me updated! are you planning to test or just see if AF is late?

I feel absurdly guilty for this, but my update is that that indent turned into a proper BFP today 😳 It would have felt disingenuous not to come back and tell here, but I know seeing this will also make some of you feel heartsick, as I did so many times reading those words from other people. Sending love and courage to anyone in that boat right now.

@HS99 hey and thanks for the kind message. You know how uniquely badly placed we are in this situation, haha. Work amps up the stress in literally every way - we have to persist in trying not to absorb that into ourselves and this process!

@thecoconutcat your plan for testing is very sensible and if you can stick to it will save you loads of grief, not to mention money. If you cave though, just know you’re in excellent company with practically everyone else 😂

Wishing best, best, best of luck to everyone. I will be reading and hoping to hear loads of good news.

@Moonlighting congratulations! 🎉 x

@thecoconutcat Hello! I did plan on waiting but then curiosity got the better of me and i tested 9DPO, negative. 10DPO this morning and BFN, not even a squinty line!
Im convinced im out this month, but it is still early days! X

Morning all,

Just a brain dump... we're TTC #1 as of today, I'm so excited/nervous for the journey ahead... feels absolutely crazy to think I'm at this point in my life now where I'm in a happy relationship and we both feel so ready and happy to start TTC.

Wishing all the baby dust for you all (and myself!) BFP's incoming!! 🌟