Trying to conceive over 40 part 2

[October1979]

Here is a new thread for us girls

@Honey2 and @TTCat40 – thank you for being kind and sensible and rational. I have absolutely zero rationality around my own womb and heaps for everyone else! I can’t believe how crazy it’s made me second time around – I really thought once you’d done it once it would be a mentally easy process.

SIL and I have spoken of each wanting a second, in a casual conversation way, but not specifically “I’m trying right now, for this long, had a chemical” type way. I’ve just worked out she’ll have had her BFP at the time I was losing mine, THANKS universe. I’d rather die than discuss with family; I feel I’d be on womb watch and there would be patronising pity — even if it’s all meant kindly and the reaction is all in my head. Plus she’s all glowing and happy and this is her moment for attention, I don’t want to be the Babadook sulking in the corner muttering “When is it my turn?”

I know realistically DP and I haven’t even been trying that long but we had a slip up a year ago where I took the morning after pill, which was a gut wrenching decision but he wasn’t ready and we weren’t financially ready, then a half-hearted attempt in the summer before we decided to postpone in order to do a renovation first (why?!), so my brain has been TTC for a year even if my body hasn’t

@stuntbubble my cousin just announced their pregnancy and my Mum put a scan pic in a group chat. It was like a punch in the guts and as much as I want to be happy for them I'm sad for myself. Last year 2 girls in worked announced pregnancies after I'd had 2 CPs they both had babies last month and I can't even bring myself to look at pictures or write in their cards......
Its heart wrenching 💔 and as hard as it is we need to keep reminding ourselves, our time will come we will hold our babies in our arms soon xx

Thanks ladies xx

@DOB78 💖

Our time WILL come and when it does, some other poor bugger will be sad about it. Reminding myself of that is helpful – not in a “haha, I win” way, but more… reminding me that no one else is getting pregnant AT me or to spite me, just as my pregnancy isn’t AT anyone else; it’s about me. Hope that makes sense! I guess just awareness that hard as it is, my SIL and everyone else’s lucky BFP family and friends have probably also had their moments of weeping over BFNs and losses and hiding from news/group chats/social media.

It’s just all really fucking hard and I hope we’re all staring at bright pink lines soon. to all

@stuntbubbles I understand it completely. We don't know everyone else's journeys just like they don't know ours.
Here's hoping xxx

@DOB78 congratulations on your engagement. Such good news!

@Honey2 so lovely to see you’re now 23 weeks. I’m 32 now and still have to pinch myself that it’s really happening.

I’m so sorry ladies to hear about the impact of recent pregnancy announcements. It’s so hard to navigate close friends and family being pregnant when you’re ttc and it’s not happening.

I had my third mc in a row last June. Not long after a friend of mine announced a surprise pregnancy (she thought she was menopausal) with her 4th child. It was really hard to deal with. Especially when I found out her due date was one day earlier than mine would have been. I did get another bfp about 4 weeks later but it was terrifying seeing her pregnancy progress and worrying mine wouldn’t work out. It was scary to consider how I’d feel seeing her have her baby if I lost mine. She’s now given birth and even though I’m 32 weeks I still worry about things going wrong.

I guess my point is you don’t know when it might happen for you. It might be very soon. Also that I’ve found these feelings didn’t go away after my bfp. Struggling with fertility and pregnancy loss makes such a big impact on mental health. Just remember it’s perfectly fine to distance yourself from anyone if you’re finding it hard to deal with their news. It’s not selfish and it’s not that you’re not happy for them. It’s just sometimes painful to be around pregnant people. They will understand and if you feel you can’t tell them, maybe it’s something you can explain in the future.

I really do wish you all the best. Hoping you’re all seeing two pink (or blue) lines very soon! Xx

@Catconfusion, such a lovely understanding message 💕. It's such a difficult situation to be in and as you say even a BFP doesn't stop the worry and overthinking.
I do find pregnancy announcements easier in the group as there is a greater understanding of the journeys we've all had.
Anyway heading into fertile week with new hope and positivity those 2 lines will appear this month 😊

What lovely messages to read! Thank you ladies. I do believe we will get our BFPs. I'm also in fertile week so I'm really praying that this month is it! And for all of us!

When I see pregnancy announcements in this chat, it really does gives me hope. Just as it has happened for them, it will happen for us. I'm holding on to that. It is hard every month when AF comes when every symptom before convinces you you're pregnant 😅 but one day, those symptoms will be because of our babies 😍

There will always be moments when you feel crap about TTC and that's normal. That's why this thread is amazing as we're free enough to share those moments with people who can empathise! So I just want to say thank you ladies so much for being here!
Not sure why I'm being so sentimental this morning (I wish it was because of pregnancy lol) but let's keep going! Xx

@oldermam glad you had a good birthday

@furmumma hi and welcome

@stuntbubbles it's always hard when other people announce, I feel like there are babies everywhere apart from here!

And for those worrying about menopause I've had my worries too but they do say that with the beginning of it comes a surge of hormones and women often find themselves pregnant 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

Hi everyone. I've been gone for a few weeks and in that time I've had my 42nd birthday and covid (on the same day). Yay me. I saw a consultant and had a scan. Blood tests all good but scan showed AFC of 6 (down from 21 when I was 39! How is that even possible ). Anyway he suggested coQ10 and DHEA (which I'm awaiting). Has anyone conceived after taking these?

I love this group!!! Wonderful women ❤ xxx

Sorry to those who have been struggling with hearing of other's pregnancy announcements.

Can I ask what vitamins you ladies are taking. I've been taking folic acid and pregnancare proconceive, but wondering if I might be better switching to folate and a multivitamin.

@Equimum I'm taking a standard women's multi (Zita West when I'm feeling flush, vitabiotics when I'm not), ConceivePlus Ovulation support, NAC, Royal Jelly and my consultant told me to take DHEA 75mg which I ordered from iherb and coQ10 400mg. These last 2 are meant to improve egg quality so even if I have few eggs the sum is to get them all up to good quality to improve chances of fertilisation. I dread to think how much it costs..
I'm guessing about £100 pm in supplements. But it'll be worth it.

Thanks dollymixture31. I did take CoQ10 before my last miscarriage, but stopped. Probably makes sense to get back on that.
I really hope your regimes works for you really soon!

Hi Everyone. I’m 40 and we were thinking of trying for a third and final but I was diagnosed with POI/early menopause last month. Periods were always regular but I started getting night sweats. This is how my friend (male) found out he had cancer, so I wanted to get it checked and thankfully I don’t have cancer. My ovaries are kaput though. So my journey is over before its begun 🙁

Hi everyone trying to decide if menopause is looming for me too. Im 42 miscarried twins at 9weeks in august. Also had 5 chemical before that and. Mmc at 8 weeks. So 7 conceptions in total 2 being MMcs. But since I've noticed my cycle is shorter 24 days instead of 26 and seem to be ovulating earlier. I've also noticed my breasts are no longer tender after ovulation. This used to happen right after ovulation until period came before the miscarriage. Also have had some night sweats before period due. Worried I'm running out of time. I had amh 2.4 at 41 with follicle count of 10 at 41. Anyone carried a successful pregnancy with numbers like this? Partners SA came back normal xx

@October1979 I think those AMH numbers are very good! Is everything above 1 considered a good reserve? I had it at 2.2 six months ago... just about to start my journey at 40 almost 41...

Just wanted to join if I can 😊
I'm 43 TTC number 2. Have a gorgeous 3.5 year old.
Lovely to read all of your experiences.
Conceived DD1 after 7 months.
Have been TTC now for 3 months.
Aware biological clock is ticking like a massive grandfather clock that needs a service (no pun).

I haven't done ovulation tests. I try to listen to my body but I've also got an app that tracks...

🤞 got us all x

@October1979 I don't really understand AMH results we're waiting for an appt with a fertility clinic as this is 1 of the tests I'd asked for. Be good to know what we're working with I guess.
I've been having night sweats before my period too but I do think this can linked to rise in progesterone somay not be a bad thing I'm hoping.

Hey all, it’s been ages since I checked in so was just stopping by to see how you are all getting on. Lovely to see that photo @Littlemiss41andfabulous!! What a beauty!

@October1979 I really wouldn’t worry about menopause yet. You get some great hormones then anyway and we all know plenty of stories of women well into peri who conceive. A few days difference on your cycle isn’t that crazy - huge swings of 6 weeks then 3 weeks or something is more likely to indicate it.

That said, yes, it’s a low AMH. But you just need one egg! And as long as the AMH isn’t zero you still have eggs that could be your baby!

@FluffyFlower AMH is not really something to worry about unless you’re considering IVF. It indicates how many eggs your body might be stimulated to produce in IVF, the higher the better. But it drops rapidly post 40 which is why IVF has such dreadful success rates for women over 40. There’s nothing you can do to improve it, but you can improve quality.

I know a woman on another board who conceived with an AMH of 0.8.

Ultimately over 40 your results will always be low. No doubt. On everything: AMH/FSH/AFC. But that doesn’t mean you won’t conceive.

I had an AMH of 6.3, AFC of 13 and no reason not to get pregnant, but I just didn’t. Never got the good egg and I hated the stress of Ttc. Sometimes, that’s just what happens. So, I’m still here, childfree and content following our attempts, and crossing everything for you all whilst hopefully reassuring you that there is a wonderful life after TTC.

Baby dust to you all! Xx

@Geriatric1234 Thanks for your reply! I know that AMH isn't really relevant unless when going for IVF, plus it doesn't say anything about the quality of the egg. But just out of curiosity, which units are your results? Mine was in ng/ml and reference tables place results of over 2 ng/ml as corresponding to the age of around early to mid-30s. The max under that grade is 7.4

@FluffyFlower mines was 2.4 pmol/l which is 0.24 ng/l I think so not good xx

[quote October1979]@FluffyFlower mines was 2.4 pmol/l which is 0.24 ng/l I think so not good xx[/quote]
Thanks for clarifying, and not to give up, I personally know ladies who got pregnant naturally with levels well below 1... Sending all the lovely ladies in this group positive vibes xx

Hi ladies!

@dollymixture31 - sorry to hear about your birthday being ruined by Covid! I believe Conceive Plus Ovulation tablets that I'm taking has CoQ10 in it. Haven't heard much about DHEA, to be honest.

@Equimum - I'm only taking Conceive Plus Ovulation support and Vitamin D at the moment. Only been taking it for a few weeks so hard to say if it works. Was taking Pregnacare last September but stopped as I found my that it slightly messed with the length of my cycle and turned my urine lime green lol. However, I had a chemical pregnancy a couple of months later. First time ever been pregnant so as I'm typing this, I'm thinking maybe Pregnacare had something to do with it.

@MadameHeisenberg. Sorry to hear about your diagnosis. That must have been tough to hear😢 Have you explored other options?
I have read that women have spontaneously ovulate and gotten pregnant after a diagnosis of POI, so hopefully, that's your experience xx

@October1979. I totally understand you about cycles and menopause. I also get night sweats and not just before my period but at random times. I've not tested my AMH (I definitely should) so not sure about numbers but I do know those numbers do not mean it's impossible to conceive xx

@oxfordinwinter85 - welcome! Are you finding the app accurate in regards to your ovulation?

@DOB78 - hope it goes well at the fertility clinic. I really need to test mine but I'm scared to find out 🥴 but need to put my big girl boots on and just do it! I do believe it's important to know what you're working with. Keep us updated xx

@TTCat40

Thanks for your kind wishes. I think a very small number of younger women who have POI sporadically ovulate, but given my age, I think for me it’s really just premature menopause. We know after 40 that fertility starts to decline, so I think that’s it for me.

I have two young children already and we weren’t dead set on a 3rd (more, let’s try and see what happens), so we won’t explore other options; DE, IVF etc. I’ll count my blessings I think and be grateful for the family I already have.

I guess, like anything, when a decision is taken out of your hands and made for you, it’s more difficult to accept than when you have control and execute your own choice.

Good luck to everyone hoping and trying!