TTC 35+ Thread 12

[Misty84]

Hope this works girls, haven’t done this before, we’ve run out of space on the other thread.
@thislittlebird @ElsieG3m @Marvellouslymadmum @KatRee @Anxiouswannabe

@thislittlebird sorry, to answer your question, re questions for Dr Faris. Not a lot atm. Feeling quite overwhelmed.

• I want to ask if I need surgeries for endo before I start IVF as nervous it won't work because my last lap was 15 years ago *what can I expect from the process, what chances do we have of a live birth success *I want to give him my supplement list (we have a lot from It starts with the egg) and ask should we take anything else.

Stuck there really. I want to ask if donor eggs are likely needed for us, as my partner does not want to go down that route, and I feel unsure about it.

Good to see you back @Misty84 - sorry you've been getting the updates from the ivf thread. And really sorry to hear you've not had any follow- up support from the clinic, although sadly, not altogether surprised. I get the impression a lot of clinics treat the whole process like some sort of production line with very little in the way of support or opportunity to discuss things. I hope they'll come through with some answers at some point and hope you can continue to hang on in there in the meantime

@Marvellouslymadmum I would be livid about the rolos

@MargotChateau - sorry you've had a stressful time- hopefully things will start moving in the right direction now

@ShirleyValentineManc - sounds like you've adopted a really healthy attitude there. The obsessing is so stressful. I think about everyone else on this thread every day and also keeping everything crossed that we all get there sooner rather than later

Hi ladies, sorry for the radio silence. 2 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant but it felt like the wrong time to share on here and I have a history of miscarriage so was feeling anxious. At the same time I was so excited thinking maybe our run of terrible luck was perhaps over and also excited that we were able to conceive after being told we would probably need ivf. Then on Monday I started to bleed. I spent yesterday in the EPU where they confirmed a miscarriage (possibly small ectopic as no evidence of gestational sac in my uterus). So that's it. Took us 7 months to conceive a miscarriage. I don't know how to pick myself up from here. I'm crying all the time and just no idea how to be strong for my little girl but I know I have to try to find a way. Just carrying so much guilt that I've let her down so badly as all her little friends have siblings all around her. Sending everyone loads of best wishes for your various stages of this tough journey x

I'm so terribly sorry @ElsieG3m! But at the same time I am glad that - because it was most likely an ectopic - you didn't have to go to surgery and it didn't end up being an emergency for your health. Take good care of yourself please. XX

Thanks @Bundaberg84. All feels a bit raw I must say. So sorry to ask but have you had an ectopic? Just wondering what to look for. I'm concerned it may have been that as you have an increased chance of another ectopic afterwards. The unit said they couldn't say - they thought miscarriage as I haven't had any pain and only pink/red blood (not brown). They also checked my tubes and couldn't see anything there. Though I've also been nauseous which is common of ectopic... they said it was probably just so early they couldn't see anything or it had already passed out.

@ElsieG3m yes I had an ectopic back in June, I had to have surgery and only have one tube left as a result of it.
I haven't been nauseous though, and the embryo was already 4cm, so it was close to bursting.
There is an increased chance of another ectopic afterwards, that's true. But the chances of NOT having another one are far higher, that's what you have to concentrate on.

@thislittlebird No wonder you’re confused and anxious about it, I think you know your body best and if 3 previous consultants have suggested a certain dosage of stims then there has to be merit in that. Just keep making sure your voice is heard.

Oh to answer your question about a multi cycle package- yes I have a 2 round package with Access but it only works out cheaper if you get any blasts, and because I didn’t it actually works out more expensive. Ridiculous huh, just another nail in the coffin!

@MargotChateau Really sorry that it broke your mental health, I’ve felt similarly recently, it’s so hard. I’m at the Lister too, just had a failed round. Having a follow up with Dr Faris next week (have had to wait 3 weeks for this follow up, and still can’t get a counselling session arranged with them, if it doesn’t get done today I’m emailing their complaints department). The actual IVF process went smoothly enough, it’s just all the communication beforehand and then the aftercare which has personally let me down.

Thanks @KatRee and hope all is going well for you.

@ShirleyValentineManc Lovely to hear from you, glad not taking opks has given you some peace this month, I’m going to do the same and also not taking my temperature every morning has been a relief too! Sometimes it’s just too much isn’t it.

@ElsieG3m I’m so, so sorry to hear this. Please don’t think you’re letting your little girl down, you’re doing all you can, and one day she will understand that. ❤️

@Misty84 yeah, I’m very anxious tbh. I didn’t feel very confident with her, she was nice but quite young. It all felt quite rushed and because her advise ran counter to what doctors I know are experienced said to me it really raised alarm bells. I know Guys are a teaching hospital too, so she may well not be a consultant, I would assume not.

I don’t know how to manage this really. I’ll have to see what she comes back with and maybe try to speak to someone there if I’m not happy. I’m glad I’m informed about OHSS though, not everyone would be and it all felt a bit gung-ho. In the meantime I’m trying to teach the lister to see if I can start a Letrozole cycle. Of course I can’t get anyone to call me back

Ahhh that’s so frustrating. You’ve got your next round paid for at least, hopefully it will yield a better outcome.

@MargotChateau I absolutely know what you mean about it breaking you. I’ve felt incredibly fragile and broken of late. The extra stress from the will you won’t you be funded and how to fund anything you do need is hard.

I think the donor eggs question is a good one. It’s a tough process, probably best to think about it early and adjust to the idea even if you don’t end up going that route.

With the Lister I’ve had no rounds (and none elsewhere). I’ve had a couple of consultations because I went to them for a specific doctor. That doctor then retired which was really disappointing to be honest, I wanted her specifically. Now I’m with Dr Faris too and if our nhs round fails we’ll likely go ahead with a round with them. They’ve been ok with me, but obviously I haven’t done much but a hycosy. I find it hard to get through on the phone.

@ShirleyValentineManc we’re going to do that this month and onward until Ivf I think. Tracking ovulation got me nowhere, I probably don’t ovulate anyway. May as well just have sex throughout the month.

@ElsieG3m so sorry to hear your news. It’s a horrible experience when you don’t conceive easily and I hope you’ll have a little break and look after yourself. It’s a lot to deal with. Do they have to do anything if they think it was ectopic? Or they just leave it now?

@Marvellouslymadmum
I probably googled everything I could on od'ing my folic but still really pissed off with myself for being so careless. I don't have any reasons (not high BMi , risk of ntd I know of etc) to consume high dosage.

Fertility is something we could hardly control but with the few things I could control eg supplements - I messed up big time. I guess that's why I'm pissed off with myself.

@ElsieG3m
I'm so sorry that this happened. I know your little girl may want a sibling but I think she will want her mother more. So take good care of yourself. I dont know how ppl pick themselves up in situations like these, but I know for a fact that this too shall past and u will stand up again. Human beings are just amazingly resilient ...it's just something in us. Take as much time as you need...

@thislittlebird
I did a monitored letrozole cycle and not quite sure if it's worth the £500. All I got was a prescription and two transvaginal scans. Unless you are recommended a trigger shot - you may want to just ask for a prescription and trust your opks.

The medication was like £10 with prescription from the pharmacy.

@ElsieG3m I'm so sorry that happened, it must be devastating. Please, please be kind to yourself- you are not letting anybody down. Your little girl is very very lucky to have such a loving mother

I don't know if this helps, but I think lots of children go through a phase of wanting more siblings, but in the end will grow up completely fine no matter how many they have. My OH is an only child and after seeing so many mothers wanting to give their children siblings on here, I asked him how he felt about it. He said he hadn't really given it any thought at all since primary school, when he was one of only two or three in the class without brothers or sisters (80s child, so less common then than it is now). I think in the end if we are lucky enough to grow up in a loving family of any description that is what stays with us.

Not to say you won't have another child, as this, whilst being a terrible loss and ordeal won't do anything to affect your chances

@AnxiousWannabe I can’t trust OPKs unfortunately because I’m likely PCO/S. So I have to monitor to know it’s working and also to make sure my 38 follicles aren’t all going mad in there. It costs more than £500 round here, more like £1k. But I will have a trigger shot because I don’t necessarily ovulate.

They’ve sorted it for me so I’m picking the prescription up tonight and starting today/tomorrow. It’s that or wasting the next few months waiting for ivf for us, so we’re going to give it a go.

@thislittlebird
Good luck! I ovulated like 10 days earlier with letrozole (usually cd 22-23). So be prepped to BD - I was caught by surprised. In my scans the nurse also measured my uterine lining. Apparently it gotta be more than 7mm or something.

Pomegranate juice helped me with the lining I think ...

@KatRee yeah, I think we worry about it as ttcers but singleton kids are fine and don't know different. I have siblings and we don't like each other, they're older than me and we grew up separately so I felt a bit like an only child sometimes. It's swings and roundabouts. I would like a child of mine to have a sibling, purely because my relationship with my own was awful and I wish I'd had what other people did...but who knows how that will pan out.

@AnxiousWannabe noted. I'm not sure how it will work for me yet, hopefully not too early, let's see. Why did they give it to you by the way, do you ovulate normally?

@Bundaberg84 that's so awful - I'm so very sorry to hear that. You're right of course, the chance of success in a subsequent pregnancy is 90% so pretty good odds.

@thislittlebird - I spoke to the EPU again this morning and they said they think it was likely a miscarriage as my progesterone and hcg were so so low (both below 5), I had (am having) red bleeding, no severe pain etc. At those levels, even if it were an ectopic, they wouldn't do anything. But she thought most likely a MMC and said some of the pregnancy gets reabsorbed by the body. I've had more bleeding today with coffee grounds like my other MCs so that's something truly shitty to be positive about I guess?!

@AnxiousWannabe @KatRee @Misty84 thank you all. I know you're right - it just feels a bit hard right now and having family pressure doesn't help ("she shouldn't be an only child" etc). It's very hard. And I'd actually got myself into quite a good place mentally. I felt quite calm this cycle and had a weird feeling it might just happen. Now of course I'm all over the place again. Seeing a Mum friend who is about to give birth to her second this morning might have been a step too far but just trying to keep things normal for my little girl xx

@ElsieG3m I'm sorry, it's so very shit. I know this isn't obviously on your mind right now, but will you speak to anyone about progesterone support in case this happens again?

The rhetoric around "shouldn't be an only child" is so damaging. I'm sorry you have family pressure too. And seeing the mum friend does not sound like fun.

@thislittlebird several consultants had suggested a progesterone supplement before I conceived this one. I am asking for advice as to whether it is indicated now. Have you tried it? I'm definitely in the "please put a baby back inside me" place, not keen to wait before cracking on. Just terrified, both of the time it will take and of course further poor outcomes xx

@Misty84 I'm really sorry about your outcome. It is impossible not to compare your experience with others going through the same thing. Re the Lister, I find them a bit hopeless over email, I just phone and chase and chase. Today actually I stated that I was thinking of moving to a different clinic due to their slow or non responses to my emails, and low and behold noticed a quick response.

I wasn't aware re the Access x 2 cycle that it only works out cheaper if you get any blasts. What happens if you don't? Do you have to pay again? I haven't paid for it yet, so not sure what to do. With male factor and myself with a .6 amh, I will probably have a similar issue to you.

@thislittlebird when is your first NHS round? I'm glad Dr Farris sounds nice, I'd prefer my friend's doctor who sounds really empathetic and hands on, but she unfortunately doesn't specialise in endo!

@ElsieG3m I'm so sorry for your loss. Please don't put further pressure on yourself, your daughter if she was older and understood the situation as an adult would never want that. xx

@ElsieG3m also why are family members so bloody insensitive. My mil made some very rude comments today, if we do get lucky and have a baby I will certainly remember her treatment of me during the infertility journey and she won't be asked to babysit.

@thislittlebird
It was a step before IVF ...and I'm at a spot where I'd do anything just to be 'doing something'. Like my fancy opk that costed a bomb but functioned almost like advanced clear blue lol

@MargotChateau thank you. I sorry to hear your MiL is insensitive. It's so incredibly hard and there's never any excuse for ill-judged comments. I think a lot of those coming from people around me come from a place of ignorance having never really known or experienced infertility. But still. It hurts. I hope you get your little miracle soon x

@thislittlebird he did get me more chocolate so he was forgiven lol
I think a dog would be a great distraction for you and something for you to concentrate on, I'm a great believer in animals for anxiety- no matter what, if you're upset, Happy, sad a dog will always be there for you and whenever you're anxious a few strokes on a doggies head while they look up at you and you know you're loved. Animals have been great fir my son and my partner when he's anxious.
That does seem strange about your appointment! Why would they put you on a high dose with that many follicles? 🥴 some
Of these people do frazzle the mind!
Good luck for the letrozole I do hope it goes well for you!!
I got a letter from the consultant saying it'll be clomid they put me on for 3 rounds to start off with, just waiting for my amh and progesterone results now.

@Geriatric1234 one of our doggies is a rescue too! Lovely thing to co-run!

@A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 I am I can't wait to go and meet the little fuzzies once they're born 😍

Hi @MargotChateau sounds like you're having a confused time!

@KatRee I was certainly not a happy bunny and he was like - I'll just buy you more, that wasn't the point! I wanted the rolos then not later 🤦🏼‍♀️

@ElsieG3m so sorry to hear that, I know it's so hard not to feel like that, I was then same when I had my mc but you really can't blame yourself,

@AnxiousWannabe I understand but at least you know it's not something that'll do any harm

@ElsieG3m I haven’t tried it but I will be trying it this month. Started Letrozole yesterday and the headaches are here, going in for a follicle scan later (second of the week) and then will hopefully find out what day I’ll be starting progesterone.

@MargotChateau who is your friend’s doctor? He helped sort the Letrozole out for me fast this week so that was good. Let us know how your appointment goes. Our NHS round is going to be late November or December I think. If we’re lucky October/November. Might not even get an embryo transfer until January if we have any embryos because I’ll likely need a freeze all. It’s all so slow.

@Marvellouslymadmum how long to wait until the results and clomid do you think? That’s good news. I have a headache today, thanks Letrozole 🙌

We’re hoping to go ahead with the dog plan, my worry is just about losing lots of sleep and messing up ttc. I hope it’s only a week for the worst of it at night.

Don’t, I can’t even tell you how nervous that doctor made me. I’m going to ask for a consultant to review the plan once I know what it is.

@thislittlebird ooh exciting! Are you having iui?

Feeling pretty down today. Not sleeping properly and no-one now seems to want to give me progesterone even though it seems indicated. They are worried about my clotting risk but I can liaised wi to my haematologists on that and I'm convinced it might help. I seem to have estrogen dominance - second load of EWCM post-ovulation; fibrous, painful breasts; weight gain round hips; mood swings (ha!); migraines and headaches; short luteal phase. I feel so frustrated because I feel I need to be doing something differently but the response just seems to be to let me struggle 😢