Talk sense into me...seriously losing the plot!Help!

[Anonapapple]

We were supposed to wait a few months to ttc. I decided to track my cycles, as I havent tried to conceive for a few years and wanted to get to know my fertile days.

I had a positive opk on the 27th and it must have gone to my head, because we had sex that night and definitely didn't prevent. A few hours before, I felt something go 'pop pop pop' in my left ovary area (I always feel ovulation). I was out for a walk as I felt it, and the evening sky was so beautiful and I felt all misty eyed about creation. Everything inside me was telling me to go for it, so we did 🙈

The next day I had that feeling of panic, like 'what have I done!' 😄. Then that was replaced by an unbelievable sense of giddiness and excitement to the point I started wondering if I was going to have some kind of reverse panic attack! Honestly, I was so excited that I was nearly sick! I am a 38 year old grown up!

You see, I had thought that ttc was off the cards as my husband didnt want any more kids, but he recently changed his mind out of the blue, to my complete delight, so it's like a dream that I am able to consider another.

The problem: I am absolutely convinced that I am pregnant, or that I will be in a few days when the egg implants. The thought that I am not pregnant seems impossible. The day that I conceived I wrote in my ovulation app 'diary' that I knew it would happen that night. (I just read this back to myself and noticed how I said 'conceived', not 'had sex').

I keep wanting to tell people I'm pregnant, including my boss (to help make decisions about staffing allocations). I just had sex a few days ago! Oh, and it's a boy, as if I'm not being ridiculous enough! I have even named him!

This is totally ridiculous! There is only a 20% chance of conception each month I think, and I am sure that decreases with age. This is our first month trying! There is every reason that I will not be pregnant!

I am constantly going around with a horrible sense of giddiness and excitement that is not congruent with reality and is actually physically uncomfortable. I feel like jumping up and down and squealing with joy at many points throughout the day.

Does anyone else feel like this? I am normally a very stable, pragmatic and generally realistic (possibly overly hopeful at times) person and this is totally bonkers to me! Please, can anyone relate? Or can a very sensible mumsnetter come along and give me a stern deflation?

I actually feel like I can't do another week of this. I have felt excited to the point that I wonder will I actually faint! Smelling salts anyone????

Help!

(If, by the reasonably high chance that I am NOT pregnant, I will update this thread for any other ladies going totally bonkers to help them get a grip of themselves too! Even when I was typing that, I was saying to myself 'yeah right, as if I'm not pregnant!'.

Help!

Op you are allowed to feel this way month after month! Lots of people feel like this for years! Post what you want/need to !

@Anonapapple I've also been a lurker for a while, I hope you don't mind me saying but I've enjoyed how you write / express yourself. We've been trying for a while with many early losses and I have had a tough month mentally and keeping up with your thread put a smile on my face, I've been silently cheering you on throughout. You expressed exactly how I feel every month and if this helps you stay sane then you continue to do you 🤗 I'm sorry you got your period in the end, I got mine today as well. Wishing you luck for the next cycle!

Aw thank you everyone! Yes I agree that it has ended on something of a sour note, but it coincided nicely with my period arriving about 10 minutes later. I really had a fun two weeks, although frustrating at times. And in some ways, I had actually missed the tww, even though it can be stressful and confusing. I never thought I would be in the tww again, so it has felt like a strange blessing. You have all been great and thank you all for taking things in the spirit in which they were intended. Fun during a crazy, intense time, full of hope and uncertainty 🥰

@Anonapapple chin up hun and onwards and upwards to next month x

Just to add my voice to those who have really enjoyed the thread and taking a light-hearted approach to the TWW insanity! Please, please do keep us posted OP, and good luck to everyone waiting for a BFP.

Just to reply personally as I didn't have time yesterday:

@extrababydust123 @Sadieeloise5687 and @Rach247 thank you very much. I can't hold my pee (metaphorically and literally) so will of course be keeping everyone posted! I've been getting really excited over my new basal body thermometer and Q10 supplements. Moving onto CD3 tomorrow and decided that today was the day where I was going to start eating a clean, plant-dense diet in order to maximise egg quality but then had a wrap with Philadelphia Light and crisps for dinner, followed by marshmallows that literally crunched with all the sugar they were coated in and a Magnum to top it all off 🤔

@choccrumpet I am so sorry to hear of everything that you have been through, especially your early losses. I am sure it gets you down as it is a very intense process. Please feel free to share whatever you are going through, if you want. Let's keep eachother updated as it looks like we are on the same cycle day :-)

@hewegoagain yes definitely, I am ever the optimist. Will probably be convinced I'm pregnant again this cycle, but I will never believe myself after the madness of the last one!

@SaraSS and @Mum233 thank you both, and hope you both get your bfp soon!!!

I agree with everyone else!!! I LOVE this thread and I'm not TTC 😅 but we have allll been there and you sound so lovely and.write so perfectly of the crazy little musings we all have whirling in our head.
Mumsnet really.annoys me sometimes, I've started avoiding some threads as people just cannot be bloody nice!! 😒
Please keep posting OP! I want you to get your third baba and I'm sure there will.be lots of people joining in and sharing their journey!!

@mamamalt thank you! That is very kind of you to say! Of course I will keep posting. I am excited to find out about everyone else's journey too!

Thank you @Anonapapple ! I think I'm struggling mentally more than I realised. It's our 10th month trying so it's not been that long in the grand scheme of things but also long enough that it's a struggle going through all the ups and downs and hope and sadness of each cycle! I'm waiting for my period to end and then it's waiting around for my fertile week. I ovulate very late in my cycle so am trying to bring that forward using supplements and acupuncture so I could be waiting a week or 2 or more, who knows. There's a lot of waiting around which I'm not into at all. Hope you've been doing okay

@choccrumpet oh I know the endless disappointment every month. My eldest child took about a year to conceive and I was definitely fed up by that point!! I remember just waiting for my fertile period and then waiting for my period! What supplements have you been taking? I've been following a great naturopath on youtube who specialises in fertility and she has some great videos. You probably know all the supplements anyway! But dont lose hope. I hope you can work on your cycle length and ovulation.

I am good but have been told that my covid vaccine is coming up. I'm not in the uk and am eligible via my job. It should be in about 2 weeks, right slap bang in my fertile window. I'd rather not risk conceiving under those circumstances, particularly if I get a fever as a side effect. So I might go for dose 1 and resume ttc in June. But every month i dont ttc feels like such a waste! I'm 39 in a few months and early menopause runs in my family so feel like I'm running out of time.

@Anonapapple it feels like we're trying so hard that its not going to happen 🙈 it's my second month trying soya isoflavones to help bring my ovulation forward. It didn't work the first month and in fact delayed my ovulation even more annoyingly but I'm trying it again with a higher dose. Tbh apart from that I only take multi vits, have not gotten sucked into taking much else because I know if I try I'll be afraid to stop "in case it helps". What about you? That sounds interesting, what's their name?

Ah I'm sorry that sounds like a tough decision to make although the vaccine is also a good thing, I do get the frustration. I haven't had mine just yet (I'm 28 so will take some while longer) and will have to see where we are when it gets offered to me.

@choccrumpet she is literally called Fertility Homeopath 😄 but she is very good and has a lot of advice on regulating hormones for a more balanced cycle. I am just taking a a prenatal and coenzymeQ10, as well as an omega supplement which I always took anyway. 10 months is still within the 'normal' range so try not to feel too disheartened! And sounds like you have an idea what the issue might be. What day do you ovulate?

@Anonapapple I'm a bit nervous to check her out in case I feel like I NEED x supplements but I might try 🙈 yes 10 months isn't that long but it's having a massive effect on me mentally and I know others try for a lot longer and I feel like I've no right to "struggle" at this point but it is hard. To be honest no we don't know what the issue is. I've had about 5 chemical losses, we've just had our first fertility appointment and are thankfully on our way to more testing but not sure what the issue is yet, if there really is one. I ovulate anywhere from CD18 to 24 was my last one. I used to have a 28 day cycle but now it's into late 30's which again isn't much but it has a massive impact on my mental health

@Anonapapple so an update here on this thread because that was the first one I commented on here and I felt so much like you, just convinced to be pregnant before I even ovulated basically. And I just tested positive, 2 days after AF was due. 😉 Thank you for encouraging me in my craziness. It didn't help in the TWW but was fun either way.

@Bundaberg84 congratulations! I got my BFP on Thursday and I was truly nuts in the TWW (though only lasted 9 days before I tested and got my BFP....and full disclosure....I started testing 4 days before 🙈)
There’s a chat on the pregnancy board for early Feb 2022 if you want to join 😊

@choccrumpet gosh I'm so sorry I hadnt replied to you...I thought I had! I know what you mean about not wanting to get sucked up into the supplements vortex! How are you now? You must be around 3 or 4 dpo now, if I remember as our cycles are the same!

@Bundaberg84 that is amazing!! Congratulations! Delighted to hear your news! And @tierneytarny...congratulations to you too! Fantastic news also!

@Anonapapple no worries 🤗 I'm on CD17 today, waiting for ovulation. My cycles are on the longer side so sadly not DPO yet. Feeling good, just don't enjoy the waiting around! How are you?

Congratulations to you ladies 🤗 @tierneytarny @Bundaberg84

@choccrumpet I'm fine thanks. Was supposed to be taking a break from ttc this month but had an oops 3 days before ovulation but dont think my chances are too high (would be simpler if it dodnt work this month actually!). Definitely not obsessing over it this month except to plan something logistically. Started WeightWatchers to get in better shape and have been losing some weight and eating more nutritious food. I've also been taking more pride in my appearance and have started styling my hair, accessoring and not slobbing around in tracksuit bottoms, bun and no make up at the weekend. I have been getting my groove back on with my painted toenails and dangly earrings and to be honest I feel really good. I keep thinking that each month with no BFP is a month where I can continue to lose a bit of weight and get my body into good shape. I have an odd and dodgy tattoo that I want covered up and plan to get that done soon if I'm not pregnant. Any thing else I can squeeze in?? 😄
I really hope you ovulate soon! Do you track with anything?

@tierneytarny congratulations to you too! That's amazing!
I don't feel comfortable with that yet, I had a chemical in February and I was already in a due date thread, it was devastating to leave there after 2 days. But I will uf I get over the next week🤞❤️

@Anonapapple I believe things happen for a reason but hopefully the outcome will be whatever you want it to be this cycle! It's great you're doing things for you, i think it's a good approach rather than putting your life on hold, I'm doing more of that myself although it's more mental than physical. Accepting things as they are and being grateful for what I have. I'm still as obsessed as ever over ttcing but have relaxed about it slightly mentally 😅 yes I use OPKs so I know they're not 100% but temping would be too much for me. I also check my cervix every now and again and keep an eye on my cm. this lovely weather (in the UK) is making things a lot nicer!

@Bundaberg84 I’m really sorry to hear about your chemical. I have everything crossed for you and your little bean ❤️

@tierneytarny thank you lovely! Same goes for you ❤️

So.

One month on, and this month we decided not to try as I wanted to get vaccinated before becoming pregnant. However, about 10 days ago, my husband and I had a little Sunday morning 'rest'. I knew I was 3 days before ovulation, but got a bit carried away. I thought about how last month we had timed it very well, much closer to ovulation in fact, and I didn't get pregnant. Afterwards I said to my husband, 'hmm that was a bit close for comfort but I think we'll be fine'. The statistics said that 8-15% of pregnancies are conceived 3 days before ovulation. I'm fine, I thought. No symptoms, no nothing.

I got up this morning, did a cheap pregnancy test and it was negative. Skipped off to my Covid vaccination where I informed the medics that I was trying for a baby but was 'pretty sure' I wasn't pregnant and had even got a negative that morning.

After my vaccination, I went back to work and then at 6pm I came home. There was this morning's test lying on the side of the sink. Old habits die hard, and I instinctively picked it up and held it to the light. I thought I could see something, something very faint, but there nonetheless. I pulled another test from last night out of the bin, and it also had the faintest, faintest whisper of a something. However, I knew that it was my physical eyes that could see these lines, and not my woman's intuition or wishful thinking.

So held my wee for 3 hours and went over to the shop for a twin pack of frer knock offs. I peed in a cup, dipped the frer in, and popped the lid on and went into a different room to grab a few Haribo. I went back into the bathroom about a minute later and there was not one line with a big, white empty space, but two lines! Two lines!

A big fat pink one and a skinny pinkish one beside it. Two lines!

A line is a line right???

Guys! I didn't even record one 'symptom' in my app as there were none, apart from a tell tale twisting pain in my waist, but I didnt believe anything my body was telling me after the joke it played on me last month.

Oh my.

What!! Congratulations!!!❤️🤩 I was literally thinking of you 30min ago, how crazy is that?