Recent MC - New cycles & trying again Thread 2

[AMS19]

Previous thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/4184729-Recent-MC-New-cycles-trying-again?pg=1

A thread for all the amazing strong ladies who have recently experienced a mc/mmc but are braving it to try again! Fingers crossed for a lucky one for us 🍀

Also thanks @AMS19 for starting up this new thread 💕

@glowingtwig I'm really sorry to hear your news! Hopefully you'll be one of the lucky ones that it works out okay for xxx

@AMS19 thanks for getting back to me! I imagine that was such a difficult loss

@Sleeeeeepy

@yepstilltrying that sounds horrible! Im really sorry you had to go through that. I don't think I could cope waiting 3 months. I'm at the I've accepted this and I just really want to move on now point

@PlantMummy87 it was 25ml or whatever the measurement is. Sorry to hear it took so long for you! But I'm delighted to hear your news gives me a bit of hope💗

Just off the phone with EPU and they said to wait another week and test again. Felt horrible because the midwife was complaining about how busy they are 🙄 I have gotta put my big girl pants on though just having a cranky day today as I really thought this one was going to be as quick as my last ones

Hi again,

Thank you so much for your kind words of support, it really means a lot- thank you for thinking about me.

So a rollercoaster of a morning... the GP said to ring the EPU to book a scan, which I did but they were so unhelpful and kept saying 'I don't know why you had HCG done, we don't recommend that' and that they won't scan me until nearer 7 weeks. So scan is booked for next Wednesday- a whole week to wait. The nurse on the phone said she disagreed that it wasn't enough of a rise because they hadn't been done exactly 48 hours apart. Now maths is not my strong point but even I can tell that after 4 days it should be more than it was.

Then my GP rang again to say try a different EPU, she rang them herself (she is so lovely) to get me in sooner but they have stopped all their 6 week scans for recurrent miscarriage because of Coronavirus.

So finally I've got another HCG booked for tomorrow eve and the GP said it might still be ok, that they can sometimes have little growth spurts with HCG. Plus it's really reassuring that my progesterone was good. Results Friday morning when she's back in.

DH is really sad and stressed and I think this is all really taking quite a toll on our marriage. So another thing to worry about and now I feel like I've got to try and manage it all by myself and hide the worst of it so that doesn't end up going down the drain as well. Feeling so so shit and hopeless. Only 1% of couples have 3 in a row. So just feeling really unlucky as well if this one is ending too. 💔

@glowingtwig youve broken my heart with the way he's acting. I'm sorry you feel like you have to manage all this on your own. It's really not fair you feel like way!

I get what you mean by the statistics getting to you. This was our 4th and it really did hit both of us harder because 1 in 4 pregnancies miscarry and we're at 4 in 4 miscarriages. I couldn't cope without DH's help through it though. I hope yours wises up and becomes a bit more supportive because you're both going through it 💕

BUT saying all this, hopefully everything works out fine for yous xx

Oh my goodness @glowingtwig what a rollacoster. Generally my experience of EPU is pretty poor. They see it as the day job and forget they are dealing with peoples lives and emotions. I'm so sorry you haven't got thr support you deserved. Men don't deal with stress well do they. You are not alone, we are all here for you. You can reach out on here or to any of us individually if you want to talk. I know this all feels terrifying right now but you might still get the outcome you're dreaming of. Maybe baby is jsut having a lazy couple of days and then will have a little growth spurt. Sending lots of love xx

@angc30 thank you so much for your reply. He is usually supportive so it's a bit of a shock. After the mc I had in December I was very down and I think it has been hard for him to deal with. So I think he's afraid of me going back to that dark place. Plus I think he feels really sad that this might end up another mc.

I'm sorry to hear you've had 4. This will be our fourth if it ends that way but with DD from my second pregnancy which I'm feeling very lucky for.

Thank you @AMS19 ❤️ you're right, I think it is the stress getting to him and he feels really helpless. I think he can't bear to see me the way I was in January- not in a good place at all. Maybe I just wasn't ready emotionally for another pregnancy and that's why this is happening.

Ahh sorry @AMS19 😓 I hope you get your BFP soon xx

@glowingtwig so sorry to read your update - keeping everything crossed that your HCG has risen enough to keep you going until your scan next week, that's crap about EPU but I'm glad you've got a nice GP that's tried to help and speak to them. Sorry to read about your update with your DH... I can completely relate, that was us before I had my daughter. We'd had four mc's before her, and DH actually sat me down to say he was thinking about leaving me so that I could try and TTC with someone else at some point because he knew how much I wanted kids. It's a really hard time and so stressful on you both.. is there anything you could do to try and get him to talk and open up? And absolutely do not blame yourself!!! Emotionally ready or not, do not do that, don't blame yourself. I did the exact same thing and it's not healthy at all, you're allowed to feel the way you feel but nothing you've done has caused it Xx

@angc30 ah that's annoying, and so not fair of the midwife?! Do they not understand how emotionally difficult it can be, a little support wouldn't go amiss?! Hopefully your tests fade up quickly and you get to TTC again x

@glowingtwig oh love what a rollercoaster morning. Sounds like you have a lovely, helpful
gp which is great given your EPU sounds pretty rubbish! That’s so frustrating they won’t see you before next Wednesday. That’s good news that your progesterone was strong so fingers and toes crossed for your HCG results.
I understand that your husband feels sad and stressed and he is entirely within his rights to feel that way but PLEASE do not try and manage this by yourself to spare his feelings!! Bottling things up will only make the situation worse. You need to remain open and communicative with each other- right now and if anything he needs to be your pillar of support ❤️

@glowingtwig like @AMS19 said we are all here, as a group and individually so keep talking to us - you are not alone xx

@glowingtwig this is absolutely not happening because of your emotional state. If, and it's still an if, this little one doesn't stick it's because something isn't right with the baby. Your emotional state cannot cause a miscarriage. If it could, women who live in war zones or even anyone who ever had had a miscarriage would never have a baby again. As much as being less anxious might help with getting pregnant because of the impact of hormones, I promise you it will not be causing this xx

So sorry for a shitty day @glowingtwig so great you have a nice GP. Hoping for a nice HCG rise for you x

I'm really struggling. I can't believe it's going to happen again. I'm just curled up in bed shivering and crying. I feel so pathetic.

@glowingtwig sending you so so much love and strength. As @AMS19 has said if there is anything we can do please let us know xxx

@KJLM ❤️ I just want someone to tell me it'll all be ok in the end. That all this heartbreak and these losses will be worth it.

Wish I'd not had HCG done now. It's not helped me, it's made me feel worse. I'm in worse limbo than if I'd just waited for a 'surprise'.

@glowingtwig sending you strength lovely. It's okay to feel a mess right now, try and be kind to yourself. Xx

@glowingtwig you are not pathetic! You are a woman afraid of losing what you want more than anything in the world - we know that yearning and unfortunately that fear. It’s all an “if” at the moment, your HCG is still rising so as hard as it is, please try and hang on to that hope that all will be ok ❤️ Could you possibly call your EPU again and say you’re struggling? You might find they fit you in before next Wednesday? I’ve always been scanned early around 5-6 weeks and while it doesn’t offer you a guarantee it might offer some temporary reassurance and help you feel less in limbo? X

@glowingtwig I totally agree with @SuzieDeLaTour I wouldn't wait. I understand wanting a later scan but if you're going to just live in limbo feeling distressed you should get an earlier scan. They will be able to see from measurements how baby is progressing even if there isn't a heartbeat. My friend has a scan at 5+4 and they saw a heartbeat, which was super early but it is possible xx

@AMS19 @glowingtwig absolutely - even if they can’t see a heartbeat they’ll be able to let you know the growth is in line with your dates etc. The limbo is just hideous as you’re expecting the worst, hoping for the best and just left to wait. I think given how distressed you feel you should push to be seen earlier or ask your lovely GP to try and get you in as an emergency - she may have more sway? X

@glowingtwig @SuzieDeLaTour is absolutely right, I agree - try and push them to scan you earlier. Please don't feel pathetic over jt ☹️ it WILL be worth it, I promise you that - I have my rainbow baby and although I'll never forget, the six losses before her we're all worth it the second I held her. I promise you it'll be okay and it'll be worth it, please please don't beat yourself up ☹️❤️❤️ x

Thank you @SleepyKitKat ❤️

@SuzieDeLaTour @AMS19 I tried pushing them but they said absolutely no scan until a week tomorrow. The GP even tried elsewhere but no luck due to Covid. It feels like covid is used as an excuse to be honest. The GP said my only option is a private scan but I had such a terrible experience last time at the private scan and then the EPU wouldn't accept it as my first scan confirming the baby had died.

I feel like I have no choice but to wait. I'm just in bits though. My eyes are so swollen they look like eggs in my face and I've given myself a cracking headache through stress. I feel sick. And there my boobs are still so sore. I feel like there is no hope. I was thinking last night that it didn't feel like it was going to be ok because I don't have the constant feeling like I need to wee as I had when first pregnant with DD.

I was giving her a bath this eve and her sitting there splashing; I feel like I'm letting her down not being able to give her a little brother or sister. Letting work and the students down having more time off. Letting my husband down not giving him the family we thought we'd have. I feel so awful. I just don't know what to do. This is so poor me, I'm sorry.

@cupcakesandglitter I'm so so sorry you had to go through this six times. I need to try to be strong and see that there might still be a happy ending.

@glowingtwig NONE of this is your fault! Who says it's you not having a sibling for your daughter or another baby. How do you know its not an issue with the sperm? It's 50/50 so don't be so quick to jump to conclusions it is anything to do with you. I know right now it all feels totally helpless but 1) this baby may pull through and 2) you have got through this before and you will get through this again. You absolutely will have your rainow baby. It will not be an easy ride, but it will be worth it I promise. We are all going to get you through whatever happens. You're not alone at all. We are by your side every step of the way ❤❤

@AMS19 I honestly don't know what I'd do without you all on here. Thank you. It's just so hard this limbo, so awful.

@glowingtwig sending you all my love. Please take it easy and rest. Work can wait. Xxx