Recent MC - New cycles & trying again Thread 2

[AMS19]

Previous thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/4184729-Recent-MC-New-cycles-trying-again?pg=1

A thread for all the amazing strong ladies who have recently experienced a mc/mmc but are braving it to try again! Fingers crossed for a lucky one for us 🍀

Good morning ladies. Sorry I have been quiet. I was waiting for AF to pass and get back into my cycle. Second cycle for us so I’m hoping it’s a little more normal and that I ovulate ..! I have opks this month to see if I can track anything. Cd9 today so will see how things start to progress. I typically O around cd15-17 so a little bit to go

How is that possible. HCG positive after 6 weeks of PG? I usually take a test after missed period.

Morning all,

Thank for your reply @Badlydrawngirly. Pleased to hear it’s not just me who looks for every symptom, I’m ridiculous with it. Hoping to ease off it a bit for this new cycle as the stress of it all can’t be helping.
@CMcA21, I hope that your counselling session was helpful.
@Ralala, second cycle for us two. Having bad period pains this time though which is annoying!

Hi everyone

I’m in such a bad mood with this and it really is taking over my life. Can’t really talk about it elsewhere but I know you ladies all understand.

I’ve been having cramping on and off since ovulation and today I’ve got some pink tinged cm. I’m 13DPO so pretty sure I’m out but can’t help thinking the same thing happened in January and I got a BFP. I wish my body didn’t play cruel tricks on me and symptoms didn’t overlap so much.

I took a test thinking that would give me certainty and it was BFN so now I’m just feeling angry! I have a telephone appointment with my consultant tomorrow and I’m hoping he can leave a prescription for letrozole somewhere for me to pick up so that I can’t start it in this next cycle.

The other part of me thinks why am I bothering at all

Me again, sorry! Just picked up a voicemail saying my call tomorrow has been postponed to May

I’m so cross as I feel like we are just wasting cycle after cycle. Everything just feels so hard and I’m struggling to find any purpose at all in life. I have a call with my bosses later to discuss how my phased return will work and I have zero motivation about going back to work. Part of me wants to leave so that I can concentrate on me and part of me thinks then I really will have nothing when I end up giving up ttc.

Sorry for being so doom and gloom, I’ve just reached breaking point I think.

@Badlydrawngirly I am so sorry your feeling that way, its really tough. I've been cramping alot and really low down in abdomen, woke up during the night with back hip and leg pain and this morning I feel so sick. I'm the same DPO as you and keep checking to see if AF has arrived, however the pains are so different this month. I'm trying so hard not to get my hopes up or overthink things as I will only test if AF doesn't arrive.
My nephew asked me last night if I was pregnant and they dont even know about the MC. I think the TWW is the toughest.
Just remember it's not over till AF shows up so hopefully you still might get a BFP xx

@MSK1 the counselling was good thanks, it felt a bit weird to just talk to someone I’ve never met, especially as it’s down the phone. Hopefully a few more sessions will help me feel better and we can start to identify things I can work on myself! Hope you’re doing ok today?

Was just wondering if anyone else has counselling and has found it beneficial?

@Badlydrawngirly don’t worry about being ‘doom and gloom’ because this is the perfect place for you to rant. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself with work, arrange the phased return and if it gets too much when you come to it then you can change your mind. I didn’t want to go back to work at all but I did find the distraction helped me and I think now we’re TTC again it will be good to have that distraction in the day so I’m not obsessing over it. Obviously everyone is different though so that’s just how I feel about me. It’s so hard to feel like you have a purpose when you have lost a baby, I feel exactly the same. When I was found I was pregnant it was like I became a completely different person and I had a proper purpose in life and then it all ended and I felt a bit lost. You just have to focus on one day at a time and getting through the day, but don’t worry too much if you feel awful because what you’ve been through/ are going through is awful. There is no other way to describe it. What do you do to relax usually? Could walking and a good podcast or a nice read in the bath make you feel better just for today and focus on the little things that cheer you up for now? I find a nice bath and fresh sheets and PJs do me wonders when having a bad day 🥰 hope you’re okay and don’t give up hope!

Thanks @Neady1980 that’s how I feel, I keep checking and I’m driving myself crazy. I just want to know so that I can move on. The uncertainty is the worst!

How old is your nephew? Kids sometimes know these things before we do. I think I’m honestly at the point of giving up in a f the universe kind of way. I just threw my DH’s reusable coffee cup because I couldn’t get the lid off it to wash it up. It made me feel better momentarily and he still failed to notice how bad I’m feeling and that I’d been standing at the sink crying while washing up. I’ve come upstairs to hide.

@CMcA21 thank you for your kind words. That’s exactly how I felt, like a proper person when I was pregnant and then lost when it was all over.

I think it is anxiety about work that’s making me feel worse. I think because occupational health said I’m ready to go back that’s put pressure on me but you’re right, if I don’t feel up to it after the call then I will just tell them I’m not ready. I actually don’t care if I lose my job at this point. Usually I’m pretty good at doing something to relax myself but today I am just full of anger. I don’t know if it’s hormones or just anger that I’ve suppressed all this time. I feel like getting out of the house but I’m not sure I should drive in this angry/tearful mess.

It does help to come on here and share though so thank you for that.

@Badlydrawngirly it's very frustrating and I dont think the men actually get it. My nephew is 12, I took him and my niece for a few nights to try take my mind of things and currently walking around the house with a hot water bottle on my back 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️
I'm trying to keep as busy as I can, like you I just want AF to come but still have another 3 or 4 days to go 😡😡

@Badlydrawngirly could you go for a little walk with your head phones in? I think fresh air works wonders sometimes. Is there no way you can ring your GP and explain how you’re feeling and then see if they can sign you off for longer with a medical note? It’s completely normal to feel the way you do and no one can tell you if you are or aren’t ready to go back so don’t let feel pressured in to it!

Hi everyone, I definitely sympathise with you all about obsessing, I'm doing it too 😭 I did a FRER test way too early and it was faintly positive but the next day I did another and it was negative, so now I'm regretting the whole thing and trying to just wait for AF to turn up in a few days and stop being so crazy.

@Badlydrawngirly I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I also had a bit of a meltdown yesterday, I cried in the bathroom on and off and after work I just went for a long walk so I could be on my own and also have a cry in the fresh air (with passers-by probably thinking I've lost the plot entirely). I find that sometimes getting away from other people for a bit and allowing yourself to wallow can help. Your rage and sadness is completely justified and I don't really know what to say to try to make you feel better. Just that you aren't alone, we all understand at least a part of what you're feeling.

I hope you start feeling better, but if you need to smash a few more coffee cups, bloody well do it!

@Badlydrawngirly I'm really sorry lovely. I know how it feels to let it all get on top of you. I've been way too invested in my bbt temps and stressing each day they haven't been perfect (which has been most of my bloody cycle this time, it'd been an awful chart). Have you tried acupuncture? I really like having my weekly sessions now. I totally get how you feel about work, I have zero motivation thinkingni should be 2 months away from maternity leave now. But...I do think you might need the distraction. Having all that time to think things through won't change anything, and will probably just make you more anxious xx

@Badlydrawngirly not doom and gloom at all, I think being angry and frustrated is totally justified and it's so so hard. The hormones and possible AF doesn't help either, let alone with uncertainty. Do whatever you need to do to help you feel better, that's all that matters right now x

I’m pleased that your counselling session went well @CMcA21. I hadn’t thought about it being over the phone, the sooner this virus stuff ends the better, it’s really impacting everything isn’t it?!

Sorry to hear that you’re having a down day @Badlydrawngirly. Maybe do like the others have suggested and get out of the house for a bit. Can you meet a friend for a chat or something? I went back to work after three weeks, my OH said that it was too soon (which in hindsight it probably was) but I think the distraction kept me sane plus hardly anyone at work knew that I was pregnant so I didn’t have to deal with everyone being sympathetic etc. I work with children though and I’m finding it increasingly difficult to see how I’ll continue to do so if we can’t have children of our own. Might sound dramatic but it’ll just be a constant reminder of what we can’t have.
I’ve had a bit of a wobble today too so totally understand how you’re feeling. Woke up in the night having a sort of panic attack, think it’s all getting too much now. Keep thinking of how many months along I’d be which isn’t helping matters but it’s only natural to think ‘what if?’ I suppose.
Sending lots of positive thoughts your way. X

Thank you all so much for your support.

I’m feeling a little better and have accepted that AF has got me so I’m going to eat lots of chocolate and have a few gins tonight!

I had my catch up call with work and I’m lucky that my bosses are nice understand people but it’s not realistic to do my role as a phased return so we’re looking at what other things I can pick up while I’m getting back up to full time. They want me to look at the hours and days I think I can manage which feels like a pressure as I don’t really know what to say. A job for tomorrow I think.

It really does make me wonder if all of this stress is worth it and whether I should just try and accept we won’t have a child and move on from there.

Probably best not to make any decisions while feeling like this I guess!

Thank you all again. I don’t really feel like I can talk to anyone else about it. People assume you move on and you’re fine I think.

Hi ladies, I’m just marking my place in this thread, got lots of catching up to do,
Worried I might cut in at the wrong moment in a convo! Apologies if I have!
I find this thread so helpful with the way I feel, and knowing your not alone, as I don’t talk to anyone else about the MC I had in March, most of the time I’m fine, then sometimes something will remind you and you feel terrible again!!
I’m currently just finished my first AF since MC which was the heaviest Iv ever had!! so in a week or so should be ovulating, will try so hard to not be obsessive, this thread will defo help keep me on track!
Wishing the best for all the ladies here xx

@MSK1 yeah - I defo would have preferred a session face to face as there were silences but I’m sure in person this would be more comfortable because you can look at them? Tbh I just ended up talking for the whole hour but I suppose that’s the point isn’t it...

Hi everyone. Having sex the day before ovulation peak ? Is there a good chance. We was dtd every other day leading right up to it. Then when I had my peak my partner was ill so we didn't do anything. No I'm getting upset thinking there's no chance. It's taking over my life I feel so down with it all. I just think I can't get over the mc I had . I know it's daft. But I'm struggling a bit. I just feel so sad about it all.

Hey @MeganN91 I don't think there's no chance if you DTD within a few days of ovulating even if you didn't on the day of the surge, as sperm can survive for a few days, but I think there are others on this thread with more TTC knowledge who I'm sure can advise!

But it is absolutely not daft to be struggling and feeling down, it's absolutely normal and totally expected. I think the reason any of us are on these support threads is that we are all struggling, or have struggled, because of our MCs. However and whenever it happens, it's a traumatic experience with do many complex emotions attached to it. Please don't feel bad for not being ok about it, I struggle every day thinking about my MC and my future TTC prospects.

Be kind to yourself and remember we all understand how you feel.

@MeganN91 I think I read that sperm can live in the womens body for up to 5 days, I think your still in with a good chance.

How is everyone doing this morning? AF is due tomorrow or sunday but this morning all my cramping and lower back ache seems to have eased alot. Last night I was asleep by 9.30 which I'm shocked normally I'm tossing and turning till about 12 but I was wrecked

Hi all

I’ve just been catching up on the latest messages. So sorry so many of you lovely ladies are struggling lately. I agree that mc and ttc is so all consuming. Tbh it’s literally all I think about these days which can’t be healthy.

I’m 6dpo (second proper cycle since mmc surgery in January) and already feeling super negative and down! xx

@MSK1 That must be quite triggering for you to work with children, I hope it gets easier as time goes on. 🧡 I also woke up the other night in a sweat and feeling like it could've been a panic attack, its just awful how consuming this all is, and I think whats the point of me being here if I can’t have children of my own.. But I know those thoughts are silly!!

@Mellous 6dpo is exciting, try and change your negative energy into something happy for your day, its Friday!! 🎉 This could be your month!!

I’m on day 6 of my cycle so gearing up for dtd! 🥳 I have no idea when I ovulate and Im not tracking anymore its just all too much, so think we’ll start soon and do every other day. @Neady1980 I’m sure I read sperm can live for 5 days in the right conditions too! Sending lots of baby dust to us all xox

@Jujujuberry thank you love I’m going to try! I think it’s because we conceived first cycle with my mc, and so I kind of expected the same this time and was really disappointed last month that it didn’t! So now I’m a negative Nancy xx

Morning all

@Mellous I am 3 dpo so just behind you. This cycle I am forcing myself to be positive as I’ve been so negative previously and it’s just not helping me. I’ve also tried not to be consumed with social media and mumsnet as it all gets quite heavy on my mind set. Saying that I am then challenged with thinking- try not to be too positive as then if I get a negative it’ll really knock me. Ugh it’s just all really crap isn’t it.

I’ve also reduced my water intake as I was drinking water like an elephant and then someone told me that can flush out all the hormones- can’t do right for doing wrong and sometimes I think no matter if we do all the right things it might not work so really it comes down to right time, place, egg and sperm doesn’t it!