Recent MC - New cycles & trying again Thread 2

[AMS19]

Previous thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/4184729-Recent-MC-New-cycles-trying-again?pg=1

A thread for all the amazing strong ladies who have recently experienced a mc/mmc but are braving it to try again! Fingers crossed for a lucky one for us 🍀

I hear you ladies. I have the absolute rage at life today . AF is just ending so I can’t blame that. Just snapped at my little one over a super hero mask and now feel like a terrible mum. Hubby is playing golf and I just want to go cry in the bath.... is it a full moon?! Arghhhh

@AlbiMix that’s how I feel! Don’t get me wrong it’s lovely for them but I think we are allowed to feel a bit pissed off!!

@Madeoftea hit the nail on the head with that one- it’s like one minute you were pregnant now it’s like it never even happened to everyone else. I think I’ll feel better once I get my first AF. I think part of me secretly hoped I would get pregnant again straight away 😩. Thanks I think I’ll do just that! When are you due to go back to work? Xx

@Ralala that made me laugh! Maybe it is, I feel sorry for my boyfriend at the moment 😂😂

@CMcA21 - I'm so sorry. Mine was a surprise too. My MC started just 3 days before 12w scan. Ended up in A&E bleeding buckets..started fainting so got wheeled into emergency. And obviously all on my own because of Covid. My boobs were very painful and start getting painful again. Probably because AF is coming or maybe I'm simply touching them too much

I bought some IC on amazon for opk and started testing every other day and identified potential ovulation this way. Also bought 'Taking charge of your fertility'. It's expensive book and most of information could be found online. All this makes me feel more in charge.

@Brightspark12 - couldn't agree more with you. My best friend had her baby few weeks after my MC. I was genuinely happy for her, got her a present etc. but spent the whole weekend crying. But it is getting better with time.

@AlbiMix I was 9dpo yesterday and did ic test that was negative. I know it is too early and there's still hope. Keep on symptom spotting as well (I was convinced I'm pregnant quite few times by now). But trying to prepare for the fact that AF will show up anytime now and not get upset about it.

@MeganN91 my boyfriend postponed our ttc for so long because he was SO SURE it was enough just stop using protection and it would have happened immediately! I tried explain him that most of the time it's not that immediate and with us being already over 30 it was better to start immediately.... worst/best case scenario we would have had to juggle a little baby and his work far from home for just a couple of months! but nothing, we started just few months ago... fell pregnant after 2-3 months and he was like "I told you it didn't take that long"...and now after the mc I am like "I told you it could take longer because anything can happen!!"
I am sure he understands it now but ughh so frustrating!
I am really wondering how men see and feel this process from their side, I would give anything to be in their head for just a minute!

@AlbiMix @Brightspark12 I totally get the social media stuff! I hate it! and it's bothering me more than ever, now it would have been the time when I was due to share my pregnancy with friends... but now that I know how I feel after mc I am really reconsidering this. If I will ever be pregnant again I am not sure I want to share on social media knowing that there will be people going through this... but maybe you just forget everything at that point??

@Brightspark12 I secretly hoped that too, even though I knew it was irrational because we hardly even DTD. I go back from April 12th, which I'm sure is going to be fertile week and I'm going to be cream crackered!

@EsseKey I think men are so oblivious, they don't realise we live our lives in cycles and they think it can happen anytime. Which isn't really helped by all the accidental pregnancies and how it's drilled into you to use protection. If only it was that easy! I found my partner was a lot more understanding after doing a bit of research of his own, but he was willing to do that. Especially after the mc he had no idea what was going on and felt very out of his depth and now he's happy to ask questions and genuinely just "gets it" a bit more.

I'm not much of a social media poster but I've always said I wouldn't post a pregnancy announcement and now I'm even more sure. I would hate to think of someone else feeling the way I do when I see them at the moment. But I don't think most women mean any harm in them, they may be innocently going through their first pregnancy or they might have tried really hard to get there and had a difficult journey. I do wish that more women shared what a struggle it can be though to open up others eyes. And I would never want the other ladies in their pregnancy bubbles to experience the other side of it either! Does that make sense? So the only way is to avoid social media altogether basically 😂

@Madeoftea yes totally makes sense! I am sure no one means bad when they post on social media...they are just sharing a happy moment and there's nothing wrong with that. As you say I just wish more people would also share negative experiences... I mean at the moment I haven't told about my pregnancy/miscarriage to almost anyone, but honestly I have been thinking for a while to tell at least to some of my girlfriends, especially the ones that have no kids yet or are not even thinking about kids...just because I think that I would have found it much easier if I actually knew someone that went through this and I could share the experience with...
I hope none of my friends will ever have to go through this but if that happens to them in the future (and we know it's a real possibility, and it's actually quite common) I would be happy to be there for them. I don't know if this makes sense...

All my friends who have kids only shared the positives! I never had discussions with any of them about ttc or anything like that...I really feel we need to normalise the struggle through ttc and/or mc. It would really help not to feel alone!

glad to have found this forum thought... I love the support I found here it's just what we all need

@EsseKey @Madeoftea you're right, I'm sure some people have also struggled and are just excited to share their pregnancy and I don't know what the answer is as I think it's lovely that people want to share their news, but personally I don't think I'd ever be able to forget the way I've felt and I don't ever want to make anyone else feel that way. Not just with pregnancy but other milestones, relationships, engagements, etc...you get to an age where some people might be really looking for something they haven't been able to achieve yet and it hurts to have your nose rubbed in it through social media.

Good luck @MiamiBeach104 although it's early days so who knows!

@AlbiMix I have no idea where I heard this quote but I always try to keep it in mind: "social media forces you to compare their best with your worst"
as for everything on social media, 99% of the people just share things that they are happy or proud of and this forces you to compare their life to yours, without considering that you might have achieved a ton of other, different and wonderful things - we are all different and so are our lives! it's difficult, especially with pregnancies and other big milestones, but I try to keep it in mind always

Hey girls! Just catching up with you all – apologies for being quiet I have been here following along with you all but trying not to think about it too much as my crazy long cycle was really getting me down. Just needed some time off from it all! Saying that, I’ve ovulated now FINALLY after fifteen days of the bloody flashing smiley, so just trying to wait and not get my hopes up. We’ve done amazingly well with DTD this cycle and I’m so proud of us haha but I don’t know, I just don’t have a good feeling. I feel really quite upset that this is only my 2nd cycle since my ERPC on the 12th of Jan because my cycles are so long, it’s really getting me down. But not a lot I can do so just need to wait and see. No symptoms here, the cycle I got pregnant I had sharp stabbing pains by this point and up until I got my BFP at 9 DPO but I have nothing yet ☹ So I just really feel like I’m out. I know I need to stay positive though, but urgh. It’s just frustrating. Anyway I hope you’re all doing okay and welcome to our new ladies. @AMS19 girrrrrrl we’ve been putting our DH’s to WORK this month!! Hahahah xxxx

Chart.

@EsseKey we told all our friends and family and I was shocked at how many of them had mc's and had never said, even our parents. The ones that have experienced it have been the most supportive. Some friends with children have been great but some have stayed away, it's almost like they feel guilty for having their children and easy pregnancies. I'm obviously not holding it against them, I think its hard to know what to do unless you've dealt with it personally.

I have to say I don't regret telling anyone but my worry now that everyone knows about my mc is that now they're all going to be waiting for an announcement and I feel even more pressure.

@AlbiMix yes I guess it's the same with most situations I don't like to post anything that could upset anyone and even in real life I like to do things sensitively. I have had a friend recently announce her pregnancy after a mc and she text me because she knew I wouldn't want to hear it face to face and I appreciate that so much because even though I was over the moon for her I could still have a little cry by myself.

@TheHotelCalifornia yes!!! Lovely chart!!! My chart unfortunately looks a mess and my temps are rubbish so I'm not sure I've even ovulated 🤷‍♀️ we are going back to every other day for a bit until I know what's going on. My temps feel too high to have not ovulated but equally are only about .15 higher than follicular ones, so FF isn't going to give me crosshairs until I get a serious jump in the next couple of days. Keeping absolutely everything crossed for you lovely xx

Hi ladies!

I had a MMC of twins at 12 weeks and had medical management Feb 3rd. I had a complication and a stay in hospital but my period returned just over a month later.

We were TTC this month and I had a +ve on Thursday and since then lots of negatives so I'm putting it down to a chemical pregnancy 😥 which seems so cruel - I'd rather have not known if I'm honest.

Has anyone else had chemicals after a miscarriage?

Hi ladies, I hope you had a lovely Easter with and enjoyed plenty of sunshine, chocolate and prosecco :-)

After reading all your messages about similar experiences with pregnant friends and relatives, I felt better and really understood by you.

@AlbiMixI really agree with your conclusions, other people just don’t get it unless they have been through it.

@EsseKey Thank you for your kind message! I feel lucky to have found this group where we can all share our feelings, ask questions and understand each other without feeling judged.
Your comment about your boyfriend made me smile. My DH was exactly the same I had to explain him so many times that it does not magically happen as soon as you try…I mean it might be the case for some people, but definitely not for us with my very irregular period!

I had to wait for 6 months before to persuade him to TTC, but after the MC he wants to start again as soon as we can. I think he has finally understood how difficult this whole process can be!

@CMcA21 Welcome and I am sorry to hear about your miscarriage and your terrible experience with the private scan.
You’re in the right place, you will find very caring and knowledgable ladies in this group, I learned so much from many of them since my MC. If you are interested to learn more about TTC I really recommend the book “It Starts With the Egg”.

@Brightspark12I am sorry to hear you are feeling so low today, I am staying away from all social media, especially Instagram - I just can’t cope with it since my MC. Take care of yourself today, do something that makes you feel good...a hot bath or watching your favourite show on Netflix with a sweet treat...anything that could cheer you up a bit! xx

@Greenluce wow our men seem to be really on board this time! Mine already had his mind on trying again as soon as we were back from our first scan (it was supposed to be a reassurance scan), when they told us it was not looking great. Since then no objection on dtd whatsoever ahahha he became super sweet and is really showing me that he cares about having a baby this time! let's hope that this will bring us luck on this new ttc journey

@LaurenNH
so sorry to hear that! definitely I agree it's horrible and feels cruel to see a bfp which turns into a negative so soon. Sending you all my thoughts I hope next month it will be different

@LaurenNH I'm so so sorry. That is incredibly cruel!! I would try your best to look at it like your body now knows what to look for and therefore spared you the heartache of another miscarriage early. I knows it's hard and doesn't make it fair, but a chemical is better than another miscarriage close to 12 weeks. Sending you so much love xx

Thank you guys! Love to all of you, I've tried to read a fair bit of history on this thread and my heart breaks for you all - but is so nice to talk to people that understand!!

I was due my period today and it hasn't come, now I'm just worrying that it will delay my next cycle and I'm so inpatient to try again! We conceived first time with our DS (2.5) and the twins so I'm going to have to chill out a bit and spend less money on tests I think!

Someone mentioned Ubiquinol a while back - does anyone use it? Is it worth it?

Happy Easter ladies

Hi lovelies, hope everyone is well!

Hoping to get some advice here - I’ve attached a pic of my ovulation tracking (NB this is using the crap Step One tests that somebody was talking about upthread, unsure if that matters).

Does this look like something is finally happening?! For those who don’t know, I’m currently on CD80 since my MC and haven’t had a period since.

Is it possible that despite not having had a period, I could be ovulating?!

If so, what do I do next to find the peak? I’ve got a pack of Clearblue tests (I think these are the smiley face ones somebody mentioned) but they were ruinously expensive so ideally I want to use these when it counts - when is a good moment to start using these? And when are we supposed to have sex?? Argh I feel in a bit of a spin about it all suddenly, I’d kind of given up expecting that anything would happen any time soon.

Thank you so much for reading, any advice appreciated as I am clueless!! X

@LaurenNH I take Ubiquinol yes. I have no idea if its doing anything as I haven't fallen pregnant yet but it makes me mentally feel better about a future pregnancy taking it! Im trying to cover all basis as much as possible

@CocoLoco88 oh yes look at that!! I'd say that's definitely a peak. Are you temping? Either way definitely DTD today, tomorrow and the next day. Then keep testing to see if go back down. If you're temping you'll then want to look for a bbt rise to confirm ovulation has taken place!! How exciting!!

@CocoLoco88 looking good. I'd keep testing maybe 2 x a day now to see if you get a stronger peak or if it starts to come back down you know you've had your peak. And get bd-ing!!!

I'm really confused. I'm quite positive this is a positive ov test. But Premom still saying it's low. It's darkest I've seen it all month. What do you think ?

Hi @Jujujuberry it certainly is an emotional rollercoaster. My mood is just getting lower and lower so I think it must be PMS which feels like another slap in the face. I don’t know why I get my hopes up each month. I just feel like my body lets me down. I’ve had lots of tests and we know I have autoimmune issues plus thrombophilia, endometriosis, adenomyosis plus an under active thyroid. In theory the meds I take should help with all but possibly the endo and adenomyosis but now I think I’m facing egg quality issues as I’m almost 42.

I’ve heard about that book and I’m ready something similar that the guy I see for acupuncture wrote. He’s helped thousands of women over the years. I’m just not sure if I feel strong enough to keep doing this. It feels like it’s taken over my life for the past 10 years as I had 2 early miscarriages with my ex and then my husband and I have been trying for 5 years.

I feel trapped because I don’t have the heart to give up trying but I also don’t have the strength to carry on at the moment.

@Madeoftea @MiamiBeach104 @Greenluce

Thanks for your replies and kind words, I couldn’t work out how to read replies but think I’ve mastered it now!

Thank you for the book recommendation and I will definitely check it out. I’ve got some ideas from this thread so far but I’m a bit confused over supplements/vitamins you should be taking when TTC - just wondering what everyone else does? I am not having caffeine purely because I think that’s how I fell pregnant in January, it was my first pregnancy and I have been off the pill since May last year but we weren’t actively trying. Nothing had happened until I cut out caffeine but it could be a coincidence. Just any tips that you think are super important would be fab and I’ll definitely look in to that book. I’m reading a book called ‘the brink of being’ at the moment has anyone read it?

Also @MiamiBeach104 so sorry to hear about your terrible time. That sounds horrendous. My MVA was awful because the doctor had to basically dilate my cervix by hand as the pessary didn’t really work and I was awake but i can’t even imagine the pain you were in. Why are sore boobs such an inconvenience? I was so angry about how they carried on being sore afterwards. I’m the same though I’m constantly jiggling them to check if I’m imagining it