Recent MC - New cycles & trying again Thread 2

[AMS19]

Previous thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/4184729-Recent-MC-New-cycles-trying-again?pg=1

A thread for all the amazing strong ladies who have recently experienced a mc/mmc but are braving it to try again! Fingers crossed for a lucky one for us 🍀

Hello all,
Yay for successful scans you give me hope.
Welcome to newly joined though so sorry you are here iyswim. I second (third?!) that dhs don't seem to quite get the enormity of the cycle pressure. My dh wouldn't dtd on my peak day and I could've cried! I've being trying so hard to make it more natural, romantic evenings etc which worked well a couple of times before ovulation then on actual peak... nope! So frustrating and disappointing. I mean I get it, I don't always feel like it either but gaaaah for just a tiny window couldn't they just realise the importance? 
Anyway, am currently in tww, af due in 4 days and I just know it'll be a BFN this time. Sigh. No 2021 baby for me.

@Greenluce I completely emphasise! I have two close people who are due exactly when I would've been and tbh I feel like avoiding them at the moment. It's such a really painful reminder. Alas one of them is a family member and there's a big family wedding right when she'll be about ready to pop - am trying to work on steeling my mental strength ahead of then. I know I should just feel happy for them but I just feel so sad.

@AMS19 you’re like a little ttc encyclopaedia! I didn’t realise about the 70 level. I will just keep dtd until all opks are back to low I think for this cycle. Ugh I just hate that it isn’t the whole ‘we weren’t not trying’ that everyone talks about (including me previously!🙄🙄)
@Mellous I think I’ll get my peak on Sunday so we’ll be in the tww together!
I have been having acupuncture weekly again so hoping it will be helping - even if it’s just for relaxation!

@KJLM oh fab, it’ll be nice to have someone to keep me sane haha! Sounds like @AMS19 will be joining us too so there will be 3 of us close together in the tww xx

@AMS19 @KJLM it’s quite helpful seeing your charts - thanks ladies!! I’m CD12 and no sign of ovulation yet but then I normally ovulate quite late which is a good thing this month as my husband has been p**sing me off non stop the past few days and there’s no way I could have sex with him right now with the anger I’m feeling!! 🤣
@AMS19 @Mellous a Christmas baby would be amazing! Quite literally the BEST Christmas present ever ❤️❤️ If we fall this month we could be due on NyE or NYD which I think is actually worse?! No one is in the mood for celebrating on the 1st jan 😀 still i would take it all day long!
@Greenluce oh love I think your friend sounds incredibly insensitive. Why oh why would she come to you with such questions and news knowing what you’re going through!? I wouldn’t worry about feeling jealous - she should be worried about hurting your feelings. Sorry to say this but she sounds a teeny bit selfish! When I had my last MC my two best friends were pregnant - one with a due date 10 days ahead of me which was particularly tough. I was very honest and told them I couldn’t deal with it which helped as they gave me the space I needed. I hope you’re ok - know that what you’re feeling is completely normal!! Xx

@KJLM @Mellous yes depending on what the temps do tomorrow I'm hoping I've ovulated today 🤞

@SuzieDeLaTour ha I know that feeling far too well! I went to snap at my husband just before bed last night then realised I actually needed to have sex with him to reluctantly bit my tongue. If I get a temp rise tomorrow god help me though 😂😂 I found out about my mmc on 21 Dec and had my MVA 31st Dec so either of those dates would be a perfect day of a rainbow baby to be born. But nothing works out that perfect and I've all but given up hope after 3 unsuccessful cycles so far so really not going to hold my breath! Xx

Thank you @SleepyKitKat and @AMS19
I am sorry you are experiencing the same feelings, but I knew that you would understand me.

@AMS19 Yeah, I feel the same I don’t think we will ever be as close again... I will try not to feel guilty about not returning her calls/replying to her texts. I am taking a break from social media (except for Mumsnet) and I think I will just apply the same rule to her and avoid her until I feel mentally stronger.

You are all so supportive and knowledgable and I have been learning so many things about my body and TTC reading your messages. I am very grateful to all of you for this thread and safe space!

Thank you @SuzieDeLaTour for your kind words! Yes, very insensitive, I might say something to her about it one day, but for now, I will just keep avoiding her - I am just too upset. xx

@Greenluce it feels harsh but I honestly think this closets mc avoidance for a little bit is best. Just to give yourself time to heal and buildup reserves of strength again.

I didn't / haven't told most of my family or friends (they didn't even know I was pg) and their comments are hard enough! They know I'm TTc so they keep asking how long it's been, I should try x supplement/this approach/vegan diet etc etc "and it'll happen" and while they mean well I feel like saying sod off you have no idea! Which I wouldn't of course they are only trying to help.

I'm feeling really angry today for no good reason another indicator AF is imminent grrrr

*This close to mc

Hey girls and welcome but sorry for your loss to those joining. I went on a massive walk this morning and started listening to worst girl gang ever podcast (on mc, pregnancy loss and infertility) listened to 2.5 episodes would highly recommend - they talk about the "ugly" feelings as they call it ie jealousy/anger towards anyone pg or announcing pregnancies. I feel it too but I think everyone who suffers mc/struggles TTC does! ✨

@AMS19 @Mellous I’ve always said I’d make sure never to have a baby born in December so a part of me is thinking ‘I bet it happens now’ but I’ve honestly reached the point my baby could be born any day so long as baby comes home with us that’s the main aim. I’m glad to know though that I’m not the only one who looks ahead to what day baby would be born even before I’ve ovulated 😂😂😂

@Greenluce and @SleepyKitkat I have found it’s just a matter of being kind to yourself and take time from those that are hurting you (although I KNOW none of my friends or family mean any harm and always think they’re helping) and if a social media detox does the trick and not texting back for a while then that’s what I do. These ugly feelings are totally normal- but only normal to those of us who have felt this pain and understand while fortunately for those that haven’t they just won’t understand.

@justwant2beamum the worst girl gang ever are great at talking about all the normal ugly feelings and are pretty funny with it all but at the right level! I loved their ttc episode. They also sent out a newsletter recently that was really good!

@AMS19

Also *@MeganN91* obviously super sorry to hear about your mmc! Sorry should have said that at the start. We all know exactly how you feel! Most of us have been speaking for 4 months now since the start and it's the most incredible support group. I dont know if I would have made it through without these ladies. This is technically our 8th thread!

Thank you so much for replying. I've had a read through the post. It's sad but comforting to know there's plenty of others in the same situation. I may just try the raspberry leaf tea then and see if that helps. Did you ovulate on your first cycle ? I don't know if I have. I may possibly of missed the peak as I had only been testing in the morning x

@MeganN91 I actually didn't track the first cycle straight after my MVA so don't know if I did, but given my HCG levels I suspect not. I wouldnt have been able to use OPKs anyway because the hcg would have made it impossible to track and giving me positives the whole time! I then had a very very light period (2 days of tiny spotting) and then ovulated 11 days after that. If I do ovulate today this will be my third ovulation since. With the tea, only drink it up until you ovulate then stop, don't take it in the luteral phase xx

Thanks everyone for the lovely messages ❤️

Sending lots of sticky baby dust to you all!

@Pettylamby yes we didn't get as far as hearing the heartbeat last time either so it was fab this time. The sonographer was great and let us know there was a heartbeat as soon as the wand touched my tummy! ❤️

Hello ladies, I so relate to these feelings of resentment to friends and strangers who are pregnant, I keep walking past people with 6 month bumps thinking that should have been me it’s not fair.
@KJLM I was trying for 6 months before getting preg in Nov, and that was the one month we didn’t really try because we ideally didn’t want an august baby (youngest in school year) and that was the month I fell pregnant- perhaps ironic it ended in mmc in Jan but now I’d do anything to have that baby whatever the month. I would be sane about Dec but now I don’t care!

I’ve had a horrendous second period post erpc, it was literally pouring out of me and I was in bed for 2 days and had to get blood clotting tabs from doc to slow bleeding. It’s now CD11 and I’m still spotting. Anyone else had this? First period post erpc was heavy but only as per my usual periods not like this. CB ov test says low but want to start dtd as don’t want to miss it, I usually ovulate early. Really frustrating if this cycle is out of running
I wondered if it’s because I’ve had a chemical (didn’t get a BFP) or didn’t ov last month or something (I did get peak though)

Be good to know if any of you have experienced similar?

Hi ladies, I'm so with you about the struggle with pregnancy announcements. I've been off social media since the MC but yesterday was told a close family member is pregnant and I'm guessing by the dates she got pregnant the same time I did with my MC which hurts.

@CocoLoco88 and @AMS19 I have to say I really don't think that damage to a friendship because of an insensitive friend is "on you" at all, I really think that if the other person knows about your MC it's their responsibility as a friend to take your feelings into account. I still don't know what to say to the family member who has just announced (she doesn't know I had an MC).

Seeing your opk pics I'm worried I misunderstood mine! I tested a few days before I expected it and one day I got a super faint test line, then the next two days I got stronger lines (which I thought were positive) and the day after there was no test line again (pics attached) so assumed surge was over. Now I'm concerned I misjudged thinking I'd had an LH surge because the lines were darker than before but they look nowhere near as dark as other people's pics. Attached is a pic of my darkest result. Does this look positive?

Not sure if that attached so trying again.

@LostFox82 I've only had one period post MC so far, bleeding was definitely heavier than usual but not insanely so. I think others have reported similar to you though.

@AlbiMix morning! I think you're just using super cheap opks so they aren't as clear. My cheap ones look like that even when I have a peak. Would strongly suggest using the easy@home ones so it is clearer!

Well...no temp rise for me today. I was absolutely freezing last night so probably didn't help but now not confident I've ovulated. LH level has gone right back down so let's see. I definitely felt like I had ovulation twinges all day yesterday. Hopefully a temp rise tomorrow 🙏

Thanks @AMS19 they are indeed super cheap 😂 I didn't want to spend loads in case I ended up using thousands of them. Maybe I'll use the cheapos for the run-up days and then better ones when I think it's closer.

Has that happened before where you've had a surge and then no temp rise? I naively assumed it there was a surge it almost always means you were going to ovulate? I have to say I don't understand my temps at all and I don't know if it'll work for me because I wake up to pee at different times each night and I feel like I that messes with the time I can do the temps. Fingers crossed you did ovulate AMS!🤞

@AlbiMix thats exactly what I do, use the super super cheap ones from cd7/8 then switch to easy@home from cd11/12 or when the cheapies have any colour.
It hasn't happened to me before but I've defo seen it on here a lot, ladies getting a surge, egg doesn't actually pop, then hopefully the body tries again 2/3 days later. That's why I temp, so I can confirm it and stop worrying about taking opks for the rest of the cycle. But my temps are definitely too low so I'm not confident I did ovulate this time, think my body tried and failed!

Also @AlbiMix the easy@home ones are I think about £9 for 20/25. So if you use the cheap ones until the key dates they should last you 3/4 months

Hi everyone

I hope you’re having a lovely Easter weekend.

I’ve been slowly driving myself crazy, either getting depressed about how far along I would have been now or symptom spotting. I even started testing yesterday (7/8dpo) with cheap high sensitivity tests. I think I may have got an absolute squinter this morning. My DH could see something but then admitted it could be nothing. I’m telling myself I’m testing early so that I can start all the meds super early and hopefully make a difference but really I’m just losing my mind I think.

Thankfully I don’t have the worry of pregnancy announcements as most of our friends already have kids or have decided not to have them. I’m actually feeling really lonely because nobody speaks about the miscarriage anymore which is hurtful. I am talking to my counsellor about it though and that’s helping.

I’ve already worked out my possible due date - 20 December with the possibility of a c section so a Xmas baby which would be amazing.

Thanks for letting me share my madness!

@Badlydrawngirly I feel you on the emotionally point. Wednesday I was incredibly down because I didn't ovulate and that was my usual day. Thursday woke up and temps were all over the place still so vowed to give up TTC and enjoy summer. 1 hour later peed on an opk and that afternoon got my peak. Yesterday felt like I could feel ovulation cramping and pinching on my left side so felt more positive. Today no temp rise at all so back to deciding TTC isn't for me again. I've literally done 360 in 48 hours and it's exhausting. And this is why I think 1 more cycle after this and I have to stop tracking. Its consuming my life! We are all here to listen anytime you want to talk about the miscarriage, remember that. Also...everything crossed for the squinter!!!