Me any my boyfriend want to have a baby, but the problem is that we both don't really like sex.

[SlowlyBecomingACatCollector]

I'm actually a little embarrassed to write this. I `know this probably sounds weird and some will probably laugh, but it's the truth, we never really have liked sex. We are still very much in love, very close, never argue, we still very much fancy each other, and have no body issues or anything like that, but we just prefer each others company, like watching movies, playing games, working out, walks, days out shopping (before covid), more than any sexual aspect of it. I am not saying we don't ever, but it is very rare, and we basically don't want pressure of forced sex on a schedule to ruin what we have. Anyway, he said he would basically (EXCUSE MY GRAPHICNESS) ejaculate in a cup for me or something if neither of us want it on my peak days. I'm 34 now, and he's 42, and we really want a family together now before it's too late. Do you think there's a good chance of this working at my age like this, and fast? I am worried it will be less effective. Are there any over 30's women who could tell me how long it took them to conceive with a regular or daily, ahem, *cup filling? We'll start in a few days, but just I need a little hope. Thank you.

A baby is the result of conception not sex. Good for you OP. I’m glad you’ve found one another and can have a happy and healthy relationship (as it means to you both) good luck with getting pregnant 👍🙂

@Chewingle

I know that and that is her prerogative!!

My point is - we do all stuff we don’t like to do in order to achieve something.

When we make the decision to not do something to achieve something but instead to spend much time / energy / money / whatever to avoid doing something in hope of still achieving same result.... it’s because we really really don’t want to bloody do it.

Like, say, you're asexual, and the thing you want requires you to have sex.

OP doesn't need you to tell her that she doesn't want to have sex, that's why she started the thread. Don't try to dress up your ignorant, offensive comments as some sort of epiphany-prompting revelation of something OP had no idea about! Just own your bigotry and keep your mouth shut in future.

The OP shouldn't have to justify how she feels about sex, it's not anyone else's business.

@SlowlyBecomingACatCollector the conception boards are generally less judgy than this!

You’re right
Op my apologies
You didn’t ask for views
You asked for advice

All the best

I could have wrote this post! And I'm so glad to see someone having a great relationship! I think you see relationships on TV and film and they're going at it like bunnies! And you can feel inadequate but your not alone! @SlowlyBecomingACatCollector let me know how it goes! I think we're ready to ttc

Op ,you are very lucky you have found a man with a matched sex drive to your own ..makes for an easier life

If you want a family that bad just get on with it and stop making such a big deal of it.
I wouldn't go to the hassle and expense of IUI unless there was a medical reason he couldn't have sex with you seems ridiculous

@Hope4theBestPlan4theWorst I’m often amazed that people like you really do exist

You could try to have sex at some point in say the 5 days leading up to ovulation (without too much pressure if you dont fancy it then) as I understand that sperm hands around for a few days after DTD. Then just have sex if you happen to fancy it otherwise.

I've been ttc for three years and on a couple of occasions have suggested my dh provide a sample as I am SO fed up of sex. He just says he doesn't want to do it that way. Sex when you don't want it is just not fun. Go for it. Good luck!

Me and my husband are similar. We both have very low sex drives! It dosent bother us and we do it once every couple of months. We're now TTC and have done it about 6 times in the last 2 weeks and we're exhausted 😂 knowing when I was ovulating did help us though!

My only useful contribution is of he's not wanking or having sex regularly the sperm get old. You don't want old man sperm fertilising your egg. So he needs ideally to have a test run wank a few days before so you get nice young and fit sperm.

My friend is in a same sex relationship and had insemination at a clinic, it worked on 4th try (obviously with a sperm donor) and now has a beautiful dd, so that could be an option if no joy.

Hi op, your relationship is normal for a lot of people!
DIY with a syringe is pretty normal in the same sex and surrogacy world. Maybe you’ll get more support on a lesbian conception/donor sperm or surrogacy website than here.
Top tip is to use a disposable period cup called soft cup to hold everything in place after you’ve inseminated.
Good luck!

@SlowlyBecomingACatCollector I am amazed at how judgemental some people are and how quick to presume that something is wrong with you, your DH and/or your relationship! 🙄
Thankfully you also got some really good, practical advice so far.
I got pregnant using self insemination and so did many others, we have a thread here:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/4140723-Yogurt-pot-yuppies-sexy-basters-and-UFO-discs-part-3
You are welcome to join us if you need advice other than "something's wrong with you" or "just grit your teeth and do it" 🤢

I also think you’ve been given good advice and if you’re both happy to be in a friendship couple and raise a child together, then there are ways to do this.

Plenty of people don’t want to have sex, either they are asexual, or health issues, mental or physical, or they have alternate sexual desires they are choosing not to satisfy. It’s no ones business. As long as you’re both happy you’re committed to how you’ll raise any potential child that’s all that matters.

Have you addressed rhe issue of marriage op, do you live together and share finances? Discussed how to deal with work and child care etc?

We tried self insemination. It's actually quite straight forward- you can buy kits on amazon and there is also a lot of advice on mumsnet on technique. We tried it because my dh had problems with climaxing through intercourse. However, it never worked for us (although my dh does have a low sperm count so this might have affected it). The three times we fell pregnant it was through intercourse (where I would jump on top of him when he was at the right point!). I also timed ovulation with strips and temperature to maximise our chances and I now have a beautiful baby girl. Stick with the practical advice on mumsnet and best of luck!