Me any my boyfriend want to have a baby, but the problem is that we both don't really like sex.

[SlowlyBecomingACatCollector]

I'm actually a little embarrassed to write this. I `know this probably sounds weird and some will probably laugh, but it's the truth, we never really have liked sex. We are still very much in love, very close, never argue, we still very much fancy each other, and have no body issues or anything like that, but we just prefer each others company, like watching movies, playing games, working out, walks, days out shopping (before covid), more than any sexual aspect of it. I am not saying we don't ever, but it is very rare, and we basically don't want pressure of forced sex on a schedule to ruin what we have. Anyway, he said he would basically (EXCUSE MY GRAPHICNESS) ejaculate in a cup for me or something if neither of us want it on my peak days. I'm 34 now, and he's 42, and we really want a family together now before it's too late. Do you think there's a good chance of this working at my age like this, and fast? I am worried it will be less effective. Are there any over 30's women who could tell me how long it took them to conceive with a regular or daily, ahem, *cup filling? We'll start in a few days, but just I need a little hope. Thank you.

How can you fancy each other? You sound like best friends not a couple. I don’t know about your question.

just from what you have said, i'd go the route of private IUI. the medical team could help you track the best days, he'd still have to do the cup thing but the medical team would help ensure sperm meets egg.

Excuse the typo. "Me and my boyfriend" it should've said. I'm new here, and I can see no edit button.

So he can manage to ejaculate on the required days, just not by having sex with you?? I mean, you do you, but I would not be satisfied with this.

There’s a long thread somewhere on here where people are using the turkey baster method. You sound pretty unclear on the logistics so that’s worth a search.

Why not try tracking your ovulation? It would narrow down your fertile window so you could give your best efforts (however it suits you) in that time? I have no idea about the efficacy of a cup.

There isn’t an edit button. It’s one of the quirks of mumsnet, very annoying.

Your relationship is your business but do you feel happy in a mostly sexless relationship? Have you had a sexual relationship before? You’re quite young to face a celibate future.

we basically don't want pressure of forced sex on a schedule to ruin what we have. Anyway, he said he would basically (EXCUSE MY GRAPHICNESS) ejaculate in a cup for me or something if neither of us want it on my peak days. I'm 34 now, and he's 42, and we really want a family together now before it's too late.

I think it's normal for couples to have different sex drives to other couples, so. I judgement from me. However, i think taking lengths like this isn't normal for a healthy, loving couple who want a baby. The rest way to do it is the old fashioned way of having actual sex. I think if you are both so put off by sex then perhaps something else is up. Having sex to a schedule is something a lot of couples hate. However you grit your teeth and do it if you want a baby 🤷‍♀️ Or you just chill out, just have sex a few times a year or when you want it and accept it may take years to happen or never happen.

The OP isn't asking for advice on her sex life. She is asking for advice on fertility. As long as they are both genuinely happy I don't see the problem.

As for the fertility side if things I have no idea. Is there any devices or anything you could order that might help?!

Meant to say no judgement

@ThatsnotmyBorishishairistoneat

How can you fancy each other? You sound like best friends not a couple. I don’t know about your question.

"How?" Easy, I look at him and think OMG he's gorgeous. He feels the same about me. There's more to relationships than sex.

Many people over on the donor conception board use this method, they might be able to give you some tips. There are kits you can buy online to inseminate yourself, and this has worked for many women in the past. Once you get the hang of the insemination method, hopefully you'll be okay. x

@fallfallfall

just from what you have said, i'd go the route of private IUI. the medical team could help you track the best days, he'd still have to do the cup thing but the medical team would help ensure sperm meets egg.

That would be a absolute last resort if things didn't work out. I'm looking to avoid that route for now.

It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with op and her boyfriend.

Asexual people exist, some want relationships, some want romance, and some want babies too.

It might not be 'the norm' but its a perfectly valid way to live.

Op I would ask the doctor first, they can give you advice on tracking your fertile days etc. There is also plenty of advice if you Google "Asexual trying to concieve", even if you aren't asexual there is lots of advice relevant to your particular situation.

Good luck

It’s not weird. You’re just two individuals with little to no sex drive who were fortunate enough to end up with someone who matches that. It’s a good thing as there are likely to be less problems between you, at least as far as sex is concerned, as your relationship progresses.

I would probably get it done privately and skip the sex, since neither of you particularly want to do that bit.

Fair comment @Mynextname, it's just that this scenario sounds weird. How many young, healthy, happy couples with no physical or health issues that make sex difficult just don't want to have sex to the extent that they would choose instead to conceive using a turkey baster? I would be questioning what is going on under the surface. But yeah, it's none of my business and not what the OP asked. I just hope that you are actually happy with this OP, because being sexually rejected really eats away at your self esteem after a while - I've been there (I'm still there....) and if I had my time again I would have left while things were uncomplicated.

Have you both always been like regarding sex? Or has it crept up?

Even if you don't love sex, surely you could track your cycle and try and save your occasional lovemaking for your most fertile day of the month?
From my experience it's quite a fun and novel closeness, trying to make a baby with someone. Gives sex a real sense of purpose.

Hiya. I've come over from the "turkey baster" thread.
Sex is definitely more likely to result in a baby than unconventional methods (I think it's something like 10% more likely if you do it the normal way but might be guessing that number). If you can try around midcycle (or learn when you're ovulating) it's not unheard of for that one attempt at the right time to work. If I could do it through sex I absolutely would in a heartbeat as it's just more efficient. So try it this way whenever you can.

Otherwise, clean and dry plastic pot or cup of any kind, needle-less syringe. Either one like the ones you get with Calpol, vaginal applicators or syringes you can buy on amazon. Look up mosie baby too but you don't need to spend as much as they are.
Ladies on the thread I'm on have had success having partner ejaculate into a soft disc/menstrual disc and inserting that and leaving it in for 12 hours.
Learning when you're ovulating is your best shout.
Your age shouldn't have an impact but men's sperm quality do slowly decline with age.
Goodluck!

@SlowlyBecomingACatCollector maybe if you used a pipette (aka turkey baster?) to get the sperm ahem 'up there' it could work. I did also see someone mention they use a mooncup type thing after sex to keep the sperm inside for longer, which you could also try? I think it was this www.fertilily.com/en/ Could be worth tracking ovulation too as another poster suggested, so you know which days you're fertile.

When I was 35 we stopped using condoms and I was pregnant within 3 months.

It sounds like we had sex more often than you, but we didn't have it any more often than previously - and certainly not every day.

We didn't worry about trying to work out peak fertility times, though no doubt we would have done if I hadn't got pregnant within a few months.

Good luck!

Oh haha the poster directly before me is much better informed 🙂

I don’t see why it won’t work if you insert properly and on the right days.

Do you know how to track your fertile period? And do you know how to effectively inject semen inside yourself?

No judgement on not wanting sex however, genuinely if he he able to ejaculate into a cup why would you not just have sex instead and save the risk of artificial insemination not working?

Damn I meant @mrskin90 is much better informed. I am not doing well at this!