Me any my boyfriend want to have a baby, but the problem is that we both don't really like sex.

[SlowlyBecomingACatCollector]

I'm actually a little embarrassed to write this. I `know this probably sounds weird and some will probably laugh, but it's the truth, we never really have liked sex. We are still very much in love, very close, never argue, we still very much fancy each other, and have no body issues or anything like that, but we just prefer each others company, like watching movies, playing games, working out, walks, days out shopping (before covid), more than any sexual aspect of it. I am not saying we don't ever, but it is very rare, and we basically don't want pressure of forced sex on a schedule to ruin what we have. Anyway, he said he would basically (EXCUSE MY GRAPHICNESS) ejaculate in a cup for me or something if neither of us want it on my peak days. I'm 34 now, and he's 42, and we really want a family together now before it's too late. Do you think there's a good chance of this working at my age like this, and fast? I am worried it will be less effective. Are there any over 30's women who could tell me how long it took them to conceive with a regular or daily, ahem, *cup filling? We'll start in a few days, but just I need a little hope. Thank you.

Oh, meant to say that I booked a private fertility appointment before we started.... massive waste of money!!
I'd highly recommend giving it a try for a few cycles before you go down that route.

I read that it's because the contractions or whatever they're called suck the sperm up to and through the cervix.

I know a couple who are asexual, they are very much in love and extremely happy together. How rude of people to comment on your sexuality OP!

Are you asexual? Many asexual people still feel attraction to people and occasionally have sexual encounters but largely don't feel sexual interest. It's perfectly okay that you don't like sex, so many people don't but have a sexual partner they have sex with to keep happy. It's great that you're both on the same wavelength.

It's absolutely possible to use a pipette, turkey baster or similar tool to artificially inseminate yourself when you don't want to have sex. You may want to speak to your GP to get some fertility tests done- you may find you're incredibly fertile and having sex once will get you pregnant or you may find you need to go through a different route to conceive.

Check up on the TTC threads for tips- you'll likely be told to prop your hips up with a pillow after insemination, as well as changes to your health and lifestyle to improve your chances of a healthy pregnancy.

I wish you both the best of luck!

Go to a family planning clinic and get a Diaphram.

Its a cup that you insert and it sits over your cervix. Its designed for contraception (buy forming a barrier) however you can use it for conception, by having him ejaculate into it, then immediately insert the cup.

(Obvs dont use the spermicide that comes with it!)

@emsyj37

Fair comment *@Mynextname*, it's just that this scenario sounds weird. How many young, healthy, happy couples with no physical or health issues that make sex difficult just don't want to have sex to the extent that they would choose instead to conceive using a turkey baster? I would be questioning what is going on under the surface. But yeah, it's none of my business and not what the OP asked. I just hope that you are actually happy with this OP, because being sexually rejected really eats away at your self esteem after a while - I've been there (I'm still there....) and if I had my time again I would have left while things were uncomplicated.

You really are astoundingly ignorant. Have you never heard of asexuality!?

Easy, I look at him and think OMG he's gorgeous. He feels the same about me. There's more to relationships than sex.

100% agree OP

There are a couple of YTubers who have videos about home insemination. They are so glad mom's by choice, who instead of using a clinic chose to do it at home. The mechanics of the insemination would be the same. They are maybe worth checking out. I think the theory from them is that after insemination they also orgasm, not necessarily straight after ( although I haven't watched the video on it so not 100% sure) One of them is american ( Mama Bethie) and the other english (Doris Christine)

I hope these are helpful and good luck to you both! 🍀

Fair comment @Mynextname, it's just that this scenario sounds weird. How many young, healthy, happy couples with no physical or health issues that make sex difficult just don't want to have sex to the extent that they would choose instead to conceive using a turkey baster? I would be questioning what is going on under the surface. But yeah, it's none of my business and not what the OP asked. I just hope that you are actually happy with this OP, because being sexually rejected really eats away at your self esteem after a while - I've been there (I'm still there....) and if I had my time again I would have left while things were uncomplicated

Stop projecting your own issues onto the op.

I imagine you’d need a device of some kind? I think this would be a good idea for a lot of couples who want to conceive but not necessarily have to perform all the time.
Good luck

Sounds like my ideal relationship tbh.
I really don’t care about sex. I have it occasionally but I just go through the motions.

I’d love to find someone with the same mind frame as this, it would make a relationship so much easier.

Why are people protecting their own serial insecurities and feelings on other people. OP is happy with her arrangement, she is asking about fertility and chances to have a baby not about her sex life and feeling "sexually rejected"

I don't have any advice for you OP but good luck

Hi @SlowlyBecomingACatCollectorI’m going to post just from the fertility side. Your sex life is up to you!

We had ivf (after a shit ton if sex but turns out if you’ve got crap sperm you can’t get pregnant!) so know a few bits that might help.

You can take supplements to help improve your overall fertility. You can take supplements like co enzyme q10 600mg daily to help improve egg quality. You can also take a multivitamin but a pregnancy one. You don’t want too much vitamin A. Your partner can take high dose vitamin c and well man conception tablets. Worked to improve my husbands shit sperm.

You can both follow healthy lifestyle to prepare as much as you can. Low drinking healthy eating. Don’t smoke. Good weight. Not too high or low. Both sides affect fertility.

You can track your ovulation. You can do this using ovulation tests and kits. This will give you a good idea of when to inseminate. You may want to do do it before LH surge, on LH surge and just after LH surge to cover all bases. You can also track ovulation using BBT tracking. I used an app called fertility friend that I found useful.

You can both do a fertility MOT. Pay privately to have hormone levels tested including LH FSH TSH AMH and blood count. He could have hormone testing and sperm analysis.

This way you would be fully informed on your fertility and give the self insemination as much chance as possible.

There is also a self insemination kit called stork which deposits the sperm next to your cervix. Not sure if you can use it repeatedly. I think it might be the one thing we didn’t try!

Good luck

Why would someone prefer to wank into a cup rather than have sex with their girlfriend? Sure some people are asexual but that means they don't find anyone sexually attractive which is what "fancying someone" means. Odd, very odd.

@SlowlyBecomingACatCollector don’t listen to anyone who’s confused and judging you. The way you speak about your relationship is full of love, mutual respect and a level of honesty with each other which a lot of couples don’t have, even though they are having sex.

Here’s my advice:

• start charting your cycles with bbt so you know your body
• use a fertility gel which helps the sperm swim
• use a fertility cup which transfers the sperm to the right place and keeps it there. I used the one called fertylily
• browse around forums where gay girls chat about getting pregnant at home with donor sperm, I bet you get loads of good tips there

Hi Op, my DH and I tried the Stork conception aid when we were struggling to conceive. It didn't work for us as we ended up with IVF but if neither of you have any fertiliy issues it may be worth a try www.storkotc.com

Why would someone prefer to wank into a cup rather than have sex with their girlfriend? Sure some people are asexual but that means they don't find anyone sexually attractive which is what "fancying someone" means. Odd, very odd.

What is normal to the spider is chaos to the fly

I'm glad you've finally had some helpful advice and not just people being confused!

It just seems like a lot of hassle to avoid something.

One thing not to enjoy sex or fancy doing regularly or even at all.

Another thing to not actually be able to bring yourself to do so in order to produce something you both really want, and endeavour to find time consuming and likely to result in failure - to avoid doing so

OP, I can see where you are coming from. By having an insemination kit handy, it takes the pressure off. If you feel like it during your ovulation window, you can have traditional sex or else you can simply insert the sperm.

You've had a lot of good tips already, so I will only suggest that you start taking folic acid now and good luck!

It just seems like a lot of hassle to avoid something.

It might be for you. It clearly isn't for the op. Who really is the one that counts here no?

@Chewingle

It just seems like a lot of hassle to avoid something.

One thing not to enjoy sex or fancy doing regularly or even at all.

Another thing to not actually be able to bring yourself to do so in order to produce something you both really want, and endeavour to find time consuming and likely to result in failure - to avoid doing so

Oh look, another astoundingly ignorant person! Google asexuality. Not everyone likes sex! Fucks sake.

Why don’t you just download an app like FLO and on your fertile days you can DTD! It may not take long for you to fall on OP.

I know that and that is her prerogative!!

My point is - we do all stuff we don’t like to do in order to achieve something.

When we make the decision to not do something to achieve something but instead to spend much time / energy / money / whatever to avoid doing something in hope of still achieving same result.... it’s because we really really don’t want to bloody do it.

Good god people find is really difficult to imagine a couple could be asexual don't they! Asexual doesn't mean you don't find someone else attractive or beautiful or aren't attracted to them, it means you don't want to have sex. Being asexual is just as valid as being gay, lesbian or any other sexuality.
I'd try asking the question on a lesbian board op, good luck to you your relationship sounds perfect for you x