Completely fed up

[Asthenia]

Anyone else? 6 months off the pill, 6 months of tracking and timing and temping and have just come on my (most painful) period yet. I’m fed up of seeing pregnancy announcements on social media, fed up of reading into every little symptom - last night I had a really painful tailbone which I read online could be a symptom and massively got my hopes up...what an idiot! Fed up of sore boobs. Fed up of putting off buying another pair of period knickers which I love because they’re expensive and next month might be the month! Fed up of googling every tiny thing (I need my phone taken off me!) fed up of worrying about my 8 day luteal phase and constantly looking for stories about how people conceived despite it.
I’m about to turn 30 which I KNOW is young, and I KNOW 6 months of TTC isn’t that long but it doesn’t feel that way. Four of my friends have got pregnant in the last 6 months, two of them completely by accident, the other two on their first go. I’m happy for them but it doesn’t help in making me feel like there’s something wrong with me - I would feel less bad if it had taken them longer.
I also feel like every time I google/mumsnet I find posts that I’m nodding along with about not getting pregnant and then the poster says they’ve already got 1 or 2 children. I imagine secondary infertility must be painful and I’m not belittling that but sometimes it makes me feel worse because I think well at least you know your body is capable of pregnancy, I’ve never even had a hint of a positive test in my life (this isn’t bashing or criticising anyone btw, just my own stupid thought process).
Feeling very negative but I think that’s probably largely to do with horrendous period pains and CD1 and hopefully I will feel better tomorrow. Anyone else completely fed up? Please feel free to rant.

Its really hard OP, especially at the moment when every tom, dick & harry seems to be announcing pregnancies!

I dont have any other advice other than perhaps trying a phone/google/mumsnet amnesty and just stepping away for a month xx

Hey I'm completely with you on this!
We have 2 close friends who accidentally got pregnant and announced over Christmas, and although I'm happy for them I really want us to be next!
My social media is full of scan photos and announcements it brings me down if I'm honest.
I am on CD 21 and this TWW is dragging so much we have covid and I'm on furlough till who knows when!
It would be fine if I could tell myself it's okay if I don't get pregnant this month we will book a little holiday to take our minds off it... Oh wait we can't even leave the house to see our families 😢
Feel like I'm on such a downer at the moment and a baby would give us and our families something to look forward to.
Fingers crossed for you 🤞

Glad to hear I’m not the only one finding it so frustrating! Sorry to hear you have covid @Sparkles512 hopefully you feel better ASAP!
I think that’s the main thing - normally I have a really busy, active job and social life...WFH and not seeing anyone is giving me lots of extra time to obsess when normally I’d have plans and things to look forward to.
@Braxos I think you’re right - I do find mumsnet helpful and enjoy being on here but I’m getting obsessed and comparing everybody else’s experience to my own which I know isn’t helpful. Again...would be solved by actually having a social life and things to do!

I’m only on cycle 4 and I feel you OP. It’s shit, I feel so over it all tbh. (I’m 33) I’m 9DPO and stupidly did a test this morning, BFN obviously. I just feel like shit tbh and like it’s never going to happen and at 33 I don’t have all the time left in the world.

Also completely hear you re the secondary infertility, I always think the same we only want 1 anyway and not even knowing if we’re fertile to even have 1 is a killer. Not being able to have a second or third must be awful don’t get me wrong, but at least they already have 1, or 2 so IMO it just isn’t the same.

No advice except to say it’s getting me down now too. The pandemic and lockdowns don’t help as we can’t keep busy to take our mind off it. I know I’d be so much better if I was busier, had social plans etc.

All we can do is keep trying I guess.

I feel your pain on ttc, every month feels like it gets harder like it will never happen. I used to take pregnacare before conception, cut out any alcohol and have a balanced diet, etc. I too used to google everything around conceiving faster and any symptoms I would convince myself this would be the month. After having irregular cycles, e.g. 33, 35, 42 days, 50 days it felt like it would never happen. Anyways, I deleted my period trackers, only marked my periods on my phone calendar, did not worry about when I was ovulating and stopped obsessing as it was driving me crazy. After I gave up worrying, went back on antidepressants and went on holiday where I was drinking quite often, I managed to conceive after 11 months. I know it will happen for you but these things tend to happen when you least expect it or are trying the least. I believe it's when I stopped stressing and worrying that made a difference. Best of luck xx

I feel you. I'm in cycle 5 and feel the same. However everyone and every pregnancy is different. I got pregnant the first time completely by accident on the pill. That pregnancy ended in still birth. My second pregnancy, I caught cycle 4. Those 4 months felt like an eternity and I convinced myself there was something wrong and I wouldn't conceive. I found it impossible to be around people who were pregnant and stayed of social media to avoid the dreaded pregnancy announcements as far as possible.

I'm now trying for a baby with my current partner and can easily fall in the same cycle of worry. However the chances are it will happen, and it's just a matter of time and trying to stay relaxed about it. Personally I find avoiding the conception threads and avoiding googling really helpful. I try and fill my time and thoughts with other things and remind myself that it will happen when it's right, and I can do no more to control or change that. I also remember that people only tend to tell you about the incidents when they get pregnant by accident or straight away, and that there are tons of people trying for months or years who don't talk about so we never know the reality.

This is all really helpful to hear and good to know I’m not alone. I think I’m going to stop tracking next month and maybe take a step back from here too, as helpful as I find it a lot of the time!
I had no idea getting pregnant would be so difficult! A good friend of mine told me today she’s stopped taking her pill this month and I instantly felt dread! Because I just thought oh god I bet she falls instantly as well. It’s just all making me very anxious and envious and I don’t like it. Step back definitely needed, as well as this pandemic over so life can be enjoyable again

No words of wisdom but I could literally have written your post! Am 30 too and this will be cycle 6 (I'm on CD 11) but I've lost my positivity and convinced somethings wrong (doesn't stop me symptom spotting or becoming addicted to google though!) sending you good luck vibes!!

Hey @Asthenia your post totally rang true with me! I always think that about people who have a child but like you know that is must be hard for them too. I'm 33, wasn't even on the pill, regular cycles, healthy etc and it just isn't happening. Not even a sniff of a line. I'm on cycle 6 now...DH going for semen analysis at the weekend.

Also... I don't think it actually matters how you play it. I tracked first 3 months, then stopped and started trying to be more 'relaxed' and DTD every other day. Didn't make the blindest bit of difference! I'm going to be on a mission this month. It really bugs me when people say 'relax' like it's your fault of something for being so uptight.

Hey @SEpoppet glad you get it! Like I said I’m not belittling anyone’s pain/struggle as I’m sure it must be awful wanting to give your child a sibling and it not happening, and who knows, I may be there one day! But I also think it’s a completely different scenario to struggling to conceive your first baby. I just want to know if my body is even capable of pregnancy...starting to worry about all sorts. I caught chlamydia in my early 20s which I got treated within a couple of months but now I keep thinking omg what if my tubes are blocked/scarred and that’s the issue?! My past coming back to haunt me lol.
Best of luck with the semen analysis - my partner and I have been thinking about doing this as it seems the easiest thing to check off the list first...are you going private? I had an ultrasound a couple of months ago to check for PCOS and my womb and ovaries look completely normal so that’s something I guess.

@hels301990 that’s it - I feel like I’m losing positivity. It was exciting at first and now I’m starting to dread the TWW. Every month I tell myself not to get my hopes up and every month I do it anyway!

@Asthenia I could have written your post today. I don't know about Blue Monday I'm feeling Blue Thursday after AF coming and the start of a Cycle 6. Been TTC for 2 years now on and off. Got caught on cycle 4 first time which sadly ended in miscarriage. Had 1 month to allow for my natural cycle to return and the got caught again straight away which ended in a Missed Miscarriage of twins. I'm feeling so sorry for myself when I see and read the posts on here about people who have accidently got pregnant and it wasn't planned, they're considering abortions etc. It breaks my heart. I'd never judge anyone's personal life choices as that's their life and their business but I wish those of us who actively would love a pregnancy and child could get pregnant as easily. Like yourself I feel both friends and family..everyone seems to be announcing a pregnancy or knows someone who is etc. It doesn't get any easier and people forget themselves and say all the wrong things even when they know what we've been through and that we're TTC. We've tried relaxing and not tracking...tracking and doing SMEP. Eating certain foods etc. I'm 35 and feel like I've not got time to waste when I've already had 2 failed pregnancies So sorry for waffling but know where you're coming from and happy to chat and hope we all get some baby dust and out BFPs soon xxx

@Asthenia totally agree it is different. I think we are twins... I also had chlamydia in my early 20s but I don't think it can really cause an issue unless left for a while and you get PID. I've also had a scan (I had a polyp and a fibroid removed in 2018 and 2019) and had the all clear, but I suppose I wonder about my tubes. I get ovulation pains every month like clockwork so pretty sure I'm ovulating. I don't get EWCM but using preseed... Yes going privately - we live in London so you can get it for quite a reasonable price quite easily. DH has something called a varicocele, which the doctor has assured us won't affect things but I've read loads to suggest they can cause fertility probs. So essentially I've convinced myself it's that of course . You've got to have tried for 3 years in my area before you can have IVF so we will just have to soldier on and maybe go private if there's an issue. I feel quite over it all tbh.

I'm with you on this too. I actively look for these threads to make sure I'm know I'm not the only one! On cycle 6 I think, am 32 and feel like suddenly I've got from having time to make this decision to start ttc to now wondering if I'll even manage to conceive one, and increasingly anxious that I'll never have more than one because I'll run out of time.
Have been with DP 9 years but we haven't really been in a position to try until 2020 due to location, mental health, bereavement. And also just general readiness on my part. Even though I know all this, I still blame myself that I haven't started earlier considering how difficult it seemingly is!

Best friend announced in June and just gave birth in Dec. Even though I'm so happy for her, it has been quite draining to celebrate each part (babyshower, birth, first Xmas) and it's only just feeling less intense now the baby is here and pregnancy is done. Then DP's friends announce on Saturday. Immediately put me on edge as they're high profile in the group and I'm feeling overwhelmed that there's another couple so close to us with 6 months of their journey left. The day after this, another couple in the group announce that sadly they have miscarried. I immediately feel awful for them, and what they feel after the other couple's announcement must have been ten times worse than how I feel, but I also feel a little overwhelmed and jealous that they are also trying and at least they know they can conceive.
I think announcements add time pressure and an accidental competitiveness and it's so overwhelming, especially since it's not openly discussed.

I'm 27 and only been off contraception 3 months, tracked properly for the first time last month, and stupidly it's getting me stressed already too! Im coming to the end of my period now but when I realised it was starting on Sunday I was gutted. I know it's ridiculous but you can't help being disappointed and hoping nothing's wrong.

Several friends have announced accidental pregnancies recently and I just think how?!?!

@mooloop I'm in a similar position as you! I'm 28 and have been off contraception for four months now but only started tracking properly last month. So many of my friends have also got pregnant recently and told me it took them less than two months - find it hard to believe!

One friend who has recently fallen accidentally pregnant said "we don't really have sex much either" ?! They must all be up to some magical witchcraft to make it so easy @MaltyJones92

@PinkFizz19 I’m so sorry for your losses that must be awful. And so frustrating when you think it has happened for you and you can get excited/start planning, it must be heartbreaking. I can imagine how you feel at 35 as well...I really really hope you get one that sticks ASAP.
@SEpoppet I think you’re right, I’ve just been trying to think of every different reason I can that it wouldn’t have worked yet. Ooh I’d never heard of variocele, I just googled - really hope that it’s not a problem! That’s the same as me with my luteal phase, I’m slowly convincing myself that’s the issue when there doesn’t appear to be any conclusion that it’s a problem for people. In a way it would be easier to have something concrete to blame so we could work on trying to fix things...it’s the not knowing that’s the worst. 3 years before IVF is mad! I haven’t even looked into anything like that yet but that’s shocking. Really hope you don’t need to have it.

@RedZin I really don’t think we’re informed enough about conception when we’re young. I was under the same impression that most people are - that you’ll have unprotected sex and get pregnant straight away. Makes me laugh now all the agonising and worrying I did when I was a teenager over the possibility that my boyfriend may have touched me with a bit of pre-cum on his hand or something what a joke! If only it was that easy. I get what you mean about it being less intense once the pregnancy is over - I get this huge wave of jealousy about announcements and seeing people pregnant but once the baby gets here it’s over, I just feel a bit sad/wistful. That’s so sad for your friends but I also know what you mean about knowing you can conceive - I don’t mean to sound flippant as a miscarriage must be awful and I hope we don’t ever experience one but I suppose it’s a starting point...you know you can get pregnant. But as I said I really don’t mean to sound flippant or insensitive about it!
Also yes to competitiveness - I haven’t told anyone we’re trying but have been feeling really unhappy about my friend saying she is the other day because in my own head now there’s competition even though I really, really don’t want there to be. Ugh it’s so hard.
@mooloop tracking is so useful for knowing what’s going on but it does end up stressing me out as it feels like you’re waiting forever for your fertile time to come around, I kind of wish I’d stayed in sweet ignorance it all feels like such a long time ago when you so want to be pregnant.

Keep seeing all the TTC buses on here, maybe we should start the sick & tired completely over it bus

@MaltyJones92 one friend gave birth last week - she got pregnant in April on her first go. I was asking her about it and she said she wasn’t even sure if she was ovulating it’s just her app said she was, she said to her husband shall we give it a go? and bam.
Another friend got pregnant the first time she had sex off the pill. We all joked about it in the group at the time (this was 2 years ago) but now knowing more I’m like HOW DID THAT HAPPEN!
I’ve got a friend due in two weeks who was convinced she wouldn’t get pregnant but she managed second go I don’t wish difficulties on my friends at all but I really wish someone would be like yeah we tried for nearly a year it was really tough.
On the flip side I have a friend with PCOS and one blocked tube, her husband has low motility and she did get pregnant by accident after 6 years of unprotected sex and after they’d started fertility investigations. But that’s an unusual case!

@Asthenia and everyone else, how are you getting on? I kept thinking about this thread and wanted to check in as seems we are all in a similar situation x

Yep lm a few years into it and had enough. Literally tried pretty much everything; SMEP plan, apps monitoring my cycle, ovulation sticks, temperature monitoring, Clomid (fertility drug) and IVF but still no joy. Yet still most people just fire out babies left, right and centre. My personal record is 3 pregnancy announcements in less than 24 hours!

It may be an unpopular view but l don’t understand the level of angst around secondary infertility either. We don’t always get what we want, at least they have one child. Some people can’t have any. I have always thought this and my current experiences have only strengthened this

Don’t even start me on the “just relax advice”. Of course delivered by people who got pregnant without trying / little effort

I had no luck on month four of TTC... now crossing my fingers for month five (I do realise it's still very early days in the grand scheme of things). Currently on day 10 of my cycle so got a long way to go yet. I bought some more ovulation tests so going to try them again this month. How is everyone else getting on?

@WhatKatyDidNxt bloody hell you poor soul. You've absolutely been through it haven't you. There's nothing I can say to you to make you feel better I'm sure but just sending you lots of love and luck. I'm 5dpo, no news. DH was supposed to get a sperm analysis last month but the clinic booking system fucked up so they could only offer him an appt in my fertile window and he would have to abstain so we didn't for it. No BFP this month and we are booking him straight in. Good luck @MaltyJones92 x

Hey everyone! I’m doing OK. CD15 and feeling like ovulation should be approaching but I know it’ll be another week. This will be our 7th month trying and I don’t feel positive but here goes anyway!
My friend is a midwife and she said the vast majority of women she sees conceived within a year-18 months. Lots of women do conceive before a year but not as many as conceive after. It did make me feel better but equally I don’t want another year of this!
@WhatKatyDidNxt I’m sorry, that all sounds so tough. Is it completely unexplained? No advice here obviously but a handhold and I get how hard that must be. I dread every pregnancy announcement so god knows how you feel. Re secondary infertility, I think that must be rubbish but I think it’s a different type of pain and very different from being unable to have any children at all.
@SEpoppet ooh good luck with the SA! Fingers crossed it comes back OK, keep us updated.