Will he ever want a baby?

[Genevive123]

I’m in a bit of a crap position at the moment, I’ve been with my boyfriend 5 years now and we’ve had countless arguments about the fact I’m so desperate to be a mum and him not being ready. 6 months ago I said to him, look I need you to know I’m ready and I can’t wait forever

6 months later and I’m still terrified to bring up wanting a baby? Think it’s coming to the end of me being able to wait for him now :( anyone else been in this situation? i adore him but I just can’t wait forever it’s breaking my heart

I just don’t understand why he wouldn’t just leave?

Well, you haven't either.

It's your life, what's stopping you taking control and making a decision? You're not helpless here.

@Falafelwrap thank you for that message hun, it’s definitely reassuring to hear other women have been in the same situation! Thank you so much xx

I do love him but for me everyone seems to be having children and getting pregnant and as someone who really wants a child it’s really hard l, there’s just no motivation there to try for a baby! It breaks my heart he’s just miserable whenever I say “oh look this persons having a baby” it’s really strange xx

You’ve been with him five years. I can understand why you want to take the next stage, and I don’t think 25 is too young (before 2000, average age of first time mums was 26 and under).

I think you need a time-frame also. For us, it was when we moved into a new house and then paid of the car loan. It needs to be something you both agree on.

If he is vague, and non-comittal, then that could be a deal-breaker.

@user184628462 because I’m the one who wants a baby with him? i love him and know I want that future with him but it’s getting hard when I have no communication?

If he knows he doesn’t want one then he should tell me and leave?

How does he feel about getting married? That would be my first concern before having a baby, honestly.

@Standrewsschool thank you that’s really helpful I didn’t think of that, we’ve moved out together and been in our home for over a year now, maybe I should suggest something like what you’ve said! Thank you for the advice xx

He’s only 28, it’s very clear he doesn’t want a baby at all and likely won’t for a long time. If you want to be a young mum the relationship has to end and you have to find someone who wants what you want.

@Aquamarine1029

How does he feel about getting married? That would be my first concern before having a baby, honestly.

Marriage isnt for everyone 🤷‍♀️

Hi @Genevive123 I just want to let you know that 25 is a great age to have children, I had my 2 at 21 and 24 and I was very ready to be a mum. I understand your urge to be a mum, I had it since I was 18. Advantages of having them in your 20s is that you are energetic enough to bounce through pregnancy and keep up with the demands of a newborn and toddlers ect. Because of my children I worked harder in my job, was driven to buy a beautiful home and managed to get my degree with a 5 and 2 year old to care for. We're now trying for number 3, I'm 30 and worry I'm too old. Have a chat with other half and see where his heads at, I hope it goes in your favour. And to the people saying there must be something wrong with you to need a child so young, 25 is prime age for children, what age are you supposed to have them?? When your 35 and medically classed as a geriatric mother! I know 35 year olds who couldn't care for a goldfish.

I think it would be worth setting time aside to have this discussion with him in a planned and calm way rather than in an argument. But I understand it's an emotive topic. I don't think the "you are too young" posts are helpful.

I had my first child at 25, second at 27. I was ready. My DH would possibly have waited, but he did want them and we went for it. But we were married, both graduated and in careers and bought our first house while pregnant. Some good points from previous posters about discussing his concerns, eg financial, and consider marriage?

All the best OP.

@Falafelwrap I agree marriage isn’t for everyone when we first got together we both said we’d want our children to be at the wedding, but now can’t even mention kids

It’s a tough one - what are his reasons? Does he just not feel ready, or does he want to get married / buy a house first?

If there’s a practical reason like that I think it makes sense, if he’s just not sure it’s more difficult.

28 is young for a man to be ready, when he pictures his future, does he want kids one day or not at all?

I had kids at 25 and 35 and our bodies are definitely designed to have kids in our 20s. Don't listen to the naysayers here. Really wish I'd had mine closer together but life doesn't work out that way.

Sorry just seen the update please please please get married first if you’re thinking of going part time / being a SAHM or you’ll have no financial protection at all.

@marcella64 thank you!!! I’m in shock I was told that wanting a baby at this age means there’s something missing in my life ?? Thank you for normalising that the urge to be a young mum is absolutely fine ! Thanks so much lovely xx

@Miseryl thank you!! Haha genuinely felt like I was weird for wanting children young then! Thank goodness people feel the same !!

The thing is, you could leave him and then still not have a baby in the next few yrs! Or you could meet someone else and they might also not be ready. Most men aren't ready in their 20's - understandably so.

I think if he's really keen to have kids in the future and you don't think he's spinning you a yarn, then I'm afraid you'll just have to wait! As others have said, 25 is relatively young. You've got plenty of time.

@Chillypenguin I want my children to be at the wedding

I won’t need to go part time - my work is very flexible and I’m pretty successful in my career :)

we’ve had countless arguments about the fact I’m so desperate to be a mum and him not being ready

How many times does he have to tell you no before you believe him?

You want something he doesn't want.

If you weren't ready or didn't want children, how would you feel about him badgering you and issuing ultimatums to change your mind?

We were in a similar situation, I was desperate for a baby and DP didn't feel ready and was unsure if he ever would. We had a conversation and i basically said
we dont need to decide right now, but I dont want to waste years waiting around for a no. However he recently came round to it and we are now TTC! Due to a previous pregnancy the urge was really there and we have been together 7 years, due to get married in May and own our own house. We are young I'm 23 and DP is 26 however its now what we really want.
The upshot is he may change his mind, but he also may not and you might have a difficult decision

@Genevive123 ideal, I think that’s fine and a lovely idea, I’ve just seen so many threads where the woman gets financially screwed it was worth flagging! :)

@user184628462 honestly just leave the post please. I find you rather infuriating - thank you.

@Chillypenguin thank you for caring you made a very valid point :) I’m very lucky in my circumstances that I managed to become successful at a very young age :)

@Amijustagrump thank you lovely this was really helpful, maybe he will just change his mind - maybe best I just give myself a time frame, say if we haven’t spoken about it in 6 months time then maybe it just won’t happen. Rather than bring it up and cause upset x

[quote Genevive123]@user184628462 honestly just leave the post please. I find you rather infuriating - thank you.[/quote]
Wow, this is so rude!