Any mums in 40's ttc?

[timeforanother1]

Just that really!

I'm aware I'm in the 'older' bracket now but really want to soon start trying for another (have 1 already).

We have been thinking about it for a while now and have this time to see what happens. Theres only positives when we weigh everything up.

Planning on starting to try next month.

Anyone else?

I’m only on cd4 x

I'm just coming up to ovulation I think -- probably sometime between tomorrow and the middle of next week. I'm trying not to obsess about it too much though. Is everyone else charting their temps, or using some sort of ovulation predictor / detection thing? I charted for years (for contraception mostly) so I know how to do it but not sure I want to go down that road. It's always really obvious when I am ovulating anyway.

I'm 12 dpo but won't be testing as I haven't actually tried this month.

We dtd 6 days before ovulation which I wouldn't have usually risked.

Next fertile window will be first try due to work commitments next year that have to be avoided- although babies can come early!

@kalidasa how do you know when you're ovulating? I seriously have no clue apart from my Fitbit app!

I use OPKs, I'm 42 and don't really have the time left to hope we are DTD at the right time.

@timeforanother1 re: ovulation, the main signs for me are increasingly fertile cervical fluid (first watery and then the distinctive "egg-white" fluid the last day or so before ovulation) and, tbh, libido! I tracked my cycles for years for contraception and it actually worked well for me though the one thing I thought those methods weren't really honest enough about is that they rely on you not having sex for exactly the week when you most want to

Oh and you can also know by checking the position, open/closed-ness and consistency of your cervix, but I have never been able to reliably reach the wretched thing so never bothered with that. Most women can though I think!

Sorry realise I have confusingly changed my name mid-thread -- I am @consideringachange

@kalidasa  I was thinking, hang on is this a new lady!!!!

Thanks for the info.

@kirinm do you use the strip ones or the clear blue?

@timeforanother1 I've been using the clear blue ones. Ovulation dates have been pretty consistent but I've had two months where it's been a few days out (including this month) so I'd have stopped DTD so frequently if I wasn't testing.

@consideringachange
Similar situation here. Also two fairly grim pregnancies and a terrible second birth. Two boys. DH was keen for a third and something about the pandemic (nowhere to go, nothing to do!) made me think last month that maybe we could try. Had sex last month without a condom but only after ovulation so wasn't any chance of getting pregnant. Carried on this month and even though my period is still six days away I just got a faint line on a test. Agh!!! I'm nearly 42.

Realise it may very well come to nothing but I have to say that I'm now shitting myself and wondering WTF I just did. Somehow all of the pregnancy/birth stuff has come flooding back in an instant. Terrified. These are not easy choices!

AF arrived today Coming up 2 years TTC now (1 MMC in that time) and every month AF arrives it feels like it such a stab in the heart. I don't know if it's PMT but I just feel so upset and angry and I want to hate everyone around me, specially those who have kids or who are pregnant. I even feel bitter towards my OH. It feels like he doesn't feel as upset as me, when I tell him AF arrived he just gives me a pitiful sigh and 'aww I'm sorry' then just goes about his day! He's reluctant to go for IVF because it's so expensive and because nothing is technically wrong with us (just our age, 41) he seems to think we'll get pregnant eventually!
I'm just having a really sh*t day.

@sabtom I'm sorry that's another month where it didn't happen for you. It is a stab in the heart. I am almost 40 and TTC for 6 months since my mc at 13 weeks. My DH doesn't understand. He walks around whistling and I walk around angry at everything. This is my fertile window and I don't know if I should try or not this month. I feel like it won't happen anyway so maybe I should just save myself the heartache?

Sorry you were feeling so low at the weekend @sabtom Could you start the ball rolling with some basic investigations even if you can't do IVF at this point? Or have you already had the basic stuff done? Sorry for you too @FeatherInTheBreeze

@oldiefogie congratulations on your pregnancy how are you feeling now any calmer or still a bit panicked? I was very, very ill in both pregnancies pretty much immediately so DH and I are both pretty scared to be honest. Weird feeling -- I would so love another baby but can't pretend I'm not pretty frightened of what it would mean if I do get pregnant. Pretty sure I have not yet ovulated this month though will probably be fairly soon.

@kalidasa I've had all the tests done that have been offered, just a matter of saving up and trying whilst waiting 🤞🏻

Sorry to hear that @sabtom, how frustrating for you. I am still waiting to ovulate this month (CD18) so no idea yet whether I'm in the running or not.

Hi @FeatherInTheBreeze you sound similar to me! I haven't tested this month but new cycle due in 2 days and cervix feels low that I just know I'm not pregnant. Husband doesn't seem bothered - he hasn't even taken the vitamins I bought him. I'm a bit fed up today want to take the afternoon off and watch tv and eat crisps

@kalidasa. Thank you for asking! Think this probably isn't the right thread for me; am aware (having suffered other health problems and losses, though not to do with fertility) that the ambivalence of people who seem to have been blithely granted what other people would dearly love is very annoying and unfair.

That said, I feel rough, mostly psychologically, though also tired and starting to have a bit of nausea. Am also really not very pregnant at all, having not yet even missed a period, and though the line is a bit darker I know that the chance of miscarriage at this age is pretty high so I don't have the confidence that a baby will result that I had (a bit naively, maybe) when I was pregnant with my older two. We will see... I just pray that I'm physically up to it all.... Have also stopped taking my antidepressant because I didn't take one when I was pregnant before and am sort of scared to do anything different, and have some side effects from that (I think). Wishing you the very best of luck too (everyone) and hopefully some healthy, fairly easy pregnancies all round.

@whatever1980 I did try this month and so begins the 2 week wait. I am trying to be positive but I feel in my heart I won't get a positive. I feel a bit down about it all. I know my time is running out. This might be my last month of trying especially as my heart can't take it anymore. How do I come to terms with giving up?

Good luck @FeatherInTheBreeze it only takes one egg!

I know it's hard to keep positive at times. I keep reading blogs about getting pregnant at 40 and why aren't you getting pregnant etc and trying to figure out what's going on. I'm taking the supplements, doing the tests, dtd when I should, cut back on caffeine no alcohol and trying to eat healthier. I've tried to get less stressed this month as that can affect it so I don't know.

I'm picking up my blood test results from the doctors now but they said they're fine I got them done on day 21 and asked for full check. Perhaps I need a scan to check what's going on.

I'm out for this month anyway.

Onwards and upwards!

Also @FeatherInTheBreeze in terms of giving up - I said definitely Christmas definitely. I've done on longer than I thought but now I'm thinking Easter.

There will come a point where I'll need to give up.

I keep thinking more time and money to study and progress career, I'll be able to travel again trying to think up all the positive things every time I get a negative test

Hows everyone doing?

This is officially my first few days of trying! I'm shocked at how relaxed I feel about it, not sure why but feels completely different to last time, I'm not going to use the opk's this month either.

I think I'm trying to start with a relaxed approach!

Hello. I'm about 5dpo I think in my first cycle - only had my coil taken out a couple of weeks ago. I didn't use OPKs either because I never have, though did temp just for a few days to confirm I'd ovulated.

@kalidasa fingers crossed for you!
Did you have many attempts in your fertile window? I'm due to ovulate Friday so we've dtd the last 2 days then tomorrow off ha ha, then dtd Thursday/ Friday.

Hi @timeforanother1 Well I'm not 100% sure when I ovulated because there was one rogue temp - think it was last Friday but could have been Wednesday. I also didn't want to put DH under too much pressure because he has quite mixed feelings about the whole enterprise! But whenever the ovulation was we definitely had two attempts within the fertile window yes. We'll see -- I'm conscious that I'm a lot older now and also that we probably "tried" harder/more often before, especially with DS1 when we weren't knackered from having a baby already.

@timeforanother1 Being relaxed about it is the best way I think. Good on you for achieving that! AF due in 7 days. I'm trying to be relaxed about it but struggling a bit. I have to find the will power to avoid testing early. This is the hardest week! Any tips?