Crazy gang part..errr f*ck who knows anymore!

[Missgoldilocks]

Hey @Danni2019 @Mumofboys17 @LAnna20 @lv1987 @katie1109

I don't know if I missed anyone sorry!! Please tag others of you notice any missing xx

I got my peak two days late today is cd17 but I got it thank god along with a lot of ewcm today. Didn't manage to dtd last night I fell asleep and my OH didn't wake me up grrrrrr but we dtd from cd13 to cd15 and will dtd twice tonight! Hope that does it!!

@Boo2020 how are you today? How did the scan go x

Hi Ladies, I went back up for a scan this morning and both scans again didn't see anything, long story short the ward manager (who did the scan and bloods) then rang the doctor to come and see me, she went through all my notes, scans, Bloods etc then she explained that I have a pregnancy of a "unknown location" they gave me 3 option's..

• Have the methotrexate injection (basically kills off the fetus)

-wait a few days for another scan, but if I did that and it was Ectopic it could be to late and they may need to remove a tube(that's if it was on or in a tube)

• or 3 have more bloods done next week and have surgery to place a camera inside to see if they can locate it that way, again this could be a bit late if left..

Well I've gone for the injection and it was so hard to even come to that decision, I am heartbroken, emotional and physically drained, worse of it I can't get pregnant for the first 3 months 😔 ..

I've got to go back in half an hour to have the injection, that's if my bloods they took today says I have a healthy liver and kidney, (basically functioning ok)

Thank you all for being there for me, it really does mean a lot ❤

@Boo2020 I am absolutely devastated for you. What a horrific ordeal you’re going through. Sending you much virtual love and hugs xxx

@Boo2020 so sorry to hear your news. This is heartbreaking. So hard to have to make a choice too but even though it was difficult it seems you have made the right choice. It will take time to heal and sounds like you have a very supportive partner to help you through. Just sending lot of virtual hugs as you maybe haven't told many people but it is good to have somewhere to talk to let out your feelings. X

@Boo2020 I’m so sorry to hear your update. Your diagnosis is the same as what I had and it’s really heartbreaking. My HCG was never as high as yours and was coming down so I was fortunate to not have to make the decision you did, but I would have done the same if I was in your shoes. I hope you’re feeling ok x

Hi Ladies, I'm so overwhelmed by the support I've had off you all, thank you so much ❤..

Obviously had that injection Friday, then you have to go back on the 4th and 7th day for bloods to make sure your levels are going down, well today I went for my first blood test, the lady said that this one is for a baseline so we won't be ringing with the results but then Friday (7th day) we will ring and give you the results etc..

Well I definitely wasn't expecting a phone call off the EPU after my bloods today 😔..they rang to say that they would expect people that have the injection for there bloods to go up a bit but then go down by the 7th day but mine have doubled to 4502 and they need to get me back in first thing tomorrow morning for a scan..

If feels like I'm living an absolute nightmare, I have so many questions as to why!! What if they scan me tomorrow and actually see a fetus!? What if they actually missed it on the scan last week?!

@Boo2020 I can't believe this torment is still continuing for you and can't imagine what you're going through right now. Surely they had to be sure last week that something was wrong before they gave you all these options. Surely they won't have said this to you if they thought there was a chance. X

Oh @Boo2020 I’m so so sorry my love, I can’t believe the torment that you must be going through. With any luck tomorrow’s scan will give you some closure. I honestly don’t even know what to say 😭

@Boo2020 just popping on to let you know I’m thinking of you today 😘

@Boo2020 thinking of you too hope you got some more answers today x

Hi Ladies, sorry not got back yesterday, I had another scan yesterday morning and again they couldn't see anything so they said they want to wait till Friday to see what my bloods come back with. Yesterday afternoon (long story short) I got rushed in hospital in excruciating pain, hooked me up to morfine, had a few tests etc... i got out early hours of this morning, good thing is they tested me again with my bloods and it had gone down by 500, also had a bit of bleeding, im hoping now this is the start and by tomorrow morning my bloods will have gone down even more and I won't need a second injection, I've been given some strong pain killers but I've never been so scared in all my life and neither as my partner, he never crys but yesterday when I got rushed up he was beside himself, think he just felt so helpless and both scared that would need to be rushed in for surgery 😢 xx

Aw @Boo2020 my heart aches for you - what an ordeal you’re both going through 😭

@Boo2020 so sorry you have had such a hard time I really hope you get some closure soon 💗

Hi Ladies, well yesterday I went for my bloods again and they have gone down by more than 15% which is the best news ever, I don't need a second injection and I can start trying again at the end of August! I am feeling much better today, I've eased myself off Codine (they give me for the pain) it was giving me really painful trapped wind in my stomach, I still feel a bit tender but the good thing is I can enjoy a glass of wine (couldn't drink for 7 days after the injection) I am now just looking forward to my Cornwall holiday with friends and family in July (and at least I can enjoy having a few cocktails 😀)..

I really can't believe the horrific ride I've been on but I am not giving up 🌈

@Boo2020 I’m glad to hear that you’re finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Take time to heal - your body and emotions have been through the ringer x

So annoying when your body is playing tricks on you. 90% sure AF is going to show up just late this month. Af due yesterday and not showed yet. Have been doing cheapie tests last couple of days but negative. Have had really bad cramps for about 4 days and definitely period pains. Then 1 day had pink discharge which I usually get before my period then followed by 2 days of brown discharge like old blood normally I don't get this until the end of my period. So now it has gone back to nothing yesterday and today but still bad cramps tonight. Wish my af would just show up and get it over with! I have bought a frer which I will use tomorrow morning if still nothing x

Well af showed up for me anyway today so that's that I guess. Just so tired now of it all. I've decided I'm just going to go for IVF at least then I can stop trying as I just can't keep going month to month like this. It has been over 2 years now and I'm done. Fingers crossed for IVF for me really hope it works for us as I think I will be devastated if it fails. Will see when the next available appointment is to start. I'm definitely not made of money so one round will take a toll. I know you can donate eggs to reduce costs but not sure if I can or not with my thyroid condition which is inherited so will have to wait and see as that would definitely help with costs x

@Danni2020 I'm so so sorry, its so hard isn't it!? It's like your going backwards every month and for me it feels like your body just keeps failing you. I've been looking into IVF, just a brief look really, me and my partner discussed when we do start trying again at the end of August, and if I do get pregnant again, but ends in miscarriage I think we are going to go down the IVF route. I'm told the NHS only investigates though after a 3rd miscarriage and because I've already got a son (my partner as no children) I won't be offered it on the NHS so I will just go private..

Let us know when you get your first appointment and how it goes ❤ xx

@Boo2020 @Danni2020 I’m sorry your both having a rough journey :(
ttc is shit. Sorry I have no words of wisdom but I would say that counselling helps if you have that option x

Well I'm on the waiting list for IVF currently 6-8 weeks so not too long to wait. Will have to save as much money as I can the next couple of pay days to pay for it all but at least I have something to aim for and can relax a bit the next couple of cycles and not put so much pressure on. You never know something could happen before then x

@Ange211 thank you ❤ its a great idea to be honest..

@danni2020 that's fantastic!!! Not long to wait at all, I will need to save to if I go down that path but I'm crossing my fingers if we did some if our family would help out a bit and with our savings we could maybe get one cycle!

I went for my bloods today and last week they were 2987 today I got the call this afternoon and its at 88 after 7 days 😲..to say I'm happy us a overstatement! Counting down the days till August 28th when I can start trying again 🤞🏾🌈

@Boo2020 great news about your bloods hopefully down to 0 in the next couple of weeks and fingers crossed your cycle returns back to normal soon afterwards too x

Thanks @danni2020 ..

How's everyone doing? I've just found out my younger sister is having twins, we were due around the same date, I feel so happy for her but I'm so sad..why is life so unfair..

@Boo2020 that sucks 🥲
I’ve actually been in this situation twice. My nephew’s birthday is a bittersweet reminder of my first mc (would have been same age) My brother and sister in law announced there 3rd pregnancy a week before Christmas 2 weeks after my 3rd mc - so I know 💯 how you feel. You’re happy for them, gutted for yourself and then you feel guilty for feeling that way.
Don’t be so hard on yourself - allow yourself to feel what you feel. X

@Boo2020 how are you doing my lovely?

@Danni2020 any word on your ivf?

I had a telephone consultation with the consultant from the recurrent miscarriage clinic who was really lovely. There not a great deal they can do for me at this stage (got to get pg again first 🤦‍♀️) but she was very reassuring and positive.