Feb Bus Pt 3

[Juno231]

@MimiArm
@paintfairy
@MrsTwentyEight

Figured I'm not ready to let you ladies go ☺️

@paintfairy hm def read the fine print cause I think in my trust it's one egg retrieval and fresh egg round but if that fails you get a go with FET too

@MimiArm Lord. What i found a little worrying and taking advantage of people (I'm not sure what it's like for you over there) that over here they do packages. So you can buy one round or 3. If you buy 3 but only use 1, then you've paid a lot for nothing. But if you only buy 1 and need more, it works out a hell of a lot more money buying them 1 at a time.

So you end up like of trapped with a financial nightmare. And it seems to take advantage of people in a desperate situation in my opinion.

'Technically' (I haven't costed it exactly though) I reckon I have money for 1 round
However- that would leave me with nothing for maternity leave and also nursery costs/ going back to work etc. Therefore it wouldn't be that wise to spend it, as I've no idea how i would manage after that! I also am pretty sure my DH would not be an advocate of paying for it either. He certainly wouldn't from his pocket (its my money mind). However, if nhs failed we do have back up, admittedly i would be reluctant if it had already failed once though. And I guess I can try and save a bit more for nursery fees etc in the mean time. I just never have much spare!

I don't know. Time is ticking. Why can't it just happen! 🙄

@Juno231 I was just going on what someone said for here. 3 IUI but only 1 IVF. I haven't looked though. I'm praying it doesn't come to that!

@paintfairy let's just hope it doesn't come to that for any of us.

I'm not sure how open minded you ladies are with what I'm about to say, but I'm starting to think my problem is that I'm not visualising the positive. I think about it not happening rather than thinking of it happening. I even went for fertility reflexology and the therapist said something in me was "locked" from some trauma many years ago. She was trying to free my internal energy or something. I planned to keep going but lockdown put an end to that (same with the acupuncture I started in March - drat).

The more I think of it, deep down I'm in a state of believing that it won't happen for me. So I need to try to actively stop those thoughts and picture being pregnant and having a baby.

Thoughts?

@MimiArm I don't know. I think initially I kind of thought it would happen. Only after a couple of months it was evident it wasn't. However I do think there seems to be a lot of evidence to show that the people who try too hard, it doesn't happen for? I think from a scientific point of view there's evidence to show that stress affects it, so it makes sense.

I have mixed feelings on the positive thinking. Theoretically it makes sense. But the most positive bloke I knew that got cancer (told 2 years to live, but assured us he'd make 5) died within 2 months.

I suppose if you have a lot of negative energy I guess it could make a difference. But I really wouldn't know how to alter it or if it truly would make a difference?

@MimiArm I think what I don't like about it along with the "just relax" line of thinking is that it puts the blame back at our feet, as if we are to blame for it not working. Like @paintfairy said I was so positive at the start of the year, thought it would take max 3 months, then 4, 5, 6 it wasn't until after I passed the average time ttc for my age that I started being down about it.

I guess I'm 100% behind you in feeling/thinking whatever way you want that helps you feel better, I just don't want you to beat yourself up if you then think it's not working because of your attitude. ❤️

@paintfairy also I think you could argue the ones it doesn't work for end up having to try harder? Circular kinda thing maybe.

It's funny what you said about IUI as I think my trust has really strict guidance on who can have IUI - I guess because it makes no sense to waste money on that route if eg the woman isn't ovulating anyway or whatever? IUI success rates are really low from what I gather.

@Juno231 I assume although the cap is 3 for IUI, I'm guessing you would have to meet criteria for it? Not sure though.

And I thought it would take me 3 months max. 🤣

@paintfairy haha I was convinced it would take 3 months max and then I could be on mat leave with my friend who was planning on trying for a second in April. She accidentally fell pregnant in March whilst avoiding DTD during FW and had her baby last week and here I am 😂

@Juno231 yeah my work friend is due in December. Just like that. Its gone so fast actually.

@paintfairy Gosh, that's awful sad about your friend. I take your point. Realistically I figure I should be more positive and actually believe that it will happen. Hard to think that way when nothings happening though. I should have gave birth by now according to our plan!

Are you still taking the B6? How do you feel today?

@Juno231 I agree that we shouldn't be blaming ourselves and I'm deffo guilty of that.

How's your spot situation? And tiredness situation?

My RHR has went up again today. I'm CD24 today so AF could be due from tomorrow or Friday. Trying not to read anything into it (and trying not to convince myself that the dip was an implantation dip) but it's hard not to be a little bit optimistic?

@MimiArm yes it was sad. Never seen so many people at a funeral! But do you know what, I knew. He had a 'leaving do' from work for a last go out. Just a few drinks. And he was like- this will be it for a while as can't drink with chemo etc. Many people didn't go. People that should have too. And I was a little annoyed. I'm not a socialising type but I went. I said to my colleague/friend about it and that people do realise this might be the last time they see him? And he was like- oh I hadn't thought about it like that. I had. Very much so. And something in me told me. I did see him one more time when he came into work for something. Very very sad. And the day I was told he died, I got a phone call to say my dad had cancer. I don't think I've ever cried so much in my life. Because I knew where that was headed too...... which is why all this corona crap pisses me off. Won't be that that gets most people, I'll put money on it.....

Anyway! Lol. In the same post you've said you need to be more positive but then said you are trying not to read into things to be too optimistic. And I think you've hit the nail on the head. You feel you should be positive but then you are let down if too optimistic. And I think that's how we all are really? I've stopped thinking about it. I no longer get upset by AF. But on the months I felt like it might happen I was far more upset. Its hard to find a balance?

I took half a b6 last night. Feel OK so far today.

@paintfairy can't believe people didn't go to his last work do - I'd definitely be thinking along your lines that it might be the last time you saw him :( I'm sorry to hear about your dad too - I take it he lost the fight too?

@MimiArm AF showed up after we DTD last night. Reckon if we hadn't it probably would have manifested this morning ha.

So cycle 12 is here now. Statistically I think 86% of couples will conceive in the first year and another 6% (to a total of 92%) will conceive in the second year. The remaining 8% will need fertility treatments. Let's see which bracket I end up in!

@paintfairy Isn't it strange how we just know things sometimes. That's good you went and also got to see him one other time too. Life really isn't fair at times is it. I've had my own experience with cancer - my dad was diagnosed with it many years ago (I was 14 and he was 38). He died less than 2 months after they discovered it and he suffered during that time. It was a very difficult time and very difficult to watch. When I hit 30 I had it in my head that I would get it too since I really take after him. Of course I didn't/haven't thankfully. I find it so odd that I'm now older than he was when he died! When I look at pictures, he will always be "old" to me, even though he wasn't old at all, if that makes sense.

It puts things into perspective for sure. Still hard not to feel like "why can't anything ever just be easy for me!". I'm sure you feel the same. I think we deserve this!

@Juno231 Aw no. Sorry to hear that AF arrived. This sucks. Let's hope you're now on the countdown and in that 6%!

@mimiarm oh gosh that's so young! Glad you have dodged the C-bullet so far though. We have lots of cancer on my father's side of the family but luckily none in his generation just yet, just the one above.

@MrsTwentyEight I just realised that AF would be due 21st of Dec so guess who is now thinking that if I get a BFP I could reveal it xmas present style to OH? Lol I'm so stupid

@Juno231 yes, we lost him a few months before the wedding.

I think I'm just on cycle 12 too so I'll be joining you in year 2 i expect. 🙄

@MimiArm that's terrible. 😔 I can see why you would worry. I think that's natural. My friends mum died when I was 12 from skin cancer. Literally I've always been paranoid about sun cream because of it. That's not to say I haven't been caught out. But DH intentionally goes to sit in it with none on, and it makes me really angry!

Ffs! Had to call surgery. Referral has bounced back because of blood confusion and now they want me to repeat blood tests ar the drs before anything can happen. She's queried the timing. I explained they were both done at the right time. And she's gone back to dr and will get back in touch with me. 🙄

@paintfairy That is unbelievable - this process has been so unnecessarily complicated for you! Fingers and toes crossed you'll be able to use the bloods you already had taken (that were taken on the correct day). Unreal. I don't even know what to say!!

@MimiArm I'm fuming. I'll ring Friday if I hear nothing back. AF due next week. And if I miss that it'll fall badly between Xmas and New year! Which means a delay of several months again. So if they need to do it then they better get on with it.

@Juno231 loads of support from DH as usual. I don't know why you expect anything else, was what he said. They'll drag their feet and nothing will happen. 🙄
Yeah thanks.

@paintfairy I'd be fuming too. I'd kick up a fuss with the doctors and just say that enough is enough. Then proceed to list ALL the things. Might not change anything but it'll get their attention at least and if anything, may make you feel the slightest bit better.

You've every right to be raging.

Why can't men just agree with us and be raging too!

@MimiArm men are useless. 🤣

Well she said they (fertility clinic) needed blood tests to determine if I was ovulating and so it needed to be on the right day. I was like- it was on the right day? So god knows if I'm ovulating or not! Idiots. I still haven't had the results to look myself.

@paintfairy omg I can't believe it. I'd kick up SUCH a fuss at this point and ask to lodge a complaint if they don't sort it ASAP. Apart from anything it sounds like utter incompetence in not understanding even what your blood tests mean?? So essentially you've needed 2 blood tests in order to get a referral and you're five months down the line without them having sorted those out? OR they have but they're too dumb to interpret the results. Either way this is causing you distress and is wasting your precious fertile time so make sure they know all about it - GRR!

Thirded that men are useless! I often fantasise about how nice it would have been to be a lesbian living in a women's only commune lol. Or a bit like Wisteria Lane at least, without the murders?

@Juno231 I'm honestly not sure what the issue is? The receptionist was trying to decipher what the dr had written. And she said the referral has come back because I don't have the correct blood tests? I'll ring Friday if I haven't heard back.

🤣 Definitely no murders. Unless we just murder the men? But a lesbian commune sounds good. I reckon I could do that. 😆

Update: terrible nights sleep last night. Partly the dog and his issues. But I had awful trapped wind and I also had hot feet/hands. Drove me mad. I do get this sometimes in my LP.

Dr surgery phoned. I'm still confused. Something about wrong order. They want me to repeat the day 2 test (but not the other one?). I've booked it for next week. I did query what would happen if it fell wrong and I needed to change it and she said they had to get me in and I need to tell whoever on the phone to read my notes. She was nice actually. So I'll just go for that and see what happens as I'm still none the bloody wiser as to what the issue is.

The other surgery called- my blood test results i can collect. So I'll fetch those later!