TTC 35+ Thread 2 Cougar And Silver Fox Club

[Loladoodle]

New thread for you ladies. Let’s bring on the Bfps!!

[quote Loladoodle]@Happyhappy37 back pain is the worst 😔 would that be a usual symptom for you at this stage?[/quote]
No it wouldn't. I don't suffer with PMS.

@happy ooooh hopefully a good sign albeit painful

Just booked a dinner date for myself and dp for beginning of July! First since lockdown commenced! Sooooo excited 😆 but hopefully I will have a bfp and won’t be able to drink alcohol or eat shellfish 🦞 trying to tempt fate by choosing fish restaurant with great cocktails 🍸😂😂

@loladoodle lol I’m old and tired too haha! Thankfully my DH is also sometimes old and tired. Bless him he hates knowing when I ovulate as there’s pressure. After TTC for nearly two years I just don’t tell him!

So I did another opk this afternoon and it's a solid smiley face now so means positive opk so do I take ovulation to be 24-48 hours from this afternoon. I did a cheapy one as well just to compare and it wasn't quite there yet probably tomorrow. I'm confused now!

I would take it 24-48 hours from this aft @lucieloos

@ChicaXS my dp is young but often tired and asleep before me! However he seems to have an extra energy reserve if dtd is on the cards 😂 wakes him right up!

@lucieloos this is usually the case. Keep testing! It’ll probably peak tomorrow on FMU or Wednesday. DTD today and the next 3 days anyway!

@Loladoodle haha! Not a surprise he doesn’t mind at all!

@ChicaXS it already peaked this afternoon though? I can't keep on testing now as the machine doesn't allow you to test again after a peak.

@lucieloos I meant keep testing on the cheapie OPKs. You will have the static for two days on your CB stick.

@ChicaXS but which one is accurate then as the cb digi will likely have me ovulate tomorrow but if I go by the cheapies then it will prob be the day after.

I think we may have peaked too soon with dh and he's not feeling it tonight now anyway. He's tried but he said the timetable thing is killing the mood. It's difficult because it's not like we dtd loads throughout the month so when it comes to fertile week and I'm trying to get him in the mood all the time he knows what it's for. We shouldn't have started so early on day 9 as today would have done it 4 out of 5 days and I think he's had enough so unless he changes his mind later I'm going to miss the most important day now. I just wonder if I'm wasting my time with all this anyway. I'm 41 in a couple of weeks and 2 kids via ivf so it's probably never going to happen for us anyway so maybe we should just give up now.

@lucieloos it’s a lot to think about But rather than give up you could just not track and dtd as and when you both want it- that way if it happens it happens type of thing? I’m going to actively ttc for a while but not putting myself through the 3 years of hell that I did previously ttc. I’d love it to happen but I’m also in the mindset of accepting if it isn’t meant to be as it is too consuming and I don’t want it to have a negative impact on my emotional well being or our relationship. I can only imagine the stress of adding in to it that your dh does not have a high sex drive- it’s difficult for sure. It’s like trying give yourself the best shot at it balanced with not tipping yourself/oh over the edge... not easy I know! 😔

@lucieloos sorry you’re thinking that way. Hopefully you get your bfp soon. I don’t tell my oh what stage I’m at etc but like you said, it’s made obvious when I start going for every day 🤦🏻‍♀️ I’m torn between not wanting to miss my chance at the right time and trying not to make it all about counting days. It’s hard.
I wouldn’t worry too much though, even if you miss today, sperm will live for a few days so still a pretty good chance 🤞🤞

@lucieloos don’t beat yourself up about this! Your DH needs to step up too as it takes two to make a baby and honestly I can relate as my DH is the same as he feels under pressure but I just literally don’t tell him when I ovulate and or when the peak is now. Try to not argue (I did! :-() it doesn’t help and try to have sex in the morning. Morning sex always works! Lol.

I would trust the clear blue more but you will see the opk change quite dramatically. The OPKs are not as accurate as Clear blue. Have you Temped this month? If not take your temperature tomorrow morning, if it is below 35,6 - it’s an indication of ovulation.
Don’t regret having sex too early honestly - you just never know when we need too/ my last pregnancy I ovulated in CD9 so you never know babe!

Thanks everyone I'm just sat here feeling really down as we can't afford anymore ivf and I'm about to turn 41 so even if we could afford it the chances would be really low. I'm so lucky to have the 2 amazing children that I already have but just had always imagined 3 and I really feel that someone is missing and I desperately want one more. That feeling just isn't going away. I know chances of it working for me at this age with my history are probably very low but it was a way to feel we were at least trying and doing something.

DH has just got his work computer out now and put the tv on so doesn't look as though anything else is happening. This is what it was like when we first began ttc before any kids. He would manage it 2-3 times and then the pressure of it would be too much. I question if he had a massive sex drive whether we would ever have needed ivf or whether we just weren't doing it enough. There's no point me trying to conceive without tracking and timing as we barely have sex anymore, maybe once or twice a month which would prob end up being completely the wrong times so our chances would definitely be nil then. As I said I don't blatantly tell him it's that time of the month but it's just obvious and I feel like I'm pestering him and I'm just fed up of it.

I can't really temp as I have an 18 month old and I'm still up and down in the night with him. Sorry for the rant just feeling upset and I feel like I'm taking it out on him now which I shouldn't as if he doesn't feel like it then that's up to him.

To make it worse I got pregnant with no 3 the end of last year via ivf and my due date was this week but I had an early mc so it's all a bit raw at the moment. My cousin who I'm close to also got pregnant the same time and it's her due date today and a lot of fuss being made of that so it's hard.

@lucieloos sorry to hear all this. I’m sure the fact this was to be due date will be playing on your mind. Just be kind to yourself. Take a couple of days just to relax, do something nice for both of you together. Dont try to get too down this month, you’re still in with a shot!
We started trying for number 1 a couple of months ago but oh had a lot of work stress and exams and either didn’t want to or struggled to finish (or forgot and pulled out 🤦🏻‍♀️) so pretty much no chance either of last 2 months but things seem a lot better this month. Maybe your oh has some other things on his mind too, hope things improve for you x

Morning ladies, I've decided to stop this month as I'm CD16 with no signs of ovulation which is late for me, DPs back is in pieces he is asleep most of the day with his tablets and when he is awake he is in so much pain. We have tried but it hasn't worked out and he says he is now feeling so pressured by it all so I'm going to leave it this month in the hope that he can recuperate for next month. I'm also going to start dtd later next month as I think I burnt him out by starting too early this month, fingers crossed for more BFPs this month, I'll be cracking open the gin later x

Hi ladies, I would love to join your group. I am 41 and decided to give it a try as well... Better now than never. I have one 8-year old boy, and one 46 year old DH. First month of trying, currently 5dpo. Looks like at this geriatric age it might take some time. i will give it a go for a few cycles, and see. I cant cope with too many 2ww. 😂 Fingers crossed!

@lucieloos ahhh pet... it’s just so unfair isn’t it. You will def be feeling fragile around this time and that is perfectly normal.. sending hugs. I will always class mc as one of the most traumatic events, and especially when you have waited and wanted a baby so much for so long it’s very difficult to move forward.

Has your DH ever tried anything to increase his sex drive? Is that a possible convo you could have calmly?

I remember when I was ttc with exH and because i knew ivf was recommended for us due to his sperm issues- I would get so annoyed if I noticed him drinking a lot of caffeine or not being as healthy as he could be. It caused multiple rows! But I just felt so angry that I was doing everything I could and that he wasn’t trying hard enough to make it happen. (It did happen without ivf after 3 years 1 mmc then 3 months later conceived my little miracle ds).

I’ve also read that If you have had children already that aids the whole process- you have had 2 @lucieloos so that will be in your favour.

Another positive story- I have a friend who was told she would never have children (cancer treatment/one ovary). She accepted that and got her lovely house and dogs, being perfectly happy! Then at 43 she went to the doctors thinking early menopause as feeling every off- she was 4 months pregnant! And has a lovely little 3 year old now! Miracles happen 💫 keep the faith! 🙏

Sorry @Dipsy77 hopefully you will get a better shot at it next month. Take a month without pressure and do nice things 😊

I’m loving the fact I have found This page and you ladies. My oh is all for trying for a baby but he’s not up for talking about it 24/7 or planning everything so at least now I feel like I have people I can talk to about it and he can just go on as normal. I’m furloughed just now with too much time on my hands to google and plan which is probably a bad thing but I feeL like this month will be our best chance when we’re relaxed and not working so have plenty of time on our hands. Just need to wait and see.
Anyway It’s just so nice to have such a supportive group who understand everything you’re going through.
Hope everything picks up soon for those having a bad time this month. I think relax, forget about it for a few days and just do something good for you. Open a bottle of wine, have a bath and facemask with some relaxing music, whatever works for you but take care x

Welcome @YellaHella I’m 2dpo here so feel free to keep me sane 🤪(impossible task) Will you test or wait for no af?

@LT103 I agree it’s a fab group on here! I am trying not to talk to dp too much about it mainly because I don’t want him to get his hopes up In case it doesn’t happen for us. So I bring all my obsession on here 😅 for you lucky ladies to listen to! 😬 And then pretend that I am all chill about it to him 🙄 as if! But I am in the mindset that if it doesn’t happen within a year of trying we will leave it there and go forward with other plans. The pressure/desire for a baby was too much for me last time around it really affected my mental health and we have discussed before we started ttc that it was important not to let it get to that point again. I do feel certain pressure because he has no biological children but he has assured me that he is happy with all we have and if it happens great if not we will still be happy!

Ooh can I join! I'm lucky enough to have a sixth month old but I'm turning forty next week and have read and panicked a bit about the low chances of providing him with a sib.

We are starting to try again - should ovulate around my 40th so one last pop at an egg from my 30's .

I know how lucky I am but feeling very despondent that we left it so late to try and have a family (circumstances and then it took nearly a year for DS).

Loving the positivity on the thread

@homassy welcome! And good luck! I hope your last 39 year old egg is the lucky one