Catching up - ttc after miscarriage part 2

[Annny27]

Hi ladies- setting up another thread so we can keep in touch :)

@SunnySideUp2020 it’s awful when ppl say unfeeling things, especially if age knew about the miscarriage- would you feel comfortable saying “it can take a while to both grieve & conceive you know” that would likely be my response

Ah @Annny27 sorry you're having a tough day  there's no way around the fact it sucks. This whole situation sucks. I resent how much of my daily thoughts it consumes. I hope you have a better day tomorrow x

@Milscookie I'll give it a listen! Sounds like just what I need.

@SunnySideUp2020 sorry your mum has been insensitive. Sorry your husbands sperm analysis wasn't so good either. It sounds like you're being proactive tho and taking all the right steps now you know.

I find myself often laughing or when people who don't know ask 'when are you having kids' I find myself automatically just dismissing the question by saying 'not yet' and 'maybe one day' whilst awkwardly laughing. Then I'm like why did I say that?! As if it's going to somehow 'jinx' things for me because it's like I don't really want a baby?! I know what I really want to say is 'it's actually none of your business but seeing as you've asked we've been trying for a while now, been pregnant once, that baby died and I had to have surgery to remove them. We've taken 3 months to physically and emotionally heal from the whole ordeal and have just started to feel ready to start the whole process again' but I don't have the guts to say that and I know it would make it awkward for everyone so i will refrain and keep my thoughts to myself 😂.

Thanks for understanding @Minster2012 @Fizzl
I just dont get how you can say something like that 😕

I am exactly the same @Fizzl. I pretend that I'm not bothered yet or that we have too much going on atm for a baby when realistically we have been trying since the day we got married nearly 2 years ago. I wish I had to balls to say to ppl to mind their own bloody business. It's like asking someone how their sex life is with their partner/husband. It's personal and none of anyone's business.
I had mmc last February and my SIL a few months back said to me oh have you two ever thought of baby names... I couldn't help my reaction as I thought yes of course you arsehole we were having a baby. Something so trivial but it really got to me. In her defence I don't think she realised what she said and I could tell by her face the penny dropped once she saw my reaction as I sort of smirked and said yes of course.

Sorry about what your mum said @SunnySideUp2020. It's so hard. My mum kept telling me how fertile our family is because she fell pregnant instantly every time half insinuating it's my husband or something and I just thought it was so insensitive to harp on about how fertile she thinks our family is like it's even bloody inherited. I mean it might me I'm not a dr but is a daft thing to say. Made me feel like I'm doing something wrong.

Evening ladies, just came to check in and see how everyone’s going. So sorry it wasn’t your month @Annny27 and @ejb36. It’s so disappointing. Hope you guys have some of those self care treats lined up.

And @SunnySideUp2020 I’m sorry to hear the results for your dp weren’t great. And combination with insensitive comments, I just don’t know why people say this stuff. It’s so hard to get it out of your head after.

@Fizzl @MrsLBear some day I’ll be brave enough to put one of these sex detectives in their place. I’m definitely getting less tolerant of the wouldn’t they like a sibling brigade. I only ever have the response ready several hours later, in my head.

Going to check out some of the yoga links. Even with being in lockdown I somehow can’t make time for yoga and used to do so much. You’ve all given me some inspiration to get back to it

Morning ladies :D CD2 today and feeling exhausted after a painful night of AF cramps. Always seems to be much worse at night when you are trying to sleep. And we only have limited paracetamol so didn't want to waste our coronavirus supplies haha!

@MilsCookie looks like all hope of bfp is on you now. Keeping my fingers crossed 🤞🤞🤞

@SunnySideUp2020 sorry that DPs sperm analysis wasn't great but thats good that you have a plan in place. Will you do that abroad? I am going to go private too. I called my GP yesterday and she said they won't do any tests until 2 years!!!! That seems crazy to me

@Sparkl @fizzl @MrsLBear next time someone asks me when we are going to start a family I will just say the truth and see how awkward they feel.

@scrumdiddly123 will you be trying properly this month?

Hey everyone,

@SunnySideUp2020 I'm sorry your partner's sperm sample didn't come back as okay, you must not have been expecting that so I'm sure it must have come as a shock to you both. You have to try to remember that lots of couples conceive naturally even when their partner's sperm is less than optimum, but it's great you're already looking into other options. Being abroad it must be slightly easier as well as I know fertility treatment on the NHS can take a while to get started. Sending hugs xxx and Happy Birthday for a few days time... I hope you can try and have a lovely day! It's my 31st in a few weeks too and definitely thought I'd be pregnant by then!

@Annny27 AF is due today and I still haven't tested (mainly cos I don't want to waste my only FRER haha) but I have lower back ache and some cramps again this morning so I assume she'll make an appearance today or tomorrow. Sigh sorry your cramps have been bad. Hope you've been doing/eating some nice things to make yourself feel better! Wow 2 years... I thought it was after a year! That's so frustrating but even if you just got some initial tests done privately that might give you some peace of mind.

How are you feeling @Sparkl? Does it feel real yet?! xxx

@SunnySideUp2020 sorry to hear about DPs sperm not being ideal..and also about having to put up with the insensitive comments. But you did catch straight away before MC didn’t you so hopefully it will happen again although it’s good to have back up options.

@Annny27 2 years is a crazy amount of time to wait for tests..can you get second opinion on that? Hopefully the cramps ease off for you today too.

@MilsCookie hopefully you ate wrong about AF coming and we’ll done on not testing!!🤞 for you!!

My bday is weekend after next too and I’m turning 37🙁never been not looking forward to a bday so much..had planned to have had 1st baby by now and it’s just a reminder of how nothing worked out😞 I’m actually due to ov around birthday so hopefully at the very least I’ll get a decent healthy egg released as a present!!

@Sparkl @Fizzl @MrsLBear thankfully no one has approached me with those comments but I’m very blunt so I wouldn’t hold back in telling them why if asked so maybe people don’t say it to me cause they fear what I might say back😄 in fact my mum said the month before I was pregnant someone had asked her when I’d be pregnant soon and she told them I’d be getting a horse before a baby..she was pretty surprised when I told her I was pregnant..think she’s decided cause we left it so late in life that it was our choice not to have kids but she never asked or expected anything!

@MrsLBear yeah same in my family- my grandma keeps saying she just needed once for each blah blah 😒
But hey we are doing our best!!

@Annny27 what tests will you start with? two years is ridiculous!! Honestly doing this test just showed that sometimes you can try but if you have a problem you will just waste time...
Some basic fertility MOT should be available really...

@MilsCookie thanks for the birthday wishes lovely! X and well done on not testing! Still got fingers crossed for you 🤞🏽 Lower back ache and cramps were my symptoms before bfp..

DP is so healthy, 28 and very fit and everything we don’t drink at all or smoke or do anything like drugs! We eat well take vitamins so it did come as a bit of a shock 🙁
It is not the worse but not optimal and will make ttc much longer unless very lucky!

And yeah Leok the weird part is we conceived first attempt in November... guess we were lucky.

We are aware though that fertility clinic will encourage us to try a bit longer naturally. So ideally we are just looking to both do the full tests have a doctor explain all options and then we will decide... it might be abroad or where we will eventually relocate

So much uncertainty these days though..

Had a breakdown this morning and i feel so bad because i know do feels guilty and it’s really not him that i was angry and sad about it was just that i lowered my expectations so low for the coming months- I just lost it.

@leok happy birthday in advance to you too 🥳 but i know how you feel. Just remember that it might not be what we expected but we still can have a okay-ish time! I those times i always focus on what we have with DP rather than what we don’t have. Even if it’s hard sometimes (like this morning).

And thank you to all of you for the kind words!! I have been venting a lot lately 😫
I just can’t talk to anyone else about it 😟

@SunnySideUp2020 don't worry at all - that's what we're all here for. Feel free to vent whenever you like. If anyone's going to understand a tiny bit of what you're going through, it's the girls on here. I'm so sorry you're feeling down at the moment... I've certainly had my fair share of those over the last few months. It's just too much to take sometimes. The miscarriage, the rollercoaster of emotions we have to go through every month building up our hopes, then having them come crashing down when AF arrives, the pandemic and not being able to lead our usual lives... all that and then you've had the extra news about your DP's sperm... it's just a lot to cope with mentally and I'm not surprised you had a breakdown. Just have to keep going... take one day at a time and remember that "this too shall pass". It won't be like this forever. We may have some rocky roads ahead of us but we will keep walking those paths until we finally get our babies, whatever it takes. You are stronger than you realise and things are going to be okay, I promise xxx

The cramps I've been feeling keep coming and going (mainly my lower back) so whenever they disappear I get my hopes up... then they come back and I'm like "oh that's probably AF..." no physical sign of her yet though and the latest I've been in the last 3 months is midnight of CD31 but during the day I had more obvious cramps like she was going to start. This month I've just had really faint cramps that have come and gone but they've been like that for about a week! Also last night I had the WORST trapped wind - I could feel it in my back and my stomach and it was SO painful. I think it's because I ate my dinner too quickly but I wonder if that could be a symptom? I really want to take a test but DP doesn't want to test til Saturday! (If I even make it that far!) Wahhhhhh!!

@Leok83 thank you lovely... happy birthday for next weekend and really hope you've got a big fat juicy ripe egg waiting to pop out!! Sending lots of positive vibes and baby dust for your birthday xxx (and to all the ladies on here!) xx

Oooooh please test tomorrow thats when AF is officially late right? @MilsCookie

@SunnySideUp2020 I know 100% that I ovulate so not really sure what other tests are needed. Will speak to a consultant and figure out what they say. This whole ordeal has made want to be a gynaecologist/fertility specialist. Not sure my DH would approve with the 7 year training and finances required for that 🤣

@Leok83 yeah I thought 2 years was ridiculous! I will speak to another doctor face to face once lockdown has eased just to get a 2nd opinion

@annny27 yes think we will go for it this cycle. As long as I ovulate at the normal
Time and don’t have any spotting etc. If this cycle doesn’t seem normal then I might wait til next month but really don’t want to!

Ooo wishing & everything crossed @MilsCookie for that test when you do decide to do it, those cramps aren’t AF 🤞🏻🤞🏻

Hope you’re ok @SunnySideUp2020, sounds like a rough couple of days for you!
Is it just @MilsCookie left to test? Keeping everything crossed for you!
And really hoping May is going to be an amazingly lucky month for us all. I’ve worked out my due date (obv) for this cycle if I was lucky enough to conceive and it would be around my youngest sons birthday! So I’m taking that as a sign from somewhere that this cycle is going to be it 😃🤞🏻

Ooh @MilsCookie I’m crossing everything for you!! 🤞🏻🌈

🤞🏻🤞🏻🌈@MilsCookie xx

🤞🏽 🌈 @MilsCookie

Ladies thank you so much for all your positivity and well wishes...

So AF didn't show...16dpo... took this at 6am this morning cos I couldn't sleep.

I am in total shock!!!!!! 🌈🌈🌈

@milscookie :D congratulations!!!!! Gives us all hope:D thats super exciting!!!! Am I right that you had no real symptoms either?

Wishing you a happy 9 months 💗🥰🥰🥰

Brilliant @Milscookie that’s FAB!! 🥰🌈😍congratulations thats so strong xxx yay!!!

Thank you so much @Annny27 and @Minster !!! I suppose it's a strong line cos I'm already 16dpo!! If I'd tested earlier like I do most months I may have got a faint line a few days earlier. I also had these CB digitals which I was saving for when I got a true positive and got a result on that too!! 😭😭😭 I just can't believe it. I'm also silently terrified.

Yes Anny - I had the usual pre-AF sore boobs and cramps but that's it, so I really felt the same as any other cycle and thought I was out as the month I conceived last time I didn't have ANY of my usual pre-AF symptoms!

I hope this news doesn't upset anyone... I know how hard it can be to see other's BFPs. I wouldn't have got through the last few months without all you girls so I can't thank you enough for being so supportive and lovely to me 😘😘😘😘😘 I'm wishing and praying HARD that everyone gets their BFPs soon 🌈💖💫xxxxxxxxx

Oh @milscookie so pleased to come here and see this news, congratulations! What a strong line! Hope that you are feeling ok, really pleased for you! It's ok to be terrified but I hope that you are feeling pleased too! Fab news

YEEEEAAASSSSSSS @MilsCookie!!! This is amazing news!! You’re an absolute love for thinking of our feelings, for those of us still waiting for a BFP, but I honestly smiled my face off seeing your update just then! I’m so so happy for you! I can’t speak for everyone on here, but I know for me personally I see the BFP’s on these threads totally different to other announcements, because we’re all in the same boat... We’ve all struggled through the heartache of MC’s, all obsessed month after month about everything to do with TTC, so to see if work out for anyone on here honestly just makes me so happy 🥰

How long have you been trying again since your MC? I’m sure you’ve been on every thread I’ve been on? Xx