TTC after loss penguins get fit & healthy in 2020

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

This is the thread for those of us in the TTC after loss penguin huddle who want to try to eat a more healthy diet, exercise more, lose weight or just feel better physically this year
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@MrsMGE @Avocuddles @MissSparkles81 @SunshineCrocodile @Mumlili8 @VenusStarr @SunStruck

If I’ve missed anyone please tag them

How about we start by saying what our goals are whether that he the number on the scale, doing more exercise or just feeling better about ourselves?

I’m BunnytheBlueWhale (NC recently - see TTC thread). I’m 35 and probably weigh about a stone more than I’d like since I had my stillborn daughter in February. I don’t need to lose weight massively but having post-baby weight and no baby is a bit rubbish!

I’d like to lose a bit of a weight all over and also target my belly with brushing, moisturising and maybe microneedling at home...

I eat a lot of sugary snacks so want to massively reduce those and also try to take a healthy lunch to work to stop me spending so much money on food!

[MrsMGE]

@Avocuddles Sister! I was the heaviest I've ever been in my life only last week so don't you worry! Tomorrow is a new day, and it's always a fresh start - go for it ❤️ Andvre your appointment, it's only a few days - annoying, I know, but you're nearly there!

@BunnytheBlueWhale You're forgiven, Hotel Chocolat is just too good lol 😂 Also I've muted all friends with kids/pg on Instagram, as @MissSparkles81 suggests, it's a fabulous thing to do and they will never know! Xxx

[MrsMGE]

@tortiecat Your post made me laugh so hard 😂 I often think I look like Miss Piggy, blobby and with betroot face when I exercise 😂 It's one of the Bridget Jones moments, but you know what, fuck the gazelles! If you look at people on the streets, trains etc. most of them could do with losing a bit of weight. Hardly anyone is a gazelle. And at least you are on the best possible path, unlike many, many people and that in itself is awesome! Keep it going xxx

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

Well @MrsMGE and @MissSparkles81 I just set up a new Instagram and I’m not following any of my friends and it’s quite exciting! 🤓 I do like to look at the fitness and beauty and food stuff so I can do that without seeing babies and children and it might also keep me off Facebook!

[Avocuddles]

Evening ladies.

Feeling proud of myself for a good first day of healthy eating, I managed to resist the temptation to snack in spite of a stressful day at work. My colleague is now 33 weeks pregnant but convinced her baby is going to come soon as her DD was 4 weeks early. As a result she is going on and on about it pretty much constantly and was even googling how to set up a guess the birth date sweepstake to send around the office! In the end I had to confront her and ask her (politely) to not copy me in on it - the last thing I want is to be caught up in a 'guess the due date' email trail when I could have been due any day now. She was instantly apologetic and also sent me an apologetic message this evening so I'm hopeful that she might be a little more sensitive going forward.... if not then it might be a struggle to stay away from the vending machine......

@MrsMGE @Shefliesonherownwings I'm another one who has a strained relationship with my Dad. It's definitely a generational thing - he knows too well about both of my losses but has never said a single word, no condolences, nothing. My mum isn't much more communicative but does at least acknowledge that I've been through a really tough year and expresses her hope that things will be better going forward. My sister suffers from mental and physical health issues and had a bad episode on New Year's Day which was frankly quite frightening as she was potentially willing to put the safety of herself and others at risk. In spite of the fact she clearly has some major issues my Dad struggles to see them as 'real'. I ended up having a conversation with him where I asked him if he'd have more sympathy for her if she had cancer, or a broken limb, to which he replied of course! I think some people really can't cope with the concept of suffering that you can't outwardly see, maybe it's just too complex for them or they themselves have been brought up with a stiff upper lip attitude that perceives emotions as weakness. I'm quite grateful that I live a long way from my family - I can deal with them (and even enjoy being with them) in small doses, but after six days in their company I was so so glad to be home.

[Seahawk80]

Hi everyone, sounds like you're making a good start!

@LASandOtto we did hello fresh a few years ago for ages and loved it, still cook a lot of their recipes. Before we did it DH was a really nervous cook and just cooked the same old things, now he's perfectly happy making something from any cookbook. It is expensive but it's good for inspiration.

@Avocuddles sorry about the woman at your work. I'm so glad you said something to her

I've been reasonably good, eaten a lot of pasta but all "healthy" pasta like the deliciously Ella spicy lentil and aubergine pasta. Also made a nice soup for my friend and I for lunch today - spiced sweet potato and coconut milk. I'm trying to just eat lots of veg and watch my portions / not scoff chocolate! I've done the first 2 couch to 5k runs too which I'm really proud of.

[MrsMGE]

Hey @Avocuddles I'm glad you stood up for yourself, sometimes it is needed to flag things up when people are inconsiderate, you don't have to put up with everything. Good for you!

So I woke up today and it turns out I lost a bit more weight again! I'm weighing daily to watch how I fluctuate depending on what I eat & drink and also throughout my cycle. I'm interested to know my body better. I'll then move on to weighing weekly or so.

I feel achy after exercising and really hungry this morning, I can tell my body is using more energy. It's harder to motivate yourself when you feel like this, but I'm just having my favourite coffee and off to the gym when they open at 8. Did our weekly food shop yesterday, planned our meals and... I can't believe how little I spent 😱 I always made lists, but used to buy snacks on top of it. I must have saved at least £15 yesterday seemingly just on that. Christ.

Found a fab recipe for an egg & baked beans shakshuka and we're making it for brekkie later: www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/baked_bean_shakshuka_79723

Also havev a coconut & honey kefir from The Collective for a treat, it's delicious ❤️

Have a lovely Saturday! I love how uplifting this thread is and it's so nice to chat to you all xxx

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

I hope you’re colleague has got the message @Avocuddles Well done for saying something!

@Seahawk80 Well done on starting running. I used to love it but in training for a half marathon in about five months I did myself a hamstring injury and it’s not the same otherwise I’d run again. I might go back to physio as sometimes it flares up on a challenging walk 😬

[LASandOtto]

Buenos días chicas!

@avocuddles I second what @Seahawk80 and @MrsMGE said - glad you voiced how you felt and didn't just silently agree to participate in something you'd have felt uncomfortable participating in! Both my friends are now close to where I would've been in my last pregnancy which alas was another miscarriage. One of them has been very mindful and sensitive and the other has been quite 'what's your issue, are you angry at me because I'm pregnant' type, which I really cannot handle at all!

As many ladies have done - I've really stepped away from social media everything and what I don't want to see, I don't follow anymore! 😂

As for today - OH and I are now off for our 4-5k run energy levels permitting!

Really thrilled how everyone is doing their bits and @MrsMGE well done on gym and shop! I love baked shakshuka and also kefir!

I'm not weighing myself at all as to me it can become a little obsessive as I had an eating disorder when I was younger, and weighed myself many times a day then. I am just going to go by how my clothes fit and what the mirror says, and most importantly - how I feel!

@Seahawk80 good luck with the couch to 5k! I hear from colleagues who've done it that it's really good!

Happy Saturday! X

[MrsMGE]

@LASandOtto I know what you mean, I'm trying not to replace one obsession (TTC/tracking cycles/testing etc.) with another, i.e. weighing myself. So far the latter has given me a good boost, but as soon as my BMI is where it needs to be, I'll stop weighing altogether. Unfortunately I need to know the numbers for that, if we need a fertility appointment or IVF in the future (dreaded thought right now), I need to know I'm in a good place. Xxx

[VenusStarr]

Hi everyone 👋

Finally joining you...
Age 36
2 MMCs in 2019 resulting in 2 stone weight gain. Aiming to lose that to get back to a healthy bmi, currently am around 28. Im doing slimming World and am in my 5th week. Lost 1.5lbs today, so am 9lbs down overall (had a slight gain over Christmas but managed to pull that back this week)

Currently only doing diet changes, dh and I have been quite poorly over Christmas (dh worse than me) but have a chesty cough lingering so going to wait for that to clear before I start any proper exercise. I did go for a lunchtime walk on my first day back.

I think I've got a lot of catching up to do on here! ☺️

[JuniperAndRose]

This thread is so encouraging! It’s so nice to see even the small changes can make a difference.

I’m back to work on Monday so in my mind my healthy eating starts then! Yesterday I went to see a friend who gave me some raspberry plants from her garden, so this morning I am off to my allotment to plant them. I am thinking that an hour or so of gardening in the fresh air will be quite a good physical and mental health activity!

@Shefliesonherownwings I’m so sorry for your loss. DH and I also both had terrible nightmares after the loss of our DD1. Are you receiving any counselling? I found that bereavement counselling was helpful in dealing with my anxiety and in turn this reduced the nightmares.

I’m also sending my sympathies to everyone on this thread who has mentioned struggling with their relationship with their parents. @MrsMGE @Avocuddles (sorry to anyone I have missed out). I’m currently not speaking to my parents and they know it is because I have found their behaviour after our losses to be so distressing. I do think that some of it is a generational thing because I really recognise the ideas of hierarchy that people were describing here (especially from my dad), but on the other hand I don’t think that’s an excuse for unsupportive behaviour after the losses we have all experienced. I don’t have any helpful things to add in terms of how to handle this, because I don’t think I am handling it very well myself, so I am just sending you all sympathy and a hug.

I hope everyone has healthy and gentle weekends x

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

@JuniperandRose I’m starting on Monday too 😊

I’m also planning to take my own lunches, which I’ve never been excited about, but I was interested in trying it after I pay about £6-7 a time for spicy tomato pasta I could make at home.

And I’m limiting my Starbucks got chocolate to once a week both to limit the sugar and save money

[MrsMGE]

Well done @VenusStarr! That's an excellent result and if your BMI is 28 you're already in a good place and it will soon be perfect! 👏

@JuniperandRose Sorry you're having a similar issue with your parents, it's surprising how widespread it is, and difficult situations, such as baby loss seem to aggravate it. You're right, there's no easy one-fits-all answer to this.

I did the gym. Had my shakshuka (lovely) and going to remove our Christmas decs and tidy up now. I think I'll take a day off exercising tomorrow. Checked the fitness classes timetable and there is a new dancehall/fitness class and zumba in the evening, so I signed up for both next week. I love all things dance-related!

I've also gone back to listening to music en route to work & back. Got my feel good list and my feeling blue list, rediscovered lots of songs I forgot about and it's been very therapeutic.

Overall, I feel best I've felt in ages and didn't think I'd ever be able to say this without being pg again. It makes sense as the NHS recommends making positive changes to your lifestyle when you're going through tough times, whether mentally, physically or both. Hope this continues regardless of where I am on the TTC front. Xxx

[VenusStarr]

I love that you have an allotment @JuniperAndRose ☺️

I hadn't realised so many of us have difficulties with our parents... Joining that club. I'm low contact with mine, they've been awful since my miscarriages. We had a falling out before Christmas and all my anger came spilling out, ended up in my last therapy session spending the whole hour talking about them. It reinforced everything they didn't do for me growing up is the exact opposite of what I hope to be for my children. It does make me sad that both my dh and I don't have good parental support (completely no contact with his parents for 2 years), both are toxic in different ways.

Hope everyone has a peaceful weekend xx

[VenusStarr]

Cross posted @MrsMGE, thank you ☺️ really good to hear that you're feeling so good, it makes a big difference.

Good plan @BunnytheBlueWhale, its amazing how quickly lunchtime spending adds up.

[LASandOtto]

@JuniperAndRose I always wanted an allotment! We currently live in a small lower ground flat (read cellar) with no garden, but we've bought a flat and are due to move end of Jan, and I'll then have a south west facing garden! My OH's dad is the most green fingered man, he literally grows trees out of dirt on the ground! He's absolutely fantastic and he is going to set up a little vegetable patch for me! I cannot wait!

@VenusStarr diet is hugely important and probably the key, I'm not sure if this is true but I'm sure someone once told me it's something like 70% diet and 30% exercise! Well done on everything your doing though!

I think @MrsMGE and I were saying it seems a lot of us who've suffered losses last year have put some weight on. I think that's more than understandable!

And we will all work together now and support each other to feel good about our body's again which I am sure in turn helps with a 'happy' mind!

On the topic of parents - my mother is really complicated too. It took counselling for me to find a place where I could have a relationship with her that didn't end up with me feeling like an inept, insecure and unworthy piece of sh*t. My mum has been through a lot and had to make a lot of sacrifice for my sister and I, but boy, did we get to feel that! Anyway, we are ok now and we see each other every few months as she's in a different country. She was supportive throughout my last MC which was really nice (although she's since complained the expense it was for her to come over to the UK to be with me).

Can I ask you guys about vitamins for a second? I guess you're all taking some multi vitamin?

I'm taking a German product called Pre Natalis which has higher folic acid (800) than UK products and no vitamin A. I also take Ubiquinol x 600 every day!

Do your OH's take vitamins too? If so, which ones if you don't mind my asking?

Managed a 5k run and as we live close to a football stadium, there's some steps there where we did some up and down shuttles which was a nice finisher! I was breathing like Darth Vader in the end!!

Have a lovely weekend ladies x

[MrsMGE]

It reinforced everything they didn't do for me growing up is the exact opposite of what I hope to be for my children.

@VenusStarr my thoughts exactly!!! And you're not alone having issues on both sides, DH and his mother have had a barely there relationship for years and sadly his dad, although he's lovely, is completely under MIL's thumb and therefore not really there either. My impression is that majority of DH's family will breathe a sigh of relief once MIL is gone, obviously they don't say it, but she's the source of all kinds of problems. Families, eh? Those with no major issues can count their lucky stars, it's rare!

@LASandOtto That's super impressive, well done you!!! I didn't realise you've completed on your new place, massive congratulations! Which one did you go for in the end? Are you packing up this month? That's so exciting! Xxx

[MrsMGE]

Sorry @LASandOtto re vitamins I'm on the 5mg folic acid (prescription due to one instance of hydrocephalus in the family) and I am taking Seven Seas pre-conception again like I did before my first pg. I will stop SS once I'm pg though just in case (they have Vit K and I don't know if I have any clotting issues, I certainly do during AF, so it's a precaution). DH takes omega 3, zinc, Vit C, Vit D and Vit B complex, I believe apart from omega 3 the rest is a multivitamin drink. He also eats lots of nuts which are meant to be good for sperm. He's actually having his sperm tested next week at a private clinic. Xxx

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

@LASandOtto I’m taking the Boots pregnancy vitamins at the moment. Someone on MN mentioned they took the original pregnacare instead of the conception one as it’s so much cheaper and I thought it made sense. I think the main thing is folic acid although I should check whether there is anything in the conception vitamins I’m missing out on as I’m sure they’re not identical. I’m now taking Boots conception vitamins and have a prescription for high dose folic acid from the GP. She helpfully offered it (when I went in about something else) as I’d have the full term loss and then MC and said it might help with conceiving...

I also like Berocca but I don’t think you’re suppose to take it when pregnant. I bought a lot from costco a few months ago so I should try to drink that when I’m at work.

[Shefliesonherownwings]

Morning all, I am feeling brighter this morning. I slept better which helped and my friend sent me a positive affirmation this morning about strength and to just keep doing your best which was nice.

No weight loss this week but no gain either! I'm not surprised as inate a lot of chocolate. All bad food has gone and DH and I are off to the gym shortly. We are seeing a couple of friends this evening for a takeaway so am planning a very healthy lunch so I can enjoy tonight.

I'm sorry so many of us are dealing with unsupportive parents. I agree that there is a hierarchical element to it. Certainly my dad believes I should do what he says because he is the man and father and I am not only a child but a girl so his way rules. He isn't emotionless, he can actually be over emotional, he was almost hysterical when he came to see us in the hospital after we lost Isla. Call me harsh but I firmly believe, and my mum has confirmed, that to a certain extent, he does this for sympathy. He has told every single person he comes into contact with about what happened and this is definitely to make people feel sorry for him. It's one of the things I pulled him up on as I don't want the butcher and the woman up the road knowing such personal information. We start counselling on monday so I'm sure he will come up a lot!

Good work on the saving Bunny. DH and I have started the penny challenge. Every day from 1st Jan we save a penny increasing by one each day. So 1p on 1st, 2p on 2nd, 3p on 3rd and today 4p. The idea being that by the end of the hear you have over £600 saved. The only obstacle is remembering to do it.

@LASandOtto I'm taking a multivitamin with iron and folic acid. I've just bought some Agnus Caustus as I've heard it helps regulate periods. I've a feeling my cycles will be a bit messed up after Isla's birth in november so if AF doesnt appear next week as she should, I'll start that too.

[LASandOtto]

Thanks ladies for all your replies regarding the vitamins! Seems like we all take similar stuff so, good to hear!

@MrsMGE is your OH doing the sperm test for the first time? My OH did it as you know when we chatted on the other penguin thread when we went for our first private consultation before Christmas. All came back good except I think motility which we are now working on with diet!

YES we ended up going for the flat with the annex in the garden which is the self contained studio that we will convert into an Airbnb which will be my 2020 project! Remember how we were talking interior design styles, Hamptons style, etc? Well, I cannot wait to get started!

We are currently having a huge de-clutter, clothes, kitchen, the lot! What's not going to charity, we are selling on Shpock to make a bit of extra cash and have already made almost £100 or so in just a couple of days! Great to feel things are also being recycled by being used by someone else! I hate throwing stuff from a sustainability perspective!

What's your plans for the rest of the weekend? Did you end up getting the promotion at work? I remember you had interviews a few weeks ago?

@Shefliesonherownwings have a good time with friends this evening! I'm sorry your dad is such a self absorbed man, seeking pity. I hope counselling goes well and it will be good to talk about it! I found my counsellor just somehow managed to change my whole way of thinking and changed my relationship consequently with my mum.

@BunnytheBlueWhale I've been making my own lunch since last year as we were buying the flat and I wanted our expenses to look 'good'. At the start it was a pain but now I couldn't imagine not doing it as it saves a lot of money. I usually make sandwiches and a couple of crudités with hummus, or sometimes a salad, and I usually prepare it whilst I make dinner. I bought these collapsible tuppers from Good2Go as they're space saving when empty and they're perfect!

My friend asked me yesterday if I wanted to join her for Pilates going forward as she's pregnant and doesn't do the gym anymore, and I kind of just said no. I don't know if I feel bad as I feel unsupportive as we used to work out together but I just don't want to right now, as still trying to protect myself.

Anyway, we are off bed shopping!

Happy weekend x

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

@Shefliesonherownwings I’m glad you’re feeling a bit better. Sometimes it’s things like getting a good night’s sleep or eating well that help us feel better! I also like the saving a penny idea. Do you do that with physical change or with internet banking? I’m thinking I wouldn’t always have the change for it 😬 but I do try to put money in a money box. A £1 here and there or sometimes £20 and it adds up. It’s also handy to have cash in the house just in case

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

@LASandOtto Your air bnb project sounds exciting! As does the move. We moved house in March (about ten days after DD funeral) but we are still doing it up it’s good to have a project! I think it’s fair you said no to your friend. I actually think we should say “no” more often! We are so quick to try to please other people and end up upsetting ourselves and resenting them. It’s healthier to just not do the things you don’t want to do.

I bought a glass lunchbox which DH thinks is impractical but I don’t like plastic lunchboxes (I’m a fuss pot) and I have a cute Kate Spade tote that I got in a FabFitFun box that I’ll use. Crudités are a good idea. I love eating raw carrot so I think that will be good for snacking on (when I’m eating for the sake of it) and a good way to get some fruit and veg). I was thinking pasta, salads or sandwiches or simply leftovers. I’ll see how it goes!

[MrsMGE]

@LASandOtto Yes, it's his first test. He booked it himself, I'm quite proud of him. He wants to be more proactive this year, I think, which is nice. I told him last month that I felt the entire burden of pg-loss-ttc is on me and I think it's his way of showing that it's not necessarily so, which I appreciate. I'm a bit nervous about the results.

Congratulations on the new place, it sounds amazing! What a great project for 2020. It will keep you busy!

I did get a promotion, they told me few weeks ago, thank you for asking 😊 xxx

[tortiecat]

Afternoon ladies!

Thank you @LASandOtto and @MrsMGE for your support, your posts really made me smile and feel lots better. (Incidentally am sure you don't resemble Miss Piggy, Mrs, but she is my absolute favourite!) As well as the out of time rolling there was another Bridget-esque moment when my bottle cap popped open too far, I dropped the squishy ball that I was trying to hold against my bottom with one leg and chucked a whole load of squash down my front - the gazelle next to me raised one perfect, unimpressed eyebrow and got a sweaty grin in return. My legs and tummy ache today but I am going to stick with it - #thisblobfishcan!

I am glad you are feeling a bit better today @Shefliesonherownwings.

What are you all eating this weekend? DH and I are going out for dinner with friends later to a local Italian place so I am perusing the menu now trying to persuade myself to pick something relatively healthy when we get there. Calamari, pizza and tiramisu are my usual go-tos but I will be good!

PS I am sorry to hear that so many of you are on here are having issues with your parents. I can't really comment, but I wanted you to know that I am thinking of you all - do what you need to do to protect yourselves at this difficult time in your lives xx