TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 33- huddle up and bring on the BFP's

[Mumlili8]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to get and give support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy and baby. Pregnancy and child loss is the most awful thing anyone can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

@Mumlili8 no worries honestly! I find it really hard to keep up with the thread so can completely understand how confusion arises lol!

Thanks for your replies ladies, I've been taking it since gp suggested it after cp over Christmas. Not sure how much difference it will make but willing to give it a try. Think I'm about 8dpo at the moment although I ovulated really early this cycle (if clearblue digital is accurate!) which I wasn't expecting so smep went out the window this month. Not sure if we've missed the boat a bit but we'll see.

Hope everyone is doing ok, I'm just dashing out of the door but happy hump day all 🐪

@venusstarr I'n glad to hear you're getting diagnosed and help so quickly (sounds great that they're so proactive). I'm just a bit confused though, I thought you had 2 miscarriages? Or is it more? I just didn't think they would do anything until you've had 3, and even then you've been pregnant before, so not in the same category as women who don't fall pregnant at all.

I guess you learn something new everyday! They're really going to look after you during this IVF procedure. How are you feeling? ❤️

@avocuddles thank you :) when is your appointment again? To start your period and then

@mrsG3 fingers crossed for you ☺️

Sorry, posted this on the other thread first by accident

Hope you’re ok @VenusStarr It’s a tough journey but I hope you get your rainbow baby soon, however that happens.

Speaking of IVF... (I hope this isn’t inappropriate to mention given your post Venus) I was taken aback the other day when DH said he wouldn’t do IVF if we couldn’t have another baby naturally. I was trying to be positive and saying, well, I have carried a baby to full term so it must be possible and I should worry about it less, and if we had difficulty we could try IVF... and to my surprise he said he doesn’t think he’d want to do that! I wished I hadn’t brought it up! DH has two children so it is easy for him to decide he can’t be bothered if it becomes a lot of effort. I’m trying not to get worked up about it though as (a) he might not have meant it as he was very moody that day and (b) it might not even get to that point... But I would find it very hard to take if he were not willing to do that with me. I think it’s a bit unfair when he married me knowing I am nearly a decade younger than him (we met when I was 22) and always wanted children of my own and to now when I’m in my mid-thirties to say he’s not sure he can be bothered!

Did anyone else hear on the radio today (radio 4) they were talking about the effect of early miscarriages and PTSD like symptoms years later so people should be given more support when something like that happens...

Hope you’re ok @MissSparkles81

Think that's why I'm confused @SunStruck. I was referred to the recurrent miscarriage clinic because I'm 36 and it took nearly 18 months to conceive the first time so was already under the fertility clinic and my consultant referred us on. It's the same hospital so my consultant checked my blood results yesterday and all OK so ruled out clotting or aps. The only thing was my thyroid is slightly raised - for fertility it should be under 2 and mine was 3+ (interestingly it was 1.93 when I had a go blood test in November - unsure how it can fluctuate so much). All nhs tests point to unexplained infertilty but they can't explain why I suddenly was able to conceive twice but then lose the babies. So to me ivf isn't the next logical step because is it another issue to do with my body, my eggs?? Who knows and my gut feeling is they don't know either so let's keep our fingers crossed and try ivf because it's that or ttc naturally (or we go privately for I'm kit sure what).

I think having a 6 month time frame will be helpful. I'm also decaying a second opinion for the recurrent miscarriage - we see them again in February so will make a decision after that. If I'm lucky to concieve in this time I'll try aspirin from the positive test and will get early scans from the rmc.

It's really hard to remain hopeful when there are more questions than answers.

@BunnytheBlueWhale my therapist thinks I have unresolved trauma so essentially ptsd and I do feel quite mentally unwell when my period comes (flashbacks etc). I'll see if I can catch the radio programme.
I'm sorry you had a shock with your dh and talking about ivf. I know I'm struggling with it but if that option was taken away I would really struggle with that. My dh is of the view that we will have a baby and whatever it takes we'll do it. I was trying to explain that I was scared of ivf with the enormity of it but also the practical side of things and he just didn't really understand why. Like you say, it's not something you need to explore right now so maybe trying not to worry or overthink (perhaps I need to be taking my own advice here...?!!)

Thank you @MissSparkles81 I think I'm going to try to see the positive in that there is something that in 6 months they're willing to try to help us. In the meantime I need to try to live my life a bit. For the last year near enough it's been pregnancy, miscarriage and waiting. I can't do more of that. I really feel I've lost myself in this process.

Thank you too @Avocuddles xx

Ffs sorry about the typos.

Supposed to be GP blood test and not sure what decaying was!! But might seek a second opinion for mc advice.

It was particularly annoying @VenusStarr as it was a bit of a safety blanket or another option. It is not something I need to think about now but it was supposed to help me feel better. Not that anything is guaranteed even there but it was something we could try if I can’t get pregnant again. He would probably feel differently if he hadn’t already had two children pretty much by accident!

Yes I know it’s wrong but I do resent him for that sometimes especially when I hear how their mother wanted to have an abortion with one of them and here we all are separately wanting a child! Sorry, maybe I’m having a bad day.

I hope this is a positive thing for you.

Hi I just joined mom net today. I feel so good just reading a few of your messages. I have 1 loss heartbreaking my husband and I tried for over year. Failed a cycle of ivf and then we had our miracle pregnancy our CJ. I went into labor at 5 mos and we lost him. Now we r thx again and I just hope that we can get pregnant again. It’s been 2 mos and I had 2 cycles and no pregnancy. We want to try ivf but we’re waiting for our insurance.

I’m sorry you find yourself here and sorry for your loss @Morganmom I lost my baby daughter last year at 39 weeks and 6 days! And then I had an early miscarriage later in the year. It sucks but this is a really supportive group

I’ve read through your threads and can tell you’re supportive! It feels good not to ttc again alone. I’ve never really talked to anyone other than my husband. We got a counselor after we lost our son. I’m so sorry you lost your baby so far along. I don’t know how hard it must be to come back from that. God bless you.

Thanks @Morganmom I hope 2020 brings good things and maybe even a rainbow baby for us 🌈

Good afternoon ladies!

Sorry I've been radio silent.

@Morganmom I'm very sorry for your loss and you're in a safe place on this thread with wonderful women, with wonderful supportive attitudes and kind spirits!

@VenusStarr I'm really surprised and echo what @SunStruck said that they'd want to send you straight down the IVF route? I'm currently medicated up to my eyeballs on this third pregnancy, so far so good. I'm on blood thinners, thyroid medication, baby aspirin, cyclogest progesterone pessaries, vitamin D, prednisone steroids and I think, that's it! I feel like a walking pharmacy but if it's going to mean third time lucky, I'll keep going. I've been going for blood tests every two days and had an Implantation Scan today that showed the pregnancy was in the right place but too early to see anything really.

I would say after two MC's you'd have every chance of having a healthy natural pregnancy so I don't understand why they're pushing IVF, a second opinion would be good? The good news is there is a plan. I sometimes wonder if the NHS (as great as it is) does just shortcut the journey to save costs.

Either way I wanted to send you a big hug and hope you're ok, it must be very strange to be confronted with this now.

@BunnytheBlueWhale my OH is also not really into the idea of IVF when we've talked about it, I think it's the cost that puts him off though. I think with everything it's having those conversations when it will really be needed and not worry too much about those things when currently they're not a topic that's actually on the table.

How are you feeling otherwise?

The BBC news has featured that radio conversation as well about PTSD due to baby loss. I just find it so ridiculous that that seems so 'unusual', the fact there's no or little aftercare mentally or physically after miscarriage and losses is just very sad and it's not surprising so many women suffer with depression and PTSD afterwards. The sadness of losing a future, the sadness and trauma of the physical process, the pressure mentally, the expectations and hopes for TTC. It's all a lot to digest!

Sending you all my love! X

Hi everyone, I just joined this site today and have posted on one of the other discussions as I find everyone sharing their stories really helpful as I have nobody else to talk to about it who understands. I am so sorry to read of all of your heartbreaking losses. I recently miscarried at 12 weeks and have found it very difficult since. First pregnancy and my partner is shocked that there is no follow up or other support really. I had a complete miscarriage at home and so only went to hospital afterwards to confirm it and to check I was ok after blood loss. Now we are back home and just feel empty and a bit hopeless. X

Thanks @LASandOtto that’s what I’ll try to do

I was just listening to the radio on the way back from my run and a woman was telling her story about a MMC at 12 weeks and the shocking care she got

I must say with what happen to us, the care was fantastic. I know it’s a bit different as it was a full term loss but I obviously had to be induced to give birth and then we stayed in hospital for about four nights and they made sure we ate, helped us make memories, advised us about the funeral and registering the birth and advice about post mortem. We didn’t really have to think about the real world...

and then I had the MC at 5 weeks and it’s just like “oh well, nevermind” and you go home, not really knowing what to expect. My GP was quite good but I think that was more so as I had had the stillbirth earlier in the year.

The woman on the radio said it’s run of the mill for midwives as 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in loss but it’s not run of the mill for the woman it’s happening to

Thanks for the welcome messages. I’m on CD11 and I am tracking temps. I haven’t really gone up yet. I usually ovulate CD13 or 14 so even though we’ve been doing the deed I warned my OH that it’s gonna be everyday for a week. He said he can do it!!

@BunnytheBlueWhale you hit the nail on the head when you say that it's not run of the mill for us who experience pregnancy loss. I was always aware that it was a possibility but until it happened to me I was an optimist, I knew the odds were technically in my favour so when we finally did conceive I wasn't really contemplating it not succeeding. Second round I was kind of expecting the worst but felt even more devastated when I moved from being the '1 in 4' to the '1 in 20'. I still have some hope - if I didn't I wouldn't be here - but it's really difficult to envisage getting there sometimes.

@Bumblebee999 @Morganmom so sorry to hear about your losses. This really is the most friendly and welcoming group - it's not one that anyone would ever wish to join, but I promise you won't find a nicer, more sympathetic group of women anywhere. I hope you're not on here long and soon have your rainbows on the way, but until then welcome to the huddle!

@Bumblebee999 it's natural to feel lost and hopeless. Do you have much support around you in terms of friends or family? I found spending time with people who cared really important in the weeks after my miscarriages. My top piece of advice would be to not put pressure on yourself to feel 'normal' or to get back to normal life until you're truly ready. After my first loss I only took a couple of days off work, I thought having a 'business as usual' attitude would be helpful but I wasn't in a fit state to be there and would have definitely benefited from more time to grieve.

@Morganmom you can talk to us any time. I hope you don't have to wait long for your treatment, or that things happen for your naturally before then.

@LASandOtto I'm really glad things seem to be going well. Sending you a big hug.

@SunStruck I'm currently on CD31. The clinic said if I get to CD35 without AF to give them a call and they'll get me in for a 'no bleed' scan. I'm working away next Tuesday and Wednesday so hopefully I'll be able to have the scan next Thursday and then take the meds to induce a bleed, followed by the letrozole. On what day of your cycle did you ovulate with letrozole? I'm crossing my fingers for a BFP for you in the coming days!

@VenusStarr I know where you're coming from re having more questions than answers. I know that you (and @SunStruck) must share my twin anxieties re 1: Getting pregnant and 2: Staying pregnant. Being struck with the double whammy of long term fertility issues and recurrent miscarriage is so demoralising sometimes but it's positive that we're all 'in the system' and hopefully getting care and treatment that will leave us to our rainbows.....

@Avocuddles thanks so much for taking the time to reply and be so welcoming ☺️ I am glad groups like this exist. I was the same as you and an optimist, I especially thought once I hit the 12 week mark, having already seen a heartbeat that I was safe. It takes a lot of adjusting as you say to acknowledge you’re now one of the “one in four”. I do have supportive people around me but at the moment I can’t imagine feeling whole again until I’m pregnant again, which is probably not a good way to think about it! Between hormones and heartbreak I don’t think I’m thinking clearly!

I really wish the best of luck to everyone on here for their BFPs and future happiness

@avocuddles that sounds like a great plan! 😄 So I took Letrozole from day 2-6 and Gonal-f shots day 4, 6 and the last shot one week after. My follicles (2 of them) were mature so had a trigger shot on CD 14, and should have ovulated either that night or the day after. Big improvement from my usual 23-27 days or something like that!

@bumblebee999 sorry to what about this, I was the same 😔 TTC our first and got a BFP on the second cycle, we couldn't believe it would be so easy for us! Unfortunately it was MMC at 10 weeks (had seen heartbeat at 8 weeks), and then had another early mc a few months later. It's definitely much tougher than we thought, and it's hard being in that 1/4 of couples struggling, but we're just trying to hang in there and do all we can :) That's all we can do. And this forum is just amazing to meet other women in the same situation - I guess people don't talk about it openly in real life so I don't know anyone who has had a miscarriage (apart from one person). Everyone seem to fly through their pregnancies so easily without hiccups!

@lasandotto sounds great they're giving you all the meds just in case! How are you feeling at the moment, any symptoms? ❤️

@bunnythebluewhale I'd be annoyed if my DH said that. But then again it might be a defense mechanism, he might not want to admit something is wrong? We're currently doing and carrying EVERYTHING when it comes to TTC, TWW, temping, OPK, POAS, worrying... I don't think they get that a lot of the time. My DH says 'PMT!' (positive mental attitude!) Which pisses me off when I'm in TWW 🤣 if being positive helps, I wouldn't have a miscarriage the first time around 🙄🙄🙄

I'm on CD 10 which is the day my period is due, I'm quite crampy so very worried my period will come on tonight. I just realized that the progesterone pessaries I've been prescribed could delay your period with a few days. Can a woman ever get a break?! So I'll get me hopes up if I don't get AF in a few days (never late otherwise) and still get a negative test... I can see this happening 🙄 I know, I know... PMT 😡🤣

Do you mean PMA @SunStruck, not PMT 🤣

My DH says to relax etc as that’s how babies are made. It annoys me too! But if I can keep him dtd every day for another week then we should have this cycle covered!

@bunnythebluewhale 🤣🤣🤣🤣 yes, stupid spellcheck... obviously been using PMT too much around here 🤣

Hello. New to this! Been ttc for over a year after MC. I’ve had what I think is implantation bleeding for 4 days now and worried as it won’t stop. I think I have a faint positive line on my test but worried I’m seeing things. Any opinions? Anyone had IB last longer than the usual 2/3 days?

@Hopeful1988 with my son I woke up to a horrific haemorrhage when I was 8weeks but he was fine and normal pregnancy. On my last at 5weeks I had spotting over a week and it was a miscarriage. So it could go either way. Maybe take another test in a few days. Fingers crossed x

I’m excited we have a static smiley face which means I’m gonna ovulate?? Or maybe I am?? I feel much better right now physically then I did last month when I saw the “smile” ( no cramps ). We did it for sure and I told my husband again each day for the week! Ughh I’m dreading tww

Thank you! It’s just all the waiting isn’t it. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to go for a wee again and not look 🙈 I’m still just pink spotting for about an hour or two a day. Guess i just need to be patient and test in a few days like you say!

Evening ladies. I have a very unexpected question to ask..... Just wondered if I could get your opinion on the image below.
I've been feeling a bit crampy the past couple of days so thought I might as well take a test. I would only be 9DPO but am very clear on dates as we only DTD unprotected once when I had a potential surge last Monday. I'm supposed to starting ovulation induction next week but could it be......? Feeling a bit weird and shaky as didn't expect to be even contemplating the possibility. Know that either way it's way too early so will give it a few more days and try again. I'm feeling positive either way as if there's no line come Monday then I can ring the clinic to get the induction process started....

@Morganmom great news re the smiley face! Good luck for this cycle!

@Hopeful1988 sorry I can't offer any experience re implantation bleeding. Your best bet really is to wait it out and test again in a couple of days. If the line disappears then it may have been a chemical pregnancy? I'm crossing my fingers for you!

Ah, lots to catch up on but just wanted to say a very tentative congratulations @Avocuddles i can definitely see a line, and for both my pregnancies I got similar at 9dpo, and I was certain of my dates. Fingers crossed it’s a sticky one, but great you have an alternative plan in place too xx