Over 40's TTC loads of baby dust to all... 5

[Chatbash72]

Hope this works as we lots the thread

@Starlight39 we'll just stop actively trying for the next 6mths, won't be going back to fertility appointment, then after 6mths will take precautions and actively avoid as we want to take DS on a big holiday to WDW next year before he starts school. Sad but I'm 42 in a few weeks. It's too old for me. Just need to enjoy what I have xx

@Cleozeta I've just read your news, that is absolutely heartbreaking. I am so so sorry for your loss. You did so well to get so far, that is completely unfair and horrific. Sending hugs to you xxxx
Also makes me angry that the research still isn't there to find out why things can go wrong like this....!
A friend of mine made a documentary film about still births, it is called Still Loved and is on Amazon Prime. Perhaps now is too soon, but one day you might want to watch it, it is all about how people cope and grieve their babies. Big hugs xxx

Thank you NicLondon. I will watch that when I can hold it together long enough. Yeah they do need to do more to find out reasons. Interestingly when I had my first back in 2010, I was signed up to a stillbirth research project at my local hospital. I had extra scans and blood tests. Result was a live birth at 42 weeks. Would have been handy had they done that same research now, as what happened to us could have helped their research and potentially given us more answers too. Unfortunately these things are so random and unpredictable there is no way of knowing how or when or to who it'll happen.
Although I must admit I was very guarded throughout this pregnancy and felt uncomfortable talking to people about it as I felt like a fraud. At the time I put it down to being cautious after the misscarriages last year, but on reflection I wonder if I had a gut instinct that it wouldn't work out as I was wary even after my 20 week scan came back perfect.

@Cleozeta - it's funny, a doctor friend of mine takes a very pragmatic approach with her pregnancies, and always says she is prepared for anything to go wrong at any time (and therefore doesn't ever bond with the bump)... I always thought this was rather pessimistic but perhaps she is just being rational.
I just had my 20 weeks scan and all fine, but completely understand those worries - I don't want to post about it on Facebook for example, just in case.... you never know, do you.
I am glad you do have a child already though (I can't remember your full history sorry!), I hope that brings some comfort at this awful time xx

Congrats on your 20 week scan, it's a huge hurdle, and the majority of the time that means you are on the home stretch. I was just very unlucky.
Making moves towards donor egg now as I really need to fill this empty hole. I do have 2 children, I am very very lucky, but I just have that ache now for a baby, especially after losing my boy unexpectedly, so close to the finish line. It was agony having to pack all those little baby bits away that we had prepared ready for him. Clothes, cuddly toys, nappies etc. Heartbreaking.

Omg my old ttc ladies!!..i have only just re-discovered this thread! Do you remember me?!

Cleo .. i have just seen your news, i am so very sorry

Chat.. sorry too to hear of your mc

Me.. well i've given up and stopped really ttc months ago when i lost this thread. Maybe even a year ago, i don't know. I'm 48 now. We have DS and are extremely grateful but i get consumed with guilt for not providing him with a sibling. Thankfully he seems fine but will he be ok in the future? It's my biggest worry.

Anyway love to you all and sending baby dust your way x

Hi Lovely ladies,

I am 41 and on my TTC journey and I’ve been following you wonderful ladies for the last 4 months or so. Such a lovely supportive group. I wanted to ask about BD timing and how often do you BD? I’ve been ttc for the last 7 months and I know that isn’t long but as you all probably know the disappointment felt when AF shows up every month.

I have a 27 day cycle roughly and BD on day 9, 11 and I use clearblue ovulation tests and usually get the positive LH surge in the morning of day 13 and we BD that night and the night after. So in total we do the deed 4 days around my fertile window. Sometimes I can work myself up over timing as a couple of the months we BD up to Ovulation day only as it can get tiring. I’m also doing the following:

Taking Pregnacare Conception
Vit D
100mg Ubiquinol
Religiously tracking LH surge surge via clearblue digital twice a day from day 10
Eating healthy

What is it going to take for the sperm to find the egg :-( I’ve been to a fertility clinic and had a scan 2 months ago and they said everything looks positive ie good follicle count and decent AMH

It would be great if you ladies can share any tips, how often to BD, how long it took for you to conceive and anything else that will help.

If you ladies know the sperm meets egg plan it says to BD every other day (which I’m doing), BD on the day of ovulation and 2 days after, miss a day then BD again. I don’t understand the concept of BD few days after ovulation as the egg only lasts 24 hours And by then I don’t have any EWCM either

Thank you ladies and sorry for the long post xxx

@cleozeta I haven't posted for ages but I check this group sometimes for good news. I'm so sorry. You must be devastated. I think everyone has said all that needs to be said but I wanted to add my condolences. Heartbreaking for you at 33 weeks.

@kay403 I have 2 children, conceived at 41 and 43 so I'm a 'success story' but I did a lot of reading up about fertility on my way. One thing I recall is that the LH surge apparently doesn't read as well in older women. I think often by the time you get the LH surge on your test it can be too late. And older women ovulate earlier on average. Maybe try a couple of days earlier?

I'm not rejoining the group but now my baby's getting closer to the 6 month point I'm considering trying for a third. I'll be 45 but in the lucky position of having two already I'll go into it not expecting much. Still haven't discussed with DH but if anything positive happens I'll be back!

@Kay403 I'm assuming bd means having sex? If so I stand by having sex every day for around a week around ovulation time. Worked for me and I read that having sex once a day is best and does not affect sperm quality

Hi @BooseysMom and sorry that you're no longer TTC. Fwiw, I think your DS will be absolutely fine. There are benefits of being an only that I try and focus on when I worry that I may not have another.

@MaryShelley1818 that's good you've at least got a plan, the holiday sounds amazing.

Hi @Kay403 and good luck. I think the sperm meets egg plan suggests having sex after ovulation just in case you didn't actually ovulate quite when the OPK predicted, to make sure that you're still covered. You can have the LH surge but then not actually ovulate so your body tries again a bit later. Also, I think you ovulate anywhere from 12-72 hours after the positive OPK (generally 24-48 hrs but can vary) so the DTD after positive OPK may account for timing differences in LH surge to ovulation among different women.

I seem to get pregnant quite easily (staying pregnant is another matter!) but all the months when I got pregnant, we had sex every single day over ovulation - every other day doesn't seem to cut it for me. I think we DTD every day from CD14-20 as I generally ovulated around CD17. Do you temp? It could be handy to do that for a month or two to see when you are actually ovulating in relation to the OPKs.

I got my period on Friday and it was really heavy. I'm glad it arrived and was a proper period though (last month's was weird and light) and I'm hoping next month's cycle will be a bit more normal. I'm still in 2 minds about whether to have another try or whether to just wait till I can get the tests for recurrant miscarriage. It's so hard not knowing what will happen time wise with all this.

@Starlight39 I was the same, getting pregnant relatively easy, staying pregnant another matter. Also found every day did the trick around ovulation time. As you probably know it did pay off in the end. I've had five pregnancies and two kids, so I guess I've had it a lot easier than some. I'm definitely done now. Two is not easy and I can see the pros to one, it's easy saying that now though when I hankered after a sibling to my little one. Although I know it'll be hard work, esp now I can't even send toddler to grannies, I'm hoping it'll pay off in the long run. But yep it's deffo hard work!

Sounds like we're quite similar @Rubyroost! I've had 3 miscarriages and 1 pregnancy so would be the same as you numbers wise if the next one works out. Did you have any testing or do anything differently for the pregnancies that did work out?

@Starlight39...thank you so much for the reassurance about having one DC. I know i'm done but these days it's getting harder to accept as peri draws closer. I seem to spend way too much time crying atm but this lock-down isn't helping I appreciate your post anyway so thanks x

I just got the right egg in the end!
I actually had a termination at 13. 5 weeks (got pregnant when toddler was 5 months) due to cystic hygroma and fetal hydrops. Tests showed that it was also a t21 pregnancy. Then I had an early miscarriage and got pregnant straight after without having a period in between! Also miscarried before my toddler.
I didn't have any tests, I'd had fertility l tests pre toddler which showed my amh levels to be fine and then got pregnant with toddler so that was the end of testing. I figured that my issue was chromosomal problems with my eggs and that I had less healthy eggs because of my age and so I just kept trying. I carried on with red wine and my partner is 10 years older than me, so there's nothing I did on terms of supplements. Just the usual vit d and folic acid.

No worries @BooseysMom . I do understand the worry as I go there myself! This is a good article: www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2019/11/11/children-no-self-centred-siblings-says-myth-busting-study/

Ah, that's good you just got the right egg in the end @Rubyroost. Sorry to hear about your termination . I think my first early mc was definitely just not the right egg.

@PetraRabbit Thank you and woww you had babies at 41 and 43 ... deffo gives us hope then :-) and best of luck with a 3rd x

@Rubyroost Haha yes BD meaning baby dance. The main reason i was doing the deed every other day because Ive read quite a lot saying it could affect spent count and sperm needs 48 hrs to replenish but I think like other people have said I may try everyday I’m sure there’s no harm and it worked for some of you x

@Starlight39 thank you I guess that makes sense why it recommends to DTD after ovulation so I’ll make sure I cover a couple of days after ovulation too. I don’t temp but I’ll try including that this month I usually use clearblue digital ovulation and track EWCM. Best of luck in you TTC journey x

Thank you all you lovely ladies we’ll get there one day 😘

@Kay403 I also thought sperm needed 48 hours, but then I read a few more articles saying that it wasn't true. Who knows?!

@cleozeta I haven't checked in for a while, I was wondering how you were getting on - so so sorry to hear your news.

Hi all

Today would have been my due date had all worked out ( which it didn't obviously)

Still the sun is shining.

Hope you are all well

@Kay403 we aim for dtd every other day after af stops till after ov... it has worked on a few occasions, but sadly ended at about 6 weeks.. I do also notice that if we can manage twice in 24 hours we are more successful.. this doesn't happen that often

For those who have had their AMH tested which came back as fine, what numbers did you get?

@twinkledag I was tested when I was 39 and I can't remember the numbers. I remember googling and the website had put amh into categories of excellent, very good, good, satisfactory, poor or something like that. I came up as good. Although I have no idea what happened km between as that was just before I conceived my toddler when I was 38 and I'm 41 now with a 7 week old.

@twinkledag I've also read that amh is not always a great indicator of quality.

Found this study which basically says testing amh is waste of mo ey

www.nhs.uk/news/pregnancy-and-child/hormonal-fertility-tests-waste-time-and-money/

@kay403 I was 42 and 44 actually. So even more hopeful!