Over 40's TTC loads of baby dust to all... 5

[Chatbash72]

Hope this works as we lots the thread

We tried so hard for him. Maybe too hard, it was against nature. I was very perimenopausal. My time was up, but I beat the odds, with many supplements, TCM, progesterone etc. I really thought we'd won.
But one thing is certain. I can't go through all that again. I'm 43 now, it won't happen. I just don't have another 3 years. And I don't have the strength month by month to face negative tests, disappointment, misscarriages, etc. I'm done with that shit.
But I feel so empty.
Our choice is now, we either accept it and carry on as we are, or we do doner egg. Of which chances of conception go from roughly 5% a month (if lucky, and then there's over 50% chance that will miscarry) to up to 60-70% chance, not just of conception, but of a live birth. We can't make the decision now as we are still grieving and I so desperately want to fill the massive hole that Harley has left behind. But as soon as we can, and feel ready that the Decision is real and rational, we will. And it will be final as it will be too late to return.
Fucking asshole nature, or whoever / whatever is to blame for this. I'm so angry.

@Cleozeta you did not go against nature. You created a baby, the still birth could have happened to anyone.. Young or old. I'm so sorry, this is absolutely heartbreaking for you.

@Cleozeta I tend to agree with @Rubyroost this could have happened to any one of us. It is absolutely fine to be angry, it will take you both a while to get through this, but you will get through it. Cleo you may not feel it now but you are one hell of a strong women. I’ve seen you persevere in the past 18 months I've been here. You have helped so many of us through really bad times. Harley is such and beautiful name and he will always have a place in your heart. I will light a candle for him tonight x

But why me? Why did this happen to us? I'll never get over this. We got so far. And now we have nothing.

@Cleozeta I really don't know why you. It really is so shitty to have got that far and I can't believe this has happened to you. Its so very sad, there is no rhyme or reason.

@Cleozeta I went through lots of these thoughts. I had emergency surgery for an ectopic at 7.5 weeks last year which of course is in no way comparable to your situation but I did spend lots of time blaming myself for pushing Mother Nature and taking it as a sign that I shouldn't have even tried. I couldn't understand why I would be allowed to conceive and then for it to go so wrong and blamed myself. Time has helped loads and now I can see it was not my fault. it could have happened if i was younger. i will never know and i have stopped trying to make sense of it. i hope time will make it easier for you xx

@Cleozeta, not sure if you remember but I took a DE route after having so many miscarriages. And I'm currently just over 9w pregnant. I'll be 44 in a couple of weeks. PM if/when you want to ask me questions about DE, or just talk out loud. I'm here.
And again, I'm really really sorry for your loss! Be angry, scream, swear and more screams! Let it all out. Sending you big virtual hugs

@Cleozeta, I've just caught up on the posts from the last few days and I'm so so sorry to hear your devastating news. I can't imagine what you're going through but, if you can, keep posting on here, we all want to listen to you, whatever you're feeling.

Thanks for letting me rant on here. It's all so frustrating and devastating. I'm angry, sad, distraught. And I think the only way I can get through this is to be pregnant again. Quickly.
This will never happen naturally so it has to be DE. I really don't think I could bear, or have the time for another long journey.
Russkispy - the DE route seems like it could happen fairly quickly. Is there a way to speed things up? A quick route? We are thinking of doing frozen egg from a bank in the UK. We are going to start making calls asap. I know they won't do anything until this lockdown is over but at least we'll be on the list and hopefully things can get moving as soon as we are out and about again.

@Russkispy 9bweeks! That sounds very positive. I really hope things continue to go well for you x.

@Cleozeta totally understand the want/need to get pregnant again. You do right, I hope you can do the investigations and when this coronavirus thing starts to calm down get going quickly.

Rant away, we are here to listen, though there's nothing we can do to ease the awful pain and heartache. Sending thoughts your way. X

@Cleozeta I am very sorry to read your news. I was so happy for you once you announced your pregnancy as you had tried for such a long time. To come so far along and then lose your beloved boy is heartbreaking. Sending you much love

Im so sorry Cleo, I just can't imagine what you're going through.
You're in my thoughts x

So sorry to hear @Cleozeta, really sad news. As others have said, there truly are no words. Thoughts are with you x

This is really crap timing and I'm so sorry but need somewhere to talk... just shy of 6 weeks and bleeding... had thought we were going to be lucky this cycle... but no... I'm trying to find the positive in that I'd been on the agnus castus for the last few months and have had 2 miscarriages at about the same time... which I'm hoping is a good thing that I have managed to catch, which I hadn't before but egg wasn't right.. just found out my sis in law is 3 months preg..
I'm happy for them but thankful they are in another country... although at the moment it makes no difference... sending big hugs out to you all 💕💕💕

Hi @Chatbash72, I'm sorry you're feeling down, the news of your SILs pregnancy must be very hard to take as well. Have you got your AF at 6 weeks or are are you going through a MC at 6 weeks? I'm guessing if you're taking agnus castus, your cycles might be short or long? Either way, sending hugs your way

@ecostats MC at 6 weeks.. 😞 thank you, yes SIL pregnancy a bit of a shock.. x

@Cleozeta I am so sad to read your news 😢

@Chatbash72 I'm really sorry, that is devastating, on top of 2 other MCs, you must be exhausted and heartbroken. Sending hugs.

@cleozeta, I've been thinking about you this week, can't imagine what you're going through. Xx

Oh @Chatbash72 how devastating. Hugs xx

Hope all you ladies are holding up ok

I'm so sorry @Chatbash72

@Cleozeta I am so completely devastated for you. Absolutely heartbreaking news, life is crap and unfair. Take care of yourself xx

@Chatbash72 I'm really sorry to hear that, so disappointing, sending love and hugs xx

We have decided to give up. We've been trying nearly 18mths, I've had all the tests and there's nothing physically wrong with either of us. I'm 42 in a couple of weeks and just tired of living my life like this. We're very lucky to have DS age 2 and I just want to enjoy every second with him. We're going to book a big holiday to Florida next year and ride all the roller coasters and just have some fun.

Wishing you all lots of love and luck, hope you all find peace with whatever your journey turns out to be xxx

@Cleozeta I thought I would have a quick read to see how you are all getting on and I am utterly floored by your news. I really thought this was it for you. I am in tears here for what you have been through. I’m sending you all my love and I hope you can somehow find the strength to get through this.
I know you still desperately want another child, but please don’t rush into any decisions. xxx

Rose - I am still shocked too. I thought we had done it.
I have to rush into a decision or otherwise I can't carry on. I need to be pregnant again. We have already made actions on contacting a clinic for egg donation. It won't move as quickly as I like because of the bloody pandemic, but I really need this. I can't try naturally again, we'd already battled so much over 3 years to do that. At 43 I simply don't have the time, or the egg quality to even consider it.
I just wish this had worked for us, we got so far. Or baby looked perfect and we don't know why this happened.

I still can't believe it @Cleozeta I really thought you had done it. So so sad that this happened to you. I'm glad you've started looking into donor egg and I really hope that works out for you x

Just catching up.

I'm so sorry about the MC @Chatbash72. Hope you are OK.

@Cleozeta, thinking of you. That's good you're working out a way forward with the egg donation. Everything crossed for you that it happens asap.

@MaryShelley1818 sorry you've decided to give up but I totally understand and hope you have lots of happy times with your little boy. Will you go back on contraception or just try not to try? (if that makes sense?!).

I thought I might be pregnant again this month but seems I'm just late as have had a few negative tests. I'm around 10 days late now but it's only my second cycle post miscarriage. My first period was quite light but arrived on time. So Im' thinking it's just my hormones gone a bit haywire.