TTC after baby loss / stillbirth

[ReeRi]

I’m mid-thirties. My first child was stillborn at full term early this year. My second pregnancy, around 6 months later, ended in early miscarriage.

I’m now on CD21 and about 5DPO.

Anyone else?

I find some of the TTC boards hard to relate to as they’re either those who have never suffered a loss or those who have had early losses / RMC or general fertility issues. I am not trying to compare losses. Any loss is difficult but I know for me my miscarriage at 5 weeks did not even register compared to losing a baby at full term. It was disappointing but more so because I wanted to be pregnant and wasn’t any more.

Thats weird @ReeRi - my cycles are 28 -31 days. The last 2 have been 36 days! It's like TTC makes mine go weird.
AF is here for me finally.
Maybe 2020 will be the year x

@ReeRi why do our bodies play up when we need them the most, typical! at least it has finally arrived, sorry this wasn't your month tho, it's always hard to face! & for you too @booandbumpp but praying we all get our BFPs very soon🤞🏼

It's just an emotional month all in all really, I'll be glad to get it out the way. It was my birthday the other day too and to be honest it was miserable, I didn't want it to come at all, I tried my best to be cheery but I had a lot of messages wishing me a 'fantastic day' and although I know the messages were sincere, in my head they just sounded so sarcastic! How am I meant to have a fantastic day when my baby isn't here. I guess that's just life after loss, a whole new meaning!

That is strange @booandbumpp I usually use pregnacare and a couple of weeks ago starting using the Boots pregnancy vitamin so wondered if that’s anything to do with it but unlikely?! Like we need the stress of wondering why we don’t have a normal period lol. I really hope 2020 is our year.

Thanks @lunamoon1 oh that’s rough. I hope you managed to enjoy your birthday in some way. I had a birthday less than a month after I lost my daughter so that was tough but I managed to have a nice day with some friends who had come to visit. It’s hard as we’ll always miss our baby who should be with us but some way we have to find a way to enjoy life without them. I think the firsts are probably the hardest - our first birthday without them, Christmas, their first birthday...

@booandbumpp the last time we were TTC I used the seven Sean's TTC vitamins and they gave me a weird 36 day cycle I'd never had before! or at least that's the only thing I did differently that cycle I could 'blame' it on! @ReeRi that must have been so difficult, I'm glad you managed to enjoy yourself as much as possible tho. I did manage to enjoy the weekend before it but the actual day was rather depressing! the whole thing is mind you. I know, we are kind of getting a lot of the milestones over in a oner which is tough but come Jan I'll be glad of it. Trying to find little ways to remember him, I love when people send me cards & they have included my sons name on it too, it's little things like that that keep me going really

@lunamoon1 It is lovely when other people remember our babies. I had heard Pregnancare conception could cause irregular cycles but I’d also just had my daughter when I started taking it so wasn’t sure what that was down to. Incidentally I have started buying pregnancy vitamins rather than conception ones as they seem to be a lot cheaper. I got the Boots ones this time because they are cheaper too...

Hi ladies I haven’t been getting notifications for this post. I’m 8 weeks pregnant now and sick as a dog. I went for a scan at 6 weeks and all was ok saw heartbeat. But they found a 7cm cyst in 1 of my ovaries. As if I haven’t got enough to worry about. The doc doesn’t seem to care nor the midwife. I haven’t got my booking app till I’m 10.5 weeks and I’m terrified. I thought as I had a stillborn they might try and take better care of me but it doesn’t seem like it ☹️Xxx

@Tazzle2007 What do you mean by notifications? I don’t get emails or anything but I see the thread in “I’m on”

How are you @lunamoon1 @booandbumpp @Pandora71? I am tired and grumpy I think so looking forward to the Christmas break!

@ReeRi I'm a bit low - especially getting closer to Christmas.
AF is here and heavy still. I'm also a bit ill with whatever is going round atm.
1 week left and then I'm getting a puppy which is the only thing keeping me going atm

@booandbumpp I’m sorry to hear that. It is hard coming up to this time of year. A puppy will be lovely for you though! Do come on here or even PM I’d ever you want to chat

@ReeRi doing okay thank you, muddling through really! how are you?

@booandbumpp sorry you are feeling low, it's such a difficult time of year. We got a puppy not too long after our son passed away and I can honestly say it's the best thing we have done, she is such a light in our lives & we really would be lost without her! I hope you feel the same when you get yours

@lunamoon1 I’m ok. I’ve been a bit tried this week as probably haven’t had as much sleep as I’d like and feel worse because of it, tired, irritable and low but hoping the weekend will help me refresh a bit and then I just have this week at work before Christmas.

I think animals can be very comforting. I don’t have any pets in the house and I’m trying to avoid it (DH wants a dog) but I do have two rabbits in the garage 😬 They do cheer me up when I’m around them! Sometimes it helps just to have someone / something else to focus on and look after

Hi everyone. Just a small note to say I’m pregnant. 6 weeks and terrified.

Oh @Pandora71 gentle congratulations to you, I wish you a healthy pregnancy although I’m sure you will be anxious x

Ladies can I tentatively join this thread? It has only been 5 weeks since my DH and I lost our DD at 41 weeks during labour. We aren't trying again just yet, I haven't had my 6 week check and we will probably wait for a meeting with the consultant about the Post mortem which will be in the new year. After that we will hopefully try again. I started my period this week, first one after our loss and am going to measure my cycles to get an idea of the length. I just turned 36 so am conscious of time ticking away and as DD was our first I want to try again fairly soon.

I have finally found a group I fit in with though and hope you don't mind me being here. It helps to be amongst those that have been through similar and I wish you all lots or luck with trying. X

@Pandora71 congratulations I’m 8 weeks and also terrified as they found a cyst in my ovary. I’m so so sick at the moment. Xx

@Shefliesonherownwings I’m so sorry you lost your daughter. It is so early for you. I lost mine at 40 weeks well actually the day before she was due and then was induced after that. It so rubbish. I can’t imagine giving birth and expecting to give birth to a healthy baby and then losing her. Having your first child is such a magical and exciting time and for this to happen is horrible. Of course you are welcome here. I am taking a bit of a break from TTC probably just for Christmas and then will see how things go but just take your time. I am nearly 36 too. It’s so frustrating as I was 34 when I got pregnant and gave birth to my daughter and now all of a sudden I’m 36 but I don’t believe our fertility declines massively overnight. Have you had any indications of what might have been the issue?

@Tazzle2007 There is a very supportive thread for pregnancy after loss that I’d thought I’d share as you might find it useful. I know @Pandora71 has found it too

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/3767241-The-Graduates-of-TTC-after-pregnancy-loss-thread-6-The-Penguin-Huddle?pg=2&order=

Thankyou I’ll take a look at that! Also I just wanted to let you know I’m 37 and got pregnant 7 weeks after stopping the pill. So there is hope at our age xx

@ReeRi I hope you manage to have a restful weekend, that's something my DH has noted lately that we always pack too much into a weekend and then he's exhausted, thankfully we are having a quiet weekend this weekend. I know they aren't for everyone, but for us it certainly felt right & whilst I'm off work I've had the time to trajn her which is great. That's sweet, sometimes having something to speak to that can't talk back is quite nice!

@Pandora71 oh gentle congratulations Pandora! Wishing you a very calm & uneventful pregnancy, and beyond of course!

@Shefliesonherownwings welcome, I'm so sorry for your loss, it is the most heartbreaking experience we will ever go through! I know I'll never be the same again after losing my son, but I knew after losing him I wanted to fill my empty arms. I was lead to believe by everything I read that I would fall pregnant straight away but although it hasn't been long I have realised it's a process you can't speed up and that it will happen when it happens, and we are here to support each other through through this tough journey! I found it a big relief almost to speak to ladies who know how I feel and get it, it's important to feel that when going through something that feels so foreign. I hope you are doing as well as you can💖

@Tazzle2007 I hope you are doing okay, fingers crossed it says at bay and it's reassuring that your doctor isn't concerned about it!

Thanks @Tazzle2007

@lunamoon1 I agree it’s important to find time to test. We’ve had a few busy weekends so this one is a bit quieter. I did yoga yesterday and were seeing my parents for dinner but otherwise I am having a bit of a quiet one except for cleaning a bit. I think I need it as I’m still so tired tbh

Thank you all. I know we are still in the very early days, we have my daughters funeral on Wednesday but from the first few days we talked about trying again. Not to replace her of course but just with our ages I don't want to leave it too long. Plus I just want a baby in my arms. We lost my DD in the early stages of labour when we were already at the hospital and everything seemed fine. Then in the blink of an eye it wasn't. We don't know what happened, we haven't had the PM results or the results of any hospital investigation. All we know is that the cord was around her neck twice and there was a lot of meconium in the waters. We don't know if the cord was the cause though.

I'm heartened by seeing positive stories on here and also it helps just being around others that have been through it and know how it all feels. I hope we can all get to that 4th trimester in the not too distant future.

@Shefliesonherownwings I think we all understand that need to fill our arms. We can’t replace the babies we lost of course but I think, maybe more so if it’s your first, you get pregnant and go through nine months of pregnancy and give birth and you are a mum but with no baby at home. It’s very strange. I hope the funeral went as well as it could. Did you have a burial? We buried our daughter and it can be comforting to have somewhere to visit but I know lots of people who have cremated their babies and have comfort from having their babies with them. If you want to talk about your DD then please do. My daughter was wrapped in her cord all over her body and that say that’s what caused her death but before labour. Do you have any plans for Christmas? It must be difficult so close to your loss. I think many of us dread the first Christmas without our babies so we have decided to go away as I just can’t face it xx

@shanine I thought I would try to tag you on here. The penguin huddle is great but there are a few ladies on here who have sadly experienced later pregnancy and baby loss

@ReeRi thank you. We named her Isla and she was a wee 5 pounds 11. She was absolutely perfect and just looked like she was asleep. One minute her heartbeat was strong and then in the space of an hour she passed away. We are struggling to understand it all.

The funeral is this Wednesday coming. We are having her cremated. It is such a personal decision but for us we didn't like the thought of her being in the ground plus we feel comforted knowing we will have her ashes at home with us. I am thinking of a special shelf in what would have been her room with her name above and a picture of us and our cat next to her. I am actually really dreading the funeral, I just don't want to be doing any of this but I am also determined to give her the best send off possible.

Like you I wanted to just go away for christmas and ignore it all. We imagined dressing her up in a little christmas pudding outfit and her being thoroughly spoiled by everyone. We will go to my inlaws on Christmas day as my SIL and BIL are here from Oz but I've said to DH I may just come home after a short while if I am struggling. Luckily we live 5 mins walk away. We will see my parents on boxing day who are about 45 mins away. I'd rather just stay in bed on christmas and boxing day but I need to try and see people even if just for a little while. It's just so hard as this is not how we imagined things would be.