calling older mums who are ttc or ttc again (and it has been awhile with no luck yet)

[bobbydazzler]

Hi,

I know these threads have started and ended before but i think that there are quite a few of us around at the moment, Ms Lucy, Tinbus,Anniemac, me, I'm sure there are others?

Wondered whether you wanted to join me if you started out quite optimistic and are now finding that it might not be as easy as you first thought.

My story in a nutshell is that I had my first at 34/35, had no problems.

started trying again at 36 (nearly 37). Now approaching 38 and have had no luck and have just started getting me and DH checked out.

If that sounds familiar and you would like to hang out on this thread, I would be delighted to hear from you.

And, if anyone was in a similiar position and then everything worked out, would be REALLY great to hear those stories to.

Thanks x

Sorry Anniemac!

I must admit I thought you were older than 33, you are still a youngerster really!

The older Mum thing does not come in until you hit 35 when your fertility may start to decline at a much faster rate than pre 35.

I have come across you on a number of different threads, the most recent being the one about day 21 blood results and what they mean. We both have one child and are both lawyers and we both are not conceiving our second children as quickly as we wanted/hoped.

I do think 6 months is still early days (especially now I am well past that point!)

I also think you are "lucky" that your GP was willing to listen and do some tests on you quite early. Mine have not been interested till I hit the one year point.

I know what you mean about wanting to be proactive. Good luck with that and TTC in general. Does your holiday happen at a good time in conceiving terms? The first piece of advice I got from a GP was to book a holiday around the key time. I did not think that was very helpful or practical advice but I guess it can't hurt to be in a relaxed and happy frame of mind when you are trying.

Good luck!

hiya Bobbydazzler

I'm pretty much in the same boat as you - 37 next birthday.

been trying to have no 2 for over a year - know other ladies in real life in our age group - ie old crones in their mid to late 30s - who are having similar experiences.

I'm kind of bored of being depressed about it now - obviously why I wasn't that welcome in the hut!

I think there are a lot of us out there.

Hi Ms Lucy,

Was hoping you would come and keep me company following my break away from the Hut, or should that be expulsion?!

Although I do get down about it, I am by nature an optimistic glass half full type person and therefore would not have been able to sit around navel gazing and saying life is shit ALL the time, which seemed to be the edict that was coming from the Duchesse (an apt nickname imo).

Anyway don't want to get bitchy so will stop there.

How are you anyway? I had a mega unproductive day at work today as I am afraid to admit I kept having sneeky peaks at MN to see if anyone had joined my thread!

I am going to be really strict with myself and not go on at all during working hours tomorrow!It does get really addictive though.

DH put his troops into the lab yesterday and my day 3 cycle results should be back on Friday but i don't think i will ring up for the results as I am going away this weekend and don't want to be depressed if it is bad news.

x

Hi all,
I'm in the same rocky boat - 38 and ttc no.2 for about a year and a half. DD (3.5) was conceived in a flash (sounds dodgier than I meant, by Dh rather than a flasher...)so I was half expecting the same again. One m/c later (at 5 weeks) and at least one chemical pregnancy (I think more like 3, but no real evidence) and I am rather more realistic about declining fertility. Actually my bloods were all ok but whilst DH seems to have a huge sperm count they are borderline re. motility and morphology.

Maybe we are both a bit sub-fertile due to stress, exhaustion and general decay . We are allowed the odd here I suppose?! Whatever the reason I haven't given up but I suppose there is a possibility that DD may not get her sibling (which is a heartbreaking thought as she would love one).

I left going to my GP really late as I was convinced we would get there eventually. So we got an immediate referral letter (but still have a 6 month wait). Booked a private consultation this week as I just want to talk it all through with someone. I suppose I'm half hoping he'll point out some blindingly obvious and solvable thing we can do, other than have sex. That cannot be the problem, there has been plenty of that, some of it rather forced and desperate and some still quite nice

hi can I join you? Am 34 but ttc no 1 after 2 m/c and losing one at 21 weeks due to abnormalities.

just been given final all clear that as far as they can tell it was bad luck so now into the trying phase (ended up seeing a specialist ttc last time due to irregular cycles so slightly nervous about whole thing)

hi,

iwillbe and poppy34. Nice to meet you as it were!

sorry to hear of your losses poppy, that must be very tough, hope if they have not found any medical reason that things go well for you this time.

iwillbe, hope the private consultation gives some answers/reassurance and yes smilies are welcome here!

i am typying at a snails pace as my son 2.5 has done something weird to the keyboard which i can't figure out so going to sneak off and let my dh sort it when he next goes on the computer.

also on cd8 so should go and see if dh is up for it tonight would rather just have 5 mins with harry potter before zzz's if honest though!

Hi all,

Can I join in too? I have been feeling down all day as we are also in the same boat ttc no. 2. I'm trying not to think about it all the time but everyone keeps asking me if I'm pregnant yet?? I'm 37 next month it took 3 years to get DS after 2 mc.
We have been trying this time for 7 months & wondering if we should visit GP? My poor DH is worn out this week (wink) as I finished Harry Potter so I haven't got anything else to do to take my mind off it (smile)

Sorry you will have to bear with me as I'm new to the site & just realised I can't do winks & smiles Properly??

welcome 30plusafew!

to do the winks and smiles e.t.c you use a bracket symbol then type the word and then another bracket symbol....

anyone got any positive stories of success to share today, i.e TTC at 35 plus, took awhile but got there in the end?

love to hear em.

now must get to work and not post again till this evening!

Can I join too?

I've just had to calculate that, as its an odd year, I must currently be 38 (sad isn't it when you have to do it that way round). Ttc#2 18 months - mc last autumn followed by 2 - 3 months panic that molar pregnancy might be coming back, but given all-clear. Dh put off actively trying again, so not much action for me unfortunately ( - iwillbepositive - ).

ds now 2.4 - 6 yrs after starting ttc #1, following mc and molar pregnancy that put stop to all attempts for 18months in the middle. Got to top of IVF list (NHS) twice during this, but never resorted to it. (so, for all of you 36 or younger - that's when I had #1, so what are you worrying about!!!!)

not gone to Dr - ds is fantastic, and at one stage (during mp issues) we had decided that if it happened again we'd adopt - so feel so lucky that we have him. So, if it doesn't happen, we'll settle for one.

I'd still like another though. Although it would be financially difficult (particularly maternity leave bit).

Hi

You wanted to hear some success stories as well.. We thought it might be nice to have a "late" baby and stopped using contraception on my 40th birthday. 2 years later nothing had happened so we decided we were obviously too old and stopped actively TTC (although we didn't start the contraception again).

In July 2005 I started feeling odd, did a test and got a BFP. That pg was a missed m/c in August but in Feb 2006 I got another BFP. Had another missed m/c in Feb/March.

DH said that was it, it obviously wasn't meant to be and he wasn't going to put me through that again. I believe we had sex once in June 2006 and got a BFP in July. Our wonderful beautiful little DD is now 4 months old, and I celebrated my 44th birthday 2 months after she was born.

So none of you are anywhere near as old as me- you've got years

blimey there are a lot of us out there.

I know a few people in the same boat in real life, so I'm hardly surprised.

yes, my main worry is giving ds a sibling - think he'd really enjoy it as he's such a sociable little person (though he might not be quite so keen on sharing mummy

Now I know it's not uterine scarring - my main worry after an emergency c-section - I reckon it's either my tubes of dh's sperm.

We had a test done that said his count was low - too much boozing I reckon.

He's being very good and cutting back on the tramp juice - he's also been off the fags for a month.

I also think good old fashioned exhaustion may be the issue - I work full time (though I'm off at the moment) and ds is quite a handful.

The annoying thing is I can's have any shags til after wed (cd12) because I've got to have that bloody hsg thing.

Perhaps it will do me good.

Who knows?

Morning, I think I might be about to claim the crown for being the oldest here - I'm 44. We have a DS of 20 months and he was naturally conceived but it took a while of trying and one mc before he came along. Have been TTC no 2 since the beginning of this year and have had 2 mcs, so far, one at end of March, one discovered this week - am waiting to see what happens but suspect an ERPC is on the cards. Would dearly love another one and we've been referred to the recurrent mc clinic but I think the upshot of it all will be that I'll be told my eggs are past their sell by.

But on the positive side, Evenhope and I are proof that it CAN be done after 40!

Hi Ladies

I had ds2 at 41, (ds1 at 38) and just wanted to mention the site mothers35plus.co.uk to you, if you want any extra support and sisterhood! I used it lots when ttc ds2, who took longer than ds1 to conceive - almost a year, as opposed to one day for ds1 - and there are lots of people there who are also going through what you are. I've found MN since, of course, and let my menbership lapse (it cousts £5/year) but there are some very nice ladies over there with useful advice and expriences if you are interested.

Hello, I am 37 soon to be 38 and have 1 ds who took 3 years to conceive after 2 mc (very similiar to 30plusafew). Starited trying for another baby for about 6 months. Trying to stay positive and hoping it doesn't take as long as last time.

Thanks for advice bobbydazzler! It is so nice to hear some positive stories about ttc from some older mums. I think the best thing is just to relax & try not to think about it & I'm sure it will happen. But I just can't seem to get it out of my mind at certain times of the month . When I actually fell for my DS we were moving at the time & we only had sex once that month! So I am considering moving again, or do you think that is too drastic?

Totally agree that taking your mind off it and not worrying is the best - and hardest - thing to do.

I found that following a good nutrition plan was helpful. I spent so much time shopping for food high in this or that viatmin, and making sure that Dh and I had an extra healthy diet that it helped to distract me from why we were doing it. And lets face it, it can't hurt, eating extra healthily for a while. Ditto tracking ovulation with ovulation sticks. It just got rid of that awful "I can't do anything to change this" feeling.

Hi, I'm 38 going on 39 and TTC #2. My husband is 45.

I had my DD aged 36 after around three years of trying. I had lots of tests (which found nothing), shed lots of tears and ultimately swallowed lots of chlomid, which did the trick!

This month marks our 18th cycle of TTC #2. I've already had the drugs, but they haven't worked this time around. I saw the consultant on Tuesday, who said my hormones are all over the place and who wants to do some extensive testing this month - deep joy (not)! If #2 doesn't happen within the next 12 months or so then it is possible that we will consider IVF as a last-ditch attempt. I live in Germany and it's only funded (and then only in part) until age 40 (50 for the man), so we're running out of time.

I have up and down days about the whole thing, pretty much the same as the first time around. I really hoped I wouldn't be so unlucky twice, but there you go. I find the most frustrating thing to be not knowing why it's not happening. I want answers!

That's a good idea notquitegrownup & a lot cheaper than moving. I could do with losing a few pounds too. Can you suggest any good nutrition plans?

Notquitegrownup- I agree with the nutrition plan. I tried to eat healthy, I bought a juicer and drank loads of veggie juices. It does help to feel that you are actively doing 'something'.

Evening all,

I am so pleased that there have been so many messages. The reason I was keen to get this kind of thread going again is that I don't have any RL friends in same boat as me. My friends are either younger, or same age but had their families younger than me.

evenhope and rachel thanks for the positive stories re conception post 40.

notquitegrownup i will certainly be checking out and joining up to mothers35plus.

boozle and dustin welcome

I have had slightly more productive day at work as not spent quite so much time getting distracted by mn, however I am taking some work home with me to do before DS gets back from my MIL's which is not till around 9.00 p.m this evening. Hopefully I will not get home and end up watching last nights recording of heroes instead!

sorry mistlethrush meant to say hi to you too, you sound like you have had an incredibly stressful time over the years and I know from reading your Hut posts that it aint getting any easier for you are your DH.

just got distracted by 2 pictures of my ds at different stages that i have on a calender in work. I really want another one!

like lucy and someone else mentioned i would like a sibling for my ds as well as my own selfish reasons of wanting another lo to nourish and love, they grow so quickly after the first year!

ok i'm rambling and delaying going home to do more work..........

I've got lots of photos on wall in front of my desk which are great. Ds actually looks older than he is (mind you, he started out at 10.4 so always looked 'mature' for his age!

MN is very distracting at work - need to be a bit busier and then can manage not to get so distracted!

I would love another, but if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. I don't think that we'd go down an intervention route, mainly as we've already been there twice (although not quite had to get that far) - and its such a worry about the possibility of a 2nd mp and how on earth we'd cope with very energetic ds at the same time as having similar treatment...