The Hut of Gl/Doom Part V- for the unapologetically despondent

[duchesse]

The new hut. Ta-da!

This one is a snug little basement World War 2 type nightclub, with dim lighting, snug velvet sofas, red walls and certainly no politically correct smoking bans. Occasionally certain selected men may be admitted at our convenience.

Sit down, make yourselves at home, and never, ever apologise for feeling like shit. That's about it.

Note the absence of new novelty smileys - I'm not feeling fucking festive!

Oh dear. I need a swear box tonight

LL - I know, I keep thinking, I can't imagine ever being pregnant again. I am so fed up of this taking over everything - I so hope I don't look back on dd's toddler years as the ttc no. 2 years.

DH has been instructed not to think of coming home without red wine and choc.

and I intend to stay drinking red wine and eating choc (interspersed with champagne and turkey) until the new year.

shit days all round then? went to sil's 30th birthday party today, 2 new(ish) babies there and was asked casually when we were thinking of a sibling for ds, coz he loves babies soooo much. fucking social politics.

Morning ladies. I know this is the hut and all that but it is gloriuosly sunny and I will not let the whole baby shit stuff ruin my good mood.
I met Popsy for champagne. OOOOO she is lovely.
Wheely, we have been hiding out here like fugitives (ronshar looks over her shoulder). I am pleased YOU found us.
I dont know what day it is, dont want to know and quite frankly dont care.
We have booked ski trip for Feb. If that doesnt work nothing will

Wheely I think that is the way to go. Lissie - bet you felt like screaming "I'm bloody trying".

Lissie, my DS is a slave to propaganda and now tells people if they ask about a little brother or sister, 'but I don't want one' . It's amazing people have the nerve to ask. (After all I thought that asking a couple if they are trying for a baby and asking whether you are pregnant were the two questions totally off limits.) I usually answer it took us 7 years and 10 ivf attempts to have him, so its not exactly a walk in the park to have another one. We are trying though fourth ivf (post DS who is almost 3) attempt in Jan. just punch them next time.

evening all. hello wheely loonng time no see (i met you on mc thread a little while ago and you directed me to ttc after mc - i was non-festive shreksmissus).

test results back today, no blood prob linking pre-eclampsia and mc - good thing i suppose - was kinda hoping it was something treatable; seems i just have poor obstetric history.

wish i could forget ttc altogether it's the only sure way to get up-the-duff but therein lies the problem coz i want it too badly and i just can't give it up...yet. am developing some resignation though. can't even book a skiing holiday (am v ronshar) as dh has buggered knees.

Hello Santasmissus. At least the results show nothing is broken! Just down to practice now

I have not given up on the TTC but I am now not actively going out of my way to keep track of days etc. I have reached the point where I think I have had two healthy pregnancies with out effort and two MC's after trying hard.!! I am going with the first option now as seems to work better for me.
It is very easy to say that but it is very difficult to actually carry it out

I am hopeing to use Christmas as a brilliant distraction technique. Who knows what santa might bring down the chimney.

morning all

have decided that it is definitely a good thing about the test results. am agreeing with mich, better that nothing is wrong and it's just being awkward. seems it's not that i can't conceive just struggle to hang on, hoping won't have to wait too much longer for next conception eh??

hope you can get minimal effort maximum gain ronshar am trying that myself but it is so difficult to be so chilled when it comes to it isn't it?

Hi Santasmissus ! Sorry to meet again in such circumstances. Can I ask though - what were the tests you had ? I too (probably) had pre-eclampsia in my pg with dd and caused all sorts of problems so I have often wondered whether there is some link. I asked this at the EPU when I had the scan which confirmed my m/c and they poo pooed it but you wonder don't you ?

(I say probably because my BP didn't rise until 37 weeks by which time they had decided to bring dd out because she wasn't growing and hadn't been growing very well all the way along).

I can't believe people ask 'when are you having another one' - Actually I think people have stopped asking me given that dd is almost 3, I'm a SAHM and dd goes to pre-school so I think anyone who has any ounce of sense realises either I am a) a bit lazy or b) having a 'bit of trouble'. Funnily enough though one of bestest friends doesn't know - she is single but quite astute and doesn't ask about number 2 so I'm certain she's twigged and I wish she would ask so I could tell her but it never comes up in the conversation.

hi wheely i had tests for a blood clotting disorder, that can cause both pre-eclampsia/ premature births and early miscarriage. it also can cause a number of other non-obstetric symptoms, some of which i coincidentally do have. it's called hughes syndrome. but i don't have it - thankfully, as it's not that cracky, particularly the non-obstetric symptoms. i just had hoped that with the obstetric symptoms, treatment might help. seems it's just not to be at the moment but there is nothing underlying which is "wrong" exactly, so i guess it's just keep on trying.

I had that test too after mmc at 9 weeks long time ago (1st ivf) if you do have hughes syndrome you take baby aspirin until you get pg and then you may have to have heparin injections. I took baby aspirin until 20 weeks, as my ivf consultant said that some studies showed that it helped with implantation.

hi cheeses i had heard that too but my consultant is reluctant to prescribe aspirin til 12 weeks due to risk of bleeding that it presents. however, she says i will have to take it from then to try and keep the pre-eclampsia at bay.

hello all. well, CD2, rang dh from the loos at college in tears yesterday. still if nothing else it shows that the last mc hasnt fucked my body up that much!
i take baby asprin on the recommendation of our specialist in the 2nd half of my cycle

Hi all, I can see it's been a fun and upbeat week all round.

Santamissus, glad to hear there is nothing seriously wrong, though I'm aware how frustrating that must be. Luckily with the tempreture dropping even without lucky Ronshars sking holiday on the horizon you'll need to find someway of keeping warm .

Do you think if we all had our DH's dress up as Santa and believed as much as we did when we were Children, we could cause some sort of cosmic force that would make Santa deliver . Though to be fair in my situation it's Mrs Clause that's defunct .

I've had no MN time this week as I've been stuck in the London office all week. Did manage to alleviate the boredom slightly by drinking my body weight in Champagne at the
office Christmas do on Wed night. I know I should't, if it happens this month the wee soul is probably still pickled but as Ronshar say's sometimes you just have to relax or you would go mad.

Did however manage to cover myself in glory at self same do, by drunkingly texting both my BF's to tell them about m/c's of which they were unaware , subsequantly ruining two completly innocent bystanders evenings and leading to lot's of we're completly shit friend recrimminations from both of them (not true as one has a 9 month old, the other has being trying to pull her wedding together in 6 months and I now live 250 miles away).

Ah well, evening ended with a 3 mile walk in 4 inch heels as there was not a taxi to be had in the bloody town, so it's fair to say that by the end of the night my feet hurt more than my heart .

Hi Wheely, nice to meet you and I hope you don't mind that I've kind of gatecrashed this thread.

Can I just bring the hut back down to its non-festive level of glum.

It's now nearly a year since I last conceived. I just had my 42nd birthday. I think once again I missed the boat this cycle, as my boobs have that post-ov ache they always get. My period is due on Christmas day, which I'll be spending at my pregnant sister's house. She has two boys already, and conceived this one first time trying. Even if I do conceive, chances are I'll miscarry, as I did the past four babies.

Now a friend has just announced she's 15 weeks pregnant. And I've turned into such a bitter old cow that even though she's had two miscarriages, I can't be pleased for her. Just jealous. And even though I fill my life up with work, hobbies and friends, and have the most wonderful DP, whenever anyone gets pregnant it just highlights my emptiness.

I'm sure you all know how I feel. Outwardly in real life no-one would know I'm not the life and soul...

its shit herby. i wish i could take it away for you xxx

Ouch Mich - your poor feet

Feel for your herby Have you had all the investigations done?

Thanks LL. I had all the tests done after my third mc. The last two (numbers 3 and 4) both had chromosonal problems (trisomies), just down to bad luck. And age.

I am also going to ruin the mood.

My best friend has just told me she is 13+3. I get the feeling that she didnt really want to tell me. This is number 3 for her. 1DD 1DS. She is due two weeks before I would have been had I not MC'd in October.

I was very brave said all the right things, smiled, was very enthusiastic. But when I drove away from the house I had to get my self together as fell apart.
I feel like the worst friend in the world. I feel selfish. I feel numb inside. I feel just like it has happened all over again. I am back in March having the ERPC done.
Why is it that I thought I was ok. I thought I was over all this crap. I am very obviously not. Even now I want to cry.
I have been so strong and positive recently and now I feel like I have been hit by a ton of bricks. I am no longer positive as feel like a failure again.
Its not bloody fair. I do not begrudge her her baby. But I want my own. I am a horrible person.

Hi Herby , life can be pretty shit at times and it,s difficult to always be happy for others, I think it's a perfectly normal reaction. Is there no way you can avoid your sisters for Christmas? If I was you I'd be tempted to book a few nights away for a champagne fuelled break with dh/dp/friends and say bugger off to the family approach . We all deserve a little selfishness if it helps you get through.

I tell you Ladylush, just the memory makes the balls of my feet throb again. I've been in flats every since and may well be until the new year.

Afternoon all.

Never popped in to the hut before but the title sums up my mood exactly.

GRRRRRRRR!

So, I went to meet my best friend and his girlfriend for lunch. I don't particularly like this woman, but it's the festive season and for my best friend I will go to the end of the world and back if need be.

He knows we've started TTC and it cropped up in conversation. She's got 2 children from 2 different previous relationships and of course she fell really easily. She had the bl**dy cheek to say that if I really wanted it I would have fallen straight away (ffs, we're only on cycle 3!!!) and I must be torn between wanting a family and wanting a career.

Oooooh, she made my blood boil!!! I really had to bite my tongue, but I wish I hadn't now.

DH has said before he's convinced she's jealous of me in many different areas, but that's no excuse to behave like a prize bitch.

Sorry, bit of a rant but she really made me very very angry!!!

Feel better for sharing now (taking deep breaths and thinking calming thoughts)