TTC after pregnancy loss thread 31 - baby penguins are coming!

[strawberrye]

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Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This is a wonderful supportive group for anyone TTC after the loss of a pregnancy or baby. Together we can get through he rollercoaster of TTC and get our baby penguins xx

Sorry for the typos - I noticed them after hitting send! :(

Congratulations @Squiff70 I was wondering how you were. So happy for you! Lovely birthday present ❤️

@Squiff70 wow that is the best birthday present! So happy for you. I hope you’re feeling ok.
@InDreamland really pleased you had a reassuring scan. I understand the whole thing about blame. We know our fertility struggles are on my dh’s side and he feels responsible for the miscarriages, even though we don’t know why they happened. Even when the second mmc was diagnosed I turned to dh and said I’m sorry. The sonographer turned to me and said please don’t blame yourself. But it seems an instinct to. Maybe in future when we know more about what causes miscarriage women will stop blaming themselves.

How is everyone else doing?

That’s a fantastic positive @Squiff70 👌 Congratulations xx

Thank you so much. I just hope things work out this time. I'm only 4+2 so there's a long, long way to go.

Hi ladies 👋
I'm 34 been trying to convince #2 since 2017. Had fertility app in march 2019 told slim chance of anymore. Was booked in for laparoscopy and hysteroscopy in April but found out at the end of march I was pregnant. Started to bleed 4 days later told I was miscarrying bleeding continued for nearly 2 week and still a positive test. Epu did bloods and they remained static ended up being pregnancy of unknown location they couldn't find it so got methotrexate and told no ttc for 3 months. Got hysteroscopy done start of July had a polyp removed a d&c done and some scar tissue removed. Now my period is nearly away and I'm feeling really nervous about ttc again scared of the same thing happening xxx

@Squiff70 congratulations hun what a lovely birthday present xx
@Kkd85 hello I'm sorry for your loss, I totally understand how you feel about being scared to try again. I think it's a universal fact that ttc and pregnancy after miscarriage is terrifying and wonderful all at the same time. I hope you find support and comfort in this group x

As for me no symptoms not even a twinge so not confident and not looking forward to another AF and it horrible to say but I'm not looking forward to trying again next cycle either. I desperately want to be pregnant and have a beautiful child but I'm fed up with all the forced sex and trying to be romantic just because the stupid smiley faces says I should. Sometimes I'm finding I just don't want to and I'm not enjoying it at all. God I sound like a miserable, ungrateful Minnie.

@Lilimum7 it's completely understandable to dread trying again and AF especially after your losses. I have pcos and I'm on day 29. I thought I was ovulating over the last few days and it failed. I'm gutted! So now I'm going to stop trying! I'm sick of the temping, the LH strips and forced dtd. I swear the stress is actually stopping me ovulating. Now we're going to just dtd when we fancy it and just hope for the best. The 'trying' is wrecking my sleep, my mood, my sanity. Now I just want my life back.

Thanks @InDreamland that's really useful. I think if it happens again we will look in to that and I will definitely discuss it at my gynae appt (if I ever get one!!)

@ReeReeR loving the viagra vitamins 😂

@Squiff70 congratulations! I hope that is a sticky bean for you!

@Kkd85 sorry you find yourself here - it really is a terrifying time. I hope you find comfort and hope in the stories here, I know I do.

@Lilimum7 I know exactly what you mean about the forced scheduled sex and how it sucks all the joy out of it - it makes it so boring! And I definitely start to think it's all pointless anyway. I hope you can relax and not get too stressed waiting over the next few days.

Definitely past ov here now, think it was thurs or fri. Now to wait again. I wish we could know sooner! Got a lovely holiday booked soon though so at least got that to look forward to.

Anyone else ever get pmt symptoms around ov? I've been a miserable cow the last few days and I've had this a couple of times around ov before - never got pg those months though so doesn't bode well. Bloody hormones!

@Lilimum7 How many DPO are you? Im about 3DPO. We’re usually in sync.

I’m thinking I might not use OPKs etc for a while. If I’m not pregnant this month then we might try it the old fashioned way next cycle. It’s how I conceived my daughter and didn’t take that long. We have been stressed about it too and I worried it might affect ov we were that stressed and arguing about it.

@Navy123 I think I ov Thursday or Friday too. I got a positive One Step on Wednesday and then static smiley on Thursday so 🤷🏻‍♀️ I think I get a bit cranky around ov sometimes. I do track these things in Ovia and it has said that’s not unusual!

How are you @Mistymeow@VenusStarr

Hi all.
Welcome @Kkd85. Your anxiety is completely normal after all you've been through. Sorry that you had such an awful experience and that it has dragged on so long for you. Everyone here completely understands that double edged fear around whether you can conceive again / what will happen if you do. Similarly to you I found out i was pregnant whilst I was waiting for my fertility treatment appointment. It took 50 days for AF to arrive after my miscarriage so I suspect that I'm definitely not one of those women who has that supposed surge of fertility straight after and conceives straight away. I want to stay relaxed as the month I conceived was the month that we stopped so actively 'trying', however I'm struggling to not obsess over things and have got caught up in opks, temping, heart rate monitoring, acupuncture and endless googling....
I'm coming to end of two weeks off work for a holiday which was fantastic, but towards the end (after AF came and went) I did find myself starting to fixate on things so I'm kind of hoping that going back to the office tomorrow will enable me to focus my mind on something else for a few hours!

@Lilimum7 @ReeReeR as I've just said, stepping away from the OPKs worked for me before (admittedly after almost 12 months of ttc) so no harm in trying, though once you're in this POAS habit it's very hard to break. I'm now on CD10 but based on the 'usual' length of my cycles there could be another 3 weeks before I ovulate (if I do at all). I just wish they could be shorter, it would certainly reduce some of the stress, it's like waiting for an exam or something.

@Squiff70 that is a lovely strong positive, congratulations!

@Mistymeow @VenusStarr hope you're both ok x

@Lilimum7 I ordered some of the easy@home ovulation tests. How good are they?! I finally got my positive Friday night.

@Mistymeow how are you feeling about your appointment with Dr Shehata? I felt really positive after mine and I have just my steroids for the first time today. Feeling quite nervous. Let me know how you get on!

@Pop1234 I started on steroids on Wednesday as they're part of my protocol this time round (I changed fertility clinic). Other than increased hungry I haven't really noticed any side effects. I guess I shouldn't speak too soon though as my dose should be increasing next week.

I'm plugging on through my FET medications, started them on 1st July and still have 1 1/2 - 2 weeks before hopefully transfer. It's the 1 year anniversary of my second loss tomorrow and due date #3 is looming too. Feeling a bit low.

Hi @Kkd85, I'm sorry you're joining us, but welcome

@Avocuddles @ReeReeR thanks for asking after me. We're in the midst of smep, cd10 today. I think I'm either going to ovulate tomorrow or Tuesday but my opks aren't showing anything obvious yet. Yesterday afternoon I had my darkest one and now they're lighter. I've attached my chart. I'm only going temping as my reflexologist wanted me to for my consultation on 31st. We're due to dtd tonight anyway and might just go for the next 3 days, even if opks don't show positive. I think my surge is really short anyway. Not holding out a lot of hope for this cycle really.

Glad you had a good break @Avocuddles hope work will provide a distraction. Its my birthday at the end of August (I'll be 36 😔) so been looking for a short UK break, I find it hard to relax at home.

@Lilimum7 the cycle I concieved I didn't have any symptoms so don't rule yourself out just yet. I know what you mean about forced sex, kind of feels like going through the motions. Dh said on Friday do you want to dtd just because it's on the calendar? Fingers crossed for you and @ReeReeR in your tww 🤞

Yes @Navy123 definitely feel a bit snappy around ov time - hardly conducive to seduction 🙄

Sorry about you not ovulating yet @Catconfusion, I do feel like temping is affecting my sleep, felt really restless last night. I've started wearing my fitbit again (it doeabt do HR or anything, just monitors steps and sleep, although it does now track my cycle now) and that said I had a decent night, didn't feel like it. I hope not tracking helps x

How are you @Mistymeow?

Off to meet a friend for coffee and cake today. Hope you all have a good day x

@Kkd85 sorry for your loss, that sounds very distressing after your fertility news. With your recent procedures do they feel you are more likely to conceive? It’s all very scary but quite a few of us have gone through similar trauma- we understand
@ReeReeR I’m feeling ok, I’m also 3 dpo so we match up this month!
@Lilimum7 it is such a slog but I’m finding having a routine helps. You would probably be ok ditching the opks and dtd every 2-3 days.
@Catconfusion long cycles are the worst. I had several 35 day cycles last year, it was so disheartening not seeing the temp rise. I hope they can give you clomid, I was about to start that but then I conceived and things have clicked into place. I reckon I was stressed about ttc last year which upset my cycles.
@Avocuddles thanks I’m doing ok at the moment. I hope you feel refreshed after your holiday.
@Navy123 yes I get very irritable around ovulation! Quite short tempered. But it fades. I think it’s the surge in progesterone that does it. I also get backache and pain. But it’s reassuring at the same time.
@Pop1234 thanks for asking! Glad you feel positive and I really hope your treatment works. I’m feeling nervous but hopeful too.

I’ve had a bit of a rough week. I think it’s knowing I have to go through talking about the losses on Tuesday for the rmc appointment. I also have an interview for one of the big baby loss charities straight after and I’m concerned it’s a bit close to home. But at the same time it means a lot to me. Sometimes it just gets all on top of me and you feel the extreme loneliness of the situation.

@VenusStarr it's definitely good to have a holiday or break to look forward to. You're a couple of months older than me, I'm thinking of getting a mini break or couple of nights in a hotel planned in around my 36th, or maybe waiting a month or so and going to a Christmas market somewhere in Europe as that's something that DH has always fancied doing. My acupuncturist repeatedly reminds me that 'me time' is really important when you've got a stressful life, so make sure you get something booked!

I'm also on CD10 but unlikely to ovulate for at least a fortnight. Looked back today at my cycles since I stopped the pill 15 months ago, the shortest was 35 days and the longest 62! 

@Mistymeow I hope your appointment and interview go well. I know what you means re loneliness, but hope that this group helps to relieve it a little. It certainly helps me to know that others understand the physical and emotional rollercoaster of both loss and fertility struggles.
Is the interview for a role with the charity?

Hi ladies thanks for all the replies I'm hoping thats the case with the procedures and it's easier to conceive but u suppose time will tell. I'm not temping or doing ovulation tests etc I'm jus gonna take the relaxed approach this time as before my head was completely melted with it all I was putting my own head away and don't want to do that again. So I'm jus taking folic acid and aiming to dtd 3 times a week and not put pressure on myself. Xx

Hi Ladies,

I have been avoiding doing this as I think it feels like there have been a few again in a row but I have also had a BFP in the last week. Congrats to @Squiff70 @pinkoi I think we have had a lucky cycle.
I am not going to grads thread yet, as this is 5th pregnancy with none so far having been successful. However I am trying to be positive. I am now on pred, cyclogest and heparin and will start aspirin in a few weeks.

@VenusStarr this is our second go on SMEP - I think you are trying that this month. Good luck it's hard work especially in the hot weather, and deffo kills the romance.

@Pop1234 @TinyPaws how you finding the pred? I have been on for a week now. Am buzzing in the mornings but knackered by the evening, then insomnia every other night. Otherwise ok.

@Mistymeow good luck with RMC. It's really hard digging up the past history for these appointments. Also good luck for the interview.

@Lilimum7 @AliceRR @Avocuddles
hope you are ok

For the longer residing members of this thread not sure if you saw but Yukka had her baby a few days ago.

Hope it's ok to hang around on here still please?

Babydust to all x

Congratulations @fnej01 fantastic news!!! Hope all works out well for you this time.
Sorry if this is a dumb question but what do Pred / Cyclogest do? I'm most likely heading to the fertility clinic within the next couple of months so just trying to understand ever new term / medication I come across on here!

I sympathise with you re heparin injections - I have a history of blood clots so if I am lucky enough to fall pregnant again then I'll be on inoxaparin for the duration + 6 weeks post birth if I ever make it that far. I hate the injections but needs must!!!!

I really hope that this is your rainbow baby and of course feel free to stay here, it's good to have some positive stories.

Thanks @Avocuddles.
The prednisolone and cyclogest (progesterone) have been prescribed due to high levels of uterine natural killer (uNK) cells. I paid at Coventry clinic (Professor Brosens/Quenby) to have these biopsied (ouch!). My simple understanding is that the high levels of these cells mean the uterus is inflamed and prevents the embryo from implanting properly. The treatment is to reduce the inflammation. I don't fully understand but in for a penny...
I also have APS, hence the heparin. I've only been jnjectjng since Tuesday but found it ok so far.

Do they think the blood clotting is related to your MC? Are you under RMC/gynae?

Wonderful news @fnej01 congratulations :) yes, we're doing smep this cycle. I think I'll get a positive opk tonight, this afternoon's is the darkest yet plus lots of ewcm. So hopefully dtd today, tomorrow and Tuesday will catch the egg 🤞 hope my temps confirm too. Also it's reassured me that I do know my body and can read the signs. Really pleased it worked for you :)

Hi @fnej01 I've only had one MC so far but only achieved pregnancy once in 15 months which is frustrating!!! I was under the consultant when I was pregnant, I don't have a specific clotting disorder but am considered to be very high clotting risk (less than one in ten) as the only potential cause for a very serious clot I had at 25 was the combined pill, which suggests I am highly sensitive to oestrogen. I have a week's worth of injections in the cupboard waiting and if I do manage to get pregnant naturally again I will have to start them immediately. I'm not feeling hugely optimistic about conceiving naturally again but we're essentially following SMEP to give ourselves the best chance. I feel grateful that DH's stamina hasn't run out yet as it's been a long slog so far!

Hi everyone. I'm so pleased to find such a perfect thread!

We are currently ttc #3. I had a natural mc at 11 weeks in Jan and we have just decided to start ttc again.

I have regular 24 days cycles and have for years. I'm currently on day 32 with a million bfn. It is so frustrating. So I imagine it is just something hormonal and not a pg. Urgh.

It's lovely to see some bfps on here and I wish all ladies in the 2ww the best of luck!

Hi @LibbyBakes and welcome! I hope you don't find yourself here for long but it's a great support nonetheless....