TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 30 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

[Lilimum7]

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Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This is a wonderful supportive group for anyone ttc after the loss of a pregnancy or baby. Together we can get through the ttc crazyness xx baby dust to everyone xx

@MrsH497 the daft thing is that in the few days leading up to my BFP I felt convinced that AF was just about to start as the symptoms were initially so similar - tender boobs, cramps, general crazy hormonal moods! So even once things do settle down I know I'm going to drive myself crazy analysing every twinge. Its hard feeling this anxious, and hard knowing that the anxiety will only get worse if and when another BFP comes!

@Avocuddles exactly the same!! I just thought ooh AF on her way. Ironically the month we didn't OPK use preseed or anything! X

@InDreamland I have DH on a lot of vits and mins including Q10, folic, omegas, multi vits, extra vit d and L-Arginine. If nothing else he's not as tired anymore, neither of us drink caffeine or alcohol and don't smoke. As for my anxiety I do alot of medication and I talk I say what's on my mind because keeping it to myself makes me really ill. I've done Reiki which was fantastic but I stopped going after my fourth mc. Might try it again. Good news about your bleeding stopping I think it might have been the little one getting comfy x

@Kayjay2018 I hope you find reflexology helpful xx
@MrsH497 I hope it doesn't take too much longer for you hun x
@fnej01 that's interesting about asprin. Rmc have told me 75mg when I get bfp. I just started taking it because another conversation on here had said a doctor said it doesn't help unless you take it before bfp. Now I'm wondering what to do 🤔. But I was also told at epu by a gynaecology doctor not until after 8 weeks. Wish these professionals would all get together and get a guide line together everything just seems to be on the whim of which ever doc you end up with.

Hi ladies, so drs appt this morning and given my mums history of lupus they will run a load of bloods - have to wait for first appt which is 5th July. He had no advice on anything else I could try when ttc and said the main thing is to relax and avoid getting stressed about it. He reckons the average time is 18months to get pregnant (I though less than that) so it's avoid sign it only took me 6/7 months even though that ended with mc.

I completely forgot to ask about spotting before AF I'm afraid, I got carried away in the conversation, was a really down to earth engaging gp

Hope all is well with everyone else

I had my third counselling appointment yesterday and the counsellor said she was struggling to keep up with the amount of worries I have, they're all feeding each other and I'm jumping from one worry to another. She said it seems like I'm exhausted. Which I am. I've got this weird sense of desparation to be pregnant but I'm stuck.

I went home and reflected that I'm still exactly the same as I was a month ago, I haven't moved on at all emotionally or mentally. We're not even ttc this month because of the hsg so I've enjoyed not tracking anything but still 100% focused on 'being pregnant'. One thing that stood out was apart from my folic acid and taking ubiquinol, I'm not really doing anything else to help myself. I'm really iphappy with post miscarriage weight gain, no exercise and I'm not giving myself any time to switch off or relax. I think it's because I don't really believe I will ever have a baby, I can't visualise it and it scares the life out of me.

I feel like I'm just existing :( sorry for the long all about me post...

Hopd everyone is OK xx

@InDreamland So sorry you find yourself back here so soon. I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for you as bleeding does not always mean a loss. Have you considered doing another test to make sure?

Really sorry I haven't responded to everyone individually. I have been ill with the most horrendous tummy bug and gone back to work to a massive stressful backlog. Had a work trip to London yesterday which turned into a 14.5 hour day. Not doing that well emotionally as things have been difficult with partner's job loss (she got a new job fairly quickly but now she is now stressing that she's going to lose this one too). Hoping to do embryo transfer in July but that might get pushed back to August if all the admin isn't done in time.

Hi everyone

Still have my fingers crossed for you @InDreamland

You seem to have so much going on @VenusStarr I’m not surprised you are exhausted. I have a similar fear of never having a baby and no being able to picture it. I had that before my first. I couldn’t imagine being pregnant, seeing her on a scan, being heavily pregnant with a bump, giving birth. She’s not here with us now but all those things did happen and I have to believe it will happen again, even if it’s hard to imagine. I don’t think I can say anything to help but I suppose I’m trying to say just cause you cant picture it doesn’t mean it won’t happen.

@Kayjay2018 18 months does seem like a long time as the average. I’m sure nhs says most couples are pregnant within a year. Oh well I suppose the truth is that we should be grateful if / when it happens. I’m sure the stats are higher where you are tracking etc

I just booked a massage for next week and it happens to be just as I go into my FW so maybe that will help

How are you? @Lilimum7 @Squiff70

OK now I totally give up. DH made it home this morning and we dtd and now Ive been spotting brown all day. Wish my body would make its mind up what it going to do.
Hello @TinyPaws, @VenusStarr, @Kayjay2018 sorry your all having a tough time this journey isn't at all easy.

How do you ladies handle fw with your partner / DH? Do you just tell him your ovulating, wave opks under his nose? I'm finding it hard to make sure we dtd at the right time with out saying to the DH I'm fertile you now have to preform. He doesn't do well under pressure and he can't manage it every day or everyother day. But sometimes I get near positive opks for days before it turns positive and trying to decide which days to dtd is giving me so much stress. Why oh why didn't we do this earlier when we were younger and like bloody rabbits we never had these stamina problems back then.

Thank you for asking after me @AliceRR. I'm ok thanks. In the TWW but have taken a bit of a break from MN as I've been trying to chill out a lot more about TTC this cycle. I can do a HPT on Sunday and would love to surprise DP with a BFP on Father's Day but not getting my hopes up. I need some MRI scans (brain, neck and back) and they can't do it until I've completely ruled out pregnancy so in a way if we haven't been successful this month it won't be a total travesty.

I'm sorry your AF finally arrived but at least you know where you stand now and can start a new cycle.

Sending everyone hugs. I'm sorry I can't keep up with this thread all the time but I do read a lot of the posts and am keeping you all in my thoughts.

@VenusStarr I can sympathise with how you feel, I've suffered from anxiety at various points in my life and I'm currently yo-yoing between anxiety relating to the recent miscarriage, anxiety about whether I'll be able to conceive again, anxiety about how i'll cope if I do and if I'll MC again, plus a big dose of work based stress on top of that. I certainly can't visualise a baby at the moment, I know that I need to try to relax and switch off but I think I'm also living in fear that if I stop then it'll hit me even harder, if that makes sense? It's great that you're going through counselling but you're 100% right about the need for self care. It's just easier said than done!

@AliceRR massage sounds an incredibly good idea. Did you make a decision re reiki? I am keen to try anything and everything but have a limited budget so am thinking the relaxing benefits of a massage might be the best bet at the moment whilst my head is all over the place.

@Lilimum7 it must be hard for our other half's to feel that pressure to perform on demand. We aimed for every 2-3 days throughout the month when we were trying to conceive, this meant that it didn't feel so much like 'right we need to do it now!', although it was difficult to keep up sometimes due to tiredness and just not feeling in the mood. My cycles were however really erratic and I didn't get positive opks so we were pretty much DTD blindly. I'm hoping they come back more regular but only time will tell. I guess what I'm trying to say is try to make it feel spontaneous rather than forced and then he might feel more 'engaged'?

Hope you are all doing ok. I'm shattered now, can't wait to get home!

Hello all I wondered if I could join? I wasn't really ready before but I do feel like the time is right.

I had a mmc and an erpc on 2nd May. I'm due af on Sunday (stupidly) took an ic just now and it was a bfn and have plunged myself into the despair that I've been fighting back all day.
Ttc no1 since June 2018.

@Squiff70 I think staying away from the internet sometimes is a good idea if you can do it. Well fingers crossed for this 2WW and also your MRI when you’re able to have it. A BFP on father’s day would be lovely

@Avocuddles I have been wanting a massage for ages. I got a groupon deal for a place that’s almost on the end of the street where I live so if it’s good maybe I’d go back there. I really don’t know about reiki, I’ve just started reading about it and not sure what to think, which is why I wondered what others’ experiences were.

Hi @Chanel05 I’ve “met” you on other threads

Thanks @AliceRR. Where are you in your cycle?

@Lilimum7 we start dtd around cd10 and make it every other day until I know I'm ovulating. I ovulate between cd16-22 (prior to mmc so lord knows what it'll be on a normal cycle now) and then I just tell him I have a positive when I do though I don't always catch the surge!

@VenusStarr sorry you're having such a rubbish time and I totally get the feeling of desperation. How are you finding the counselling sessions? DH suggested I should see our doctor as he doesn't think I'm coping very well (had the mother of all breakdowns this evening) and perhaps need counselling.

I’m on CD4 @Chanel05

I think most people would benefit from some kind of counselling. It’s worth a try.

Thank you everyone. I'm feeling very overwhelmed at the moment. Struggling at work, had an awful day yesterday. My nan passed away last week and we've got the funeral date now. Feel like I'm just holding on :(

Thank you @AliceRR, you have helped xx how are you?

Thank you @Lilimum7, I'm sorry about your spotting, has it continued? Its so frustrating not knowing what is going on with our bodies.

Nice to see you again @Squiff70, fingers crossed for Sunday 🤞

Thank you @Avocuddles, can definitely relate to all those worries :( I've got this fear if we stop ttc (not forever, just for a bit to have a break) then what does that mean? What if the month we miss is the one? It's like be like be like being in limbo and I don't know where to turn so I'm ending up being stuck.

Hi @Chanel05 glad you've come over here, very supportive ladies here. I'm finding the counselling OK but I'm not really moving forward, I'm just offloading really. I'm stuck in not making any changes, like I know I want to eat better but I'm not. I want to be more relaxed (not in a ttc and relax! Type way) I'm hoping the offloading is helping me process what's happened. I think you are coping, you're doing what you need to do to get through I keep telling myself that it's not that long since I lost the baby so it's OK if I cry and feel upset. I'm just a bit worried that I'm holding onto it and Im struggling to accept that it happened and is that stopping me from conceiving again?

I asked dh last night if he could ever see us having a baby and he said yes, that upset me even more. I mean it's great he has hope but why don't I?

Sorry guys, I don't post for ages them you get my stream of consciousness. Only 2 days until I go away. I'm hoping that's what I need, just my dh and a change of scenery.

I hope I'm not upsetting anyone with sharing my worries here x

Oh @VenusStarr so sorry to hear about your Nan. I hope you have plenty of family support around you.

No need to apologise for sharing your worries. I find it very helpful to know that other people are sharing the same kind of feelings - whilst I hate that anyone has to go through this, it does help to know that I'm not alone.
I'm still spotting today three weeks on, it's driving me mad! Thankfully whilst we were away for a few nights last week I didn't have any at all which helped me relax a bit, but the instant I went back to work it kicked off again. I almost can't imagine a life where I won't be constantly checking toilet paper, it's miserable.

Glad that your holiday is nearly here, like you say some time away for the two of you will no doubt do you some good. And anything would be better than being here at the moment, it feels like it's rained constantly for about a month now!

@VenusStarr hun that's exactly what this thread is for we off load, share the good and the bad, ask advice, give advice and more importantly support each other. You go ahead and rant if it helps you, you are not upsetting anyone xxx ( have you read my rediculous posts lately, I think we are in the same place at the moment hun stuck unable to move in any direction x)

@VenusStarr I’m so sorry about your nan.

I’m ok thanks. I have a cold, the kind that makes you feel weak and want to lie down all day, but hoping to get fit in time for FW!

I think the reason you can’t picture is because of all that’s happened. It’s not that unusual (from what I hear) to not be able to picture yourself with a child before you have one and when you struggle to conceive or have a loss then it becomes harder. Men are much more logical and practical than us so they don’t focus the emotion like we do. If the odds are in favour of us having children then that’s all they see. I really don’t think they have that gripping fear of never having your own living child that many of us have experienced.

Re counselling, another thing that could help me work through your feelings is a diary. I’ve thought about doing this just to have an outlet for my thoughts and feelings and work through them. I used to keep a diary when I was younger and I found it helped me when I was struggling.

Thank you @AliceRR, I'll keep you posted. I'm 10/11 DPO and refusing to do a test until the weekend. AF is due next Wednesday so technically I could do an FRER now but I have no incentive to get my hopes up and do one.

@VenusStarr I am so sorry for your loss. I have no grandparents left now but when my grandma died I was an absolute mess and I remember how I felt. It hits you hard, doesn't it? The funeral will be really tough for you but remember whatever you're feeling is normal - be it sad, angry, frustrated or whatever else. It's the saddest time for you but try amongst the sadness to remember some of the happy times too. I'm sure your nan wouldn't want you to suffer any more than you already are.

Just checking in as I've been crazy busy this week! DPO, didn't DTD as much as we would like due to guests but I'll start the TWW off with optimism and slowly wind down into my standard pit of negativity.

Feeling utterly hopeless this month and glad I'm not the only one. Don't feel like this is going to happen for us right now! Due to Ov on wed I think but loads of stretchy/crampy feelings again so probably no point even trying. Thought the raspberry leaf capsules had sorted this last month but clearly not. Got myself in a right mood about it all and generally feeling crappy all the time, my poor DH is receiving the brunt of it!

Was determined to steer clear for a bit but couldn't resist ordering some OPKs today. I'm not sure why I do it to myself as in spite of months of testing I never ever saw a solid smiley (though got pregnant on the month I stopped testing). I'm three weeks post MC and have still had off and on bleeding this week, but as my cycles prior to conceiving were 40 days plus I figure there could be a slim chance that I might ovulate within the next week, and maybe I might see my first ever positive ovulation test. I start acupuncture next week too so hoping that might help. Fingers crossed.....

I've splashed out for the clearblue digital tests (even though they never worked for me) but as they do cost a small fortune think I'll try a cheaper alternative next. Which have you found works best for you? Due to my erratic cycles I may need to test for weeks on end so >£1 per stick isn't sustainable!

@Navy123 sorry you feel so down. There's never any harm in trying as long as you're both up for it.

What do raspberry leaf capsules do?

@Squiff70 am in exactly the same position 10/11dpo today trying to hold off testing until Sunday. I currently have all of the symptoms of a totally mad woman 😂, am fairly confident AF will be here Mondayish x