TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 30 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

[Lilimum7]

🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This is a wonderful supportive group for anyone ttc after the loss of a pregnancy or baby. Together we can get through the ttc crazyness xx baby dust to everyone xx

@coconutlatte44 Fx that tomorrow is going to be good news, keep us posted hun xx
@thelittlepeanut and @InDreamland I feel the same way about how it makes me feel and about Facebook. I limit all exposure to social media (except here obviously lol)

@Pop1234 if you can get in with Tommy's they will do it plus NK cells at one of the centres but I can't remember which one

5DPO (I think)

I texted a friend today who hasn’t really been in touch since the baby died in Feb. She came to the funeral so it’s not like she’s shown no support but I was disappointed she hasn’t otherwise even texted to ask how I am. I texted her today to ask how things are with her (as I haven’t heard from her). She replied saying she thinks of me a lot but didn’t want to intrude and by the way she didn’t know how to tell me but she’s pregnant.

Well she wouldn’t have been intruding by sending a text 3 months later and if she was that concerned about telling me her news, why not reply to ask how I am and waiting for the reply before telling me she’s pregnant?!

I was a bit annoyed and replied possibly letting on that I’m a bit annoyed, but not that she’s pregnant (obviously it is a bit because she’s pregnant) but because she’s a shit friend. I even mentioned I had a friend over with her newborn baby girl not long after our baby died so she knows if I don’t meeting up with her it’s only because she’s been a sh*t friend. I probably shouldn’t have replied...

🙄

Oh gosh @AliceRR that's such a shit thing for her to do - we need a room101 on this thread for shit mates who can't support their friends. Honestly, I'm so sorry. They sneak into your thoughts and drain all of the little happiness you manage to muster over the day, or at least my shit friend makes me feel like that. I feel as though I'm mad at myself for being bitter but also her for being so rubbish.

@AliceRR oh she sounds like a proper shit friend! Checking in on your friends when they're going through something so difficult isn't intruding. Also, if she'd kept in touch over the last few months she probably could've been more tactful about telling you her baby news, rather than waiting for you to reach out to her first and then dropping the b bomb on you without even checking up on you first?! Ugh. I'm so annoyed for you!

@InDreamland @Lilimum7 I can't begin to tell you the amount of people I've blocked on Instagram lol. These perfect bloggers with their perfect pregnancies. I know we don't see the behind the scenes but the fact they make it seem so easy.. makes me feel sick.

I'm CD4 - 5th cycle since MC. Feeling shit today. DP currently rubbing my feet though 😌 got to make the most of the small things in life!

We couldn’t totally have a separate separate sht friend thread @frillyfarmer*

That’s exactly how I feel @thelittlepeanut She hasn’t texted in months and then when I texted her to ask how things are with her she basically makes excuses and drops a baby bomb. She should have replied first just asking me how I am IMHO. I could have said I’m really struggling and then maybe she could have mentioned her pregnancy later. I’m quite annoyed.

I wondered for a moment whether my text back was a bit mean but if it was then so be it...

Oh @AliceRR how insensitive, I'm sorry you've had to put up with that, it hard when it feels so cruel yet the person in question appears oblivious. Two of my closest friends are expecting at the moment, they were a bit further along than me and all seems well touch wood, i was initially worried how I'd fro around them but they've been great, checking in daily which I really appreciate (even if have nothing to say other than 'yes it's still shit.....)

@bee222 sorry you've been feeling low. It's perfectly normal to feel that way, I'm really struggling to block out the heavily pregnant ladies / brand new dads in my office, but getting better at timing tea breaks for when a potentially 'triggering' conversation starts up. I hope your cycle kicks in soon. Mine was completely erratic when TTC so I'm not holding out for anything resembling regular periods but very early days yet.

@coconutlatte44 good luck for your appointment tomorrow. We will be thinking of you x

@AliceRR goodness what a selfish so called friend. Totally insensitive and lacking in tact. I'd be just ignoring her now.

I'm done with social media apart from MN. Can't cope now with these "everything in my life is perfect and so much better than yours will ever be" posts. I feel like posting on there how shite life really is and everything that upset me and tears my heart apart. That someone's happy news is actually for me like rubbing salt in my open wounds.

@thelittlepeanut enjoy the food rub. I need to have words with my DH ..........

Oh she also said she wanted to let me know before she sees me, which she hopes is soon. Well if she wanted to see me then why not make some kind of effort?!

I’m tempted to text and say sorry if my text was a bit off but I was a bit disappointed I haven’t heard from her for months but I should probably leave it as I’m not in the right frame of mind.

I did ask how far along she is so let’s she if / how she replies!

@InDreamland I know I should leave Facebook alone. I don’t know what it is (maybe too much time on my hands as I’m still on mat leave) but I often end up scrolling through the news feed and there is almost always someone talking about a pregnancy or baby!

@Avocuddles It’s good your friends have been good. I have a few friends who have been really good at texting etc to see how I am or even just telling me mundane things but to show they’re thinking of me and it really shows up the ones who don’t do that.

I have another friend who can barely reply to my texts and when I met up with her it was because she’s having a hard time after moving house as she was “really attached to her house”. I don’t like to judge and I think she’s a bit down but I texted her again to ask how she is and I haven’t had a reply.

I’ve decided to concentrate on the friends who do make an effort to stay in touch and see me

Sorry I’m a bit ranty today. Feeling a bit down and possibly hormonal 😬

You're right @AliceRR I think difficult times make you come to realise who is worth the effort and who isn't. I have a few friends that I've drifted away from who always say that we should meet up but when I try to push for a date then they never commit to sorting anything. I have some decent people in my life, including my amazing DH, so it's best not to worry about wasting breath on the one sided relationships. Nothing wrong with ranting!!!

@InDreamland I need to wean myself off the social media for the exact same reasons. I try to reassure myself that the 'perfect' happy lives that people present there aren't real; they're just a visualisation of what they want other people to see / believe about them. Don't judge a book by its cover I guess, though it's easier said than done when every other post involves pregnancy, babies or children (interspersed with the occasional dog) x

@AliceRR rant away, I think sadly quite a lot of us on this group have very shitty friends - this has just been the rough time where the bad ones comes to the surface.

My friend occupies so much of my thoughts by her selfish actions that I do get cross with myself and have to keep reminding myself that actually this shitty year I've had some of the best support from other friends and I should focus more towards how good those friends are.

I'm off to a wedding today so no doubt another tranche of "when's the next one coming" "you want to get on with it, don't want a bit age gap" yada yada yada. I've actually decided to drive because I can't do with having a drink and getting upset about it all!

Thanks @Avocuddles @Frillyfarmer I know many of the women on here understand. We really should concentrate on our good friends.

As for Facebook @Avocuddles @InDreamland all that apparent perfection is absolutely not real. As an example, my friend who has her baby girl in March, has posted all the happy new mum pics and said how happy she is but what I know, that you wouldn’t know from Facebook, is that her husband and left her a few weeks before the baby was born. She’s a good friend and what her hubby has done is horrible but my point is people have all sorts going on and you wouldn’t know. It occurred to me that some of her “I can’t believe how happy I am” what’s a bit of her overcompensating for what she’s going through and maybe sending him a message that she’s ok. Lots of my Facebook “friends” won’t know I was pregnant and had a full term stillbirth this year, as I don’t post much about my life. If I posted a pic of DH and I in our lovely new home or on a weekend away today they might think we had “everything” too and they wouldn’t know about the massive loss we are dealing with. I’m sure you know that but sometimes it helps me to know other people’s lives really are not perfect and I believe no one has everything all or the time.

Also same friend just posted her house for sale listing (she is selling due to divorce) but I’m sure her Facebook friends would think they were just buying a bigger house...

Friend didn’t reply to my text. She’s a very “proper” friend and I imagine she might not know how to deal with me expressing that she hasn’t been a great friend. I’ll be interested to see what she says

Facebook is definitely bollocks but I'm as guilty as anyone sometimes when it comes to presenting a shiny happy life! We're away for a few days next week and I'm sure I'll end up posting some pics of the holiday as I know it will make some of my family and friends happy to see us enjoying (or at least attempting to enjoy) life after a few challenging couple of weeks.
If there are people on your feed who are constantly posting baby / children stuff then they you can mute them so that they don't appear on your feed for a while (or forever!). I also learned the other day how to go into ad settings to ensure that no pregnancy / parenting based ads appear - they were particularly painful at first so it's good to have got rid! I really do hope i become a Mum one day (preferably sooner rather than later, especially as I'm in the geriatric category now...) but I don't need my childless status rubbing in my face every five minutes.

Yes I am making much use of the “mute” function! It’s absolutely fine to post pics of your holiday, obviously, I wasn’t suggesting people shouldn’t post anything, just responding to what you said about people posting about their lives and that everything is not always as it seems. I think when we’re feeling down it can seem like everyone else has everything and it doesn’t help.

Totally agree about rubbish friends rubbing it in all the time! And if someone asks once more if DS is getting a sibling I can't be held responsible for the consequences.

Af has finally shown her face 2 days late after 4 days of nausea, sore boobs and bfns - honestly so fed up this month! At least I finally know though and can move on. Evil witch!

Sorry to hear that @Navy123 I got my hopes up last month as had all sorts of “symptoms” and even thought start of AF might be implantation bleeding, so it was rubbish when I realised it was AF

Do something nice even if it’s have a glass of wine or some chocolate, whatever is your thing

I don’t understand why people are so ignorant as to ask such things

Thank you everyone for your thoughts this morning.
It's good news for me today - they found an embryo and a healthy heartbeat, measuring 6+1. I literally sobbed my eyes out as she told me everything she could see, one bit at a time. When she us there was a heartbeat I totally lost it. I suppose I had given up hope.

They'll scan me again in two weeks.

Sending positive thoughts to everyone feeling low or anxious today.

@AliceRR I also have two friends like this. They have been completely shitty and are now pregnant themselves. I get they might not know what to say, but surely being kind is that difficult?

@Avocuddles thanks for that, I have been wondering how to mute pregnancy ads for ages. I'm going to do it now.

@coconutlatte44 greats news. Keeping everything crossed for you.

So I need a bit of advice. Thursday I will have been off work for 4 weeks and to be honest don't even feel like I can go back yet. I would rather wait until I've seen Dr Shehata for my results at the end of June, my job isn't overly busy and I would literally just spend the whole time thinking. Do you think being signed off for another 4 weeks is completely taking the piss? That's if the GP will sign me off. I just know the second I get back to work I'll be thinking/googling and to be honest don't feel like I can face work yet.

@coconutlatte44 so happy for you hun! Fx for a long and healthy pregnancy!

@Pop1234 if the GP signs you off again I would take the additional time off. Your well-being is more important at the end of the day. Plus if you're not ready to go back yet then you probably shouldn't.

@Navy123 Sorry AF turned up. It's the worst when she's late to the party giving you a glimmer of hope :( fx for next cycle

@coconutlatte44 am so happy for you, that's fantastic! I really hope to see a heartbeat one day, that must be so exciting.

@Pop1234 if the doctors recommends you take more time off then go for it,you need to take the time to get yourself well and focus. I regret not taking some time off, being at work was a helpful distraction in some ways, but as you said I couldn't focus at all and was constantly online (oh wait like I am now in the work loos!). Look after yourself, that's the most important thing x

Hey @Pop1234 I just caught your post. I'm only just going back to work next week after my mmc surgery in Feb and then chemical pregnancy during the cycle after in March. That's 4 months in total off work. I'm self employed so DH and I decided I'd take off the time I needed even if it meant being a little poor. Grieving is such a complex process and you have your appointment on your mind too. If the doctor will sign you off take it.

I feel so much better for it despite a big wobble yesterday. I was struggling with what I now know to be the symptoms of PTSD. Pregnancy loss can bring on all manner of mental health issues. Look after yourself!

Xx

@coconutlatte44 and @Laney79 I just wanted to say simply wow and congratulations. Wishing you a long and happy pregnancy! Xx

I'm so sorry to those of you struggling at the moment. Other people can be so cruel without really realising. Anyone going through pregnancy loss deserves love and understanding. It certainly shows you who your real friends are. Cut any one else out as they're not real friends if they can't be sad for you and sensitive about your loss. Xx