TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 30 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

[Lilimum7]

🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This is a wonderful supportive group for anyone ttc after the loss of a pregnancy or baby. Together we can get through the ttc crazyness xx baby dust to everyone xx

Lovely news @Coconutlatte44

@Pop1234 She could absolutely have text just to say she’s thinking of us, is there if we need anything or to let me know she’s there when I want to meet up

The thing is I’ve texted, spoken to and met up with many friends so her barely contacting me for three months is not down to me

@Catconfusion It’s so important to look after yourself and it’s good you were able to take some time off. Do you feel ready to get back to work?

That's great news @coconutlatte44.

If you don't feel ready I think more time off is best @Pop1234.

I put very little on social media and many of my friends on there would have had no idea I was pregnant and then she died untill a few weeks ago as I decided to put something up about baby loss. There are some people on there that I don't mind seeing baby stuff but others that are over the top I've blocked.

My community midwife rang yesterday to bring my booking in appointment forward to today. Feeling weird about it, no where near the excitement I've had previously but it does feel good to get the process going.

@AliceRR I'm not sure but I know it's time. The thing I've come to realise is that pregnancy loss can stir up existing issues and make them feel so much worse. I turn 40 next month and I think the two back to back losses induced this gripping fear that I'll never be a Mum. All kinds of anxieties have come up surrounding getting older. I've needed to process the loss but also come to terms with there maybe not being time for it to happen for us.

To some taking four months off due to losing two pregnancies in the early stages might seem extreme but I've been a mess. I was so innocent when I fell pregnant. I didn't realise I would get to 12 weeks to find no heartbeat and need surgery to remove my baby. Then effortlessly fall pregnant again only to lose at 4 and a half weeks. It's all been a mind f*#k.

I do however feel better about getting older and the losses generally. To keep me going I just keep thinking: what kind of life do I want in the next few years? If I'm a Mum I want to be a good one. To show resilience and strength. If I'm sadly not I want to be happy with my lot and the life DH and I have made for ourselves. I don't want to have regrets about months and months of depression.

To answer your question I'm still sad but I feel the time has allowed me to process what has happened enough to focus on work so we'll just have to see what happens. Xx

Good luck with the appointment @Bluebelltulip and I'm sorry it's not feeling as exciting as it should be for all mums to be. You've been through so much and I hope you get some reassurances soon and can start to enjoy it a bit more. Xx

@Catconfusion I think that’s a really good way to look at it and I do think it is difficult to get back to “normality” whenever you do so.

I’ve been off on maternity leave for nearly four months and I feel I “should” be going back soon but I’m also trying not to put pressure on myself to do so.

I hope being back at work is good for you and maybe provides a welcome distraction from your worries x

@Catconfusion thank you for a beautifully written post. Your observations re ageing and the need to develop resilience and strength really resonate with me. I'm a couple of years younger than you but still feel very much aware that I'm in the twilight years as far as fertility is concerned. I've always said to my DH that I know that our life as it is is great and I know I should feel lucky for the opportunities we've had in terms of being able to travel, buy a nice house etc, but it still feels like there's a gaping hole in our family where a little one should be. I don't know what the future will hold but as you say I don't want to regret missing out on other opportunities due to the weight of loss that I'm currently carrying around. Fingers crossed that we all get the rainbows we dream of, but also that we can find in ourselves more strength than we've ever felt before x

Thanks @AliceRR I do too because my lack of motivation has been worrying when I'm usually quite a driven person. It really has knocked me for six. We'd just got married as well so such a sad way to start married life. It's so important to have a purpose and work does this so I'm hoping my mood will lift once I start at it again. We're all getting older and all my tests have been normal so it's likely we'll have another pregnancy.

I honestly wouldn't worry about going back to work just yet after all you've been through. It must have been gruelling. I've heard of ladies who've lost a baby not even returning to work. You have to do what feels right for you. If you miss work and feel it'll help give it a trial run and see how you feel. If you can't face it take more time. Your mental health is a priority. Just don't put too much pressure on yourself! Xx

Thank you @Avocuddles It's just such a difficult position to be in isn't it? If I were 29 I know mentally I'd feel stronger because there would be time. Pregnancy loss takes such a long time to resolve. It's around six months since I got pregnant for the first time. Today I think I'm ovulating and it feels like our first proper shot at it since the second loss. When we're older we don't have as many 6 month periods to recover should a loss happen again. It's feels very pressured and a bit of an all or nothing situation.

My DH said to me yesterday he thinks I've spent the last few months waiting to be pregnant again. I think that's so common from what other ladies on here have said but I don't want to spend any more time waiting. If it happens, it happens and I'll be a bit apprehensive though happy but I've got a life to lead in the meantime.

Like you say grief can feel like a weight stopping us from enjoying the life we've already build for ourselves. It is really hard though to go back to that life after walking so far down the road of becoming a parent. I'm determined now to start taking opportunities that come and enjoying my time on this planet again. There is a gaping hole like all of us on here but hopefully we'll all get our rainbow babies soon! Xx

@Catconfusion Yes I’m trying not to pressure myself but I am aware of the finances too. I’ll be on half pay very soon and DH isn’t working so I have to take that into account. I’m going to just concentrate on working on the house for maybe a month. We moved in end of March and builder starts bathroom and bedrooms on
Monday and then see how I feel and what DH’s job situation is.

I’m a bit like how you sound, very hardworking and ambitious usually, rarely take a day off, so it’s strange for me to be sitting at home! I think if we are similar in that way you probably will benefit from keeping busy.

I am trying to think about work also so that getting pregnant again isn’t my only focus.

I admire your attitude towards it all xx

That's the thing isn't it @AliceRR we all need money. My DH has been amazing supporting me but I feel so bad about it all, especially since we can't afford a holiday or to have date nights because all his money goes on our bills.

It is an odd feeling just being at home but I've had very little concentration for anything until recently. I think it's done me good after a crazy couple of years.

It sounds like you have your hands full with the house and I'm sure you'll know when the time is right to go back to work. I guess it's a case of feeling capable enough and needing the money.

I've been thinking about work a lot more and I think that's how I knew it was time. Plus the guilt of DH supporting me has built up.

Keeping busy definitely makes ttc again less stressful too. I've done some work today and I know I'm ovulating so it's really taken my mind off the panic of whether this will be our cycle or not and generally overthinking everything! Xx

Thanks everyone. Think I am going to visit the doctors again and hopefully get signed off. Even if it's just until I get my results, I think I would feel better.

@Avocuddles I also found myself in the toilets a lot googling after MC number 3. I feel at the minute I would be pretty useless at work anyway.

@AliceRR I also finding planning house stuff distracting and provides a good positive attitude. Currently sat drinking a hot chocolate whilst looking on Pinterest at new kitchens lol

@Catconfusion I'm glad you had time off to make sort your head out a little.

Feeling really appreciative of this group today. So thank you ❤️

@AliceRR that's exactly what my brain does too - part of me is still trying to say it's implantation! If it was though then I wouldn't still be getting bfns given how long ago I ovd! Just trying to ignore it and looking forward to my wine!

Congrats @coconutlatte44 , hope all stays healthy for you.

@Pop1234 definitely get signed off if you need it - I went back to work way too quick when I lost mine before DS was born and it was such a mistake - and not fair on colleagues etc as well because my head wasn't in it! Everyone grieves differently, and I hope you've got a sympathetic gp.

Thanks girls, was such a relief to see the heartbeat. Should be about 6+1 today and morning sickness has hit me hard! Haven’t been able to do anything today but hoping this is a good sign. I’m still so nervous all the time, considering I was in the second trimester when I lost my son I don’t think I’ll feel confident until I (hopefully) have a baby in my arms.

@coconutlatte44 congratulations! I did the same, tears of joy at seeing the heartbeat 😊

@Hayleyfx my midwife said a similar thing to me today that she knows I won't feel confident until I have a baby in my arms. I didn't have a scan or anything today but just seeing her has helped for now.

That sounds like a good idea @Pop1234 and good luck for the appointment with your doctor.

Enjoy the wine @Navy123 it's definitely a silver lining. Hopefully next cycle is your cycle.

Congratulations on your scans @Bluebelltulip @hayleyfx and @coconutlatte44 It brought me a lot of joy today imagining what it would be like to be pregnant again and see the heartbeat. You give me hope! Xx

Hi everyone just checking in,
Hope you're all doing ok! Will catch up on the thread after I've posted this.
So I went to my private early reassurance scan this morning, my bladder wasn't full enough and my tilted uterus made it impossible to find the baby at first, after two attempts and a litre of water. The technician had found the gestational sack but couldn't see what was inside because of my bladder and uterus. She asked me to come back this afternoon with a full bladder.
Three litres of water later at 2pm my bladder was then too full!! Three short trips to the toilet later after emptying a bit of my bladder each time she had found the sack and a little speck of a baby with a heart beat but again baby was hiding and difficult to measure. Measured around 6 weeks when i am 7.
Trying to stay calm and not panic over the measuring behind but I'm happy we found a heartbeat as with my blighted ovum and chemical it had never got to that previously.

That's great news @ale2992 I was wondering how you are. They saw a heartbeat which is the main thing and it sounds like the monkey was hiding. will you go back for another scan? Congratulations! Xx

@Catconfusion yes they have booked for me to go back Sunday 9th

I'm sure you'll see more then @ale2992 all in all great news! Xx

@ale2992 @Bluebelltulip @hayleyfx and @coconutlatte44 great news ladies Fx for h & h pregnancies xxx

@ale2992 that's fantastic news about seeing a heartbeat, amazing!

So I was told to wait three weeks after my MC to take a pregnancy test, however just over a week on I couldn't resist and just produced a 100% negative one. I never realised it was possible to be so happy over a single line! I'd just made DH buy a box of condoms to use until I'd tested but now I know that everything has gone surely that means we're ok to DTD without protection?

I'm not sure @Avocuddles I had an ERPC with mine and then had a chemical pregnancy straight after probably due to not being fully recovered. If you'd had surgery I would say wait for a period based on my experiences. I seem to remember yours was natural so I would have thought no danger in trying again straight away. What did the doctor/hospital say? Do you feel recovered? Xx

Hi @Catconfusion. Yes mine happened naturally. I'd had some spotting over a couple of days then it all happened fairly quickly, though I had some bleeding (like a light period) for best part of a week.
I think I'm highly unlikely to conceive naturally anytime soon, unfortunately. My cycles were very long (40+ days) and my periods were very light so I had actually been referred for fertility treatment at the point I fell unexpectedly pregnant. Neither of us are the biggest fans of condoms so I'm not sure what to do - when I first came off the pill it took almost three months before I had any bleed at all! x

Ps the only thing the hospital said was to do a test for them in three weeks time and they'd give me a call to check that it was negative. I've felt very 'not pregnant' for a week now and the systems were pretty decisive which is why I decided to test early. I also thought it would be constantly on my mind whilst we were on holiday if I didn't. A couple of glasses of wine may have also contributed to the impulsive behaviour...

@Avocuddles my cycles are very long too and usually 40-50 plus days. My periods only last half a day. I've been told this is fine. I do ovulate on my own though. My mmc pregnancy was the first cycle we didn't use contraception and then we had the chemical. I'm therefore trying not to worry too much about having problems falling pregnant again.

Are you tracking ovulation? I use Ovusense and it's amazing. I used it for three cycles before our wedding and was shocked I was ovulating as always thought I'd need medication to conceive. I've had poly cystic ovaries on a scan years ago but my mc scan showed they've gone. Also blood tests normal.

How long have you been ttc? It's so frustrating with long cycles and trying to pinpoint O. Dtd every other day is exhausting! You never know it might just happen for you naturally. I really hope it does! Xx