TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 30 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

[Lilimum7]

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Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This is a wonderful supportive group for anyone ttc after the loss of a pregnancy or baby. Together we can get through the ttc crazyness xx baby dust to everyone xx

I'm needing some help everyone.. So I'm expert of miscarriages after 4 in the last year and have never ovulated between miscarriage and a period.

Had my ERPC 9th May stopped bleeding soon after and today have got what feels like ovulation pain. Just done a ovulation test and this is it.

What you say that's positive? Me and DH dtd last night and we aren't suppose to be getting pregnant until my appointment with Dr Shehata. So now I'm worried 🤷‍♀️

Hi @Pop1234 have you had your BFN since MC? Otherwise it could possibly be retained HCG making the OPK positive?

@Russkispy I'm sorry yours has taken longer but it sounds as though your levels are coming down which is something.

What a shit journey we are all on!

@Frillyfarmer no I haven't done a test yet to see if it's negative or not. The hospital said to test after 3 weeks. I did think it could be leftover HCG. But then thought whenever I've had leftover HCG before there's always been two lines but never the same like that one. Oh well we will wait and see I guess 🤦🏼‍♀️

@Frillyfarmer just done another one and it's negative now. Who knows 🤦🏼‍♀️🤷‍♀️

@Pop1234 have you done another opk since the negative one, just thinking maybe you didn't hold long enough so your urine was as strong as the first opk.

@Lilimum7 no I haven't done anymore. I've told DH we aren't allowed to do anymore dtd for a week just in case 🤦🏼‍♀️

@Pop1234 oh dear hun, what would happen if you did become pregnant hun x

@Lilimum7 nothing really I guess. Probably just miscarriage number 5 🙄☹️although the NHS haven't found anything but hoping when I visit Dr Shehata in London we are going to get some answers. How are you doing? I do read the thread but am rubbish at keeping up x

Thanks @Mistymeow Hope you’re appointment went ok

@Knitkitty Thank you. You are right and I am holding onto the positives but I have my moments. I hope you’re ok. It’s understandable that you’d be anxious. I think think most of us here would be similar.

Hope you’re ok @Squiff70

On a more positive note, I got a static smiley on CB with fmu today (again) but just used a OS OPK and got a positive.

We dtd this morning and thinking we’ll do it again tomorrow (probably morning). That should be enough to catch ov? I don’t think I could take another BD tonight (and think DH is asleep)

Thank you. I'm ok. I went to see my GP today to ask more about why I might be having recurrent (well, two) chemicals since my late miscarriage in January. He didn't have any answers but said he'd refer me to a gynaecologist to explore things further. I asked if I could be taking progesterone or aspirin and he said no to both but added I should be taking vitamin D as well as folic acid. I've been taking folic acid since last September but we went out and bought some extra high strength vitamin D. While we were there we got some Wellman Conception for DP.

Time will tell what comes of all this.

@AliceRR Sounds like you have all bases covered there!

Sorry for the short and impersonal replies. Been spending some rare time with DP tonight. I'm exhausted and going to bed now. Will catch up with you all ASAP xx

@Squiff70 It’s positive that you’re being looked after and if there is something to address then you’re on the case. Also nice that you’ve been spending some time with your DP x

Urgh! I'm really struggling ladies and I need a good moan please. (Sorry in advance).

The lack of symptoms is really worrying me; I don't even have mild pregnancy cramps, which I've had with all my other pregnancies from before my missed period. I'm 4 weeks today. No bleeding. So far I've gone the furthest without bleeding of any of my pregnancies. But I've convinced myself that being on the progesterone is just masking another MC and that I've lost baby already. My intuition is telling me there's no baby; but I don't know if that's reliable due to my anxiety...

I've been awake worrying since before 5am.

I'm pondering about taking another test for reassurance, but I'm terrified that it'll be negative and a big part of me wants to stay ignorant if it is... but then if it came back positive I know I'd instantly feel better.
I just don't know what to do.

I had symptoms on Tuesday; the day after my positive test and after taking my first progesterone pessary. I had had a really bad night's sleep that night, so I don't know if the symptoms were due to tiredness and the sudden influx of extra hormones... But the fact the symptoms then disappeared again the next day worries me. I did take another IC on Wednesday. I took one initially before the FRER on Monday and that one was barely visible (hence taking the FRER), and then on Wednesday the line had got darker... I felt better for a few hours, but it was short-lived.

I'd just like to know what's going on in there! Why is this so difficult! I'm so envious of women who get pregnant with their first child and assume everything will go OK, and it does! They wouldn't be having these worries... Ignorance is bliss.
I know normally I might not even know yet if I was pregnant or not at this stage so lack of symptoms wouldn't even be a thought. I don't regret testing early because I know I needed to take the progesterone. But because I do know, I'm just worried... and annoyed at myself for being worried. I know thinking this way won't affect the outcome of the pregnancy so I should just try and be patient and try to enjoy knowing I'm pregnant for now... but when the voice inside your head keeps convincing you you're not really pregnant it's so difficult.

I'm sorry for the long rant. We haven't told anyone about the pregnancy so feeling like I've got no one to talk to.

@KnitKitty I would do another test if you think it will help. It is perfectly natural to worry about everything I'm doing it too. I'm trying to take each day at a time. Many women don't have symptoms this early and it can vary a lot from pregnancy to pregnancy so lack of symptoms at this stage isn't necessarily an issue. What's your follow up care plan, do you have any appointments coming up?

I might do one later.

I have a scan in 3 weeks. Seems like forever away.

Thank you for your reply @Bluebelltulip

Hi @KnitKitty, I'm right here with you. I am around 5+5 and absolutely convinced there's no baby inside of me. I have not even had sore breasts yet which I (think) I had fairly early on with my mmc. I'm just now getting cramping but it feels ominous to me like something is going wrong.

I know all mcs are awful in their own way but I think there is something about mmc that really messes with your head and leaves you thinking you can't trust your body.

I am spending a huge portion of my free time reading pregnancy stories trying to reassure myself that it's ok to have no symptoms at 6 weeks, which I know isn't really helping me but since I can't stop thinking about it I feel like reading about it gives me more control rather than just sitting around worrying.

I have lots of free time this weekend so going to go back through some of my materials I got when I had cbt for my anxiety, will share anything with you that I find helpful. Keep hanging on and if nothing else take comfort in the fact that you're not alone or crazy in feeling this way. It's a natural response to our experiences.

@KnitKitty it's really really hard. I feel the same about just wanting to know. If testing will help you do it (but I'd say do it with fmu if your other tests have been with fmu-I had a panic as I did a cheap strip test in the eve and it was barely there, but following morning with fmu was a very clear strong positive).
I spoke to my epau nurse about symptoms - she said that lots of women don't really get anything till around 6-8 weeks. Yes some get it earlier but also some get nothing at all really. I'm now just over 6 weeks and only really starting to get mild symptoms (little nausea first thing, sore boobs, tiredness, and a bit burpy but nothing that if I didn't already know would make me think ooh I'm preggers, as they are so mild)
Could you ask for blood tests to check your hcg levels? If they do that 48 hours apart you'll know they are doubling ok? Do you have an early scan booked?
In terms of the progesterone have you read the results of the PRISM trial? Don't know if there's anything in there about it hiding/delaying an inevitable loss? I thought I'd read they discovered it didn't do that?
It's a bloody hard journey for us that have lost, I too envy women who see a positive test and for whom it means a baby at the end. But right now we are pregnant. And we will fight hard to stay that way, and that's all we can do. You're not alone @Bluebelltulip and me are both here around the same dates as you xxx

@AliceRR I'm so so sorry about your little girl. I think you are incredible for the way you've coped. In awe.

@UnicornsandRainbows1 how are you? Have you tested again?

Hugs to everyone I've not mentioned individually xx

Thanks to all the ladies who sent reassurance. Nothing more to report so far. I'm 6+1 today according to LMP but poss more like 6+5 by ovulation day. Scan on weds afternoon.

@coconutlatte44 you're a treasure. I'm sorry you're feeling the same way; but it is comforting to know I'm not alone.

No matter how much you tell yourself that it's normal not to have symptoms this early, that symptoms often don't start until week 6 or 7, or even later (or for some, never)... Your brain just latches on to it as something to worry about!!

Thank you so much ladies. Once again this thread is there for me when no one else is!

@Laney79 Thank you hun. I haven't heard of the PRISM trial. Will took it up.
Goodness this is a supportive group to be part of. I just wish we didn't need each other and we knew each other under different circumstances; but boy am I glad to have you girls around. Thank you so much.

Just read this from the PRISM trial, which is comforting:

"For those with a history of three or more miscarriages (285 women in all), 72% of those who received progesterone (98 out of 137) had a live birth."

And this from Tommy's website:
"More than 6 in 10 of women who have a recurrent miscarriage go on to have a successful pregnancy
That's more than half... Good odds. @Lilimum7 I assume those who don't maybe gave up (understandably), but I wonder how many would have had a baby if they just kept at it?

Just the fact that we've all responded at 7 AM on a Saturday proves that it's not just you :)

I'm definitely going to get an early scan, but I'm debating with my husband when would be the best time. He reckons 8 weeks as we think I may be a bit later along than LMP would suggest but I don't know if I can exist like this for another two weeks! I just need some confirmation that there's actually a baby growing. If I can confirm that, then I think I will be OK coming to terms with the remaining risk. But who knows...

@KnitKitty @Coconutlatte44 @Laney79

Some people don’t have symptoms. I was really anxious in my first pregnancy, I was convinced there would be nothing there on the 12 week scan. I used to google MC rates and read about MMC and it had not happened to me before, I was just anxious. From being on MN at the time I gather it’s not that unusual even if you haven’t had losses before so when you have it stands to reason you’d be worried and think that way. My point is it’s not unusual to worry and the chances are everything is fine.

Im a bit confused. I’m on CD16. I got a +ve OPK on OS last night but did CB again this morning (expecting a static smiley) but got another flashing smiley (which I’ve been getting since CD9). I don’t know whether I ovulated last night and missed it on CB or whether CB is not as sensitive as OS and my static smiley will come tomorrow 🤷🏻‍♀️

Bit of an update: see tests below.

AF is due tomorrow I think so I'm just praying it doesn't turn into another chemical like last month. I was thinking of trying to maybe see if the EPU could put me at ease with a scan in a few weeks or some blood tests but realistically I know that it only happened last time (well time before last) because the 2nd mc I had before then just dragged out for months and they felt bad.

I hate that as soon as you get what you want in this game that it's still completely tainted

@AliceRR what is OS hun? I'm having the same problem as you. Got my first positive opk on easy@home strip test on Thursday but low on cbfm plus ewcm , Friday positive opk and peak on cbfm and ewcm and today negative opk, peak on cbfm and creamy cm but no temp rise yet. So trying to figure out when ovulation happened. Oh and I also had ovulation pains Thursday, Friday and today. So confused