The July 19ers - All aboard the rollercoaster for a 3rd lucky thread

[Frazzlerock]

One more thing while I scroll through social media on my train journey.
This really made me chuckle 😂
100% relate!

@frazzle I can well understand why you're so upset, but I don't get what your DH got so angry about? Why does it make him so cross that you're upset because you probably haven't conceived this month?

And btw what is he putting in financially/emotionally, because my DH is putting in bugger all so I'm thinking maybe I'm selling myself short 😉

@Betty he is angry because I'm upset we didn't have sex over my fertile window. Which ultimately was because he was so down about getting turned down for a job. He thinks I'm passing the blame to him which I never said but he likes to hear what he wants sometimes and put words into my mouth - I'm sure we're all capable of that sometimes.

All I said was I was sad about it, but it escalated more than I could have ever imagined. As usual I lay there completely confused and dumbfounded and ended up just apologising constantly, but he wasn't accepting it.
He does this though. I have a bad day and he makes me talk. I stupidly think he will comfort me, but he does the opposite.
In the beginning it was really bad as I wasn't used to it and had never met anyone like him. But I've generally learnt to keep my mouth shut and smile like nothing is wrong.
It's fine as my shit day usually passes on its own and I have friends who I feel safe to offload to (you guys mostly these days!)

But he saw through the fake smiles last night so I had no choice but to tell him. And surprise surprise, WW3.

Financially - he is the main earner and puts most of his wages into our family. He has been incredible. They're not his kids but he puts more into them than their real dad does. He's also working hard to find work that will pay more so we can afford another child.

Emotionally - he never wanted his own children yet he is putting all his feelings aside so he can give me a baby since we lost Emily (who was a complete surprise) . Alright, 2 years of that he refused (hell on Earth) but he has changed his mind and it is really hard for him to get onboard with all this emotionally yet he continues to put his feelings aside for me.

frazz I get that he has given an enormous amount in terms of the children, that is proper 'good man' stuff and I'm sure you let him know how much you value him for that (not in a grovelling way, it's not really giving if you make others fawn and grovel around you is it). But what I can't get is the instinct to kick you whenever you're down. That is not cool. And I think it must be extra hard trying for a baby with someone who isn't completely on board. That's a really tricky dynamic to try and handle

Oh Frazzle, big hugs xxxx
I'm so sorry that you're feeling so shit. I understand how hard it is being with someone who isn't totally 100% on board (or is, but isn't dtd when you need them too!). It's fucking awful, it makes you feel like you're not good enough and that you're a million miles behind those that are actually getting on. I can't imagine what the added weight of PCOS must feel like, too.
I'm the sort of person that needs to vent, I think you might be too.... and it's so hard to talk in RL to people about this. How can you tell people you're upset because your DP/DH didn't want to dtd on a particular day and as a result you're not going to get pg?
It's clear he adores you Frazzle, and considering he never wanted any of his own, he's still going on with this. My DH is desperately on board but genuinely isn't/wasn't particularly concerned if we miss a month because he doesn't feel like doing it those days - I think this is just a man thing. They don't have that urgency that we all seem to. They want a baby but if it appears in October or November, it's no biggie to them, whereas every month for us is 4 whole weeks (longer for you) where we have to struggle through everyday.
I don't know what advice I can possibly give you and I'm having a massive waffle, but just know you're not alone with all of this, and we're all thinking of you xxxx

@Indreamland I am so sorry you are going through this. Are you considering ivf? I do still think you have a good chance of having your own baby, even if it takes ivf or similar. I have never really thought about the bonding issue with an adopted child, but I am sure you would. Remember that not everyone gets that instant bond, even with a biological baby.

@Frazzle I don’t know what to say about DP, it seems he is being an idiot to me. I think in that situation I would just try to hide as much as possible from him, including my feelings, which I guess is what you are already doing. It is good he has taken your boys on as his own, but I kind of think you have to do that with step children, otherwise how can it possibly work. x

Oh my god @Frazzlerock are you having an affair with my husband?? It's clearly the same man!!
Mine is EXACTLY the same!! Any conversation about TTC turns into a row because he just does NOT get it!!
He is so wrapped up in that we fell PG without 'trying' that he thinks that will just happen again!!
He told me last night he doesn't think he an coke with me being PG for 9 months 'of all this fucking paranoia and stressing over nothing!' ... I lost my shit and said all my stress last time proved right otherwise I'd be 6 months PG now!!!!!!!!

Anyway.... today is dpo 8 and i stupidly did an IC and looked like an advert for dulux it was so white!! I know it's waaaay too early but thought maybe I'd see a hint?? BUT NO!
TMI alert but walking to work and felt a big blob of discharge pass out of me, actually felt hot like when AF sneaks up on you or your using pads and you feel it leave... rushed to loo and it was just clear/slightly creamy discharge but a good 2p sized blob of it... can't recall ever having this before??

@tigsy I cracked and did an ICHPT too, stupid thing to do because I never get a +ve until I've missed a period 🙄 anyway I've got FRERs coming in the post today/tomorrow and tomorrow will be 11dpo. I feel so nauseous but temps look shit so I'm not feeling very upbeat about it.

Not sure about the discharge thing, except that some people apparently get more when they're pg? Could be anything though really couldn't it?

@tigsy that sounds really promising I think. I remember before my bfp I was rushing to the loo loads thinking I'd come on only to find loads of gloop. Sorry your DH is being a knob about it all too...

@Betty yay to your frer's coming tomorrow. Can't believe you never get a +ive until you've missed af, even with frer's?

@Indreamland I don't understand the flashing smiley thing as I have never used one. Isn't CD15 early for ovulation? Or bang on? Or is this late for you?
I don't know as I don't ovulate until mega late, but I still tend to ovulate despite it being late - please excuse my ignorance!
When I look back on my temps from when I was TTC DC2 many years ago I ovulated at around CD49.

I don't know how I feel about that ISIS woman a sI've not had chance to read about it. That poor baby though
And yes I totally get what you are saying about babies being born to the people who least deserve it - life is a cruel bastard with no rhyme nor reason to anything.

@tigsy Ha, maybe they are the same person! You seem so much stronger than me though, I just end up a crying grovelling mess, I can't argue back as it makes it a million times worse, and it is impossible to argue with him anyway. He is super bright and switched on to everything, whereas I question everything I have said and done. I much prefer to 'fight' by text as I can see what I have written and what he has written so I can't second guess myself. That is what we have done today, and it seems to be sorted now. Though I obviously apologised again and again because that is what I do. I hate hate hate confrontation, but he is very good at it and says it is healthy.
I try and cope with it because when things are good they are really good and he is ever so caring, generous, and loving. His SIL once said to me when I was upset once is "The 'Surname' men are feisty but they love incredibly deeply".

I don't know about the discharge thing either. I think I'd have said what @betty has said.

I don't know whether I should just give up temping for the rest of this cycle. AF is due Tuesday I think. Though I'd like to see what tomorrow's looks like after today's red herring high temp. I'm 99% sure it will need to be discarded after my terrible night's sleep.

I am showing all the signs of AF coming. Last cycle I started waking up really sweaty for a few days before and I had the squits for several days before which have started this morning, pretty much the same amount of days pre AF as last time.

I do think that temping now is pointless, even if I was preg. AF arrived at 14DPO last cycle and that day my temp dropped and I got AF at the same time as removing my Ovusense that morning so I saw the blood before I even saw the big temp drop. Checking my temp everyday at this point is just going to wind me up.

@Betty I got FRERs too - I bought three double packs. I will use them next cycle if I need to. Although I never test before AF so I'm not sure how much use I will get out of them!

@Frazzle I'm just telling now out of morbid curiosity. My chart is still a crock of shit so in a way, I'm hoping I'm not pg this month because I'll end up worrying about my low LP temps. I read somewhere that low post-Ov temps equal 40% higher change of mc so that's handy!!

@rather I find FRERs are better, it's the ICs that don't give me anything until AF is due. Which is funny cos they're meant to be 10miu?

Temping, not telling 🙄

So sorry I am so shit at catching up unless I am at my desk.

jeez Frazzle feel close to tears reading about your DP twisting it round to be about him when you are clearly upset He may be great at supporting your kids and have loads of other brilliant qualities but that does not excuse him for showing you no compassion or understanding. It is so unfair how he treats you when he is down too.

I agree, it is pointless you to continue temping. If you don’t get a proper temp drop till after AF then not sure what you will expect to see. Maybe a temp rise? But I honestly found temping in the TWW horrible stressful and that is why DH asked me to longer temp last year (pre MMC)

Tigsy I know you know this and you both are just going crazy as it is TWW (all been there) but really is soooo early too plus ICs are so shit! I didn’t get a BFaintP on one till about 20dpo! That discharge is actually similar to wait I have when I am PG…. not wanting to get hopes up though as it is sooo early for symptoms.

Betty – same goes to you about the ICs too as tigsy FX for that birthday BFP

@Indreamland I don’t really understand the flashing smiley either, I have used the cb digital tests, but only the ones that go straight from blank circle to smiley face. 8 or 9 days does seem a long time though for a flashing smiley. I don’t know if it’s possible for it to miss the peak?

@Tigsy I get discharge like that every month half way through my LP whether I’m pregnant or not. But if you don’t normally get it, maybe it’s a good sign.

@Twittle what is going on with your woodland now?

No news here, except we are going away for the weekend, so I’m meant to be packing, not sitting here on my fat arse on MN. Oh yeah, except I have got the green opk sticks from Amazon, CB digital ov tests are way too expensive. I thought I would have some fun weeing on them even if it doesn’t get me anywhere. But now I think I have to dip them in a pot of wee which makes life a bit more complicated, esp in a hotel 😩

Well I'm waiting for my sister to go see the solicitor again about the next move which I believe will just be another letter so nothing exciting Rose - last we checked fences were still up too. Where you going away btw? I'm desperate for a weekend away!

We are going to Canterbury, only for 2 nights, but it should be good. We will have all 4 of us in one room, but should be able to dtd once the boys are asleep, not that it’s ov time but ever since I mentioned smep DH keeps on asking about it 😂

Congratulations Buggles! So nice to see everyone getting their BFPs. Fx for the rest of us soon.

Rose you can pee in the little packet the stick comes in and dip it in that. I always just take my pee pot though, it's an old moisturiser tub so doesn't look too out of place.

I'm hoping all this skiing has given me good blood flow to my pelvis! Bloody knackering!

Can anyone please tell me why I just did a CB digi at 3 days before AF is due, not with FMU, and expected anything but a Not Pregnant? Am I actually going insane? I think I must be 🤦🏼‍♀️

Yep @BettySwoll0cks - you've lost your marbles!! 🙈

@Betty wait until the morning! FX for you! x

Oh Rose bless his enthusiasm! Yeah I have a little designated pee pot too actually, could you take anything discreet?

You enjoying it though kin ?

Oh Betty we have all been there!!!!!

Oh man betty that's a lot of money to throw away on a clearblue!!!

@Pegase I know 🙈 I was expecting my 6 FRERs to have arrived in the post today though, so I was fixed on testing in the morning. The post prob won't arrive till tomorrow afternoon now, so I went out to get one to test with in the morning then cracked and went early.... pathetic really!!

I have a hierarchy depending on how likely it is to get a worthwhile result. So cheapie strip test then FRER then Clearblue week predictor is the premium only!