35+ TTC#1 Thread 5

[BambiOnIce80]

New Year, new thread! 🍾🥂

Basically: a wonderful bunch of ladies supporting each other through the TTC journey when trying for a first baby after 35.

Here's hoping 2019 brings some BFP luck to us all!! 🍀🤞🏻🍀🤞🏻

@Carley321 from what I understand the 'beauty' of fmu is its concentration, but for example if you drink a glass of water in the morning but don't wee for the next 8 hours it would have the same effect. But if your LH is high enough it will be detected on any wee - @BambiOnIce80 please feel free to jump in and correct me if I am wrong. I think the 7am should be fine for you to test.

On a different note I was listening to a podcast called fertility Friday and they mentioned that an average period usually produces 8ml in total, from beginning to end but of course it takes awhile for it to stabilise after birth control. How long has it been since you stop bc? She also said our periods are the product of our hormones hence the importance of knowing ourselves well.

Hi @Carley321 - I also used the CB adv opk this month. I think it says that once you get a flashing smiley you can test twice a day to catch the surge, but you would need to hold urine for 4 hours. I would guess this would apply for anytime during the day, including morning.

@QuantumGirl thank you for the info, so you think It’s more like to have a false reading of a missed smiley rather than having a smiley and it being false?

Oh that’s interesting, that doesn’t seem a lot at all. I stopped last May, so it’s been a while. And I don’t know myself well at all, it’s all new to me at the moment.

@Amanda81 oh I see. I’d prefer to test in the evening, I can get into more of a routine but holding wee for 4 hours is a little bit of stretch for me lol. Is this your first month using them?

@Carley321 - yeah, first month using them and have found it helpful. I also bbt. I also used IC OPK's in the evening when I got the flashing smiley...mainly because I didn't want to use all my CB sticks.

I think the only risk you have with not using FMU is that you may miss the flashing smiley face as this detects the rise in estrogen. The static smiley detects the LH, which is key to catching ovulation. So you may go from low fertility to peak fertility, and miss high fertility. Hope this makes sense

Sorry for being a bit late checking in today ladies- it's been a bit of a day...

@Carley321, glad you got your CB answers (my biggest problem with the IC's is the not drinking to help concentrate the wee to get an accurate answer 🙄). Like @Amanda81 said, as long as you're not downing a pint of water when you get up in the middle of the night then you should be OK 👌

So. Appointment update: as suspected, it was a mixture of worst and best case scenarios. First up, our previous TTC with ex's doesn't count for 💩 so we've got to wait another 14 months if we want IVF on the NHS (not surprised, of course), so we'd only likely get one cycle rather than 2 because I'll turn 40 😒 She said that, on paper, there's no reason we shouldn't get pregnant naturally because my hormone levels and DP's SA were absolutely normal (basically, a total and utter de ja vous of what the ex and I were told years ago 😑). She asked if I was I worried about my age being a factor, because the results were fine... I said not really, because I couldn't get pregnant at 30, so why should 38 and having to wait another 14 months make any difference?! 😬 Her face said "🤬. Touchè 😏". The brightside is that the doc doesn't see the point in repeating my HSG (yay! 🎉), but agrees that the intrauterine US is worth redoing to see what the cyst situation is and to rule out any fibroid, etc. That'll happen in the next 3 months and then I'll see her again in May to discuss it. All in all, kind of anticlimactical 😔

I was initially a bit upset (but didn't make an arse of myself 👍) when she said about the no IVF for 14 months, but DP was surprisingly upset about it 😯 I realised on our way out that I probably would have freaked out if she'd turned around and said "IVF? No problem, on you go!" so could do with more time to wrap my head round it. Discussed with DP (6.5 hour drive down south allowed for epic amounts of discussion! 😂 ) and he thinks we should research the private IVF stats for our area and then decide before my next appointment if it's worth going private sooner rather than later to up our chances of IVF success (subtext: at my age 🙄) or whether there's not a lot of difference in waiting until next year and take the NHS IVF... just need to get this week out of the week to be able to think clearly.

Interestingly, on the subject of BBT monitoring the doc said not to bother and she absolutely wouldn't recommend it! 😰 Her logic was that you don't see the rise until after we've ovulated, so it's not helpful by that point (I don't think she's ever had an issue in TTC otherwise she'd realise that it's mostly to reassure ourselves that we bloody ovulate at all!!). She had no issue with OPK's because we get the BFP before we ovulate (makes sense 🙄). On my factually-based but highly hypothetical hard boiled or slutty egg theory regarding unexplained infertility, she said that both were indeed possible, but very, very rare (with a slight eye roll 🤨), so not worth discussing at this point (definitely a moot point for now, I guess).

Ooof. Long post- sorry! Lot to get off my chest, I guess...

@bambionice80 good to hear how you got on at your appointment. Sounds very simar to mine, although we had to wait then for OH's SA & I got referred for the hycosy. (Also I got told my I was too high)I think my 2 year TTC is 2-3 months before my 40th, not sure whether I'll be eligible for 1 or 3 rounds. I figure results from any tests they do may mean IVF comes sooner. Speaking of which I've got a date for my laporoscopy to check my tubes again, and also see if I've got endometriosis.
Hope the funeral goes ok xx. Dad's is on Monday.

It's my BMI that is too high. Im on a different phone, incorrectly thought I'd overcome most of my autocorrect woes!

@BambiOnIce80 - you seem like a pretty switched on lady who has done your research in all things fertility, so I'm not surprised that it was all anticlimactic for you. All the same, it's a step in the right (?) direction. I have no idea of the costs of private IVF, but it's does seem like a long time to wait for the NHS IVF treatment. Sorry to ask what might be a silly question, but why is it such a long wait? Interesting about your DP showing how much this means to him. Hope you are both okay. I hope the funeral goes as well as can be.

Sorry to hear you had an anticlimactic appt @BambiOnIce80 but good that you and dh could discuss what happened and explore what might work for you. Waiting 14 more months just seems silly. I hate all the criteria. It almost makes you feel that you want there to be something wrong so you can jump the list! Hope the funeral is OK today

Glad you have a date through @CNizzle.

I'm on cd2 and struggling a bit. The house situation isn't helping. The builders don't seem to have made much progress and they've disconnected the cooker so had to eat cereal last night as I can't get to the microwave. I'm bored of going up and downstairs numerous times to make a cup of tea because I need water and forgot milk and then can't find a teaspoon. Feeling a bit stuck and that everything is on hold. I need to not let that feeling take over but really feel like going back to bed. Just want to sleep and wake up to find life isn't so hard. Reading that back it isn't really about the kitchen 😢 ugh.

@venusstar The criteria in Scotland is 2 years TTC if infertility is unexplained before any IVF is offered, then 3 rounds of you're under 40, 1 if between 40 & 42. If they do find a reason for not conceiving, then treatment can proceed.
It's the blanket 2 years up to age that is difficult. It's a recent change. My GP referred me after 6 months TTC, but the guidelines had changed. Used to be 1 year TTC over 36.

Thanks @CNizzle, @VenusStarr and @Amanda81 💖 I don't go on and on with DP about TTC (I have you guys for that 😉), probably because of the bad experience with my ex 🤔 It didn't end our marriage, but it certainly played a little part and I guess I subconsciously don't want it to do the same to me and DP 🙄 But, of course, DP has less mental health issues than the ex, so I probably shouldn't have been so cautious about it! 😂 The chat basically went that having a bambino is what we would like, but it's not the be all and end all. We want to give it our best shot though, which is why this new consideration of paying for IVF has come to the table.

The 2 year wait for IVF is in the NICE guidance for infertility treatment that the NHS follows up and down the country for consistency of treatment. We'd hoped our previous TTC with exes (and diagnosis of unexplained primary infertility, in my case) would have counted, but the docs interpretation was that it had to be TTC with the partner you're with and therefore I don't have a diagnosis of primary unexplained infertility anymore! 😕 Means I go from potentially getting 2 cycles of IVF on the NHS to just 1 because I'll turn 40 in the middle of it. Just frustrating because I've clearly got a fertility issue that isn't being picked up on the tests, but I'll still have to wait for the obligatory time scale to elapse to get treatment... and I ain't getting any younger, which means my likelihood of IVF being successful is getting worse 🙄 That's why DP wants to look at paying for IVF at the same NHS clinic (you can self fund)- what's the point of waiting a minimum of another 14 months to get 'free' IVF if there's much less chance of it working when I'm 40 than when I'm 38?! We've looked it up and it's £5000 for one cycle. Seriously considering it at this stage.

Sorry the kitchen work is hard going @VenusStarr 😔 The 2 weeks mine was getting done last year I got itison vouchers (kind of Scottish equivalent to Groupon, but better!) for the whole time period and we ate out every night 😋 Definitely helped me not lose my 💩 with all the disruption.

Well I just don't understand my chart now, what a difference a day makes. It's now saying I ovulated on cd15 (@BambiOnIce80 as you said). Is it likely that FF will make a different assumption if my temp was to go up higher tomorrow? It's seems a little low for a cover line 😩😳

Sounds like a hood chat with your dp @BambiOnIce80 :) it's a lot of money but it is worth considering.

I was pondering on my drive in today and I've got some things for my counselling appt next week. Forgot to mention that I had the 'official response' to my complaint. Conveniently she has left! 🙄 But the main theme is I appeared 'angry' so I have an insincere apology. I'm going to reply today as the investigation didn't really deal with my actual complaint. But anyway, I'm seeing my counsellor next week (feels like ages away). I'm feeling a bit envious of my sister - she's messaged this week that they had their house valued and it's more than double the value of our house, so they're saving to put it on the market and move in 2 months (how much can they really save in 2 months?!) then they're looking to buy a new property but the one they like needs £100k spending on it. I'm not 100% sure what I am feeling but I feel like we're doing our best to make our home as nice as we can afford but then we want a family and we either wait for the NHS one shot or we scrimp and save to afford ivf / intervention with no guarantee of a baby at the end of it. And they've booked a holiay for April for the 4 of them. On top of saving for a house. I just don't get it. Sorry, that feels like really self indulgent shit but that's where my head is at today. The other thing is my mom has a massive thing about treating us equally. So when we got married, she gave me and dh £1000 to help with planning costs.... She gave my sister £1000 too - she was not getting married and is not married. However, my sister has 2 children. Every single time my mom sees them, she brings a gift for the kids - nothing for dh and I of equal value. Now, that's fine in theory but it actually says to me that we aren't equal. I know it's my mom's money to spend how she wants but I've started to notice it a bit more now. Now that there is a gaping hole in that we don't have children and even if we do it's a long rock road to get there. Don't feel the need to reply to this bit anyone.... Its helped just to write it out and that's what I'm going to discuss next week.

Dh is on lates every night this week so gets in after 10 so we're not eating together in the week, as much as I'd like to eat out I probably won't.

Hi @VenusStarr I can relate to you on many aspects. I bought a run down house 5 years ago and my life has been construction and everything that goes with it since. My house renovation was supposed to take 9 months and in the end it took 16 months.

There has been blood sweat and tears 💉🥵😭 but we are nearly there now (decorating stage) and this house puts a smile on my face every time I look at it but I also think I kind lost myself and didn't even think of having a child until it was nearly done. Precious time for me but we were very very skint for a good 3 years.

It's lovely that your sister is doing well but the time spent comparing yourself to her is time you are not investing in yourself. She might have more disposable income than you do but it doesn't necessarily mean she is happy and that you will never know. Another point that I never understood in some people is the need to share their financial information. To me that is a sign of low self esteem and the need for validation that in your eyes she is doing well. The way I deal with it is to make all the appreciation noises (oh, nice, how lovely, etc) and to give little away if she asks about you. This way she will eventually stop as you will no longer play her game.

Regarding your mum's 'fairness' (my MIL says the same thing but reality is very different 🙄) it might be that she puts her grandkids on a different level than you and your sister. So the fairness is between you two but grandkids are on a different 'band' all together but the same band your kids will be on. It's worth having a chat with her if you feel it would help you understand her reasons.

I know you have probably heard it several times but these days that you are not feeling too good, the weather is awful and there is building work going on you really have to be nice to yourself otherwise you will lose your mind. Have a nice bath with a new bath soak, have a face mask, watch a movie your DH refuses to watch with you, buy yourself some nice chocolates to go with it. Make the most of your time alone, date yourself and rescue your microwave, it's a life saver ❤️

@VenusStarr I feel the same way about my friend sometimes which makes me feel really guilty. They have two beautiful children, conceived in a couple of months both times, huge house, lots of holidays, I know no-ones life is perfect (and her DH would drive me crazy!) but when she moans I want to shake her!

I'm on cd14 and getting proper ewcm for the first time now I've stopped the antihistamines, but having an excema flare up without them which is annoying. Also predicted ovulation is this weekend but a friend is coming to stay so I've warned DP we might have to have quiet sex!

Oops eczema spellcheck!

Ah, the good old sibling rivalry! I'm one of 5, and likely the poorest, despite being a straight a student, getting a phd, and having a successful career in a demanding STEM area. My siblings lives are way more glamorous than mine and none of them were academic. They think I'm a crack pot hippy survivalist country bumpkin who grows their own food and makes their own beauty products and feel sorry for the boring life I live. I don't really envy the million pound house, endless socialising, and monthly holidays though either. Sounds exhausting. Each to their own!

@QuantumGirl - I would probably get on with your OH. I'm always trying to convince DP to move to the sticks to buy a place with land (and a well!). He has no friends but he doesn't care, the internet is his friend. I'd be friends with you if you lived near! You seem great.

@BambiOnIce - that's pretty shit, but entirely predictable, response from NHS. I'm wondering if there will be any free cycles for over 35's/40's in a couple of years time with the way things are going politically. FYI my sisters cycle of ICSI is costing £6-7k (london).

I have really drifted back over to the side of the fence where I don't want kids anymore. I'm lucky to have a wide mix of friends who have kids and don't, and my exercise group is wholly made up of post menopausal women without kids, loving life, plenty of time for hobbies, brunch on saturday, and rewarding careers. My female friends with kids are all run ragged at the moment, it doesn't look fun juggling career and kids. The men seem relatively unaffected. I really don't know if I can be bothered with all the stress!

DP and I were talking about it driving back from Cardiff. We both really enjoy our hobbies (we have a lot of them) and I want to do more volunteering/climate change activism. Kids would curtail all that for at least ten years. Maybe our calling in life is elsewhere?

Sorry that's a really long one.

@Pinkywoo interesting to know you're getting ewcm. How long ago did you stop the antihistamines? Good luck with having sex over the weekend, it's difficult having to keep it quiet isn't it? 🙄😆

@QuantumGirl just over a week ago (when it came up on this thread!), I'd better conceive soon, I'm itchy from stopping the antihistamines, got painful joints from no cod liver oil, and sore boobs because I'm not taking evening primrose oil! I'm so sickly

Aw, sorry to hear it @Pinkywoo. I had eczema for the first time in December and could barely sleep. Can you go back to it after ovulation? 🤔

@Amanda81 yes I think i get it thank you. I think I’ll get into the same habit of testing. Because I use the IC too. I find you only literally get 1 day with a solid line
On those. And I did feel last cycle between the way I was feeling and the old CB I was using, the IC was spot on for that one day. But I have no idea about it all so I could be wrong lol. I’ve read good reviews for the advanced so 🤞.

@BambiOnIce80 sorry you didn’t get the best news at the doctors. That is such a long time and also a lot to go private. But you could look at it as you’ve missed out on 1 really expensive holiday and then get a chance to start earlier and not continue to clock watch. My sister in Law had IVF but she was very private at first so not sure how long she waited. She is now coming up to 39 and has a beautiful little girl who is 7 months old. It’s nice to hear that you and DP are on the same track.

@VenusStarr I have a SIL that loves to play the ‘poor’ card so she can milk MIL for everything she’s worth MIL obviously gives her it too (love her but very much a diva).

@79andnotout interesting outlook. I really want children now but often stress or threat over being on the other side. All our friends have children that are older now so seem to be doing a lot more and it does worry me that our journey is only now starting. But I can’t imagine just me and DP alone forever either. Ttc certainly sends you through the motions lol.

@Carley321 I struggle with the IC OPK's, never know if they are the right kind of colour to match the test line. Like you, I only seem to ever get one which looks almost right. That's why I decided to go with the CB adv. fx it works🤞🏻. I'm the same as you really, don't know if I'm doing it right 😳😬

@79andnotout - gosh I know that feeling. I was 50/50 before I MC and jumped over the fence on a daily basis. But once it was taken away from me and DH, it was clear that we where more 90/10 for having a child. Totally get where you are though in the whole thinking process and friends circle.

Thank you so much @QuantumGirl, I did read your message earlier and it made me well up. Glad your house makes you smile. The decorative stage sounds great!

Thank you for your perspective on the mother situation, I hadn't thought of it like that.

I'm following your self care advice, I've eaten and have a film on, snuggled up with the fur babies 😊 and have some chocolate for later.

I had good news today, the managing director of the occupational health team called me and apologised for the counselling session that I complained about. He upheld the complaint and is sending me flowers!

Thank you @Pinkywoo, makes me feel bad to have those thoughts but they're there. Good news about the ewcm! I get eczema too, got a flare up at the moment.

@Amanda81 I’m the same lol. I’ve had very dark lines in the past but I think only once I had a line darker than the control line.

Well I’ve just had my first high on the CB advanced. So hopefully I will get a peak before next Tuesday (when DP is off skiing).