Crushing disappointment of TTC

[TheChineseChicken]

TTC number 2 and struggling with the miserable disappointment every month. DD took quite a long time to conceive. Tried for a year, fell pregnant then miscarried at 9 weeks then pregnant again 3 months later. Been trying for number 2 since August and stupidly convinced myself it would be quicker this time due to friends' experiences. But here we are on cycle 5. The not knowing is the worst bit - it could happen this month, it might never happen.

I know that no-one can give me any reassurances but I just wanted to have a moan!

I fished this morning's test out of the bin for some inexplicable reason and saw a faint second line, which is clearly an evaporation line. Just did another test to confirm and it's negative

@TheChineseChicken vomiting sick really badly. I can't keep food down and have lost weight from vomiting. I'm 99% sure I'm not pregnant as a FRER would have shown so unsure why I am so sick, I'm the only one in the house with it.

It's hard when people get pregnant straight away and my mum says it will happen but I'm like I can't see it. My younger sister who I don't get on with is now pregnant too so I'm like great one more thing I feel shit about x

Ugh it’s just best to not even look on those threads @TheChineseChicken I literally come on this one now I don’t even bother with the “bus” ones anymore as they’re full of people who are like “TTC DC5 on cycle 2 and omg this is so hard when ever will I get pregnant again?!” I’m just sick of it lol.
@codenameduchess @otter88 hang in there ladies
My mum and MIL (me and OH not married but so much easier to type MIL) know about my MCs and struggle but they’re so blasé about it. MIL laughs it off and is literally like “ha ha ha ha it’ll happen soon” yes thanks well it’s only taken a year so far. I mean I don’t really know why I’m complaining if they turned around and yeah doubt you’ll ever get pregnant that would definitely be worse....
I’m just super over sensitive about it all!!!

And @torypops I meant to tag you in the above post too! Hang in there! You sound poorly though I hope it’s your BFP but if not you might have a bug? X

That doesn't sound good tory if you have been sick for so long. Have you been to your GP?

Ells I swear there was someone on the TTC#1 thread who said she was dreading a BFN - but had only tried for 1 cycle Yeah, come back in a year!

Hi ladies, I saw the post re falling pregnant first time 😳 yeh that really made my day. Coupled with the lady who is pregnant with her fourth as no contraception works for her and her partner isnt happy - some folk just don't get it.
According to my app I am heading into the TWW, if using my MC date as my period date... we shall see (note the 'no longer getting hopes up)
I honestly am sooo fed up with it all. I feel like I am living in an egg timer and time is running out (I know I know it isn't but its just how I feel).
I have a friend who is always worrying every few months that she may be pregnant (doesnt want to be and is on the pill). Dont think she gets how difficult if actually is to get pregnant.
@Otter88 have you found a new house? Moving will be exciting, I would love a new house.

Hi all, hope you don't mind me chipping in!

DH & I were on our 20th cycle of trying last month when we found out DH is infertile. It's just beyond crushing to know the past 20 months of hopes have been pointless.

The crushing emotional stress, the daily supplements, each and every TWW - spotting symptoms, cycle tracking, ovulation tests....and God knows how many BFNs.

It may not have ended well for me but I wanted to say how much I understand, and wish everyone the best of luck x

dotty, TTC after a miscarriage is massively shit. You are allegedly more fertile though for a few months after so you never know.

I think for some people it is inexplicably easy to get pregnant. I just don't understand why it's that way for some people and not others, when there are no health or fertility problems at play. Every month it doesn't work for us I assume we DTD at the wrong time but actually it's just rotten luck.

Enta, so sorry to hear that, that is soul destroying. Is this completely the end of the road for you or will you look into other options? Puts our moaning into perspective really.

There aren't any options sadly. We could keep trying naturally but the odds are so, so low; it's almost cruel to keep trying. Just having a chat with DH this weekend about whether to have a last attempt over the next 6 months before having an end-date; but personally I feel I can't go through another 6 TWW's, 6 more rollercoasters, when realistically it's not going to happen. If only we had crystal balls!

We do have an appointment with the fertility clinic to come through, but that's more of a procedure to confirm what the GP has told us.

Oh gosh no I think whatever your journey TTC, when it takes longer than a few months, it's so emotionally draining no matter the outcome. It's healing to have a thread where so many understand how crushing it is when your friends announce their easy-accidental pregnancies!

A (not-close) friend has fallen pregnant 1st time trying for each of her 3 children. She believes those taking longer aren't doing it right - the ignorance!

Hello, mind if I chime in? I feel really crap today. Ttc #2 for a year and have had 3 miscarriages in the process. I'm still in a FB group with MNers due at the same time I had DS and they're all getting pregnant left, right and centre. One of them is due around the same time I would have been with my first MC and posting bump pics etc and it's gutting.

I think I'm just hormonal today as AF is due tomorrow and fed up as had a BFN this morning. I know I'm so lucky to have DS. It's hard to accept that might be it for your fertile days.

@Enta I'm so sorry, have you thought about next steps for you? It really puts everything into perspective x

I've seen 4 (yes 4!) posts today from one of those inexplicably fertile people today... she's pg again and I'm irrationally annoyed by it, I'm told by my drs that its my own fault I have pcos and struggle to conceive because I'm overweight but this person is something beyond overweight and manages to conceive at the drop of a hat 3 times! (I'm not being mean, although it sounds like it. She was ill a while back and the paramedics had to call the fire service to move her, nevermind the endless medical issues caused by her weight.) why am I punished for being a bit tubby? That humiliating moment when they inevitably look me up and down and tell me I'm not an ideal bmi- like I don't already know... it hurts every time and they never believe that I'm genuinely trying to lose it but the weight just doesn't shift no matter what!

I'm gearing up for the review of my metformin soon and already spiralling about it.

@dottyp0104 not found the new house yet but focusing on getting ours sold. Quite lucky in that we have the option of going to stay with the in laws if it sells quick and we haven't found the new place and means little less stressful dealing with a chain when we're putting offers in. Might not need to but we'll see. Thanks for asking :) it is exciting! I'm sending lots of positivity to you after MC and well done you for getting back to it, it can't be easy! I'm on the tww now too although in reality I it'll be 3 for me. After being late 4 days last months, I'm not taking any test until it's been at least a week late. Im hopimg my cycle goes back to normal and last month being a blip after being ill. It will be tough but I can't put myself through that torture again.

@torypops sorry to here you aren't well! I hope you feel better soon. It's another mind play when these things happen and you can associate pretty much anything to being pregnant.

@Enta so sorry to hear your news but glad you have come on here to be able to talk about it. Totally heartbreaking! Why does infertility have to be a thing. I don't understand the way the body works.

@itsMEhooray sorry to hear about your MCs and continuing struggle through ttc. I totally underestimated this whole experience and whilst it's heartbreaking to hear of Mcd and people's struggles, I am so glad that we have somewhere to voice it without judgement and with understanding.

I've stayed off any other threads but I see how different threads can bring hope for some people. There are so many things that impact it, I'm overwhelmed and it does your head in cause it makes you overthink everything you eat and everything you do wondering if you're impacting your fertility and then you constantly read and hear that you have to relax and almost forget you are ttc, just carry on as normal. I think that's impossible! Lol.

Sorry if I have missed anyone's post! Its difficult to keep up when there are lots of replies. Definitely not a bad thing though as we are all supporting each other through this. Much love to all

@dottyp0104 I second what @thechinesechicken said TTC after a MC is literally the worst.

@itsmehooray sorry to hear this I know exactly how you feel - a woman at my old work was pregnant at the same time as me. Guess what? She went on to have her baby on my due date! The due date was back in December and I miscarried in April so a long way apart but it still crushed me. Luckily I actually left that job by the time she grew her bump and everything but I heard through the grapevine when she gave birth and couldn’t believe it. Why her and not me?

@enta so sorry about your news, how heartbreaking that must be.

Ladies this will make you laugh, I saw a video on YouTube the other day about TTC and it was a blogger who had got pregnant first time trying on her honeymoon so decided to post a video on how to get pregnant “on the first try” it’s like, no, that was luck, you can’t teach people how to get pregnant on the first try?! Said vlogger also claimed she could “feel the fertilised egg moving down her Fallopian tube”
I know she didn’t mean it with bad intentions, but literally chatting shit like that just sets thousands of women that will see that video up for failure!

Enta I understand not wanting to put yourself through 6 months of what ifs. Unfortunately with TTC it's not really possible just to forget about it and see what happens. But then I guess it's so hard to decide to stop trying.

ItsME sorry for your losses. If you have had 3 are you being investigated for possible causes?

Otter it's great that you can move in with in laws while you find somewhere to buy. House buying is so stressful! It never rubs smoothly or on time. Fingers crossed unfortunately your TWW. We need to some news around here!

Ells that vlogger sounds like an idiot but how lucky for her that she's found it so easy to get pregnant. I guess we shouldn't be bitter.

It's great to have this thread to actually say how we feel about all this without having to put a brave face on it. I can't imagine saying most of this to my friends. I really hope this month is better for us though and we finally get some success stories.

@Otter88 that really takes the pressure off, thats a great position to be in, good luck with the sale.
@Enta fingers crossed the clinic can give you some positive news. GP's know little bits of all specialities so theres a chance the specialist can give more suggestions

Goodness only knows how long my cycle will be, it's normally 23 days but not sure how the MC will change it. Last month I had a bfp just before my AF was due but theoretically it was week 3 iyswim so seemed like I had gone a lot longer thab I had before MC
I am just 'waiting to see' there will be no first response tests in this house. New years resolution and all that. If you don't know then can't get disappointed.

Keeping my head in the sand, seems a good place to be this month.

I'm sorry you're all having a rough time too. My friend asked me if I was doing it right earlier! Thinking about acupuncture ir reflexology next cycle has anyone got any advice? What should I look for in reputable clinics?

@Ells0204 felt the egg going down the Fallopian tube??! 😂

Good luck with the house @Enta !it makes it so much easier if you're not caught in a chain, is your house on the market already? I love house hunting 😊

I did an opk yesterday (no idea why!) but it was positive! Longer cycle maybe? So my predicted af is now 18 feb instead of 4th.

My cycles have been pretty regular while not actively ttc but as soon as we start they go nuts again 🤦‍♀️ hoping this is a good sign though 🤞

@codenameduchess so was your AF due today you thought? Sometimes I get quite strong OPKs just before AF but they can actually detect HCG as well (and I can vouch for this) is there any chance you could be PG? Sorry if you’ve written anything about this on a previous message I might have missed it!

@Ells0204 I've had very obvious negative hcg tests, I think it's more likely late ovulation or a random spike - there's been a lot of EWCM the last week too.

back to the waiting game to see if af shows up 😩 no signs yet and I'd usually have cramps for a bit before.

@codenameduchess ahh I see. I hate that waiting it out thing though...back in November I had a 47 day cycle! And for the last 12 years my cycles had been regular up until that point, like you said our bodies tend to mess with us when we start TTC!
I usually O around CD16 and I’m on CD10 today and had watery CM (that’s my fertile, don’t get EWCM!) today and yesterday and I never get it this early? Here I am saying “I give up this month” but how can I ignore these things haha.

Just saw this pop up on my feed and had a read, it’s only short but thought I’d share it with you all! www.you.co.uk/day-day-write-miscarriage-no-longer-feels-lonely/

Code and Ells sounds like you both need some action tonight?!

Thanks for sharing that article. It's good for these things to be spoken about. When I had a miscarriage I felt I wanted to tell everyone about it over and over! I had to keep reliving every detail of it. Feel a bit sorry for those on the receiving end

😂😂 I cracked up at that. I’m not going to tell OH though - he’ll just think he’s got lucky tonight. So much for me “not trying” this month.

Does anyone else POAS in secret and hide the evidence from their partners? Asking for a friend...

@TheChineseChicken he's already been told to shower ready for me getting home as DD isn't due back for a couple of hours after that 😂😂

@Ells0204 does it count if you then announce good results?

Ells of course! DH would have me put away if he knew how much I POAS

@codenameduchess my house is going on the market in the next 2 week's. I had estate agents out last week and been phoning round solicitors getting quotes etc. Im going to wait and see what the interest is in the first few weeks before we start looking for the new house properly.

Question to all, do you guys avoid caffeine? I've read in lots of places that caffeine should be minimal. I don't generally drink a lot but my obsessive brain is analysing everything I put in my gob wondering if it might cause harm. I normally only have one coffee in the morning but today I had one in the afternoon as well and felt guilty. Oh god, just writing that sounds ridiculous!

I think we are doing everything we can right now. We are both taking supplements, I track Ovulation through an App but I always start ttc earlier and end later in case of earlier or late ovulation. We DTD regularly. Every month, I tend to learn something new or we change something to try and help but I'm also trying not to obsess over everything we do.

How was everyone's Monday?