Crushing disappointment of TTC

[TheChineseChicken]

TTC number 2 and struggling with the miserable disappointment every month. DD took quite a long time to conceive. Tried for a year, fell pregnant then miscarried at 9 weeks then pregnant again 3 months later. Been trying for number 2 since August and stupidly convinced myself it would be quicker this time due to friends' experiences. But here we are on cycle 5. The not knowing is the worst bit - it could happen this month, it might never happen.

I know that no-one can give me any reassurances but I just wanted to have a moan!

I fished this morning's test out of the bin for some inexplicable reason and saw a faint second line, which is clearly an evaporation line. Just did another test to confirm and it's negative

I’m sorry we are all having a shitty time and especially for you @TheChineseChicken
It must be quite stressful having to look after your little one whilst going through the motions.

Me, I have officially given up for a month or so. And no I don’t mean “I’ve given up but I’m still temping charting OPKing checking my CM having sex in my fertile week and wow I got pregnant the one month I didn’t try!” I mean actually giving up. I am literally done with it all and I need a break.

Also not in a good mood, if anyone couldn’t tell.

I hope a couple of months off gives you breathing space and improves your outlook. I am going to keep on at it, now I know I can at least get pregnant again. Although I feel like any future pregnancies have had the shine taken off them IYSWIM.

Got a night away with work this week so that will give me some time out. And at least now I can have some

Hello all, hope it's ok for me to tag on the end. I'm really sorry for everyone who's had CPs and MCs these last couple of months. Husband and I have been TTC #1 since the summer and have one CP and one MC to show for it. I'm still feeling hopeful but my anxiety levels are increasing for various reasons.

Most significant of these is that my husband is 60 this year - there's 25 years between us, which presumably doesn't help fertility. He already has two children with his ex-wife, but we both badly want a child or two together, and I am definitely feeling the time pressure of age etc. and also feeling terrible guilt at being in this situation of our disparate ages - like I'm being really irresponsible, or making him be irresponsible. I can't help feeling so guilty!

Anyway, I have been feeling the need for some forum in which to angst - husband and I do talk about our feelings on the subject a lot, but sometimes I need to vent elsewhere! I hope it's ok here. I know we haven't been TTC for as long as most of you on here, but the feeling of time pressure is quite intense!

Sorry we're all having a shitty time.

I've accepted this month i probably didn't ovulate at all, OPKs still registering some LH albeit faint and still getting ewcm which suggest anovulatory cycle. It's like being transported back 4/5 years to when we were ttc the first time and feeling helpless, useless and broken. Not helped by the overly dramatic pregnants I seem to be surrounded by at the moment who's lives are just so awful because they are preggo but only talk about that.

Welcome stitch and sorry for your losses and disappointments. I'm sure your husband's age will have some impact on fertility etc. But of course nowhere near as much as female age - just look at Mick Jagger! Anyway, feel free to vent and moan here as much as you like. I think it's impossible for men to understand how it feels and there's only so much you can talk to friends about it really.

code it never occurred to me that ovulation might not even occur some cycles but of course that's true. It's hard being surrounded by pregnant people. I also get asked a lot if we will have another child - why do people think that's ok?!?!

@TheChineseChicken I know, I'm forever getting asked when we're having another and it's all I can do not to yell 'it's not that fucking easy!' Why is it ok to ask that??

I'm well versed in anovulation.... have started taking magnesium, vitamin d and calcium with metformin as it's supposed to help with the insulin resistance and hormone production. We'll see next month!

Meanwhile I'll be throwing myself into work as started a development opportunity (read: more work with no pay rise) that could lead to my dream job 🙏 🤞

Welcome @stitchwitch84 it's nice to have somewhere to let it out!

@Grumblepants, I’m so sorry you’re having a rubbish time. Have you heard of IUI? I hadn’t until this weekend gone, my hairdresser has just given birth to twins - she was TTC for two years with no success, couldn’t afford IVF and didn’t want to wait two years to get in on the NHS so tried IUI which is a much cheaper alternative. The fertilisation happens in the womb instead of outside like IVF so it sounds like a sort of hybrid option between naturally conceiving and IVF. Anyway, it worked for her and she thoroughly recommends it. I had a BFN today, so DH and I will be having tests this cycle and we’ve booked in to see a fertility specialist at an acupuncture clinic which has also been recommended by a friend. I’ll pretty much try anything now!!!

@Freddie456 good luck, I'd be interested in what the acupuncture specialist says if you wouldn't mind updating?

@code yes of course, our appointment isn’t until next Friday but I’ll update after.

Went awol for a few days...sometimes I really need these boards but sometimes I also need a break!

@Freddie456 yes let us know about the acupuncture, funnily enough I looked up a really reputable one local to me the other day and considered booking in for a package! £220 for 4 sessions though...it’s expensive but she’s had great reviews on Google, all 5-star. Like you said I’ll do bloody whatever it takes.

OH has his SA booked at the beginning of March which I’m pleased he was proactive about (although not without some nagging from me) so even more reason for me to just take a month off before I go back to crazy TTC again when the results come back, whatever they may be

Evening everyone. TTC starts again this Sunday. Bloody depressing to be back here again! Feel like I can't talk to anyone about the CP anymore as I should have got over it by now.

Good luck with your fertility tests, Freddie

Hi All!

Sorry I went awol for a while, needed some time to sort my head out after being late last months and winding myself up! I was hoping to come back to some good news but seems it's been a real rough one for most.

I've caught up on all the posts and wouldn't begin to reply to everyone but @TheChineseChicken - sorry about the CP and good luck for this month. I'm sad to see more people joining the thread but also glad that people are coming on to talk about it with people that get it!

We are in the middle of TTC now, Flo App said yesterday was predicted O day but after period being 4 days late last month, I am distrusting lol.

Question - how do you know if you have had a CP?

I see a lot of people using ovulation tests etc. I did look into it but I decided not to as I felt like it would make me feel.more.obsessed and it seemed quite intense in terms of how often you have to do it and getting it right. do you guys that use them find it helps know that the timing is right?

I've managed to refrain from taking tests too early but it is soooo hard. Last month was the first time I took a test and that was when I was 2 days late and the disappointment from that was tough enough. The tww is bloody torturous! Before we started trying, I did not realise how complex it all was going to be and how much it plays with the emotions.

Sending lots of positivity, love and hugs to everyone!

Hey Otter I knew I had a CP because I had positive pregnancy tests from 4 days before AF was due, then started bleeding a week later. If I hadn't tested I guess I might have just thought AF was a few days late.

I don't test for ovulation as my cycles are really regular so we just DTD every other day from day 10 then every day around days 14-17.

Fingers crossed for you this month.

Hi ladies, back to TTC for us, but telling people that we have given up as fed up with the disappointment of having to tell them.
My new motto is no testing until I am definately late. I have 23 day cycles so seems like I fing out really early iyswim.
I have an appt with GP, as the EPU midwife was wanting to phone to inform them of my last MC but I couldn't see why so said I would tell them myself. What do I say? I know the first thing she will say is that it is because im overweight. So seems pretty pointless.

Positive vibes for this month ladies xx

@Otter88 I use OPK tests as my cycle is irregular (pcos) so apps don't really predict O for me. Using them I can at least keep an eye on whether or not I'm actually ovulating.

I did temp charting the first time round and that helped to, my wake up times and sleep is too unpredictable now with a 3 year old to be accurate though.

I've been feeling thoroughly rotten the last few days, a little part of me is saying test but the logical part knows I didn't O this month and I've just caught the bug DD had last week so I've worked from home today and snuggled the cat!

Thanks for the info @TheChineseChicken and @codenameduchess.

@dottyp0104, don't blame you for telling people that. I think it can add extra pressure sometimes. We have tried not to tell too many people that we are trying. Only parents and very close friends but even then it's tough. I've always been extra careful about asking people about having children as it's such a personal thing but some people don't think. They assume and think it's okay to ask.

My brain is in overtime at the moment, all the what ifs and possibilities. Trying to stay positive is difficult. Patience is also key which I don't have much of.

We are looking to move home to our forever home soon as well and the negative voice in me is saying what if you can't fill the rooms? Sounds ridiculous but I feel this is the place to get out the mad thoughts.

Trying to keep faith and not be too hard on ourselves is so important but definitely easier said than done.

@Otter88 I'm with you on the patience... definitely not a skill I have. We haven't told anyone at all, I can't deal with the pressure of anyone else knowing.
How exciting getting your forever home though! Ignore that negative voice (easy to say I know).

I don't know why, because I knew the result. But I did a test this morning and even though I knew what it would be the bfn still hit me like a punch to the gut.

@codenameduchess Thanks, I'm trying to keep my focus on selling our house so that I'm not just always obsessing or thinking about getting pregnant.

It's a total mind f##k!!! Excuse my language!!! You can convince yourself so quickly that it could be and it only takes that moment to decide to go take a test. It's complete torture.

I'm trying to get my head around the fact that I've no real control over it and that's hard ay? I can track ovulation, use apps, eat well, do the deed etc but then it's just up to mother nature or whatever. I find it hard not to worry that we can't for some reason and having to wait a year before going to the Doctors just makes me feel like we could be wasting time if there is something wrong. God knows! Its such a minefield of overwhelming thoughts and emotions.

@otter88 I’m feeling this.

Does anyone feel like some days the baby bomb world is out to get them and you’re just surrounded by reminders of what you don’t have? Like today went to my hairdresser for the first time in ages and she had a huge bump, she’s due in a few months and because I hadn’t been in ages I didn’t even know! So she’s stood there doing my hair the whole time and I just have this bump in view. Then SIL who is 20 weeks has just posted her first bump pic on Instagram. Like...why do I have to be surrounded by so many damn bumps today?! All I wanted was a nice day to treat myself and take my mind off TTC but nope...it’s there. Always. One way or another.

@Ells0204 I totally get you! 2 of my friends just gave birth and another is 4 months pregnant and i don't know if the fact we are trying just makes us notice everyone that's pregnant more so than before but it just feels like it's everywhere. Sounds ridiculous but even seeing the aisles full of nappies and baby stuff, I'm like awwww but argh at the time. Such conflicting emotions all the time.

So glad we have this forum to chat on and not feel totally crazy!

Morning all.

Code when is AF due? Do you still have a chance this month? I can't remember where everyone else is in their cycle but I think there are a couple of us about to enter their fertile windows?

Having a bit of a tough weekend. Still really down about the CP, which feels a bit silly.

Ells and otter I know what you mean about seeing pregnant people everywhere. I have a strange compulsion to look at all the line eyes threads on here as well as if it gives me some hope

TTC is the hardest job in the world.

We have been ATTC since November, and AF is due on Tuesday and I have been very sick since 7 DPO.

Took a FRER with FMU yesterday and BFN so obviously am now just waiting for AF so we can try again.

Crushes me every month, as others are saying lots of people around me falling/having babies and then there's me ....

@TheChineseChicken tomorrow according to my tracking app ☹️ but I think I'm still a few days off.

@Ells0204 and @Otter88 I know what you mean, I seem to be surrounded by pregnant people and it's hard. I cried the other looking at a newborn vest set. My mind went from 'aww how tiny!' to 'what if it never happens?'

Ugh, just stumbled across a thread of people listing the numerous times they got pregnant first month of trying

Tory it might have been too early for a BFP so don't give up hope yet. When you say you have been sick do you mean unwell or nauseous?

I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for you code