Crushing disappointment of TTC

[TheChineseChicken]

TTC number 2 and struggling with the miserable disappointment every month. DD took quite a long time to conceive. Tried for a year, fell pregnant then miscarried at 9 weeks then pregnant again 3 months later. Been trying for number 2 since August and stupidly convinced myself it would be quicker this time due to friends' experiences. But here we are on cycle 5. The not knowing is the worst bit - it could happen this month, it might never happen.

I know that no-one can give me any reassurances but I just wanted to have a moan!

I fished this morning's test out of the bin for some inexplicable reason and saw a faint second line, which is clearly an evaporation line. Just did another test to confirm and it's negative

I hope it's ok to jump in on this thread.

I'm currently ttc #2. We have been trying for 16 cycles and I'm on day 2 of AF.
I feel so frustrated with how long it is taking and after finding out DH has low count and very poor motility I wonder if it will ever happen again.

All my friends have gone on to have second and subsequent DC and I'm constantly being asked when we'll be having another.

I know I'm extremely lucky to have 1 DD already. I just don't feel like my family is complete and so fed up with month after month of disappointment.

Sorry for the long post. There are so few people to talk to IRL as everyone is so dismissive. I'll throttle the next person who tells me to 'just chill out and it will happen' 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

@Otter88 good luck with the house selling! And I do keep caffeine intake low, but mostly because I'm a lightweight these days 😂 usually 1 or 2 cups of tea a day and a coffee once a week when me and DD have our after dance class cafe visit, but I'll give up completely if I ever get a bfp 🤞🤞🤞

Hi @Jduh ! Sorry your here too, I get those comments too about 'oh when are you having another? DD needs a sibling!' It's so frustrating isn't it!

15 DPO today negative CBD with FMU and no period. Gutted we really thought this was our month

@codenameduchess sorry for the late reply I was...busy last night 😂

@otter88 I’m exactly the same as you! I’m still drinking tea (love a brew) but used to love one coffee in the mornings just to wake me up but recently I would take one sip and then torture myself thinking right that’s it I’ve ruined my chances this month because of that one sip. Totally erratic and unnecessary thought process but you do start to analyse every little thing.

I just spent a small fortune in Holland and Barrett on Co Q10 for me and OH and trying raw maca power at the moment. Tastes gross but I used to take it in the pill form until I realised how much extra synthetic crap there was in it, however the benefit was that it cut me right down to a 28 day cycle Oing bang on CD14 for a few months! And lots of CM. I think that might be why I’ve got loads of CM early this time as I’ve been taking it again.

@Jduh sorry to hear your struggle, chill out and it’ll happen is advice given by people who have never spent more than a couple of months trying before they get pregnant - they really don’t know anything!

So, I've still been feeling awful. Nauseous, UTI, exhausted and generally achey and part of me thought 'oh gosh, I was the same with DD just before the bfp!' So I stupidly panic bought a first response.... and BFN. Obviously because I haven't even ovulated this month as far as I can tell but I'm still feeling crushed.

I've thrown up today and straight away 3 different people said 'are you pregnant?' Or some variation. It's not been a good day.

@TheChineseChicken I'm so sorry things didn't work out for you last cycle, I got my period and decided to take a break from mumsnet for 2 weeks to stop over obsessing and clear my head. How are you getting on?

I'm about 5dpo but feeling a lot more relaxed this cycle because I've just decided it's not gonna happen so just stop torturing myself. Last few months had been really bad for me anxiety wise, I have general anxiety and it was particularly bad last month. I've started taking some natural herbs and supplements to help and they've made a massive difference. Been trying to relax and look after my diet too.

Feeling rubbish today - technically CD80 for me - have lost no weight and someone had there baby at work today which didn't help :/
Will catch up on everyone's news now.

I don't avoid caffeine but have one fresh coffee in the morning then maybe one other so not a massive habit. I don't think small amounts of caffeine are harmful and the evidence for caffeine in general isn't conclusive.

Welcome Jduh and sorry to hear you're having a tough time. I think you can potentially make some improvements to sperm count and quality with lifestyle changes eg no drinking or smoking etc. So that might be worth a try? I'm not an expert though!

Sorry for your BFN Tory. How long are your cycles normally?

Ells what's Co Q10 and how did you hear about it?

Code that sound strange. Hope it's not a bug you have picked up. Are you still being sick?

Thanks pinkstar.** I also suffer with anxiety so can sympathise. Good for you having a break though. It's so important to look after yourself.

Pinkrose Sounds like you're not in a great place right now.

@TheChineseChicken not since lunch time, but I'm really nauseous still. I had a bug last week but thought I was over it. It's odd, can't quite put my finger on what's wrong but I feel dreadful.

@Pinkroseuk have you had bloods or any tests for pcos? I have it but little/no cysts on the scans I've had, all the other symptoms are there though including horrifically slow weight loss which is frustrating when you're doing everything and don't see the results. I'm really strictly following ww and losing 1-1.5lbs on a good week but one small slip up and it's 4/5lbs on!

Thanks @TheChineseChicken

Yes @codenameduchess. I have had scans and tests - was diagnosed when I was 10 with PCOS but bloods and tests coming back in normal range now :/
Weight loss is so slow- I've lost a stone over the last year but can't wait another 2 years to loose the rest.
If I'm really strict and just have one slice toast or a yoghurt for breakfast - and small tea with minimal carbs and then also do about 500 calories of exercise in staying the same weight but otherwise it's going back on! We're going away this weekend too and know I'm gonna end up eating more including lunch probably :/

@TheChineseChicken thanks! Neither of us drink or smoke but definitely trying some things to change it.
I've stopped tracking temps etc as it all stresses me out so much.

@thechinesechicken blog.theralogix.com/coq10-fertility/

In all honesty I don’t know what it is...but I found it in H&B and read that it’s a really powerful antioxidant and can strengthen your egg quality as well as sperm quality. Who knows, although since I’ve been taking it I haven’t got the sniffles as much as I usually do in the winter so it must be doing something good!

Update my CM has gone back to totally non-fertile so no idea what that spike was a few days ago. Looking like I’m going to O on my usual 16-17. Bit disappointed as was hoping for a shorter cycle, OH is also going away for work on Monday early morning so hoping I O before then!

@Pinkroseuk it doesn't sound like you eat much at all and that can slow down loss too. Have you ever seen a nutritionist? Your gp can refer you and it might help you as eating do little plus the exercise you do and not loosing must be horrendous for you x

Hi All!

The struggles are kicking in this week for everyone, damn it! I'm sending love to all and hoping for some good news soon from someone.

I'm 7dpo today (based on what the app told me) - I'm desperately trying not to symptom spot as the last 2-3 months that's really got me convinced when it's just pre menstrual. Why do the symptoms have to be so similar? Why can't there be something that would signal pregnancy that you don't get elsewhere? Lol. All questions that would be answers in an ideal world.

What kind of changes in CM do you guys see across the cycle. I feel like i have googled everything to death and just end up reverting to the fact that everyone is different and you just gotta wait. Where I was on the mini pill and didn't have a period for such a long time, I can't compare how I would normally feel before period to see if anything different is happening but also some people have no early symptoms and i also think you notice the symptoms more now when ttc. It really is all a bit of a game!

Trying to stay sane, relaxed and not thinking about it. Not bloody easy!

Thanks @codenameduchess no I havnt - the doctors have advised me to cut out alcohol, caffeine and takeaways (we didn't have any of these before) so other than trying things out for myself they have been very little help.
Today the scales showed 2kg lost don't know if they were wrong though!

@Pinkroseuk wow 2kg is amazing!
If you see your gp and tell them everything you're doing they might refer to a nutritionist or dietician. I know they do in my area.

@Otter88 it's such a minefield isn't it! Personally I find it's EWCM around O day, although it does happen at other times too. And then v light/non existent just before and after af. Other than that anything goes haha not everyone gets EWCM though and mine definitely isn't at 'fertile' times only 🤷🏼‍♀️
Im actively avoiding symptom spotting or searching things now and trying to just go with the flow... and keeping busy with other things so I don't obsess- like taking up crochet again so I'm not tempted to obsessively test in free time 😂

@Pinkroseuk the weight loss must be adding more pressure for you and if its taking its time I can see how frustrating that must be! You should defo see if you can get more advice. 2kg is great though! Sometimes the body just takes a bit of time to show the loss. Do you drink a lot of water? I've found that's really helped me with weight loss.

@codenameduchess sounds like a good plan to me! I'm not even gonna look for symptoms, I'm trying to not even think about when AF is due. Keeping busy and having something else to focus on is definitely the way to go.

@pinkstar I'm with you on the anxiety. I know it's different for everyone but I've had it on and off for a while. I've found meditation and writing stuff down really helpful for it and i went to counselling a while back and they taught me breathing and tapping exercises. I was really sceptical at first but it worked for me so not complaining!

Thanks @codenameduchess
Yes @Otter88 I drink about 2 litres a day most days so trying to follow all the rules!
Yes it's frustrating when you try so hard and don't get very far. We're going away this weekend too so know I'm not going to be able to stick to the diet as much as I can at home but we will be doing days of walking so hopefully it will balance out!

@Otter88 I have been trying to meditate as well, it really does help! But the biggest thing that's made a difference is I started taking a herbal supplement called Ashwaganda (Indian Ginseng) about 2 weeks ago.
I had been looking for natural ways to control anxiety because I didn't want anything to affect ttc just in case and I came across this - it's meant to be great for anxiety and stress along with other things! Since I've been taking it my heart palpitations and physical symptoms have all gone away and I'm a lot calmer. Maybe look into it?

So I told myself I wouldn't symptom spot this cycle but my legs and lower back is aching so bad I can't help thinking what the hell is going on 😬 I'm only 7dpo today!
I have been casually tracking my temps as well so I know when I ovulated and this morning at 7dpo my temp dropped a bit so that's got me thinking as well...and I've been peeing like crazy too. Ugh I hate the 2ww.

@freddie456 thank you for the suggestion. I will have a read up on it.
Came on today, so that's now 15 months trying and no luck. I have an mri booked for next month then they will do surgery on endometriosis. It's such a smack in the face as every month I not only find out I'm not pregnant but the pain from the endometriosis is crippling. I'm just so bloody fed up of being broken!

Hi all. Just reading back through the messages.

Ells thanks for the link, I'll take a look. Let's hope you ovulate at a good time this month.

Otter when will you test? Are you going to be disciplined and wait for AF?! I think the longest I have ever held out is 9DPO  I get EWCM around ovulation then it dries up either side. I've got some going on right now and should be ovulating tomorrow or Saturday so guess what I'll be doing tonight? We have a friend staying tomorrow so will have to stealth DTD.

Well done on the 2kg Pinkrose! You must be doing something right.

Eek pinkstar, keeping everything crossed for you.

Sorry about AF grumble and your endometriosis. 

@Pinkroseuk that's great you are on it with the water! Sounds like patience is key but so hard with so much going on. Get away this weekend and try and forget about it all and just enjoy yourself.

@pinkstar aw thanks for that, I'll have a look :) I'm with you in the symptom spotting, i told myself I wouldn't and there I just was on Google looking for the article thats goijg to give me a unique early pregnancy symptom that doesnt really exist! Ha! I don't have anything significant, just picking up on anything and everything and making a thing of it when it prob isn't. There's another conflict, are you supposed to be positive only to be really let down when it isn't or do you just think you aren't and then if you are its a bonus and if not, you are disappointed but haven't got your hopes right up. Getting the balance is a bugger.

@TheChineseChicken I will wait until at least 3 days late if I get to that point. The one thing i have promised myself is that I won't test before AF due although have been close.

Have fun DTD, haha having to be quiet is sometimes more exciting lol!!!