Crushing disappointment of TTC

[TheChineseChicken]

TTC number 2 and struggling with the miserable disappointment every month. DD took quite a long time to conceive. Tried for a year, fell pregnant then miscarried at 9 weeks then pregnant again 3 months later. Been trying for number 2 since August and stupidly convinced myself it would be quicker this time due to friends' experiences. But here we are on cycle 5. The not knowing is the worst bit - it could happen this month, it might never happen.

I know that no-one can give me any reassurances but I just wanted to have a moan!

I fished this morning's test out of the bin for some inexplicable reason and saw a faint second line, which is clearly an evaporation line. Just did another test to confirm and it's negative

So so so sorry to hear that.
Can you get it checked out? I know I can’t say anything that’ll make it better, it’s just crushing. Try and be kind to yourself

It's so early I don't think it's worth seeing anyone. Just so gutted that this is happening again. I know it's stupid but I had already got so excited about it. Just feel like I don't want to do anything or see anyone

I know my love it’s terrible. It’s completely normal to be excited once you see that test regardless of any anxieties, deep down you can’t help but not be! It’s a totally natural reaction. Just cancel all your plans if you can/want to and take some time for yourself and to relax. Really really shit. We’re all here if you need to vent!

Back to the beginning for me. Knew it was too good to be true. MC on wed again. Absolutely gutted. I only have 23/24 day cycles so felt like I had a bfp for ages.

Thanks Ells.

Dotty so sorry for you. How many weeks were you? Big hugs and

From what I think just 6 weeks but was exactly the same last time. Let myself get carried away this time thinking this was it this time.... to go next week for scan to check its all gone, but I just know.

Ugh, it's so shit. The disappointment and the thought of having to start trying all over again. Are you in much pain? I hope it's not too bad physically.

Hi ladies. I've just read through this post and wanted to say how sorry I am for all you are going through. It's so hard in real life to find people who understand. Indont feel I have anyone to really talk to. Even DH doesn't really get it.
I had 2 mc, one at 10 weeks and one at 11 weeks. Then fell pregnant with ds. However that was terrifying as I lost a lot of blood between weeks 9 to 14. So was constantly thinking I was mc again.
Ds is now healthy and we are so grateful and lucky to have him.
But I always dreamt I would have 2 dc. I'm now on cycle 14 ttc for dc2.
We've had tests etc and all ok with DH and my ovulation. But I have severe endometriosis and have to have major surgery. This is the only reason I can think that I'm not able to get pregnant again.
I'm in so much pain physically and emotionally every month.
The doctors said my best chance of getting pregnant now is ivf, which we just can't afford.
I've just turned 40 so my chances are falling even more.
5 of my close friends who I met at baby groups with ds are all on dc2 now, so every time we meet for coffee/play dates I'm being passed tiny babies to hold. It's breaking my heart everyday. Especially as ds is currently obsessed with babies and points them out on telly or in the street.
Friends have even said to me "oh well at least you have one, it's more than some people get ".
I have a huge bald patch on the top of my head from stress induced alopecia because of it all.
I know I sound childish but it's so bloody unfair. I lost 2 babies, nearly lost ds and now can't fall pregnant again. I just want some luck.
Please share your good news stories so I know there is still hope.
Sorry for the moan, but I can't talk to anyone else.

@Grumblepants you don't sound childish at all, the way you're feeling is perfectly understandable. Sending lots of hugs, it's a heartbreaking journey.

@TheChineseChicken that is the thing... no pain! Spotting 24 hours before, barely marking a pad. One episode of 'gushing' sensation and it came away. Heavier spotting for 24 hours (not much at all) and now nothing. Did have a sore back for 24 hours but absolutley nothing to write home about.

@dottyp0104 I'm so, so sorry. Sending lots of hugs. We're here for you 💕

Well that's one thing at least Dotty, not that it's much consolation. Good that you have the scan on Tuesday to check everything over.

Grumble, please feel free to moan as much as you want, it's what we're here for. I'm afraid you might not hear too many positive stories though, especially from Dotty and me tonight!!

Its good to have you ladies to chat to, feels strange talking to my friends and husband, they just dont get it xx

Can I jump in?
Just read through the thread and I'm so sorry for your losses 💐

I'm cycle 2/3 of ttc #2, I have pcos and it took 3 years and 2 mc to conceive dd, now 3. I was stupidly hoping it'd be easier this time as my cycles have been much more regular since dd was born and I'm taking metformin again (and last time round i had bfp on the first cycle of it).

I had almost positive OPKs - which is as good as it gets for me so I think 'pretty much positive' is a positive - with ewcm last week when my app said was the fertile window and they faded as expected. Today (CD22) though I had a slight feeling where I think my ovaries are and did an opk and got another positive but no ewcm so no idea what's going on! I've informed DH we'll be dtd tonight just in case 😂

Currently surrounded by pregnant friends and it's really getting me down...

So sorry @dottyp0104

And sorry you find yourselves here @Grumblepants and @codenameduchess this is the best thread I’ve found to have a good rant with other people who actually know what it’s like!

My two best friends kind of just don’t mention it at all anymore unless I bring it up and even then they don’t rarely dwell on it and change the subject. I know they’re not meaning to be insensitive more likely they just have no idea what to say to me. So yes kind of running out of people in real life to speak to! OH is a good listener but I feel like I put too much pressure on him by constantly moaning that it’s not happening!

*meant to say really not rarely

Well no scan required next week... bfn returned today. Onwards and upwards, I'm 38 this year so this really is my last few months. Trying to decide if its worthwhile seeing GP. As my MC are so subtle I am beginning to wonder if I have had more than the 2 i know I have had. I have been off the pill for 4 years or so, although not actually trying, not avoiding either.

@dottyp0104 might be worth going in for an initial chat and seeing what they can do for you?

Due AF today and started light brown spotting so looks like I’m out. Knew that anyway 😐 so why am I still disappointed.

@dottyp0104 it's definitely worth going for a chat at least x

This is turning out to be a bad month for everyone.

I just attempted to go to the supermarket with my toddler but she wouldn't get in the car so I had to abandon before I had a full on breakdown! Think my hormones are a bit mad.

Dotty 38 isn't too old (I hope not anyway!) so please don't feel like you're on borrowed time x

@TheChineseChicken it must be a day for stroppy toddlers, mines been a nightmare all day. the tantrums are a new level at the minute!

I have no idea what's happening in my body right now, fertile window ended Thursday but yesterday got that opk positive, todays was the same too but no ewcm (or anything at all to be honest). I do dislike dh today so that suggests af is coming so the opk should be a clear negative!

I do dislike DH today

That made me laugh. Well, no harm in DTD again but you do know you'll have to go near your husband for that?!

@TheChineseChicken I was considering cutting a hole in a sheet 😂

Ha!

How's everyone doing? I feel like the CP has broken me. Really low at the moment and finding it hard to look after DD. She's being quite tricky and I wonder if she has picked up on things.